Unexpected, Or How You Made Me Forget Her
by dll10
Summary: Crabbe Sr. attacks Hermione, desperate for revenge over the death of his son. The result is Hermione being thrown back through time. Before she even realizes what has happened, she's changed the past. Can she salvage the situation, or will her presence just make everything worse? My hopefully unique take on a time travel Hermione Granger/Severus Snape fic.
1. Prologue

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

PS I'm not JK Rowling, so I don't own anything :(

Prologue

Place - ?, Time - ?

I woke slowly for the second time in the strange room. My head was pounding worse now than it was earlier when Crabbe Sr. attacked, but my vision was nearly as blurry now as the last time I woke. The realization that I had been attacked had me scrambling for my wand, eyes darting around looking for the crazed Death Eater.

A quick survey assured me I was alone, which was a relief, because even that little movement sent nausea rolling through me and set off bright starbursts behind my eyelids when I closed my eyes on a groan.

Bits and pieces of the attack came back to me, but it was jumbled and made absolutely no sense.

"- _Potter is nothing without you_ -"

"- _suffer for killing my son!_ "

"- _survive if you change -"_

" _\- Rookwood's help -_ "

I couldn't remember more and trying just made the throbbing worse. I couldn't remember ever feeling this disoriented before in my life.

Standing up was a mistake. The nausea won as I fell to my knees, vomiting spectacularly onto the smooth marble floor. At least no one seemed to be around to witness the mess. I knelt for several minutes, continuing to dry heave before I felt well enough to try standing again and clean up my mess.

My vision had continued to clear while I waited for my stomach to settle and looking around revealed that I was in the entry to the Department of Mysteries. Twisting around I saw doors surrounding me. Why was I here? Had I ducked in to escape Crabbe Sr.? Or did he think he managed to kill me and thought hiding my body here would give him time to escape before I was discovered?

The last was the most likely. I was still surprised that Harry and the others hadn't managed to apprehend Crabbe Sr. yet. It wasn't exactly like he was the most intelligent Death Eater ever.

"Oh, Merlin! Where is the exit?" I muttered, rubbing my aching temples, eager to be gone from here. I was pleasantly surprised when a door swung open, revealing the hall I'd been in earlier before the attack.

It was deserted now. I must have been unconscious for a while, though that didn't explain why no one had found me earlier. Hopefully, I wasn't too late meeting up with Harry, Ron, and the others at the Three Broomsticks. They'd worry and that's the last thing I wanted. It also meant I'd missed my interview and I'd have to reschedule. That could wait till after I got a headache potion from Rosmerta and tried to sort this mess out with the others. Maybe they could make some sense of it.

I kept my eyes closed tight in the lift as I waited for it to take me up to the atrium where I could Disapparate to Hogsmeade. The dizziness was quite unpleasant, particularly in the brighter light filtering through the quiet Ministry. I was afraid opening my eyes again meant being sick once more.

When the doors opened I took two steps, just enough to be outside the Ministry wards, and spun on the spot.

Landing had my eyes snapping open immediately. It was freezing. It was _snowing_. I was standing in at least a foot of snow while wearing summer weight formal dress robes. It just wasn't right. It was May 1st. Why would it be _snowing_ in Hogsmeade in _May_?

I looked down the street towards the Three Broomsticks and instantly saw the Christmas decorations. They glared at me, mocking my confusion. Spinning in a circle I saw all of the shops done up with Christmas decorations, even the Hog's Head that I was currently standing directly in front of.

No. This wasn't right. No. _What_ had Crabbe Sr. done to _me_?

I was panicking. I knew it, but was helpless to prevent it. Turning, I looked for a sign of what to do, but I was drawing a blank. A chime sounded behind me and I spun towards it. A black clad man was stumbling hastily out of Aberforth's bar. He glanced back at the door like he was looking for a pursuer and slammed straight into me.

I fell backwards, landing on my butt as I stared at the man in shock, but he was already turning away.

" _Snape_?"

My incredulous exclamation had him spinning back towards me and locking eyes just as another followed through the door and waved his wand freezing us both in place. I wanted to blink to look away from the ebony pools, but it was already too late, far, far too late as I felt him sinking into my mind.

Author's Note 2

I don't currently have a beta. If anyone is interested, please let me know! That said, please forgive any mistakes you come across. I hope you enjoy. Please let me know what you think!


	2. Chapter 1

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

PS I'm not JK Rowling, so I don't own anything :(

Chapter 1

May 1st, 1999

"I'll be fine, Harry!" I said, a tad exasperatedly. He was nagging and honestly being a tad overbearing. That was my job, not his.

"I know, but the reporters are probably still upstairs. I know you'd rather not deal with them before the interview," said Harry. He looked concerned. This week had been hard on all of us.

"Again, I'll be fine. I probably won't run into them anyways. By the time I'm done, they'll have cleared out."

"Fine, fine. See if I offer to wait for you again," said Harry with a light laugh.

We were the only two in Courtroom Ten. The last had cleared out immediately following the sentencing of Dolores Umbridge - including Ron. He was very likely briefing the press at this very moment, eating up the spotlight.

Not that I was bitter. Really. We had been over for months. Before we ever really had a chance to start if I was honest, but it still stung to think about. Ron just couldn't handle fame. Or maybe it was more accurate to say he couldn't say no to the perks that came along with fame.

"I didn't get a chance to ask, how did the interview this morning go?" asked Harry.

"It was wonderful! Oh, I have no idea how I'm ever going to decide if this one goes just as well," I said.

I had spent the last year at Hogwarts with Ginny and Luna, but I had gotten special permission from Professor McGonagall to testify at Umbridge's trial since I had witnessed how she treated others during our Ministry break-in while on the run two years ago. Since I was going to be here anyways, I arranged to stay after the trial and interview with the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. I had interviewed with the Department of Magical Law Enforcement on level two this morning before it started and I believe it went quite well. N.E. were in two weeks and I planned to start rewriting all of the unjust laws as soon as I graduated. I just wasn't sure which department I could have the most effect by joining.

The trial actually ended up being timed perfectly. Classes had been canceled this week in honor of those who had died during the war. Hogwarts was hosting a ceremony tomorrow to acknowledge everyone's sacrifice. Harry was dreading it, having been asked to speak.

He had a whole tribute planned for Professor Snape. I could tell he was nervous about it. Although, maybe nervous wasn't the right description. Their mutual animosity over the years had left Harry foundering a bit on how he was supposed to feel about the man. I knew he had visited Professor Snape's Hogwarts portrait several times over the last year, but he never shared what they had discussed. It was the first time he spoke to Ginny about something that he kept from Ron and myself.

The only thing he was excited about was getting to see Ginny tonight and all of tomorrow. Well, having permission to visit with her for once, not that it stopped him. At least once a week this year he snuck in to see her or she snuck out to see him. They'd been inseparable since the war ended. It was adorable. Or cavity inducing…

We were all, Harry, Ron, Neville, Ginny, Luna, and I that is, meeting at the Three Broomsticks tonight for dinner and celebratory drinks. Tomorrow was the big party, but tonight was about our little group. We'd become even closer this last year, if it were possible. Owls, messages, and impromptu visits the norm for us. Professor McGonagall had given up trying to keep Harry, Ron, and Neville away. I'd heard Percy muttering about how we were too codependent and even Bill had occasionally agreed, but sometimes war leaves scars that hurt too much to deal with on your own.

We'd all changed - things had changed, since the war.

Harry had become a bit paranoid where his loved ones were concerned. He'd been that way since Alicia Spinnet was killed two weeks after the final battle. The note in the pocket of her mutilated body reading, "You might be safe, but are your friends, Potter?"

It was all the worse because everyone had thought they were safe. That it was over. Everyone was still grieving the lost, mourning for futures that would never be. Harry and Alicia weren't even that close. They just played on the same Quidditch team while in school. I mean yes, they were friends, but she was two years older and they hadn't talked since she graduated aside from a brief hi and congrats after the final battle was over.

George was inconsolable. Losing Fred destroyed him, but this added blow so soon after was the tipping point. The two had dated briefly during Hogwarts and he just didn't seem able to cope. He didn't speak for three months after that. Not even Lee could get him to open up. It wasn't until he started drinking with Angelina Johnson that he even started to heal.

Mrs. Weasley didn't like it. She argued with Arthur about how unhealthy their coping mechanism was for weeks after she found out. And she only knew about the drinking, not the sex. Ron had let slip that they'd get drunk, start remembering Fred, get more drunk, and end up in bed at least twice a week, more at the start. Though Ginny insisted her mum wasn't that naive and half her anger was likely because her son was using a witch for meaningless sex. But in the end, Angie was the one that got him to seek help, counseling three times a week. She was the one that got him to reopen Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes and start inventing again.

Alicia's death was a catalyst of sorts. It got people living again and helped her friends figure out what they wanted to do now that Voldemort was dead. Harry, Ron, and Neville had joined the Auror department and devoted the last year to hunting down the Death Eaters that escaped during the final battle. Minister Kingsley had arranged it so they could work for the department during the day and complete their training in the evening. They were even given special certificates so that they could skip their N.E.W.T.s on the condition that they passed the Auror exams.

Neville said he didn't want to be an Auror forever, but he couldn't just stand by while Death Eaters walked free. I think what happened to Alicia reminded him a bit too much of what happened to his parents.

Ron didn't really seem to like the work as much as he expected to. I honestly believe he only ever wanted to be an Auror because that was what Harry wanted to be and he was afraid that if they separated at all, Harry would replace him with new friends. It was a ridiculous fear, but Ron's insecurities had always ruled him. I hope one day Harry and I can convince him to do something he truly loves doing.

It was just another reason why he and I didn't work out. Of course the cheating didn't help things either...

Harry on the other hand, shone as an Auror. It was as natural as breathing to him. The work came easy. He was always searching for clues and putting pieces together, especially when it came to individual motivations for turning to the dark arts. I think his past helped him to relate to dark wizards and witches, and that his heart was what kept him from turning to them himself.

"When are you heading up?" Harry asked, breaking into my musings.

"I still have fifteen minutes. Go on already. Ginny got done with classes over half an hour ago, so she's probably already waiting on you."

Harry glanced at his watch in surprise then grinned, jumping up and moving hastily toward the open door.

"You're right! See you in a bit, Hermione." Harry called back over his shoulder. She just laughed and shook her head at his enthusiasm.

I tucked my wand into the arm sheath I'd started carrying. Mad-Eye would be proud. And checked that my beaded purse was still tucked securely into my sock. I spent so much time analyzing how my friends were coping, but I refused to acknowledge how much I was struggling.

My purse had become a security blanket of sorts. I carried my full library around with me at all times, potion ingredients, spare clothes, even the tent we had borrowed from Bill, but never used during our year on the run. Sometimes it all seemed like a dream and I'd wake to find just Harry and me in the tent after Ron left us. No hope and no clue about what to do or how to survive.

I stopped thinking about that immediately. It wouldn't do to be distracted during the interview. Taking a deep breath I prepared to head up to level four.

I barely registered the pain exploding through my head before everything went black.

* * *

I couldn't move.

That was the first thought that registered. The next was that the floor was cold and hard. Not the most helpful pieces of information, but it was at least something.

Next came the pain. The back of my head hurt. It hurt more than the time I'd been hit with Dolohov's purple flames inside the Department of Mysteries. It hurt more than the burns I got all over in the Lestrange vault while stealing Hufflepuff's cup. It hurt equally as much as it had when Bellatrix Lestrange had carved the word Mudblood into my arm with a cursed knife while I was tortured at Malfoy Manor. It was a different type of pain. More constant, throbbing, and radiating, rather than the sharp burn, but the pain level was equal. At least it didn't hurt as much as the Cruciatus Curse. Thank Merlin for small mercies.

"You awake yet, Mudblood?"

The words sent terror spiking through me. There was so much hate jam packed into that one word that I knew he intended to make me suffer. It was not a reassuring thought.

There were still almost a dozen loyal Death Eaters roaming free. The Aurors were doing their best, but ones like Rodolphus Lestrange and Augustus Rookwood who had seen and experienced Azkaban for themselves were determined never to return. And that determination made them dangerous.

"You're going to suffer for killing my son. I'll make sure of it -"

I didn't understand. I hadn't killed anyone in the war. I was prepared to if necessary, but somehow I'd managed to avoid actually being directly responsible for anyone's death. The pain in my head gave a sudden throb and I couldn't hear what he was saying over the sound of my own blood rushing through my ears.

"- got it all worked out. You'll destroy everything before you even have a chance to stop - survive if you change too much. Vincent will be fine once I've gotten rid of you -"

Vincent? Did he mean Vincent Crabbe? Was this Crabbe's father? I was there when Crabbe died, but arguably, Crabbe killed himself. He was playing with magic he had no business performing. He just wasn't intelligent enough.

The words were going in and out of focus. The harder I tried to concentrate, the harder it was.

"Rookwood won't go back to Azkaban. He told me he'd rather die. It was easy to convince him, to get Rookwood's help. He knows all about this, after all."

He was insane. He sounded like a madman and there was nothing I could do. I was completely at his mercy.

"- really think your friends would survive if you change anything? Do you think they can survive - Potter is nothing without you. He'll be dead ten times over when -"

I tried to breathe deeper, hoping that would clear my head. He must have noticed the change because he cut off in mid rant.

"Well, well, Mudblood. I guess it's time."

I blinked and my arm twitched. Realizing the full body bind was lifted I opened my eyes to find everything blurry and black dots dancing merrily across my eyes. As quickly as I could, I reached for my wand, rolling towards where I'd last heard his voice.

My hand never made it to my wand before something hard hit my chest, brutally knocking the air from my lungs and sending me back into the blissful black of oblivion.


	3. Chapter 2

Author's Note

I still don't have a beta, so please forgive/ignore any spelling and/or grammar errors. Thanks for reading, I hope you like it! Please let me know what you think!

PS I'm not JK Rowling, so I don't own anything :(

Chapter 2

December 22nd, 1979

" _Snape_?"

It was the sheer shock of seeing him, of seeing a Severus Snape my age that had me calling him by his last name. I had always been the one to reprimand Harry or Ron if they didn't address him by his proper title. But he wasn't a professor right now, at least I didn't think he was, and saying the name Severus was just too intimate. Not that there was time to fix my mistake anyways.

It all happened too fast. Much, much too fast and my head was still pounding away from earlier. My guard was completely down. My mind an open book. One he didn't hesitate to take advantage of.

My cry had him spinning back towards me and locking eyes just as another, older and most more imposing figure, followed through the door. It was a man I recognized immediately. The long white beard, half moon spectacles, and dazzling purple robes unmistakable. He looked much as he always had, which was in stark opposition to seeing the young version of Professor Snape standing before me. A single flick of his wand and we were both frozen - unmoving, and worse, unblinking.

This couldn't be real. I was looking at two dead men. There were Christmas decorations up. This must be Crabbe's idea of a sick joke. Revenge he'd called it. That, or I must have fallen and hit my head harder than I realized. It was a hallucination. That made the most sense. Eventually, it had to end. _Right_?

I desperately wanted to blink. In that moment I would have done anything to tear my eyes from Snape's, but in my current predicament, I was stuck. My eyes transfixed to his. It was almost like a caress when he slipped into my mind. He was eager to learn what I knew - eager to see what secrets I held.

I wondered if he would be as eager once he found the answers he sought…

I was eleven and Snape was standing at the front of the classroom, ignoring my hand stretching high into the air, my butt bouncing on the seat as I tried not to wave it, desperate for his attention while he glared daggers at Harry and ignored me… I was eighteen and being tortured by Bellatrix Lestrange at Malfoy Manor while Draco, Lucius, and Narcissa watched, doing nothing to stop it or end my agony… I was fifteen and Snape was sneering at me as I cried when he said he saw no difference in my teeth after they were cursed during fourth year… I was eighteen and Snape lay dying before me, bleeding from a puncture in his neck, memories leaking from every place possible as he clutched Harry close… I was eleven as I set his robes on fire during a Quidditch match…

The more I tried not to think about what I knew of Severus Snape, the war, and Harry, the more impossible it became not to.

If I got out of this I would owe Harry the biggest apology in the world. Occlumency was much more difficult than I realized, than I ever dreamed it could be. All those times I'd gotten on his case, assuming it was just a lack of effort, or a way for him to defy the people he was angry at.

It was more like I was a helpless spectator, forced to relive the most profound experiences of my life— at least those that I was most desperate to hide.

And all the while Professor Dumbledore stood feet away, apparently looking us over as he decided what to do. For once he was completely ignorant of the damage being done.

If this was indeed truly happening, then it was going to take one hell of a memory charm after this to fix things - if they even could be at this point. I was starting to have my doubts.

It certainly didn't feel like a hallucination, but seeing as I'd never experienced one for myself, I couldn't be sure.

I knew this second full Body-Bind would be even more impossible to break than Crabbe's, given Dumbledore's wand, so I didn't even try.

Then, once more I was focused back on Snape as he redirected my thoughts back to what he found more interesting — my secrets. Further and further he sank into my mind.

I was seventeen and I was crying as I read the _Prophet_ article about Professor Snape killing Professor Dumbledore… I was fourteen as I cursed him in the Shrieking Shack to protect Remus and Sirius… I was eighteen and standing with Harry in Godric's Hollow as he lay flowers on his parents' graves, their names stark against the pristine snowy backdrop… I was fifteen and Professor Snape was very reluctantly shaking hands with Sirius over Harry's hospital bed... I was eighteen and watching Harry defeat Voldemort, amazed as the most evil wizard ever fell to the ground, lifeless at long last… I was nineteen and helping Harry prepare Professor Snape's memorial… I was thirteen and sneaking into Professor Snape's stores to steal potion ingredients… I was eighteen and watching Professor Snape's memories with Harry, Ron, Kingsley, and Professor McGonagall…

It was at that point I truly felt his intrusion. It was as though he was trying to leave my mind, but also trying to drag the memories with him, like claws raking painfully through my brain, scraping and scrabbling against the edges of my skull.

It was excruciating given how much my head already hurt from its earlier abuse. I feared I'd collapse or pass out under the assault. His efforts failed to steal the precious memories, but he was at last expelled from my mind.

I didn't know what emotions he'd picked up from the various memories, but judging by his surprised eyes, it was some strange mixture of terror, hatred, and confusion. He most definitely did not like what he had seen.

I felt unaccountably guilty. As though I had read his diary without permission. Though I suppose one could argue that his performing Legilimency on me without my consent like that was much more the reverse taking place.

I wanted to apologize anyhow, but I was still frozen and the longer we stood there, the more the cold started to seep in through my thin robes.

I was given the opportunity to study Severus Snape now and note all the changes in his appearance. His teeth weren't yellowed yet. I think having dentists for parents was why I was first drawn to that aspect of his person. They were slightly crooked, but not disgustingly so. His hair was still lank dark curtains that framed his face, shuttering his expressions away from prying eyes as they always had when I'd known him in the future. However, it didn't look nearly as greasy as I remembered it being. I wondered if he used to put something on it as protection against dunderheaded students making mistakes in his Potions class.

Professor Dumbledore took that moment to step directly into my line of sight, interrupting my perusal. Catching sight of his expression left me suddenly terrified. Apparently, he considered me the bigger threat. I suppose it made sense considering he viewed me as an unknown as opposed to Severus Snape, whom he'd watched grow up at his school.

Albus Dumbledore had always radiated power, but when I'd known him, it was as the beloved headmaster. It was as a protector, as a shield meant to keep me safe.

That was not the man in front of me currently. This was someone that viewed me as a threat, as a danger, and he would not hesitate to destroy me if he doubted a word I said. I was not safe behind his shield, but rather an enemy at the gate.

The full Body-Bind was released, but he did not stop pointing his wand at me.

I made no move to reach for my own. I made no move at all. My fear held me in place far more effectively than his jinx had. My racing heart at least did me the favor of warming my rapidly numbing extremities.

"Who are you?" said Professor Dumbledore in a deceptively friendly, calm tone.

"H-Hermione Granger, Sir," I responded weakly, unable to lie or hold back under the force of his stare. But then again, I was also in the bad habit of immediately answering questions with little to no thought when they were posed by a teacher.

"Why are you here?"

"I was attacked by a Death Eater."

"Who attacked you and why?"

"Crabbe Sr., h-he wanted revenge."

"What did you do to deserve revenge?"

"He blamed me for his son's death."

"Do not lie to me," said Professor Dumbledore in low tone that did nothing to conceal his anger.

"I'm not!" I insisted, confused at the accusation.

"Are you in league with Voldemort?"

"I'm not! I swear! I hate Voldemort," I spat venomously. My use of his name earned me an intrigued glance as I rushed to continue, "I'm Muggle-born, so the Death Eaters want me dead!"

I started to reach for my sleeve, intending to show him my scars, but noticed his grip tighten on his wand. Instead, I lifted my arm carefully, very carefully away from my side, letting the sleeve of my robes slide towards my shoulder, exposing the word Mudblood carved into my flesh. I saw his expression soften slightly as he read the word marring my skin. Glancing at Snape showed horror as he locked onto the word, his inky eyes not moving from it even for an instant.

Things were starting to click into place. My mind raced as it connected the dots, hurtling towards the inevitable conclusion regardless of how unlikely it was.

I remained silent for several moments, probably with the far-off look Harry always accused me of having when I figured things out. Luckily for me, Professor Dumbledore seem patient enough to wait until I was ready to speak again.

"I swear I'm not lying. I'd never support Voldemort, but the situation, the circumstances of me being here - well, they're complicated," I said cautiously, disbelief at the situation still plaguing me.

I feared too much had already been said and seen, but my fear and the pounding in my temples made it hard to think. I couldn't understand how I'd once been so good at lying under pressure. Did a single year really turn me soft? I'd somehow managed before, first with Professor McGonagall and the troll, later with Umbridge about Professor Dumbledore, and most importantly to Bellatrix while being tortured. But under Dumbledore's watchful eyes, only the truth seemed willing to spill from my icy lips.

A woman was standing in the doorway to the Hog's Head watching the scene unfold before her with rapt attention, and with a start, I realized it was a young Professor Trelawney.

Dumbledore.

Snape.

Trelawney.

The Hog's Head.

Rookwood. Crabbe Sr. had said Rookwood. Both Death Eaters were still at large. Rookwood used to work in the Department of Mysteries. The place where they studied time. I'd once seen that for myself. Crabbe Sr. said Rookwood helped with his revenge.

I really had traveled through time. This was really happening. I wouldn't be in so much pain if it really was a hallucination. I blamed my head injury for it taking this long for me to figure out.

And just like that, the pieces of what this night meant fell into place. How many times had I heard Harry rant about it while we were on the run. Over and over, he talked about Professor Snape being the one to overhear part of the prophecy and report it to Voldemort.

Once the connection was made, I could do nothing to stop the words from spilling forth. They tumbled out, end over end to land incriminatingly between those gathered round. Their sound echoing in the still night like a death toll.

"Don't let him leave! He heard part of the prophecy. When Voldemort hears he'll go after Harry! He'll kill Lily and James!" I said in a rush, talking faster and faster.

A sharp crack sounded from the left. The unmistakable sound of someone Disapparating. Someone that had heard my words.

It was with dawning horror that I realized what I'd done. What role I'd just inadvertently played in ruining my best friend's life. My hand flew to my face, covering my lips, trying feebly to pull the fatal words back in, but it was too late. The damage was done.

I stared in horror at the empty spot the sound had come from. A litany of ' _NO, NO, NO'_ screaming through my head.

Crabbe Sr.'s words followed on the heels of my chanted _No's_.

" _\- survive if you change -"_

This is what he'd meant. It was already too late. I'd changed the past. My mere presence had changed things and my rash warning was the nail in the coffin.

Professor Snape was meant to get away this night. He was meant to report the prophecy. Knowing it would mean Lily's life, he'd never do it - at least, I hoped that he already realized that he loved her more than he hated James. He'd read enough of my mind to at least pause long enough to question the truth of what I said.

I wanted to blame my head injury for those words as well, but I knew it wasn't entirely at fault. I was careless, desperate to protect Harry. It had become second nature to me after all these years. I was almost always the one to follow the rules and ensure things didn't go too far, only stepping out of bounds when it was the _right_ thing to do. But apparently the boys had rubbed off on me and I'd become every bit as reckless as they.

" _Dangerous things happen to those who meddle with time,"_ Professor McGonagall had once warned me. A warning that I'd read over and over in all of my research about time travel. How could I have possibly forgotten?

I knew what this meant. Too much had already been changed. A memory charm couldn't fix this mess. Especially seeing as none of us likely had any clue as to who had overheard. I was stuck here now and the future was almost entirely unknown. Everything would be different.


	4. Chapter 3

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling or grammar errors. Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think - enjoy!

PS I don't own anything.

Chapter 3

December 22nd, 1979

"I think, Miss Granger, you had best start at the beginning," said Professor Dumbledore. He did not look pleased.

"Can we go inside, somewhere private - and warm, please, Sir?" I asked meekly.

"Yes, of course. How thoughtless of me to keep you out here in the cold where anyone could overhear," Dumbledore said with a pointed look.

I felt a flush of embarrassment flare rapidly over my frosty cheeks, likely deepening the red hue by several noticeable shades. He didn't comment, however, and I was grateful the gentle rebuke was all he seemed inclined to hand out. Nothing could make me feel worse about the situation than I already felt. If our mysterious eavesdropper did scamper back to Voldemort to report my words then I would be the one responsible for his hunting the Potters rather than Snape.

"Mr. Snape, you had best be coming too," Professor Dumbledore continued with a wave of his wand and Snape was finally released from his full body bind as well. He ushered us quickly to the door. "If you would both step inside, please. Aberforth -" he called out, "would you kindly let these two use your Floo powder? I need to have a word with Ms. Trelawney here concerning her upcoming employment at the school."

Snape looked ready to bolt. I bit my lip nervously as I waited for Professor Dumbledore to stop him. He didn't. Instead, he turned away, going to Professor Trelawney and whispering in a private conversation.

If there was any chance to fix my mistake, Snape would be the key. Something whispered in my mind, some elusive knowledge, that I needed his help. I was no one to him - worse, my knowledge meant I was to be distrusted. He would regard me and the things I said with suspicion, I was certain.

"If you care about Lily at all, you'll hear me out," I said taking a chance.

Given all I knew of Snape and my own experiences, subtle manipulation would be necessary. Not much - he was a very successful spy, after all, and likely to spot anything overt. I just had to hope his emotions for Lily would work in my favor to cloud his judgment. It had always been that way before. His hatred of James influenced all of his interactions with Harry.

His response was immediate - and almost feral hiss that had me taking several hasty steps back.

"A-aren't you at all curious? Don't you have questions? Don't you want to know the truth about the danger she's in?"

His glare became more pointed and his lips drew down into a more pronounced scowl, but he didn't dispute my words. And, more importantly, he didn't immediately leave.

"Well, go on then! Get going if you're getting," said Aberforth, interrupting our juvenile staring match.

I rushed to obey, feeling the heat of Snape's annoyed huff stir the hair at my neck as he followed close behind. The contrast to the biting cold I'd experienced outside sent shivers racing down my spine and forced a surprised gasp from my lips.

Arriving in Professor Dumbledore's office was yet another shock. It was just as I remembered. Dark detectors decorated a tiny table and comfy chintz chairs faced the massive desk centered beneath the slumbering portraits of former headmasters and headmistresses. Granted, I had not visited nearly as often as Harry, but the few times I went after the final battle were jarringly similar. With that knowledge came the realization that Snape must not have changed anything when he became headmaster.

Sympathy for the man huddled in the corner overwhelmed me. How painful it must have been for him to spend a year surrounded by the constant reminders of the man he'd been coerced, however reluctantly, into killing.

He was currently staring at the floor, his arms crossed protectively across his chest. He looked very out of place and completely closed off.

A piercing musical cry had me spinning to see Fawkes. The magnificent phoenix was a rather alarming and unexpected sight. No one had seen or heard Fawkes since Professor Dumbledore's funeral. It was with a start that I noticed it was the first time since waking that my head no longer ached.

"Thanks, Fawkes," I murmured gratefully and breathed a sigh of relief. His presence was comforting and for the first time I dared to hope that maybe things weren't as dire as I feared.

My soft words were apparently enough to bring Snape's attention back to me because when I turned to study him once more he was already examining me, a sneer fixed firmly upon his face. His gaze pricked like needles poking sharply into my flesh. I got the distinct impression that he found me lacking.

I hadn't been this self conscious in a very long time. Typically only Ron had the ability to bring that undesirable quality out in me - repeatedly throughout our school years then later when… well, somehow Snape was managing just fine.

I knew I wasn't a beauty like Ginny or the Patil twins, but I wasn't ugly - or even all that plain. With my teeth fixed and my hair tamed a bit with puberty, added length, a simple spell Ginny had taught me, and a better conditioner, I was even pretty when I wanted to be. That was difficult to remember at the moment, however.

The tense face off was thankfully interrupted by the abrupt arrival of Professor Dumbledore.

"Have a seat, Miss Granger, Mr. Snape, please," Professor Dumbledore said immediately and wasted no time before moving to seat himself in the overstuffed, poofy chair behind his desk.

He seemed much more at home here than he had been during our first confrontation, but he also appeared to be a man with a heavy burden weighing him down.

"Licorice Wand?" offered Professor Dumbledore graciously.

"No thank you," I replied, then hastened to add, "my parents a-were dentists," so as not to seem ungrateful.

Professor Dumbledore's too sharp eyes seemed to pierce me for a moment before he nodded, seeming to understand the complicated truth that was my family without me having to explain. It was something I forbid myself to think too closely about the majority of the time, but still, I couldn't help but give him a questioning look now.

"Our words often convey much more than we tend to want to share," he replied.

"Yes, I suppose they do. Or sometimes... too much slips out unbidden," I said, slumping dejectedly down in the chair.

"Quite right. Do you believe this is a conversation that Mr. Snape needs to be a part of?" asked Professor Dumbledore, directing the query at me since Snape had made no move to join us before the desk.

It was rather easy to see that Professor Dumbledore did not trust Snape. At this point in time he likely couldn't see past the boy he'd been at Hogwarts only a year and a half earlier - drowning in the dark arts and bad influences of his so-called friends.

It was strange to see such a contrast. During her time at Hogwarts, Snape had always been at the headmaster's side, whispering conferences and sharing secrets. The devote trust inherent to their relationship was readily apparent. Harry had hated seeing it. He hadn't understood, not until it was too late.

Professor McGonagall might have been deputy headmistress, but Professor Snape had been Professor Dumbledore's most trusted.

"Yes, I think it is imperative that he hear this as well," I said, nodding firmly.

"You would trust a known Death Eater with such sensitive information as I am beginning to suspect you have?"

He said it lightly, almost irreverently. The tone of the question in no way matching the words or the situation, but I had the sense he was testing the both of us. Secretly eager and curious to see if we'd pass this impossible, unexpected hurdle.

"I would trust Severus Snape with my life."

My response left no room for doubt or contestation. I could no longer see Snape - Severus, I needed to get used to calling him that, but his eyes on me had a weight all their own. It was almost suffocating as they bore into me, seeking my very soul.

My words were deliberate. They were an echo of Professor Dumbledore's words regarding Hagrid, which I had heard him say several times over the years when others would doubt the half-giant. I hoped that Professor Dumbledore already felt that way regarding him and would understand the significance of my words now.

"Very well, please, continue," said Professor Dumbledore politely, nodding his approval.

I was grateful he did not yet ask me to elaborate on how Sn-Severus had engendered himself to me in such a way.

"I'm not really sure what you want me to say, or how I should go about explaining what's going on and what's happened…" I trailed off, hoping for some direction and guidance from the wiser wizard.

All I knew for certain was that the situation was dangerous. I had read about Eloise Mintumble and how she had impacted time during her five day journey to the past, but wasn't sure this situation shared enough parallels. Eloise didn't try to influence a war. Not to mention the fact that she had a way home. I decidedly don't. All that left me with was an uncertainty about how talking about things would make the situation worse, and an eagerness to avoid doing so if at all possible.

"Let us start with an easy question then. You seem to know me. How?"

"You were headmaster during my first six years of Hogwarts," I said and breathed a sigh of relief. It was much easier when all I had to do was answer questions. My school years had prepared me well for that avenue.

"And when exactly was this?"

"1991 to 1997."

"I see."

Professor Dumbledore pressed his fingers together before resting his chin gently against the tips. He looked deep in thought and I was content to wait patiently.

After a few minutes he turned slightly, sharing discreet, yet highly speaking glances with several of the portraits. I was somewhat startled to realize every single one of them was awake and focused on the pair of us. None spoke to Professor Dumbledore, but several whispered to their neighbors, the words so low I heard nothing but hushed exhalations.

It wasn't until Professor Dumbledore returned his attention to me that I dared speak again.

"Sir, normally... well, if this had been a _usual_ situation of time travel, I would not have dared interfere. I would have followed the laws. I understand them - I swear I do, but I'm afraid the attack... well it caught me off guard. I didn't realize... and now it's too late," I said, trying to explain. It made me feel ridiculously like a misbehaving child trying to talk her way out of punishment.

"So you do understand the... difficulties involved with time travel?"

"Of course! Saul Croaker said, 'Just as the human mind cannot comprehend time, so it cannot comprehend the damage that will ensue if we presume to tamper with its laws.' I remember reading all about him and his work," I said at once.

"Then, yes, I'm afraid I'd have to agree with your assessment," said Professor Dumbledore with a long sigh. "And how do you know Mr. Snape here? The man you professed to trust so highly," he inquired with more curiosity leaking through than he had shown all evening.

"He was my professor, and during what would have been my seventh year," I said, pausing here because the last bit was difficult to get out. With a deep breath I finished, "he was headmaster."

"Interesting."

That was his only comment, but he was back to contemplating, only this time he was watching Snape - Severus, over the top of his half moon glasses.

"Perhaps you should start with a very brief outline of the events you think most pertinent for both Mr. Snape and myself to know," said Professor Dumbledore when his attention was once again focused on me.

And so I did.

I told him of meeting Harry and learning his parents died protecting him when Voldemort attacked, and how that had weakened him to the point that many wished to believe that he was gone forever.

It was after the second time I said the name Voldemort that Severus interrupted.

"Must the pair of you insist upon calling him by name?"

"He is not all-powerful, Severus, despite what he has led you to believe. The recitation of his name will not call him down upon us," Professor Dumbledore said chidingly.

And with that mild rebuke, I continued. Explaining that he went after the Sorcerer's Stone my first year, but Harry, Ron and I stopped him.

I relayed how he opened The Chamber of Secrets in my second year, but Harry defeated the monster.

I told him an innocent prisoner escaped Azkaban in my third year, but a loyal Death Eater returned to Voldemort.

I explained that Voldemort used Harry during the Triwizard Tournament in my fourth year to return to power.

I mentioned the Ministry stepped in at Hogwarts during my fifth year, that there were more Azkaban breakouts, the general populace refused to believe he'd returned, and that there was a battle at the Department of Mysteries.

I said Death Eaters invaded Hogwarts during my sixth year and Professor Dumbledore died during the battle.

And finally, I concluded with missing seventh year because Muggle-borns were arrested and I was too busy hunting Voldemort with Harry and Ron for school anyways.

"Harry was successful," I finished. You would think that it would take more than a minute or two to convey all that had really happened, but he had said briefly explain, so I had.

I shared only the bare minimum, keeping my explanation succinct and free of any detail. I hit only the headlines, while bypassing the story altogether. He did not interrupt and aside from a few disgusted or disbelieving snorts from Snape, he did not either. The lack of questions was an unexpected boon. While I was slowly surrendering to the inevitable, sharing more would have just driven home the fact that none of this would happen now. At least not in the same way. That possibility was just too unlikely.

"Well, you and your friends were certainly busy while attending Hogwarts. Most notably, I must add, _outside_ of the classroom. I think I should like to hear more, but perhaps not tonight. Yes, the details can wait until morning at least," said Professor Dumbledore.

"And the boy, from your memories? _Harry_?"

The question startled me. I'd not expected him to speak after he'd thus far refused aside from reacting to Voldemort's name. The words seemed pried from him rather reluctantly, and the disgust was evident. He must have already figured it out and was merely seeking confirmation.

I paused then slowly turned to face him. Very deliberately I spoke.

"Lily's son."

Severus's expression was agonized. It was brief, but it was there, clear as day. The confirmation of Lily having a son with his nemesis was a blow to the gut. He masked his pain quickly, but not nearly fast enough for me not to have deciphered it.

It was another calculated manipulation - an attempt on my part to force him to see Harry as Lily's instead of James's. My hope was that I could get this to happen _before_ he saw Harry's resemblance to his father. If it worked, Snape would be that much more likely to help me protect him now, rather than wait until Voldemort had already decided to go after the Potters.

Looking back at Professor Dumbledore, I realized he'd been studying the pair of us. Something about his expression left me weary. It was a bit too calculating. It brought to mind a vision of Ron playing chess, plotting where best to direct his men in order to secure a victory.

Perhaps Aberforth's insights were more on the nose than she'd given him credit for. It was a bitter pill to swallow. She'd always put such stock in his love for Harry. In the belief that Professor Dumbledore embodied all that was good, his motives always pure. That was decidedly not what she was currently looking at. This was a general determined to win - at any costs.

"It would be very dangerous for Voldemort to get his hands on you," Professor Dumbledore warned.

"Yes, I had suspected as much."

"I think it best you stay here tonight and tomorrow we call a meeting of the Order to discuss the issue further and decide in what capacity each of you will serve in this fight."

"So just like that? Jump right back into the thick of it?" I asked. The startled questions slipped out without conscious thought.

"You sound surprised. What did you expect when we began this discussion?"

It was suddenly very warm in the room. My breathing had become much more shallow as panic threaten to take hold. My mind was struggling to catch up to my racing thoughts, and before I knew it those bitter thoughts were spilling forth.

"You don't get it! I've already fought a war! I've already made sacrifices - I gave up my family to stop him! Now you're saying I have to start all over, now, in this time, when everything is at its worst…"

"No, no. You are, of course, welcome to leave. You could go into hiding, perchance travel abroad?"

"Of course I'm going to fight! I'd never abandon Harry. Besides, it's the right thing to do," I huffed.

"It's settled then?"

He said it so calmly, completely nonplussed by my sudden about face. As though he'd already known this would be the outcome of my panicked outburst. But of course we had both known what it would be. He was right not to waste energy worrying.

This last year had been rough. Muggles would have classified all of us as suffering from various degrees of PTSD. Things were finally starting to get better, so I was a tad bit reluctant to get sucked back in all over again.

"Sorry, please forgive my outburst," I apologized sincerely while studying my folded hands tucked neatly in my lap.

Harry only rarely… well, relatively all things considered... let loose with shouted resentments, or sullen fits, despite being the one circumstances had singled out. It had always been Ron that got to throw temper tantrums and whine about the unfairness of situations - in short, act like an immature prat. As a result, it had always been up to me to maintain a brave face or offer encouragement so Harry wouldn't succumb to depression.

"It won't happen again," I vowed, not quite meeting his eye. I was slightly embarrassed now that it was over.

"Quite all right. I understand this is a very trying situation. We all feel the need to vent on occasion."

Severus gave a disgruntled snort, obviously disagreeing with Professor Dumbledore's assessment. He apparently didn't believe it was all right to act like the immature school girl I just imitated. I flushed at the near silent reprimand.

"Do you have something in mind already, or do you plan to put it to a vote?"

The latter did not really fit with my knowledge of Professor Dumbledore's personality, and I think he sensed my awkwardness in asking, because he chuckled lightly before replying, "Oh, I have a few ideas. I am, however, going to keep them to myself for now. I should like to think on them a while more before we discuss anything further."

"I thought it might be something like that."

"I shall ask the house-elves to prepare rooms for the pair of you while I check up on those remaining here for the holidays. Please remain here until they come to collect you. I will have breakfast sent to your rooms first thing in the morning, then perhaps we will be better prepared to face our new roles when we next meet."

"Good night, Sir, and thank you."

Severus remained obstinately mute.

"If there is anything either of you require -"

"I always carry my necessities with me. I should be fine, but thank you again," I ventured to say after darting a look at Snape and determining he intended to ignore the offer.

And with that Professor Dumbledore disappeared from the room in a flourish of glittering violet robes.

"Well?" I asked as soon as I head the door snick shut.

I wasn't sure if he'd answer given his silence all evening, but I was hoping he'd be more open to conversation now that the headmaster's intimidating presence was gone. I was curious to see how he'd react and to know what he was thinking. Since his role in the war came to light, he'd been this gigantic unsolvable mystery. He was an enigma. I couldn't stop myself from being intrigued.

Harry had said he was sullen and slightly pitiful as a teenager, not unlike Dobby at times. Remus and Sirius had said he was up to his eyeballs in the dark arts. Together these descriptions had me prepared to find someone, I don't know, slightly evil maybe. Or at least someone more like Malfoy during our sixth year. Someone who cared far more for himself than those around him, but that was not the Snape - Severus, it was harder than I realized to make the mental change - I saw before me.

This man seemed isolated. Alone. Somehow desperate. Desperate to be accepted. Desperate to be loved. Desperate to prove himself. I wasn't sure which, I couldn't quite pinpoint it. Maybe it was some combination of all of those things, but there was definitely something. It was a mystery. One I fully intended to solve.

"What?" he said eventually.

"I know you have questions. Go on then, ask. I'll answer any that seem relevant."

"Do you honestly expect me to believe a word that comes out of your mouth?"

"Professor Dumbledore does," I said as if that alone was enough to prove I spoke the truth.

"That man is a fool," he pronounced.

I was startled by the brief glimpse of the man he'd one day become. He stood more confidently, his words dismissive, his tone derisive.

"I think we both know that isn't true. Even your master fears him."

He didn't back down, but he also didn't contradict my words. There was something about him, about the whole situation, that didn't add up. The man I knew and the man in front of me just didn't fit. It made me wonder, not for the first time in recent history, how he even wound up becoming a Death Eater in the first place.

It just seemed so unlikely. He'd been friends with a Muggle-born - best friends even - for years. He'd grown up wanting and trying to protect her, yet he'd still fallen in with that lot.

I knew he'd hated his father, but Harry had always hated the Dursleys too, and Harry didn't become a Death Eater. It didn't make sense. Severus Snape was a powerful force in his own right. Perhaps not at Professor Dumbledore's level, but certainly someone to fear crossing nonetheless. What made him sink to groveling at the feet of a madman like some weak willed sycophant.

"How? Why?" I queried, the words out before I could second guess the wisdom in asking.

"What nonsense are you on about now?"

"How did you ever end up becoming a Death Eater in the first place?"

"What right do you think _you_ have to question _me_?"

There was so much anger in the words, so much anger bottled up in this person in front of me that I feared he'd explode. One moment here, the next blasting apart like one of Fred and George's fireworks.

"It's just - you're nothing like them! They're awful - monsters!"

"They're my friends," he said, defending them immediately, but I noticed a trace of insecurity and doubt. Right then he looked young, far younger than myself even. He clung to this idea the way a toddler clutched a security blanket.

"You shouldn't settle, just because they recognize your intelligence."

"Do not presume you understand me merely because we shared a passing acquaintance in your lifetime."

"He won't spare her. Your only hope of saving her is if you help us."

"Why do you think I'm still here?" he asked and finally settled into the chair beside me. He turned away, apparently deciding the conversation was over, and waited silently for the house-elf to arrive.


	5. Chapter 4

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, let me know what you think!

PS I don't own anything... unfortunately!

Chapter 4

December 23, 1979

Morning saw me heading to Professor Dumbledore's office bright and early. It was almost startling how little had changed about the castle. It still smelled the same. Ink, dust, and something like singed hair - a scent that always accompanied poorly performed spells - permeated the stone edifice. The portraits portrayed the same individuals. The elaborate Christmas decorations echoed the ones from her school years. The unaltered ghosts floating here and there offering a most intangible reminder of the Hogwarts she knew.

The juxtaposition of the familiar landscape to her tremulous situation was rather jarring.

"Good morning, Sir," I greeted Professor Dumbledore upon entering.

Severus joined us, entering silently behind me as the headmaster replied, "Good morning to you as well, and to you, Mr. Snape. Let us get started then."

I resumed my seat from the previous evening and was surprised when Severus occupied the seat beside me without prompting. His expression was slightly petulant, reminding me of a reluctant child being forced to endure something boring and unpleasant.

"Miss Granger, will you tell me more about Harry?" Professor Dumbledore asked as he studied me intently.

I was prepared for the curiosity about Harry; Professor Dumbledore had always taken an interest in him. However, I was reluctant to share too much. After all, the Harry I knew would likely be significantly different from the Harry of this time. How could he not be? Especially considering he hadn't even been born yet!

"Like what?" I asked cautiously.

"Who is he? What is he like? We can discuss how he defeated Voldemort later; for now I'd just like to get a sense of the boy," said Professor Dumbledore.

"Hmm, well… Harry was an orphan. He was raised by his aunt and uncle after the Potters' deaths, and honestly, his family despised him. They were cruel and neglectful, and yet Harry... well, he's really rather remarkable," I said in an effort to sum all that comprised my remarkable best friend into a few short sentences. It was impossible to do him justice. "He's fiercely loyal, stubborn, powerful, and probably the most truly honorable and noble person I've ever met."

Talking about Harry was hard. I wanted to cry. I missed him so much.

This last year had been good for us in one way. It had forced us to physically separate for the first time in years, at least as far as any significant periods of time were concerned. Over the years I'd taken to spending the holidays and summers with Harry and the Weasleys. Only going to visit my parents briefly — if at all. But this year had seen me back at Hogwarts while Harry trained and worked as an Auror. When he did sneak in, he was usually much too focused on Ginny to spare me more than a hello in passing. We still wrote and Floo called, but we did learn to function at least partially independently.

I wished my friend was here with me now though. It would be so much easier to face this with him beside me. I may have always been the one to figure things out and provide the necessary knowledge for us to succeed, but Harry had been the one in charge - the one making all the major decisions - and I was generally content just to follow his lead.

"That's quite a recommendation," Professor Dumbledore stated, piercing my wandering thoughts like a bubble popping unexpectedly right in your face.

"He's always tried to do the right thing - to stick up for those who needed it," I said remembering times when he defended Luna or helped the Muggle-borns escape the Ministry during Voldemort's reign. It was just part of who Harry was - as natural as breathing.

"And he's never tried to impose his will on others thinking he knew best, unlike some that are in similar positions of power," I added pointedly while remembering Professor Dumbledore's own youthful follies.

I may have defended Professor Dumbledore's actions when we first learned about them, but I had always secretly empathized with Harry's feelings of betrayal. Harry was correct. After all, Professor Dumbledore had been our age when he did what did and believed the things he had. It was too close to the reasoning every dictator who successfully rose to power spouted for why they should have the right to decide others' worth.

Professor Dumbledore had been my idol, as he was for so many, and he had disappointed me. More than that, he had failed those relying on him. He had abused his position and I wanted him to know I knew. That I would be holding him accountable for his actions, so that it would not happen again.

Rationally, I understood I was being just as unfair as Harry had been during our year on the run, but I couldn't help myself. Professor Dumbledore had devoted his life to making amends and protecting those he had once, even if only temporarily, considered inferior.

People so rarely had the opportunity to confront the dead over the secrets they kept while living. Apparently, I had unconsciously decided to take advantage of this one.

Professor Dumbledore's only reaction was to study me more closely, the merry twinkle vanished from his clear blue eyes. I had the sense he was sorely tempted to use Legilimency on me to see just how much I knew, but after several long, tense minutes he let it pass.

"Hmm. That is definitely an admirable quality for one to possess," Professor Dumbledore said at last.

Severus snorted derisively from beside me. I'd been so focused on Professor Dumbledore that I'd forgotten he was even there, something the man in question didn't seem to mind overly much - at least until now. His previous silence throughout the confrontation did not surprise me as he'd taken to remaining disengaged during most of our interactions. I had to assume that complimenting someone related to James was too much for him to resist.

"From all that I've learned, he's very much like his mother," I said directly to Severus now.

I'd meant it to be another calculated insinuation, but my defensiveness caused me to snap the remark instead. His expression twisted into one of disgust at the idea of a Potter being like his beloved Lily, but at least he didn't outright comment or start a fight. The Severus Snape I knew would have been quick to dismiss the idea with as much ridicule as humanly possible.

"Yes, I would agree that Lily can be fiercely loyal, and obstinate, and she most certainly has always understood right from wrong when it comes to the actions of others," Professor Dumbledore interjected, trying to defuse the staring match I was having with Severus.

"That's how Remus always described her, and Professor Slughorn too," I said.

"Miss Granger, do you have any recommendations before I propose a plan for what we should do?" Professor Dumbledore asked, changing the subject.

"Well, Sir, in the future it was well known among the Order members that Severus was your spy."

I shot Severus a covert look and managed to catch sight of his astonishment before he schooled his features into a mask of indifference. He was now openly studying me, but I was too distracted by my own thoughts to attempt to interpret his.

I had stayed awake last night debating about what the most pressing thing I should share would be. Again and again I came around to this. It seemed the most logical choice. My initial thought was to provide as much detail as possible about what would happen in the next few months and simply let Professor Dumbledore sort it out. It wouldn't even be that difficult to recall the significant events because I had several history book including _Modern Magical History, The rise and Fall of the Dark Arts,_ and even _The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore_ stowed conveniently in my beaded bag. Who knew helping Harry write his memorial speech would come in so handy?

However, the more I thought about it, the worse of an idea this seem to be. It always came back to the fact that Severus Snape didn't become Professor Dumbledore's spy until after Voldemort had made the decision to go after the Potters - a decision that wouldn't occur for several months yet.

I remembered Sirius talking during fourth year saying, "Imagine that Voldemort's powerful now. You don't know who his supporters are, you don't know who's working for him and who isn't; you know he can control people so that they do terrible things without being able to stop themselves. You're scared for yourself, and your family, and your friends. Every week, news comes of more deaths, more disappearances, more torturing... The Ministry of Magic's in disarray, they don't know what to do, they're trying to keep everything hidden from the Muggles, but meanwhile, Muggles are dying too. Terror everywhere... panic... confusion... that's how it used to be."

But what if they had an inside man sooner this time around? Maybe things would turn out differently, maybe they would have a better chance...

It was a simple change really, but one that could prove to make all the difference in the world. That possibility just kept replaying on a loop through her head.

It also made the most sense considering Severus was here now, willing to listen, and more than that - desperate to help Lily. Guilt was such a motivating influence.

Perhaps that was why I wanted him spying for us so much and why I needed him on our side immediately. I couldn't bear the thought that I was the one responsible for Voldemort targeting the Potters, and if Severus could help me save them, then I would do my best to acquire his help.

"Was he now? And how did that work?"

"Voldemort believed that Severus was loyal to him and that he was spying on you for Voldemort's sake, but he wasn't. Severus was always loyal to you, and you alone."

It didn't seem a good idea to violate Severus's privacy unless absolutely necessary by explaining more. I did not believe he would forgive the betrayal of spilling his secrets easily.

"That would be as good a place as any to begin with then," Professor Dumbledore said decidedly before turning to address Severus directly. "Severus, why do you think you would be loyal to me?"

So much for trying to protect his privacy.

He glared at the headmaster, resentment and loathing oozing from every slightly oily pore on his face. This was not the man that begged for Professor Dumbledore's help that I saw in the Pensive after the final battle. This was the teacher I'd spent six years watching look at Harry in much the same manner.

Professor Dumbledore took no notice, but that damnable twinkle had suddenly reappeared behind his wire spectacles.

"For her. For Lily - to protect her," Severus finally bit out succinctly.

"That's right. You were once friends. I had almost forgotten," said Professor Dumbledore almost absently, looking more calculating than ever as he nodded in understanding. I could almost see the wheels turning in his mind.

"If serving you is the only way to keep her safe, then that is what I will do."

"Yes, her being a Muggle-born does put her at odds with your master," said Professor Dumbledore as if Severus needed the reminder. "She has already had to face him twice, if I'm not mistaken, and she only barely survived the second time. Do you not believe that you could simply _ask_ him not to harm her? Would he not listen and spare her for the sake of such a devoted servant?"

"If I thought that would work, do you honestly think I would still be here? From what I learned last night, I would be rewarded over all others, but I stayed. Surely _that_ counts for something," Severus hissed at the older man, an angry vein pulsing furiously in his forehead while his hands clenched reflexively on the arms of his chair.

"And is it only Lily that you will try to protect, or would you protect _any_ I demand you protect - without question?" asked Professor Dumbledore.

"How do you plan to keep her safe?" Severus countered shrewdly.

"I will use every means at my disposal to prevent her from coming to harm."

"Even what _she_ knows?" asked Severus with a careless gesture towards myself.

"From this moment on, the future will change. It will not always be as she remembered, but yes, when possible I will."

"Then I will obey your every command."

It had been like watching goblins haggling over gold, each trying to get the most out of the arrangement. I noted Professor Dumbledore's evasiveness on using what I know, but I didn't think Severus caught it.

"Do you know what I plan to ask of you?"

"I do."

"Are you willing?"

"I am."

A shiver coursed down my spine at the exchange. It was so eerily familiar. Right down to the fact that Severus had paled considerably despite agreeing so readily.

"It will be dangerous - if you were caught..." said Professor Dumbledore assessingly.

"I understand the risks. I am not so foolish that I would consent without weighing the options. Do give me some credit," Severus sneered. "I am not like those idiots Potter and Black who rush in without thought and -"

"I must ask that you refrain from insulting those that I chose to work with. I will not stand for it," Professor Dumbledore cut in sternly. The politeness of the words in no way downplayed the reprimand and red suffused Severus's cheeks at the rebuke.

"You don't honestly believe they are going to willingly cooperate with _me_ , do you?" asked Severus, looking horrified by the very idea.

"You are all working towards the same ends. I expect every one of you to behave as such."

Severus merely snorted and I couldn't disagree with his nearly silent assessment.

"Very well. If whoever was listening was indeed working for Voldemort, that person will have reported that you overheard part of a prophecy involving him by this point. I think it best that he not learn the contents - particularly at this point in time. You must be prepared to dissuade him."

"What if he uses me as an excuse?" I asked quickly, a plan coming to mind. "He could say he was trying to spy on you, but some girl interrupted before you could overhear anything."

"Right. You realize that would just put a target on your back then instead?" Severus said so condescendingly I thought he might choke on the words.

"You could say she must have been Confunded. That she said a number of ludicrous things - about a prophecy, flying plants, talking toads, and the like," Professor Dumbledore interjected. "It is even a likely scenario considering the way Death Eaters have been firing off that spell lately for their own amusement."

"And if he doesn't believe it?" Severus asked and I thought I sensed fear in him.

"Plan for him not to," I said. "Insist that you questioned the possibility of a prophecy existing. Since you hadn't gotten to the Hog's Head in time for the interview, you stayed to watch Professor Dumbledore instead of returning to his side."

"Yes, that could work," Professor Dumbledore agreed, obviously catching onto my line of thinking. "Learning that I was interviewing potential teachers, you decided to explain your presence as being there seeking employment as well."

"That might work. The Dark Lord has long wanted someone in the position of Defence Against the Dark Arts here at Hogwarts," Severus said musingly.

"No, that won't do at all," Professor Dumbledore denied quickly.

"It needs to be Potions," I interjected.

"Horace has been mentioning retirement lately," Professor Dumbledore agreed.

"He will not be happy with that," said Severus.

"He will be grateful for a spy. I will not give him precisely what he wants - and I do not want you teaching Dark Arts," Professor Dumbledore said rather pointedly. I suppose one night wasn't enough time to begin building a trusting relationship.

"Very well. I will need to return to him this morning, before the Order meeting, to check in. He was expecting me last night. We might as well get this over with and see if he believes this charade," Severus said as he stood preparing to leave.

"Wait!" I called suddenly. "Please, Sir, it won't work. He can't teach Potions next year. I read about it in _Hogwarts_ , _A_ _History_ , but I've only just remembered. 'Teachers must be at least three years out of school to be employed by the school, so as to avoid conflicts of interest.' He needs to wait at least another year first." I announced then realized I had just corrected the headmaster and rushed to add, "I mean unless you're willing to change the rules, and I suppose as Headmaster you are well within your right... But it would be breaking tradition! And think of all the problems if he tries to teach students he was friends with or who really remember him. And it would be awfully suspicious…"

"Quite right! That is, of course, true. I suppose I should have thought of it myself," Professor Dumbledore said with an amused smile.

"If the pair of you are through discussing my future as though I weren't here, might I suggest then instead of a teaching position you offer me a Potions apprenticeship? It could be considered training his replacement for the following year. After all, I'm already much more accomplished than the current Potions professor at the school," Severus said with a smug sneer that indicated exactly what he thought of Professor Slughorn.

"Yes, I suppose you're right. Perhaps that would work since it should appease his desire to plant a spy in Hogwarts, and put you in the perfect position to pass information to the both of us," Professor Dumbledore agreed. "I think it best that you go ahead and move in and begin helping Professor Slughorn with his first and second years to get a feel for teaching while you work on independent projects and spy. We will need to discuss what information you will share. It can't all be useless information or he will learn the truth, but I will also not allow you to endanger anyone unnecessarily."

"I will of course do as you command," Severus said magnanimously with an obsequious bow of his head. Professor Dumbledore ignored him, but I found myself stifling a laugh as the reminder of the Snape I was familiar with.

"Announcing the study of divination will continue at Hogwarts and that Sybill Trelawney has been hired for the post should do to start," Professor Dumbledore said after some contemplation. "You will also need to tell him that I received an urgent owl from Emmeline Vance while in your presence."

"And the contents of this fictional letter?"

"No, the knowledge of the sender should suffice. He will not expect me to confide the contents of the letter so quickly, but the fact that I would share whom the correspondence was from or that you were able to obtain that information on your own should impress him greatly."

"I will be going then."

Severus started to leave then spun towards me.

"If he doesn't hear the prophecy, then Lily will be safe?"

"I don't know. Maybe…" I replied hesitantly.

"He has no reason to go after her though now," he insisted. At my look he shrewdly asked, "Why did she die?"

It took me several long moments to decide how I should answer him. To consider how much I should say, what harm it would do if I told him the truth - the whole truth. In the end, it just wasn't worth breaking any more rules of time travel, so I simply said, "She trusted the wrong person."

"Who?" he demanded at once.

"I don't think I should tell you that. I don't think you need to know," I said pursing my lips in disapproval at the inquiry.

His anger was swift and alarming. He swelled with it, growing to twice the expanse he previously occupied. He took several steps in my direction before Professor Dumbledore stood to intercept him.

"Who are you to decide what I need to know?"

"Severus, isn't it time you headed out? We can discuss this further later, but for now I'm telling you to drop it," Professor Dumbledore said forcefully. His words leaving no room for argument.

Severus looked furious, but his breathing slowed and eventually he nodded, glaring at me over the headmaster's shoulder.

"When you finished meeting with Voldemort, meet us at 38 Grinning Skull in Appleby, North Lincolnshire. Edgar Bones has graciously agreed to house our Order meetings for the foreseeable future. His wife and children will likely be there, so keep that in mind when you ensure that you are not followed."

The warning was unmistakable. This was another test.

"I will," Severus bit out, disgust and irritation coating the words.

"Your role may come as a shock to a few members. I believe it might be best if you allow me to prepare them before you reveal yourself."

"You mean Potter and Black will likely attack me the moment I step foot on the premises."

"You are all adults. You are all on the same side and I expect you to behave as such," Professor Dumbledore said in echo of his earlier words.

"I will if they do."

"I suppose that will have to be enough for now. We will discuss this again if becomes an issue."

Severus refrained from commenting, choosing instead to spin and sweep from the room. His robes billowed menacingly behind him. I knew it was inappropriate, but I couldn't prevent the giggle from slipping from me at the sight. He already looked so like the great bat of the dungeon when he did that.

"How did it happen - the Potters' betrayal?" Professor Dumbledore asked once the he was certain Severus was truly gone.

I studied him carefully. He knew the laws. We'd already talked about how dangerous or irrelevant what I know is. But it was _Dumbledore_. He wouldn't ask if he didn't think it would be beneficial to know.

"Probably something like what's happened here today," I finally said vaguely.

"A spy," he guessed accurately.

"Yes."

"Who?"

"Peter Pettigrew."

Professor Dumbledore looked extremely troubled by the news. It was obvious that Pettigrew was not who he had expected me to name.

"I handpicked him myself. I do not usually misjudge someone so grievously."

"Do you have reason to think that he is already acting as a spy?" I asked then continued, "As I understand things, he didn't start working for Voldemort until a few months before James and Lily were murdered. At least it wasn't until just before that, that you suspected a leak."

"No. There has been nothing so far. That is still quite troubling though."

"Maybe this means you have a chance to stop it from happening and save several innocent lives in the process…"

"It is definitely something that needs careful consideration.

"In the meantime, you will need to stay hidden as much as possible so that Voldemort does not connect you with the confounded woman ranting about a prophecy. I believe your best bet would be to remain here in the castle. An apprenticeship might work for you as well. What was your best subject?"

"Charms or Transfiguration," I said after thinking about it for a moment. I really wanted to work on changing Ministry laws, but if I needed to work at the castle for the foreseeable future, I wanted to spend it doing something I genuinely enjoyed. I could have said any subject really, but I'd always had a special fondness for those.

"I will speak to Minerva. Transfiguration would work best. During your spare time, I encourage you to research and connect what you know of Voldemort's movements with what is currently happening. Perhaps we will be able to successfully predict his actions and interrupt some of his plans."

Listening to these plans reminded me of Trelawney and how she rarely even ventured from her tower throughout my years at Hogwarts. Professor Dumbledore must have encouraged her to stay shut up here as soon as the prophecy was given in order to keep her from Voldemort's clutches. Now that was apparently going to be my fate as well, however temporarily.

"You will of course have access to the library, and any resources you need I would be happy to fetch for you. The meeting will take place a little before supper. I suggest you begin making lists and notes of what you know in the meantime and try to get settled in. You can make your room from last night into your permanent residence for as long as you reside here at Hogwarts."

"How will you introduce me and explain what I know to the Order members?"

"I think it best to say as little as possible. We should keep the truth just between us and perhaps that unfortunate circumstances, such as losing your family, led you to be in a position to learn a great deal of Voldemort's plans that we will be using. The rest of the Order need not know more than that - at least for now."

"I understand," I said, knowing he was probably right. It would certainly be safer if fewer knew, but this definitely reminded me again of his propensity for secret keeping.

"I will see you at four o'clock precisely then."


	6. Chapter 5

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

PS I'm not JK Rowling, so I don't own anything :(

Chapter 5

December 23, 1979

I didn't want to go inside. It was so surreal. I hadn't been old enough to join the Order during the second war, but here I was about to join the Order during the first war.

I was running late too. I was so caught up with researching that it was fifteen minutes after when Professor Dumbledore had asked me to arrive. Maybe this was my subconscious way of giving him a chance to explain both myself and Severus without having to witness the dissent.

While everyone might accept me with little fanfare, I doubted the same would be true for him.

It was also impossible to deny how difficult this was going to be - confronting so many people that for me had been dead a couple days ago, some long before I ever had a chance to meet them.

I was not looking forward to trying to make idle chit chat with everyone. It would be far too easy to slip up and say something wrong unintentionally.

It was for this very reason that I'd decided to say as little as possible today. I had no intention of participating in any discussions unless specifically asked to do so, and I didn't think Professor Dumbledore would push the issue. I needed time to adjust to being here and time to get to know the people. I couldn't help wondering how much of the stories would hold up to reality now that I had the opportunity to judge for myself.

At least the house name made sense though. The arrangement of windows did look like a happy face, and as the the house belonged to the Bones family, skull… Well, it _was_ rather amusing.

Finally entering the house, I heard whispered murmurings coming from what I assumed was the kitchen and followed them.

There were around twenty people stuffed into the room sitting in chairs scattered haphazardly around an obviously shrunken table. It looked the size of an end table and had a stack of papers covering its surface. Professor Dumbledore was sitting behind it at what I supposed was meant to be the front of the room. The cheery yellow walls had an abstract white design dancing along the edge meeting the ceiling.

"Hello," said a quiet voice nearby when I halted in the open doorway, only barely entering.

I was noticed immediately, unfortunately.

Looking over, the man was instantly recognizable as Remus. His sandy blond hair was rumpled and his crystal blue eyes friendly. He looked a little worn, both around the eyes and in the faded shirt. But overall, he looked so young, so healthy - so _alive_.

It was harder than I anticipated. Remus was here. Remus was alive. He hadn't left his son an orphan yet. He didn't even have a son yet. Hell, his wife was only seven years old herself at this point.

For just a second, all I saw when I looked at Remus was Teddy. The little boy Harry was helping Andromeda raise. He might officially live with his Grandmother, but Harry saw him nearly every day. Dinner, overnights, park outings, fussing full moons, through all of it Harry was there. It made me miss my best friend, but more than that, I regretted the fact that Remus was missing out on all of it.

I was afraid that if I looked away then he would disappear and I would have to mourn him all over again. He had been an incredible teacher, our very best DADA instructor. He'd been a mentor to Harry, and to me. I'd stayed up late at Grimmauld Place on more than one occasion to discuss house-elf rights. He was a good man and I'd missed him terribly since his death.

He was starting to look concerned, or maybe baffled might be a better description.

I blinked rapidly, desperate not to cry. During school I had cried rather easily, not that life hadn't warranted it. As had my many battles with Ron. But I'd gotten better at repressing all the negatives that seemed determined to encroach on my life.

Apparently, today was going to be a test on my progress. Luckily tests were my forte.

"Are you Hermione?" he asked when it became clear I wasn't going to voluntarily speak or offer anything myself.

"Er - yes, yes, I am," I finally managed to choke out in a squeak that would be far more suited to Winky than myself. It was hard to force the words past the lump in my throat and I was mortified to feel my eyes sting with first sign of tears. So much for passing that test.

Others were starting to notice. Conversations died out as everyone began to stare at me. Fire licked my cheeks as a flush spread unwillingly to expose my mortification to everyone. I had always been embarrassed by unasked for attention. I preferred getting to show off my knowledge on my own terms as opposed to being singled out. At least this served as an effective distraction to keep me from bursting into noisy inexplicable sobs.

"Miss Granger, thank you for joining us," Professor Dumbledore said into the awkward silence. "Please have a seat and we will continue." There were no further introductions and with a wave of his wand, a padded floral seat was conjured beside Remus and I sat in the crowded room without uttering another word.

Fred and George had talked about an elaborate induction ceremony when they joined after their daring departure from Hogwarts, but had insisted the specifics were top secret when Ron had begged to find out. I had always wondered if they were having one over on him as usual. It seemed that they were since my induction was apparently just an invitation to the meeting and an acknowledgment once I had arrived.

The thin man with wavy dark hair and a beard that had been speaking when I walked in jumped right back in. He looked relatively young, only a few years older than I, but weary beyond his years. It was a familiar look. All who fought in the war were familiar with it. You only had to look in a mirror to recognize it.

"The kids are still getting checked out by St Mungo's, but the parents are dead. I managed to track down a grandmother, but the house is destroyed," said the unknown man while running a hand over his face.

"Do you know why they were targeted, Benjy?" asked the man beside him. This man was older and also unfamiliar to me. He too had a dark beard, though his was much longer.

"You mean it wasn't enough that they were Muggles?"

The words were packed with so much sarcasm that many released surprised chuckles that served to break the tension. Not so for me.

The voice was so startlingly familiar that I jerked to stare at the one who spoke. He was gorgeous. It was undeniable. Perhaps alarmingly so considering the wasted version of the man I had known for several years. Sirius Black. I was utterly transfixed by the sight of him. The images were transposed, flicking back and forth like a poorly tuned radio.

I had been immediately intrigued by the news of an attack. Enough that I hadn't looked around after first sitting - not that there had been much time, but now I regretted it.

He was young - my age. This somehow seemed different in some undefinable way than the fact Severus was also my age. Vitality and energy simply poured from the man. He glowed with health and happiness.

Gone was the gaunt skeleton of a broken man living on rats. Gone was the hollow emptiness of the prisoner serving as a buffet for dementors. Gone was the half-insane and perhaps confused mentor of a supposedly doomed orphan. Gone was the ghost of a warrior trapped inside his childhood nightmare of a "home" unable to fight.

A soft chuckle finally broke through my bewildered heartbreak.

"Don't let him see. His head is already big enough, no need to inflate it further," Remus whispered softly into my ear.

"Sorry?"

"You were staring," he said in answer to my confusion, but he rushed to add, "Don't worry, it happens all the time when witches first meet him - several wizards too, come to think of it."

I tried to mask my horror at the mistaken assumption that I was attracted to Sirius Black. He was Harry's reckless godfather. The man that treated Kreacher like garbage. The man and I had never really seen eye to eye on anything and now Remus was grinning at me like he'd just caught me ogling the man. Oh Merlin, he thought I _fancied_ Sirius!

"Trust me, it's not like that!" I hissed rather shrilly even to my own ears and winced.

I stifled a groan at his disbelieving shake of the head. Trying to picture Harry's reaction to this didn't help either. I couldn't decide if he'd be horrified or tease me mercilessly.

"Has anyone heard of any new attacks since the last meeting?" asked an alarmingly altered Mad-Eye Moody.

The question had registered as background noise, definitely of interest, but far less so than the man that asked. His hair was more brown than grey. He was still missing a leg, but that was the only injury of note that he seemed to possess. His nose was intact and I was surprised by how long and pointed it was. It completely changed the look of him. An image of Pinocchio flashed behind my eyelids. Most startling though was the fact he still retained both eyes. Two real dark eyes that continuously scanned the room looking for anything out of the ordinary.

I felt oddly resentful as I noticed them scanning me for the third time since I'd noticed him. After everything I'd done to defeat Voldemort, it was strange to be distrusted now. Of course the people here had no idea what I'd done, and Moody always had been the suspicious sort. Some things never change I guess - constant vigilance!

"The Macmillans were tortured last week and Jim Bell was caught in a duel yesterday," Emmeline Vance said.

I recognized her at once from the summer I'd spent at 12 Grimmauld Place. She was very fresh faced now though, probably as young as myself if I had to guess. She looked better suited to be studying at Hogwarts than playing soldier in a war. There was a fair amount of optimism and… bubbliness, for lack of a better word, that oozed from her now that had worn away by the time I met her in the future. By then all that optimism had been replaced by stately seriousness.

The joys of war.

"Any casualties?" asked Remus in concern.

"No, but Bell was pretty shaken up. He's talking about moving. His kids are pretty young and he's worried."

"Understandable," said one of the Prewett twins.

Seeing them was another revelation. They looked somewhere between a cross of Charlie and the Weasley twins I'd grown up with. I'd seen a picture of Mrs. Weasley's brothers at the Burrow, but it didn't really do justice to their energy and resemblance to the familiar faces of my friends.

Curiosity had me wondering if they were as close as Fred and George. How would the other cope if only one had died instead of both? Would it be as heartbreaking as watching George had been this last year?

George and I had finally become friends of a sort. When he had finally gone back to WWW it was hard. Well, hard didn't really cover it, but then finding words to describe his grief wasn't really possible. Nothing could completely encompass the gaping hole left by Fred. The worst was when George tried to invent new products. The shop and their ideas had always been so successful because they were able to compensate for the other's weaknesses and bounce ideas off each other. Without Fred, George's ideas were half-baked. The concept was there, but the delivery was missing, or at the very least, incomplete. When Ginny told me he was struggling, I offered to help research executing the making of his products.

To say George was surprised by the offer would also be an understatement. I'm not sure I would have offered if I hadn't been having such a hard time coping with my breakup with Ron. I was terrified of losing my connection to the Weasley family, especially after what happened with my family, and helping George seemed an ideal way to stay involved. It was challenging work and that helped too. Challenges were hard to resist. I was always inevitably drawn to solve them. I refused to help with some of the products, insisting they were inappropriate to market to children, but mostly I could at least appreciate them for the cleverness or complexity involved.

The Prewett twins were dead in my time. Would that still be the case now, or had I already changed enough that the Weasley kids would grow up knowing their uncles?

And if they were here, did that means Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were around too? I couldn't remember if they'd been part of the Order or not the first time. They were so integral to it during the second war that I couldn't imagine them not taking part.

Looking for them now showed they were not here, but there were two others that grabbed at me demanding acknowledgment.

James and Lily Potter.

I hadn't deliberately been ignoring them, but I was reluctant to meet them. Missing Harry was a steady ache in my chest. It throbbed in concert with my heartbeat - constant, never ceasing, real, and necessary. He was my family and he was gone. They were a slap in the face. One that stung long after the redness faded.

Sirius, Remus, Severus, all who loved either of the Potters must have felt the same upon meeting Harry for the first time.

Lily really was beautiful. Her coloring was so vibrant, crimson and ivory pierced with emerald. There was a fierceness about her, emanating from her like the glow of a flame. She held hands with James, idling playing with his fingers. He snuck quick peeks every minute or so as if reassuring himself that she was real and his. It was sweet. Even more so as I watched Lily whisper something covertly in his ear and saw that he used her proximity as an excuse to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear tenderly.

James, on the other hand, was Harry. The resemblance was every bit as uncanny as everyone had always assured Harry that it was. His posture, his gestures, his _hair_ was the same. Only his eyes and glasses were different. Hazel instead of emerald. Square instead of round. The green-flecked brown looked out of place, strange even.

It took careful consideration to uncover the subtle differences. James looked comfortable with himself, confident and if I was honest, a little arrogant as he exchanged looks with Sirius. Harry had always seemed ill at ease within his own skin, uncertain and even insecure. This last year was better, but never to the degree James radiated. The only time Harry was ever this confident was during the final battle while facing off with Voldemort.

His aunt and uncle really did a number on him growing up.

"Aberforth, do you have any news about potential Death Eaters?" Professor Dumbledore asked.

The question drew my attention back to the matter at hand. This was the first time I had ever really seen the brothers in the same room, at least if you discounted last night when we were just passing through the Hog's Head and didn't really have time to interact. It was interesting to see them working together and getting along, at least well enough to fight a war together. The resentment Aberforth harbored was well hidden, buried beneath the demands of the mission.

"Nothing confirmed, just the usual suspects," said Aberforth with a certain amount of indifference.

Given his line of work he must see all sorts passing through. It wasn't surprising that he had nothing concrete if the place was already the way I remembered it. People went to the Hog's Head for its anonymity, not to flaunt their business.

"So just You-Know-Who's friends -" said someone I didn't recognize.

"And any Slytherin that's graduated in the last few years," said Sirius very matter-of-factly.

"Evil, slimy bastards," agreed James readily.

"James!"

"Sorry, Lil, I know," said James placatingly to her sharp reprimand.

It was almost disappointing to see what Harry had been talking about firsthand. There were undeniable prejudices here. Apparently, it wasn't Azkaban that made Sirius so vocal in his dislike. I knew most would be confirmed as fact in the coming years, but it didn't sit well. These sort of preconceived notions were exactly the kind of thing that propagated hatred and reinforced Voldemort's line of thinking. If this kept up, they'd be setting the next generation up to make our mistakes all over again.

I hated it. This never ending cycle of distrust and bullying based entirely on some arbitrary House classification system. Muggle history documented how stereotyping led to unfair treatment and often was used to justify outright cruelty. I didn't understand how the wizarding world, capable of so much more, still fell prey to making the same mistakes and was content to sit by and let it happen. We were supposed to be the good guys, but here we were behaving just as badly. It was just like the house-elf issue and how we continued to enslave them!

"Dorcas, did you or Marlene have any luck?" James asked in a very obvious effort to change the subject.

"No," said the dark skinned woman he must have been talking to. She sighed heavily before continuing, "Deverill said yes to them."

"Philbert? The Quidditch player?" someone asked from across the room, disbelief coloring the words.

"His family has always had strong ties to the dark arts -" Sirius piped in.

"Yes, but to become a Death Eater?" Remus asked.

"Unfortunately. I've been tailing him and Lestrange. I overheard their plans for 'playing' with a Muggle family that caught their eye later tonight," said Dorcas.

"Will you need backup?" Professor Dumbledore asked already looking around as though seeking recruitments.

"No, Marlene is already watching them. I'm going there straight after."

"I'll let you know if you miss anything, but you should go now. The Muggles need your help more than we need you here at this moment," ordered Professor Dumbledore after only a brief hesitation.

The meeting continued as others reported simple Muggle-baiting occurrences or full on Death Eater attacks happening all over the country. It was obvious that everyone was scared. And tired. It seemed all the worse because they didn't seem to have concrete proof about who was behind any of it aside from Voldemort. There were suspects, certainly, but no one seemed positive enough to make any moves. It took considerable willpower to keep from leaping up and sharing all I knew.

Sirius's words about not knowing who to trust floated back through my head, but it was still shocking. I had always taken Harry's insights for granted. His connection to Voldemort had been very useful in keeping us informed about our enemies' movements. I trusted and agreed with Professor Dumbledore that Harry shouldn't use the connection, but I also couldn't deny that we had benefited from it greatly.

This was all the confirmation I needed that we were desperate for a spy. We needed Severus. No wonder Professor Dumbledore had taken to the idea so readily.

"Peter, I need someone to go aboard. We may find ourselves in need of additional support and I need someone willing to speak on my behalf," Professor Dumbledore said with a discreet glance at me.

"M-me?" Pettigrew squeaked nervously. His shock at being so trusted by Dumbledore was etched over his twitchy face.

I hated the sight of him. He was squished between, though slightly behind, James and Sirius. It seemed fitting given my knowledge of him. He was so unremarkable I hadn't even noticed him before now. Knowing I would eventually have to interact with him had kept me up an extra hour last night and I had agonized over how to react. In the end, I decided to be as indifferent to everyone as possible. They weren't to know I knew them, that I loved, hated, and missed the various people gathered here today. That meant I must behave accordingly.

Apparently, Professor Dumbledore had thought up a solution for the traitorous little fiend. Make him feel powerful, trusted, integral to our group. I wasn't sure it was the best move. Pettigrew loved power, but he was scared. Fear had a funny way of twisting the weak. This might just make it that much easier for him to side with Voldemort. He would gain useful information now, enough that Voldemort would be interested in Pettigrew. If that happened, it was guaranteed that he wouldn't stand up for himself or any of us.

On the other hand, this would get Pettigrew away for a while. Things weren't so bad elsewhere and maybe without that fear he wouldn't be tempted to seek out stronger protection. Maybe he wouldn't think us doomed if he wasn't faced with reality on a daily basis. Maybe it would put him outside of Voldemort's reach and take away the opportunity of turning against us. We could only hope it was enough.

I wish Pettigrew - Peter - could be trusted, but I wasn't optimistic. Better to be safe than sorry, just ask Marietta Edgecombe...

"Yeah, Wormy!" James said enthusiastically.

"You'd be great," said Sirius, agreeing quickly.

Studying Peter, I saw the same calculation I noted in the Shrieking Shack that night during third year. He loved the praise from his friends, was eager for it and more. He was glorying in Dumbledore's power and importance. It made me sick, but I held my tongue. How was it possible I was the only one to see the truth of Peter Pettigrew even now?

"This is extremely important and I need someone that I can trust and can be gone for an extended period of time."

"How long?" Peter asked uncertainty.

"At least a few months. I have a list of potential contacts for you to approach."

"When do you want me to go?"

"Right away. As soon as possible. If you are successful we could use their help immediately. We must keep Voldemort from spreading his influence any further. We must at least warn others to be prepared if they aren't willing to come here and help us fight."

"We'll check in on your mum while you're gone, if that's what you're worried about," Lily offered with a sweet smile. The sight made me swallow back tears.

"O-ok," said Peter. "I'll go pack and say goodbye to her. Shame about Christmas…"

"She will understand and be so proud of you. You should go now," Professor Dumbledore assured with an encouraging nod.

It was obvious Peter felt important being trusted with this. I still wasn't sure if Dumbledore's plan would work, but I was grateful he was trying.

Maybe it would make all the difference. Maybe it wouldn't change anything.

There was some whispering and private conversations after he left before Professor Dumbledore commanded everyone's attention again.

"We have one more piece of news to discuss today then we will plan to meet again after the new year. I was approached by an individual who seeks to turn against Lord Voldemort and aid us in our fight against him. His reasons are not for you to question. Suffice it to say that he has earned my trust and that should be enough for all of you," Professor Dumbledore explained and I was a little surprised he hadn't done so earlier, though perhaps he'd timed it to follow Peter's departure.

"Of course it is!"

"Who is it?"

"Once a Death Eater, always a Death Eater!"

"We have a spy?"

"You honestly trust him?"

"He'll report back everything we do!"

"Excellent! This is great!"

Exclamations rang out across the room, people's reactions ranging from curious or excited to doubtful or hostile. Moody looked like he suspected Professor Dumbledore had either been replaced with a cunning spy himself, or that he needed his sanity checked. The Prewett twins looked eager, a familiar gleam sparking in their eyes. Professor Dumbledore, however, stood calmly, the eye of the storm patiently waiting for quiet.

"Severus Snape."

Denials erupted from the three remaining marauders at once. I ignored their indigent protests in favor of watching Lily's reaction. A surprised wonder flickered over her face. It was a cautiously hopeful look. Harry had said she'd completely written Severus off after fifth year, but it was obvious that she'd still held out hope and now Professor Dumbledore was offering her a lifeline and saying it hadn't been in vain.

"Albus, did he really come to you?" Lily asked over the stuttered remarks James was making at her side and slumped back in amazement when Professor Dumbledore nodded.

"No -" muttered Remus half in disbelief.

" _Snivellus_?" sneered Sirius.

"Never!" James added.

"He's an evil bastard -" insisted Sirius again.

"You can't seriously believe -"

"ENOUGH!" Professor Dumbledore interrupted forcefully.

Silence descended on the room at once.

"I have already said that I trust him and that you are not to question this. My word should be sufficient."

Reluctant murmurs of agreement sounded from throughout the room.

"Severus, will you please join us now?"

He appeared beside me in the open doorway at once. He stood tall, his face a blank mask, arms crossed haughtily over his chest. His stance and expression were too careful, too forced. He was refusing to look at anyone, instead focusing on the picture of a wizened old man snoring contentedly that hung on the wall across the room positioned over everyone's heads.

"Watch your backs, cowardly Death Eaters like him always stoop to underhanded tricks," Sirius smarted off, unable to stop himself.

Severus reacted at once.

"Given your family and your own history of attempted murder, I think the more surprising thing is that _you_ are not a Death Eater," Severus sneered, adding spitefully, "You've always been such an arrogant coward yourself, after all."

"He is not! At least he protects his friends," said James, standing up and leaning across the table to get in Severus's face.

"You ungrateful fool! You should be more careful considering it's your child that I'm risking my life to protect!"

"W-What?" James asked, staggering back two steps.


	7. Chapter 6

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

PS I'm not JK Rowling, so I don't own anything :(

Chapter 6

December 23, 1979

" _You ungrateful fool! You should be more careful considering it's your child that I'm risking my life to protect!"_

" _W-what?" James said, staggering back two steps._

Silence blanketed the room and everyone looked from Severus to the Potters. Lily looked stunned, and slightly green. Her hand slowly came up to rest on the small of James's back, almost unconsciously as she stared across the table at her childhood friend.

"How did you know?" Lily whispered while slowly shaking her head in confusion.

"It's true?" James demanded, turning swiftly to stare down at her.

"I-I'm not sure. I only just realized I was late two days ago, so I can't be more than a few weeks along. We haven't exactly been trying. I was going to check after Christmas if I… well, I thought it might just be stress," she explained awkwardly. It was obvious she didn't want to have such a private conversation in front of the majority of the Order as she kept glancing at those surrounding the couple.

"Prongs, you're going to be a dad!" Sirius proclaimed when James only continued to stare at Lily wordlessly. James ignored him, but fell to his knees before his wife and reached gently for her hands.

"We're seriously having a baby?" James finally whispered.

"I guess so," Lily said with the briefest questioning look at Severus before she leaned closer to James and asked, "Are you okay with this?"

"Are you joking? Of course I am! This is the best thing that's ever happened to me! Even better than you saying yes either time," James said, jumping up.

He pulled Lily with him and scooped her up spinning her wildly in a circle. They were both laughing as her swinging legs kicked out at the people seated close by making them dodge away quickly. There really wasn't enough room in the kitchen for such an enthusiastic display. It was brilliant to watch though. For one shining moment the war fell away and they were just a normal couple celebrating unexpected, yet highly welcome news.

Sirius was the first to encroach on the couple's tender moment as he engulfed both in a giant bear hug. His bark-like laughter that I hadn't heard in years rang loudly through the room. Others began calling out congratulations and someone conjured a bottle of Firewhisky. Glasses were passed around and teasing banter deafened the room, expanding to fill every corner.

It seemed that for now at least everyone had forgotten that it was Severus who delivered the news. I watched as Professor Dumbledore went to his side for a whispered conference. They were less than four feet away, but I could hear nothing that was said. It was like _Muffliato_ had been cast and I heard only a faint buzzing. It appeared rather heated and my curiosity was piqued to near unbearable levels.

"Moony, get over here and congratulate me!" I heard James yell over everyone else.

Remus grinned, shaking his head in exasperation before pushing through the gathered crowd to clap James on the back. James was standing with his chest puffed out and the widest grin I'd ever seen splitting his face. You'd think he was the first bloke ever to accomplish such a feat. Lily was watching him fondly as Sirius started in on all he was going to teach the kid.

Food appeared, covering all of the available counter top space. Colorful fruit bowls, iced and decorated puddings, roast chicken sprinkled with rosemary, meat pies with golden crusts, and much more was peppered throughout the room. The fragrant aromas swirled through the air to mingle among the gathered Order members. Those nearest began serving themselves at once, taking the appearance as a silent cue while others lined up behind them.

My attention never wavered from Severus though. He was slowly inching closer to the exit, his sought after departure hindered only by Professor Dumbledore's steadfast presence. For an instant I thought he would bolt when Moody interrupted to call the headmaster over to the opposite end of the crowded kitchen. It was not to be, however.

Lily chose that moment to seek Severus out. Her attention was enough to arrest his progress. He stared at her with the greed of a child eyeing a shiny new toy. He was riveted, consumed, desperate. The carefully crafted mask he had donned for this meeting crumbled to dust leaving not the faintest hint to disguise his longing for the claimed woman before him. It was heartbreaking to know the extent of his devotion to her and realize with a single glance at her that she had no idea of the truth of his feelings.

I could empathize to a certain extent. My own heartbreak over Ron's desertion held faint echoes of their situation.

Their interaction was even more fascinating than the last and now I was the one making progress towards the pair by achingly slow degrees.

"How did you know?" Lily asked him quietly, though not as hushed or muffled as Professor Dumbledore had been. " _I_ didn't even know - at least not for sure," she continued, drawing her I out to emphasize her point.

"You're married. That generally means children," he said dismissively. I could have warned him that it wouldn't work. Harry had never let anything go and I had a feeling he got that particular trait from his mum. Besides, given his friendship to the woman, he should have known better himself.

"Sev! Don't you dare brush me off," she hissed, an angry scarlet blush scorching her cheeks and making her fiery hair seem to crackle with energy and sparks of electricity.

"The Dark Lord has ways of learning such things about his enemies and you've done a good job of making yourself one," he insisted, the words swelling with visible concern. It was even a semi believable lie.

"Just being who I am was enough to make me one. I didn't need to do anything else," Lily replied firmly. The bald honesty of her words were reinforced with the calm, quiet strength she projected into them.

"What did you mean about protecting my baby?"

This, it appeared, was the question she really wanted an answer to. As she spoke, James stepped up behind her. His arm encircled her waist in a show of protective ownership. I was surprised Lily stood for the possessive gesture, but I supposed she was just grateful James wasn't verbally taunting Severus as well. Or maybe she was more thrown off by the situation than her unruffled appearance let on and she secretly craved the support he was lending her.

Severus was distracted by the gesture. His eyes strayed to James's arm and locked onto it. The last shred of his aloof facade vanished and he was once again an insecure, self-conscious teenager. He reminded me a little of Neville during my first few years at Hogwarts, before he'd come into his own. It was so easy to see that the man before me placed all of his self-worth on the opinions of others.

"I have reason to believe the Dark Lord might target the boy," he murmured.

"Boy? We're having a son?" James asked in excited surprise.

Severus looked quickly to me, startled by the question. I shook my head as discreetly as possible, but not enough that Lily didn't catch the movement. Luckily, she only gave me a speculative look. James was too busy drinking in this new information. He wore the same stunned expression Harry had donned after his first kiss with Ginny.

"It's you. Of course you would inflict the world with a miniature version of yourself," Severus sneered, using hostility to distract from his slip of the tongue.

"James," Lily said, pressing a hand into James' chest to stop his advance on Severus.

I huffed in exasperation. Some things never changed, regardless of how much time passed. Severus was still as provoking as ever, and Potters were always so easily baited.

"Why would our baby be in danger?" Lily asked still focused on the more pressing issue and remembering Severus had mentioned wanting to offer protection.

"It is nothing to concern yourselves with just yet. I assure you that I have several capable individuals working on it with me. When I know more, I will inform you at once," Professor Dumbledore said from behind our little group. I'd been so engrossed that I didn't even notice his approach.

James looked ready to throw a fit and Sirius didn't look much different from his place beside Professor Dumbledore. They must have come over together. At a look from Lily though, James simply nodded and stepped back.

"Can we speak?" Lily asked Severus. "Privately," she added when he looked at James.

Severus's shoulders slumped, but he nodded and meekly followed her out of the room. He looked as though he expected a lecture for antagonizing her husband. It's what Ron and Harry would get if they'd done the same. It's what they _had_ gotten after a number of run-ins with Malfoy, or even Severus.

The pair didn't go far. Just down the hallway, but out of sight of the kitchen. I pressed against the open door frame and strained to hear, but neither spoke for several minutes.

In the background Professor Dumbledore was impressing upon everyone the importance of keeping Severus's role secret and how vital it was for all of us to work together harmoniously.

"I'm sorry. For what I said - that day," Severus finally said. The words were clumsy and unpracticed. Obviously, even in this time he didn't hand out apologies with the frequency he dolled out detentions in the future.

"I know. I always knew," Lily said. The words were tired, the way someone would sound if they were facing a familiar, yet unwelcome situation. I had a feeling this was one scene they had rehearsed before and Lily wasn't enjoying revisiting it.

"I miss you," Severus said, as if the words were torn from him, unbidden. They continued, achingly and haltingly. "Lily, you… I have - "

"Oh, Sev, I miss you too," she said with an audible sigh as she apparently took pity on him. "You were my best friend growing up - practically family! Especially, with all my problems with Tuney."

"Yes, family," he said in a clipped voice. I could just picture the way he struggled to conceal the hemorrhaging wound those words must have dealt him. It seemed impossible that Lily not pick up on it. On the endless chasm of pain and longing he felt for her, but she seemed willfully oblivious.

"I always hoped you would make the right choice. I didn't want to give up on you, but after fifth year… " she continued, ignoring the deeper issue right in front of her. I could picture her shaking her head at him.

"You were right about everything. I thought it was what I had to do," he said slowly, as if trying and failing to think of a valid explanation.

"But you joined him anyways… How could you? How many people have you hurt? What were you thinking? What could possibly be worth - " she said, getting angrier with each word.

"If I could take it all back - " he interrupted.

"But you can't! You can't undo the past," she fired back.

I could picture what he was thinking regarding that. He huffed, and I felt that it was a pretty good confirmation.

"Who is she? Can I really trust her if Vol-Voldemort is coming after my child?"

I ducked my head, imagining him shooting one of his infamous sneers my way. Hopefully, my eavesdropping was at least partially concealed, but likely not enough to keep her curiosity at bay if her question was any indication. The terror in those words was a living thing, pulsing and consuming like a black hole.

"Yes," he said without any preamble.

"You sound pretty certain. How long have you been… friends?"

The question was so probing. She obviously wanted to understand our connection, not that we really had one, but I could imagine how it looked to her. We show up here the same day and make it perfectly clear that we know one another, when no one else aside from Professor Dumbledore has ever even met me. I could see how it looked and guess what her assumptions were. Poor Severus. The last thing he probably wanted right now was to hear her intrigued rather than jealous at the idea.

"I barely know her. But she has no loyalty to the Dark Lord," he said. After a lengthy pause he added, "She's like you - Muggle-born."

"And _you're_ working with her?" Lily asked with blatant surprise.

"Yes, I suppose I am."

"Maybe you really have changed."

"I'm trying," he said quietly, the struggle evident.

"Well, look at you! You're really going to help James and me protect our child. You don't know what it means to me that you'll help us."

"You really love him," he said, as though confounded by the idea of it.

"More than I ever dreamed it possible to love someone."

I waited to hear how Severus would respond to that, but I was distracted by a resounding crash that echoed through the kitchen when Sirius dropped James from the precarious perch he'd been in on his friend's shoulders.

"You should probably go back inside. I'm going to head out," he said reluctantly. This was likely the first conversation they'd had in years and I bet he was savoring the moments, hoarding them like a miser.

"Will you… "

"I'll make sure you are kept informed about anything concerning your safety that I hear," he promised.

"Okay… Goodbye, Severus," she said awkwardly.

They'd each grown up. Grown apart. I wondered if either truly realized how different the other was from the friend they remembered before this moment. As far as I knew, Lily and Severus hadn't spoken to each other since his failed apology at the end of their fifth year. Their friendship had died that day and Severus spent his remaining years loving the ghost of her rather than the reality. I wondered if he'd put her memory on a pedestal that she quite possibly didn't belong on.

She hurried back into the room, going straight to James and whispering in his ear. She spared a searching look for me as she passed that was no less intrusive or inquisitive for its brevity.

Turning back, I saw Severus. He looked lost - stuck - unable to move forward or backward. His impenetrable air had vanished, no longer serving as a shield, and exposing his vulnerabilities for any who cared to see. But I was the only one who seemed to care enough to pay attention.

I caught Severus's eye. For another moment he remained an open book - one I was very eager to read, then all at once the shutters came down. His mask was firmly back in place, as was the hostility he seemed apt to direct my way.

A second that spanned a lifetime passed then he turned and strode purposely from the room.

"Well, my, my, isn't he a cheery bloke!" said one of the Prewett twins from my right.

"Definitely the sort of easy going chap you want at a party," said the other from my left. I felt like a bobble head as I looked from one to the other and back again.

"Fabian," said the one on the left as he draped an arm heavily across my shoulders.

"Gideon," came from my right followed by, "and you're Hermione Granger."

"Funny how I've never met you or heard of you before now," Fabian mused, shaking me a little.

"Yes, shame that," Gideon agreed, looking me over with far too much interest.

"Good point," said the man I'd identified as Benjy earlier. "What brings you to the fight now?"

"Family. Voldemort targeted mine and Death Eaters killed them," I said succinctly, hoping it would stop them from prying further. And this answer was at least partially true. Our conversation had captured a few others' attention, including Remus and Moody. Moody looked assessing - and distrustful. Remus, however, looked sympathetic. When Fabian opened his mouth, I cut him off with as much finality as I could muster, saying, "I'm really not ready to talk about it yet."

"Fair enough," Remus said and that seemed to stop the twins from pressing further.

"You staying for dinner?" the one that had identified himself as Gideon asked.

"I hadn't planned on it… " I hedged, really not wanting to, but uncertain how to avoid it without seeming even more suspicious, or worse - interesting. I wanted to skate by undercover, so the best way to ruin that was act mysterious and end up drawing unnecessary attention to myself.

"Oh, but you must!" Fabian insisted.

"We haven't regaled you with tales of our daring adventures and heroic saves yet!" Gideon proclaimed.

"I'm sure it would be a shame to miss out on that," I muttered sarcastically, but only Remus seemed to pick up on it and he just gave me a helpless shrug.

Over the next hour, everyone took turns introducing themselves and trying to get to know me. I gave short answers, not trying to be standoffish, but attempting to keep from inadvertently saying something I shouldn't as Severus had done earlier with Lily's pregnancy and Harry being, well _Harry_ and not Harriet. I hoped the news of my "parents' deaths" was enough of an explanation.

Between introductions and throughout dinner, the twins entertained me, sharing highly exaggerated accounts of fighting off Death Eaters and rescuing entire towns from giants. It was hilarious, but I couldn't help thinking of Ron the more they talked. Exaggerating was a habit many of his family shared and the twins were every bit as bad as he occasionally was.

It also reminded me of the one time we managed to have a semi-honest fight without any exaggeration - the night he ended things with me.

Excusing myself for some fresh air, I let the events replay as I exited to the back porch, desperate for a few moments of privacy.

" _How could you?" I asked the moment Ron stepped into the room. He looked panicked and I doubted he expected me to be here. It was Harry's house after all, not mine._

" _Hermione," he said weakly, looking helplessly around the parlor of 12 Grimmauld Place. "What - "_

" _Harry's not here. We're alone," I said, cutting him off._

 _Ron paled at my words, his freckles standing out more starkly against his fair skin than they had when he'd been splinched leaving the Ministry during the war. He obviously wasn't expecting me to be here. He'd probably come running to Harry for help as soon as he found out. I wasn't due back until tomorrow after all._

 _Harry had offered to stay, of course, when I showed up on his doorstep crying and clutching the damning proof in my fist. I'd declined, determined to have it out with Ron in private. I was currently living at the Burrow, so there was no chance of it happening there. I was also dreading the next time I would have to face his family after this._

 _Harry was so relieved that he cleared out within minutes, promising to check back in once Ron left and insisting I move in for the rest of the summer before heading back to Hogwarts. He said he'd start packing my things at once. I'd taken the hour since then to compose myself and try to get a handle on the situation. That control was rapidly unraveling._

" _Seriously, Ronald, what were you_ thinking _? How could you do that to me - to us?"_

 _Before the words had even finished leaving my mouth I'd stood, crossing my arms protectively over my chest. I could hear my heart pounding, blood thrumming rhythmically in my ears. We now stood facing off before the roaring flames of the parlor's raging fireplace. If he'd looked chastised before, now he appeared furious. He was ready for this fight, eager to try to justify his betrayal - as if that was even possible._

" _It's not what it looks like!" he screamed, pointing at the battered and crumpled newspaper I still held clenched in my fist._

" _Really? So the_ Evening Prophet _just plastered pictures of you snogging another girl, but it's not what it looks like?" I demanded sarcastically, waving the incriminating paper between us._

" _She kissed me! But I stopped her," he said with an indifferent shrug that enraged me further. My fury was building up, near boiling point. I was surprised steam wasn't billowing from my ears like a tea kettle when it whistled. I took several deep breaths before asking my next question._

" _Was that before or after you had your tongue down her throat?" There were several very detailed pictures after all._

" _After! I mean during -" he said looking flustered, his mouth opening and closing like a fish as he shook his head and tried to gather his thoughts, but the damage was already done and all I saw was red._

" _WHAT?"_

" _Oh, you know what I meant!" he said in frustration._

" _NO! No, Ronald, I really don't," I yelled back at him. I couldn't believe this was happening. He didn't even seem sorry, just angry and annoyed. He was the one in the wrong here. He was supposed to be contrite. Groveling and begging me to forgive him. Not mad at_ me _._

 _He stared at me, not saying a word, face crinkled in concentration. Ron had never really been much of a thinker, but when he did, it was usually pretty easy to figure out what was going on in his head. That was not the case right now._

" _You let the reporters take photos!" finally burst from me. It was easier to focus on that than the the fact my relationship, barely a month old, was imploding all around me._

" _It's not like I knew they were there," he said with another half shrug looking sheepish._

" _Wait, so it'd be okay, so long as you didn't get caught?" I asked in confusion, a new and very unwelcome worry overtaking me as I stared at the man I thought I knew. The man I thought I could trust more than anyone - even Harry. Tears rushed to my eyes, burning and pushing insistently, demanding release. I stifled the sob, gasping raggedly._

" _Stop putting words in my mouth! You always do that - twist everything I'm saying till I don't know what's going on," he said, deflecting the question._

 _The accusation stung. Nearly as much as seeing my boyfriend with another witch. I wanted to deny it immediately, but I wanted answers more. If I brought that up now, then I'd never hear about this._

" _Well, go on then, explain," I said as calmly as I could manage. My voice was only mildly clogged with tears._

" _She said she wanted an autograph," he said at last with yet another helpless shrug like 'what could I do'. When I just stared at him incredulously, he continued. "I didn't know she was going to kiss me and I definitely didn't know there were cameras around where they'd get it all then spin it for the_ Prophet _. You know how they are," he said like that explained everything._

" _Was she the first?" I asked, voicing my fears, then added, "The only?" I hated that I even needed to ask. How could we be together if I didn't trust him?_

" _Er - well, I mean a couple have tried," he admitted, then at my look of dawning horror, rushed on to say, "But I haven't let them! This was the first time it got that far."_

" _Oh, well that's okay then," I said half hysterically. "This is humiliating! Do you realize that this, on top of everything that just happened in Australia, was the very last thing I needed the day I got home," I wailed._

 _The situation with my parents left me feeling raw, a gaping wound exposed to stinging saltwater. Then to come home and face losing Ron on top of that, just when I needed his support the most, was more than I could handle._

 _I remembered countless debates I'd had with my mum over the years about Ron and how it wouldn't work out. I'd always stubbornly insisted I was right. She'd said often enough, 'Just wait till he mucks things up beyond repair. Then we'll see who's right!' I hated remembering that now when going to her for comfort was no longer an option. I'd been wrong the time I most dreaded being wrong. Worse, I'd failed._

 _Failing was my greatest fear and here I was failing at my first real relationship. Viktor was one date, a few talks, and a couple half-hearted letters. That wasn't real. I'd been too busy waiting for Ron to have a real relationship before him. Now it looked like I was doing it all wrong. I must have for him to be off having flings the moment my back was turned, right?_

 _He looked troubled by what I said. As if I had somehow said the wrong thing, but I couldn't think straight to try to figure it out, too caught up in my own thoughts and insecurities._

" _You know it wouldn't have happened if you would've just taken me with you," he said as if that was the only problem._

" _Oh right, because I could tear you away from your family right when they needed you most. George is a wreck! Your mum is barely holding it together! They needed you here, not off traipsing around the world," I said incredulously. Taking him with me hadn't even been an option. It wasn't like he'd offered to go with and now he said that like I'd been the one to refuse him._

" _Yeah, I know… " he said with a heavy sigh, rubbing a large hand over his face. "You don't have to bite my head off though."_

" _You don't think I'm justified?" I asked, feeling my eyes go wide with shock. The motion letting the first of my tears start sliding rapidly down my heated cheeks._

" _That's not what I'm saying. I just mean… overreacting isn't - "_

" _Oh grow up, Ronald! I think my reaction is well within reason given the circumstances."_

" _You're right. I'm sorry. It's just… it was all a big misunderstanding… " he said trailing off as he glanced at the fire. That look of fierce concentration overtaking his face once more._

 _I realized that was the first time he actually said the words 'I'm sorry'. The trouble was, I don't think he meant about what he did. I think he was just in the habit of apologizing when we fought. I was scared to think about what that meant._

" _Hermione, I do think we need to talk," he said softly, visibly swallowing and avoiding my eyes as he turned back to face me. He was very obviously staring over the top of my head._

" _What do you think we've been doing?"_

" _Fighting. Bickering. Arguing. Same ole, same ole. It's all we ever do… But I think we need to be honest with each other," he sounded strangled, tired, and achingly sad. Realization started seeping in, crawling like fog over my senses, but my mind clicked off, unwilling to acknowledge the truth._

" _Well, that would be lovely," I said with a bitter bite of sarcasm. "Here I was thinking we were being honest, but apparently_ now _you think we need to be. I wonder what all that was before."_

 _It was easier to fall back on the habit of irritating each other than it was to face what was happening._

" _Hermione, please, this is hard enough as it is," he begged, reaching out to take my hand. His was like ice, yet disgustingly clammy all the same. It was a strange and rather unpleasant sensation. "A moment ago you told me to grow up. Well, that's what I'm trying to do here. I think it's what we both need and I want to do it right this time," he said looking uncertain and afraid._

" _Are you ending things?" I finally dared to ask, unable to continue denying it._

" _I think I might be. I think it might be what's best for us. We're - we're not…_ good _together."_

" _We haven't even had a chance to try! The war only ended less than a month ago, and I've been off in Australia for a week and a half, and before that it was non-stop funerals… " I trailed off when he started shaking his head. I knew it was no good before I began, but I'd wanted this for so long that it was impossible to give up without even trying to salvage it._

" _But you can already tell it's not working, can't you? All our time is spent fighting, isn't it?" he said looking mystified and curious. It almost seemed like he wanted me to deny it, to tell him he was wrong and let us go back to trying to transition into an us. It was the look he gave me when he needed help with his homework at Hogwarts - the one that was so certain I'd have the correct answer and that he could rely on me to provide it._

" _That's not true, we - " I insisted, but even as the words left my mouth I knew it was. I cut off abruptly, unable to continue the denial. The confused look in his eyes cleared and I could see that he knew it just as well as I did._

 _I reinforced my control, hoping I could get through the rest of this conversation without falling to pieces._

" _I thought when we finally got together things would be different, but they aren't," Ron said, oblivious to my struggle, but then he looked to be fighting tears himself._

" _I love you." The words tumbled out before I could stop them. It was the first time, but it was already too late. He squeezed my hands tighter._

" _And I love you. I always have, but that doesn't mean we should be together. I don't want us to end up hating each other because we tried to force this."_

 _This was Ron as I'd never seen him before. Mature, open, wise. It was who I always hoped he'd grow up to be. The kind of man I could truly love. But it wasn't really him. At least not the majority of the time. Maybe one day it would be, but I didn't think we had a chance of lasting long enough to get there. He was right. We'd end up hating each other long before we reached that point._

 _It felt like my heart was in the final round of a boxing match and I was definitely losing. It was getting beat to a bloody, unrecognizable pulp._

" _You're right. What does this mean for our friendship? Are we even friends now - "_

" _\- of course we are!" he cut in looking alarmed. "If the choice is between losing our friendship and being together, then we can keep trying," he offered quickly though he didn't sound particularly thrilled with the idea. But that was fine because he'd misunderstood._

" _No, no, you're right. I can't stand the thought of losing you forever, and I agree that we shouldn't date. I meant, do we need to take a break for a bit? You know, readjust and everything," I said awkwardly._

 _I thought of Lavender and how Ron had avoided her after their breakup, treating her like she was infected with the plague. I wasn't sure I could handle it if he did the same to me. Reliving the most miserable times during my Hogwarts years wasn't exactly high on my list of priorities. Maybe it'd be better if we agreed beforehand to give each other space._

" _Readjust? Don't we just stop kissing?" he asked with a clueless look better suited to his fourth year than now._

" _I think I might need some time," I admitted. "This last week has been a lot… "_

" _I'm sorry about your parents. And to add more to it," he said awkwardly. "We're going to be all right though, won't we?"_

" _Eventually," I said with a squeeze to the hands I still held. "But it might be a little while. I'll owl when I'm ready to talk again. Harry said I can stay here."_

" _Er - right, sorry. Yeah, okay," he rambled then hesitated before hugging me. My tears began leaking unchecked. I pulled away quickly and ducked my head, letting my hair fall forward to shield my face as I rushed hastily from the room. I did not want to cry in front of Ron right then and my self-control was at an end._

The next day there had been pictures of Ron kissing Susan Bones in the _Daily Prophet_.

The day after that there were more pictures, but with some witch I didn't recognize.

It went on like that for the next few months. Nearly every day a different witch.

It was impossible not to believe that he hadn't ended things because he wanted to take advantage of his newfound fame and popularity. But it hurt to realize he preferred that to me.

I still wasn't talking to Ron when I left for my seventh year at Hogwarts.

It was another four months before I'd gotten over everything enough that I felt ready to owl and only then because I was supposed to see him at Christmas.

It was a few weeks after that, that Ron started seriously dating Fay Dunbar, a sporty, Quidditch obsessed girl from our year at Hogwarts. They were about to move in together when all this happened.

And now I was here and none of that would ever happen.

"Er - sorry, love, didn't realize anyone was out here," Sirius said as he slipped out the back, already lighting a cigarette as he noticed me standing there. He held it up in question and I shrugged, unbothered.

"I just needed a moment," I said, studying the carefree ease that floated from him like the perfect smoke ring he exhaled. As far as distractions went, he was a good one. I shook my head at his showboat ways, amused despite myself.

It was weird to see him after spending the last few minutes remembering my past. One where he was already dead.

"It was rather a lot in there," he said with a grin, excitement lighting his dark eyes.

"Congratulations by the way," I said.

"What? Oh, no. I'm Sirius, it's James that's married to Lily and having a baby," he corrected, assuming I'd mistaken him for his friend. As if I could ever do that, but then he didn't know everything.

I laughed at his mistake.

"I know. I meant them for you. You're practically becoming an uncle! It's exciting for you too," I explained.

"Yeah, it is! They're going to be wonderful parents," he said, looking in the back door to where you could see the Potters saying goodbye to everyone.

"I think so too. You'll be great with him too," I said, unable to help myself. At his surprised look I added, "I can just tell."

"Thanks. I really can't wait. Almost enough to make me want to settle down too."

"Almost?"

"Well… maybe in a few years. Can't deprive all those witches just yet!" he said with the bark-like laugh I hadn't realized I missed as much as I did.

He gestured to himself with a playful wangle of his eyebrows when I just stared incredulously, the reminiscence too much right then. It was overwhelming. Disorienting. Even more so as James chose that moment to step out the backdoor and join us on the porch.

"There you are, Padfoot!"

"Hey Prongs," he said, ruffling his friend's hair the same way he used to ruffle Harry's. Lily stepped out behind him.

"Lily's tired so we're heading out. You coming with?"

"Yeah," Sirius said and turned to me.

"It was good meeting you - sure we'll be working together soon. Bye!"

"Maybe we could have tea soon?" Lily asked me as James ushered her down the porch steps and towards the Apparition point.

"Definitely," I agreed already speculating on how much trouble _that_ was going to cause.


	8. Chapter 7

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, but here you go anyways... I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

PS I'm not JK Rowling, so I don't own anything :(

Chapter 7

March 3, 1980

Over the last few months I'd managed to settle into a routine. It was rather alarming how quickly I'd settled into this life. Once the school term started back up, I was kept too busy to dwell on things. No one pried either, which made it significantly easier to pretend this had always been my life.

Working at Hogwarts was an enlightening experience. There was so much to learn in the ancient castle. I'd spent seven years soaking up all I could, and every day I discovered there was still more to learn. I took advantage whenever possible to comb the library or send Professor Dumbledore lists of books I was anxious to read. They'd appear on my desk the next day without fail and I'd devour them before adding them to the Hogwarts library.

Devoting myself to research and new discoveries also kept the loneliness at bay. During the Christmas holidays, it was staggering. I was homesick to the extreme, desperate to escape my situation. It wasn't as bad now. I was gradually making friends and I had work and my self-imposed mission of protecting the Potters to occupy my time.

Hogwarts itself was wonderful too. I enjoyed being in the familiar place. It made things easier. Seeing the castle without the little changes left over from the Final Battle reminded me of my own school years. Even the suffocating pall of impending war was familiar.

On top of that, I didn't have to see the miraculously untouched bit of swamp that served as a memorial for Fred each day on my walk to Charms, or see the white marble tomb where Albus Dumbledore was laid to rest from my dormitory window. Not having those reminders helped me make a new home here that wasn't entirely tainted by echos of the past. I wondered if either would be there again at some point in the future.

During the school day, I worked in Professor McGonagall's office, caring for animals that would be used in class, or repairing the students' failed attempts at Transfiguration. It was often interesting and amusing to find things that made no sense. There were pincushions with feathers, odd considering they were initially hedgehogs, and the students were trying to turn them into water jugs. Or teapots that recited Shakespeare when they were supposed to become cloth bags.

It was also challenging work, more so than I first anticipated, which helped keep my mind off missing my friends. Converting misperformed spells often required significant research into the theory behind the spell as well as structural effects involved with complications. I'd done much more than asked for while in school myself, but this required me to dig deeper still. Professor McGonagall gave me access to her private library for my work and I often found myself lost in research for hours on end.

At first Professor McGonagall wasn't too sure of me. I don't think she appreciated Professor Dumbledore foisting an apprentice on her without warning and basically telling her she had no choice in the matter. But it only took me a couple days to win her over. A few demonstrations and conversations proved that we'd get along very well. We were very like-minded after all.

She'd always been my favorite teacher, the one I looked up to most and idolized. For years I'd taken everything she said as fact, rarely questioning anything - why would I when nearly every book and experience I had served to confirm what she said? About the only time I thought she was wrong was about Divination. After seeing the Hall of Prophecy at the Department of Mysteries, I couldn't _not_ believe in it, despite her views. Of course, that didn't mean I didn't still think Trelawney was a ridiculous fraud.

It was as if Professor McGonagall had adopted me. We had afternoon tea frequently throughout the week and discussed the problems, progress, and various escapades of her various students, or current advances in Transfiguration theory. It came as a shock when I learned that she had published a number of articles in the academic journal _Transfiguration Monthly_. She'd never mentioned it to her classes and the journal wasn't stocked in the school library, something that seemed odd until she explained that it was much too advanced for the average student, but could be ordered upon request. When I shared my outrage at being denied the chance to read her work growing up, she gave me an odd look and I was forced to hastily change the subject.

Professor McGonagall, of course, didn't realize I was her former student. It was decided not to share that information with her unless it became necessary, much like the decision about whether or not to tell the Potters. I assured Professor Dumbledore that she could be trusted, but he didn't want to place that burden on her. He certainly loved his secrets. It wasn't always easy to converse with her, though it was probably easier with her than some of the others because this was the first time we'd truly conversed about private and personal subjects. She was at a disadvantage being kept in the dark about our shared past, but it was highly amusing when she'd watch my work and comment about how competent my instructor must have been.

She encouraged me to call her Minerva after a few weeks of our near daily teas. It may have been silly, but the gesture made me feel important, respected, and grown up. It was a privilege I didn't have before and I liked knowing she saw me as more than a former student.

About a month ago, Minerva even started letting me help with the first and seventh year classes. I was surprised by the choice, but she explained that these were the hardest to teach. The first years because they had no clue what they were doing, so were more prone to disastrous mistakes. The seventh years because the magic was the most complex and it was hard to give each student the undivided and specialized attention needed during a single lesson.

I felt a little guilty helping teach when I hadn't actually taken my N.E.W.T.s yet or completed my own seventh year, but I knew the curriculum better than any of the current students and admitting that would just cause more problems for me. I'd only been a few weeks away from taking them when Crabbe Sr. attacked me.

Being around the students was strange. At times I felt like I belonged with them still, though that was rare. Mostly, though, I felt the opposite. I wasn't all that much older than the seventh years, yet it could have been decades for all that I could relate to them. I'd seen and done so much more than they. I didn't know any of them. I didn't grow up with them, share a dorm with them, tutor them, fight with them, _survive a war_ with them. There was a disconnect that was staggering.

Knowing a number of their fates made it difficult to interact with them at first, but it was getting easier. They were becoming real to me. Not just a name printed in a book or mentioned by an Order member in passing. The more I saw of them, the more I was able to focus on the present instead of the future. The ever more uncertain future.

An air of fear and terror wafted through the castle affecting everyone. It wasn't openly discussed, just whispered about in shadowed corridors or quiet dorms. The _Daily_ _Prophet_ had new deaths to report daily, much like it had my sixth year.

One bright spot was the lack of Rita Skeeter's name in the byline. The last thing I wanted to deal with was her. Tension between the two of us had escalated further after the war ended. She'd tried to release an expose about Harry. We'd gone to Kingsley and with his help managed to get it pulled. That had taken a lot of favors and use of Harry's fame, but it was worth it to offer him a shred of privacy after everything.

It was weird how the students reacted to the news that was reported though. They acted like it was to be expected and accepted. Almost no one seemed outraged or emboldened to fight back. I'd noticed that when the Muggles went to war, it was always the teenagers that rallied and rose to the challenge to fight. It was even like that when I was in school, look at the DA! That wasn't happening here. They were too scared. Already defeated, like Voldemort's success was inevitable, so it was pointless to resist. It made me sick to see. How could everyone be so complacent?

Only a few seemed as disgusted with the state of things as I did. Hestia Jones was the one that stood out most. I recognized Hestia. She was in the Order and had visited 12 Grimmauld Place during my fifth year. Now she was an impassioned seventh year. Idealistic. Perhaps overly so.

I pointed her out to Professor Dumbledore one morning after breakfast where she'd made a scene after reading about three Muggle families being tortured and brutalized by Death Eaters in a single night, the youngest only two years old. He encouraged me to befriend her. Apparently, he'd already had his eye on her as a potential Order member and was eager to see if she would be receptive if I approached her about it. When I heard this I decided against sharing my knowledge that she did in fact become one. I thought it better to just let this play out as naturally as possible - well sort of.

I used Transfiguration class as a means to strike up a conversation with her. While helping her with human to animal transfiguration, I asked about the Muggle deaths. It was easy to see she was upset, but seemed reluctant to talk about it. I told her I was Muggle-born and it was enough to get her talking about the issues happening in the wizarding world.

Over the next several days we spoke more and she began opening up. I placed myself conveniently in her path at first, loitering in the hallways she used to get from one class to the next, lingering over meals then leaving at the same time as she so we'd wind up bumping into each other. After about a week she started seeking me out. Now, it was like we'd been friends for years.

None of her other friends wanted anything to do with the fight against Voldemort. I think she needed me as much as we needed her in the Order. I understood her feelings and I was an outlet for her to rant about things to. But she was very different from Ron and Harry, even Ginny. Much girlier. It was like suddenly finding myself hanging out with Lavender and Parvati, except she worked harder in school and was much more fearless. I'd never really sought out a girl friend before, aside from Ginny, but it was nice.

And it wasn't just her. I suddenly found myself with a plethora of female friends for the first time in my life.

Since that first Order meeting, I'd been meeting up with Lily at least once a week. At first it was because the students were still away on break and I had nothing else to do. And being idle wasn't an option. Too much time to dwell wasn't good for my mental state. Not to mention I just wasn't used to downtime. My life had been going nonstop for years now and I wasn't used to anything else. It just wasn't who I was. Plus, I had to admit to being ridiculously curious about her.

Lily was kind, compassionate, volatile when provoked, and funny. We could talk for hours. A few times she dragged me shopping with her, something I didn't particularly enjoy, but she was determined. She wanted maternity clothes and everything necessary for a baby. It would be a vast understatement to say she was excited. Though that sentiment was competing with nerves to be sure.

She was currently reading this baby book that covered just about everything that could go wrong and it was making her irrationally paranoid. James was sent out to buy some new baby proofing item at least once a week.

After the third time we met up she started bringing some of the other women our age from the Order. I suspected that she felt sorry for me, thinking I was mourning my family, and was trying to be considerate.

Marlene was the first she introduced me to. She reminded me of Sirius. She was very in-your-face and blunt, not to mention overly sexual. She wasn't whorish by any means, but she definitely wasn't shy either. At my initial shock, she just laughed and pointed out that we all had targets on our backs and could die any day. She wasn't wrong. I remembered that she and her entire family were killed the first time around.

The second I met was Dorcas. She resembled Angelina Johnson a little, especially the eyes and nose, and I wondered if they were distantly related. She was tall, athletic, and utterly fearless - almost recklessly so. In the few months I'd known her she had engaged Death Eaters in no less than six duels. I had no idea when she slept. During the day she worked at Quidditch Quality Supplies, then at night she went seeking trouble. And she was always the first to volunteer for missions.

James occasionally popped in, usually with Sirius in tow. The two were constantly up to something or another, usually secret dealings for Professor Dumbledore. But he was continually checking on Lily and trying to feed her. It was hilarious. It was also driving her nuts. He tried to be discreet about it, coming up with clever excuses and pretenses for offering, but she saw right through them. Usually by the third time she'd be fed up enough to snap at him and tell him to knock it off.

I warned him once when I noticed her irritation mounting and he admitted that part of it was a bet he and Sirius had about what her first wild craving would be. I barely managed to smother my laughter by the time Lily came back from making tea.

While I was sure that was part of it, I was equally sure the rest was genuine fear for her and the baby's safety. War was not the most ideal time to try and raise a child.

Last weekend was a Hogsmeade visit and I took Hestia with me. Together we met up with Marlene, Lily, Dorcas, James, Sirius, Gideon, and Fabian. Remus hadn't felt up to joining because of the full moon the night before and Pettigrew was still out of the country. When she realized we were all members of Dumbledore's notorious Order of the Phoenix, she was thrilled. Excited to be part of the group and eager to graduate so she could officially join in.

It was bittersweet in a way. Her optimism and idealism was so untarnished, untouched. Right now it was all intangible ideals that she was fighting for. She had yet to be directly impacted by the fighting. Hogwarts was safe. Much safer now than it had been when I attended. She hadn't truly experienced war yet. I hope she didn't lose her motivation the moment she discovered the reality of war. Honestly, I could say the same about all of them - no one in the Order had died yet.

I was again reminded of Muggles. The propaganda they produced to encourage enlistment was often misleading, or at the very least put a rather warped spin on war and the glory of participating in it. The cause was typically worthy, and people were needed to right injustices, but it was hard, painful, terrifying, and often unrewarding work. That was the part that went unadvertised.

I had a feeling Professor Dumbledore did the same with his recruiting, at least for the younger members. The older ones were likely picked because they wanted revenge after having already lost someone.

The worst was yet to come in this war. Over the next two years most of my new friends would die or would in no way resemble their current selves.

And none of the ones that did survive seemed particularly invested in staying alive by the time the second war was truly being waged. They were reckless, tired, and dispirited by then. Thinking back to how I'd behaved my first night here in Professor Dumbledore's office, I could relate.

But getting to know everyone and seeing their determination, well, it was infectious. I wondered if it was unwise to feel an undercurrent of hope that maybe at least a few things would turn out differently this time. Maybe I was secretly the most optimistic.

It was Friday now and classes had just ended for the day. I was heading down to grab a quick dinner before getting some work for Professor Dumbledore done. He wanted me to meet with Severus about a potential potion we could use.

Meal time had become an interesting experience at Hogwarts as well. Being close in age and not technically part of the staff, the others encouraged Severus and me to sit together at the end of the head table. The first week was one of the most uncomfortable of my life. He shut down my every attempt at conversation. He was too busy glaring at the students whispering about and teasing him to do more than pick at his food in a bad temper.

At least on the weekends, fewer staff ate every meal at the head table, so I was usually able to sit with Professor Flitwick or Professor McGonagall and discuss something academic.

It was during one of these discussions a little over a month after I moved here that Severus was reluctantly dragged in to participate by Filius. We were talking about inventing new charms and debating if they were really new or just rediscovered.

" _Severus, you used to excel at that," Filius called across me to the silent man absently stirring his plain porridge._

 _Severus merely grunted._

 _His potion book came to mind. Spells like_ Muffliato _and_ Levicorpus _zipping around in my mind. I'd barely looked at the book, and certainly never studied it the way Harry had. I regretted it now that I knew my former teacher had written it, so it was a credible source._

 _Looking back, I can now admit I was too jealous of Harry's success to appreciate and acknowledge its worth. It had been rather unfair of me. Severus had always put the instructions on the board and told us to follow them. I had always been better at that and ultimately produced the best results. When Harry used Severus's book, he was just following the altered instructions as I always had. And without Professor Snape hovering and making snide remarks, Harry was actually very talented at brewing - just as good as I at reading and executing the steps in order if I were honest._

 _I should have given him more credit. It wasn't as though either of us had ever attempted actually modifying and improving a potion the way Severus did. I wished I could ask him to teach me now._

" _You created a number of charms and jinxes while at school," Filius insisted._

 _Severus finally looked up and after several drawn out seconds, he gave a single grudging nod in confirmation._

" _Where did you get the ideas… " I trailed off knowing exactly where the ideas came from and judging by his look, he knew it too. His feud with James and Sirius was epic. I changed direction quickly, asking instead, "Were they modifications of preexisting spells or did you invent them?"_

" _Both," he said after deciding my interest was genuine._

" _He was quite clever," Filius said before looking to where Professor Sprout was talking on his other side._

 _Severus looked surprised by the compliment. I knew from experience how intelligent he was. But now I wondered if his teachers had acknowledged the fact during school. He had been an awkward child - still was to some extent. Was it possible that had kept him from receiving the praise and encouragement he'd deserved over the years? If so, the staff at Hogwarts had failed him. It was disappointing to realize._

 _And it was no wonder he'd turned to Voldemort where his talents were appreciated._

" _Were you combining parts of other spells or researching wand movements?" I asked Severus, surprised I'd managed to maintain his attention for this long. He'd been avoiding me quite successfully since his disastrous first Order meeting and our subsequent fight. And he hadn't even gone to the last three meetings, choosing to report to Professor Dumbledore directly instead of attending._

 _He sneered at me and I realized the stupidity of the question before he even opened his mouth to mock me._

" _Of course I researched the wand movements. Any first year knows what happens when you use the wrong movement, despite saying the correct words," he drawled._

 _I felt like I had in third year when he called me an insufferable know-it-all in front of the entire class._

" _I meant - the movements specifically from the spells you were combining or was the movement taken from yet another spell?" I asked immediately, rephrasing my question._

 _He looked as if he'd refuse to answer at first, but eventually did, saying, "A few are combinations of various spells. Others were trial and error after researching the intention behind the spell and how that would affect it."_

" _Fascinating!" I hadn't thought to consider intention until he said it. Now it seemed obvious. "How many variations did it take for most spells before you got the intended result?"_

" _It depended on the spell. Some only took a few tweaks, others took months," he said._

" _Do you still invent them or was it just a hobby in school?" I asked._

That day we ended up talking for over an hour before finally exiting the Great Hall. I'd gone straight to the library to research what we'd discussed.

At lunch that day we continued right where we'd left off. I bombarded him with questions, and after an initial reluctance, he warmed to the topic. It was surprising how patient he was with my inquiries. After a while he even seemed excited about getting to share what he knew and enjoyed showing off a bit.

It left me wondering if his intolerance was a result of Harry's presence, or the effect of years of teaching disinterested students. It would be hard to do day after day if you knew those you were teaching cared more about Quidditch than they did about what you were trying to engage them in. Maybe he'd been passionate about the subject when he first started, but had lost it over the years.

Or maybe student cruelty had diminished his desire to share his knowledge.

From then on, however, we debated magical theory fairly regularly. His surprise at my knowledge that stretched beyond the traditional Hogwarts curriculum seemed to earn me his grudging respect. It was enough to being a tolerable working relationship at least.

Occasionally, though, he mocked me for sounding as though I was merely reciting a textbook rather than interpreting the meaning on my own. I suppose that was his frustration with me when I was in his class. Anyone could memorize a passage from a book, but explaining the meaning in your own words was how you proved a deeper understanding.

Lately, we'd even seemed on the verge of a true friendship - at least when we weren't arguing about something or another.

Almost a month ago, he'd even begun letting me help him brew potions to stock the school's infirmary. It had taken this long to convince him I was capable, though he seemed to disagree about that more often than not. While it was a dream come true, it was also exceedingly frustrating trying to learn how he brewed so successfully.

I liked rules and instructions. I always followed them to the letter. He rarely, if ever, did and yet his potions were always better. No potion was exempt from his tweaking. It was like potions with Harry during sixth year all over again.

He berated me constantly over it.

He didn't seem capable of comprehending how someone so 'seemingly intelligent could lack the imagination to apply obvious changes'. Obvious? Well if it was obvious, the potion would have been written that way in the first place!

The day he called me close minded I lost it.

It was too reminiscent to what Mr. Lovegood had said to me. I didn't see anything wrong in needing proof before believing something. It was ridiculous that anyone would criticize that characteristic. They acted like it was a character flaw. It wasn't. I was just thorough, precise, scientific.

" _Don't!" I shouted._

" _What would you call it then?" he drawled, crossing his arms and glaring at me through the steam rising over his perfectly simmering potion._

" _I followed the instructions exactly!" I insisted, ignoring his provoking question. The man had such a way of needling me!_

" _A first year could brew better than the idiot that wrote it," he said dismissively._

" _You can't just make up the rules," I said smacking the open book between us where the instructions were neatly printed several times._

" _Sometimes you must - when there is a better way," he said with a smug smile like he had just made an excellent and irrefutable point._

" _Thinking like that is how we end up with dictators like Voldemort!" I said thinking about "Magic Is Might" and "For the Greater Good". It was exactly that line of thinking that got people in trouble._

 _He hissed at my use of the name and clutched his arm reflexively, but aside from that let it go. He knew me well enough by now to know I wouldn't cower at the name or abide by his demands to not use it. That was one fight I had supremely won._

" _You're too stubborn to think anyone else might be right," he finally said after releasing his forearm._

" _I am not stubborn," I insisted, though I knew that to be false._

 _Ron had always made the same accusation when we fought, but then his opinion wasn't really to be trusted. I was typically just better informed and therefore much more likely to make the right decision. So my well-researched opinion was often confused with stubbornness. At least that was what I assured myself now._

 _Severus merely raised a mocking brow and I huffed._

" _If they had wanted it written that way, it would have been in the first place," I said getting back to my initial point._

" _Have you never heard the word innovation? That is what we are doing here - or at least I am," he said spreading his arms in a superior gesture. "There is often a better way possible. You simply have to be willing to try."_

" _There's nothing wrong in wanting proof before attempting something. I don't want to make a mistake," I muttered annoyed that I actually agreed with his point._

" _How do you expect to learn anything, if you're unwilling to make mistakes?"_

" _I seem to do just fine up till now!"_

" _Again, close minded. If you were more accepting to learning new things, imagine how much more there would be to learn," he said before asking, "Weren't you raised as a Muggle? Think about medicine and all the advances that have been made over the years. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean it's not possible to come up with a better way," he finished before going back to his brewing. He didn't even wait for a reply, knowing I'd be unable to come up with an adequate rebuttal._

When I wasn't working for Hogwarts, I was working for the Order. This usually consumed much of my weekends. I read through the history books I'd brought with me and tried to create a timeline for all of the relevant events. That was the easy part. The difficulty came in trying to figure out the connections. Predicting how one change might impact the rest. Certain events needed to take place if we were to win the war.

Professor Dumbledore had agreed to having me share only what I thought best or vital that he know. So to that end we met once a week to go over my progress. The time varied depending on the other demands on his time each week. He was another that I couldn't figure out when he slept, or if he even did given how busy the man always was.

It was terrifying. We spoke once about trying to obtain a Time-Turner in order to send me back, but that suggestion was vetoed rather quickly. The Department of Mysteries was shrouded in so much secrecy that even Professor Dumbledore had no idea. We weren't sure the devices existed right now, and even if one did, we had no access to it.

It was also decided that I wouldn't know what I was heading back to if I did manage to travel back to my proper place or what sort of mayhem it would cause to others. When Eloise Mintumble traveled, it was for five days and there were serious consequences, such as Tuesday lasting two and a half full days or numerous people being unborn. I had already been here for months and it was during a war, so of course the impact would be even greater.

So I was left to determine who I could safely try to save by intervening. The burden of that choice weighed on me constantly. I imagined this was how Professor Dumbledore had always felt. No wonder he isolated himself to the extent he did. The pressure was more than most could understand.

Severus was the only one who really seemed to get it. His spying put him in a unique position that often paralleled my own. We talked about it occasionally when brewing. He didn't like opening up, and did so only grudgingly and reluctantly, but I think it helped both of us to know another could understand.

What if I made the wrong choice? What if I was the reason someone I loved died? How could I live knowing I was responsible?

These fears plagued me daily. They were always on my mind. It helped knowing I hadn't willingly come back in time, that I was just as much a victim. But that was small consolation.

Then there was the matter of the Horcruxes. It was only three weeks ago that I finally confessed about them. He was always careful not to ask too much, but his questions about how Harry had defeated Voldemort were becoming much more frequent and pointed. He was most interested in how Harry had managed to win. Explaining about the Horcruxes was the first, and likely only, time I managed to catch Professor Dumbledore completely off guard.

"Seven? You're certain? Well, yes… But then… Would he… Oh, Tom, why?" he murmured as he paced his study. I only managed to catch snippets as he mostly kept conference with himself, working the story out.

I didn't immediately share what the Horcruxes were, that he hadn't even made two of them yet, or where to find them. That was one of the many things I was still contemplating. What if we couldn't get to them all before Voldemort discovered what was happening? Would he make more? Would we still be able to figure everything out and stop him?

Instead, we've focused on how to destroy them over the last few weeks. I explained how we'd used the sword of Gryffindor, but how that wasn't an option since it wasn't infused with basilisk venom yet. That in turn led to how the Chamber of Secrets monster was a Basilisk. I guess I hadn't specified when explaining my first night. Professor Dumbledore confirmed my assumption that only someone who spoke Parseltongue would be able to open the Chamber. That eliminated Basilisk venom as a potential method. It was too rare to buy any on the black market, even using Mundungus Fletcher's contacts.

Fiendfyre was too unstable and required darker magic than Professor Dumbledore was willing to resort to unless it proved absolutely necessary.

We'd met late last night and he'd mentioned trying a potion or seeing if Severus had any ideas. I was strangely pleased to see him starting to rely on Severus.

This was the potion I planned to discuss with him after dinner tonight.

By the time dinner ended, Severus still hadn't made an appearance. I was starting to worry. It was unusual for him to miss a meal and when he did, it was typically because Voldemort had demanded his presence.

After debating for a few minutes, I decided to wait for him in his rooms. He was likely to go straight there when he returned to the castle and skip eating altogether.

Our rooms were next to each other and one night after dinner I'd still been close enough while making my way to my own that I'd managed to hear his password - redemption. I used it now to enter into his private sitting room for the first time.

The room was dark, black leather and mahogany wood furniture. It was absent of any decoration or personal touches. That was a little sad, though expected.

"What do you think you are doing here?"

The question came from the direction of the dark bedroom. The words were quiet and menacing. I hadn't even had a chance to sit down yet. Apparently, he'd already arrived back at the castle and I had just invaded his home without permission.

I spun to face him quickly, ready to apologize.

"I'm so s - " I cut off abruptly at the sight, asking instead, "Is that _blood_?"


	9. Chapter 8

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

PS I'm not JK Rowling, so I don't own anything :(

Chapter 8

March 1980

" _I'm so s - " I cut off abruptly at the sight, asking instead, "Is that blood?"_

His shirt was partially open, the cuffs rolled up haphazardly. The dark mark stood out boldly against the pallor of his skin on his left arm. It was startling and normally would have snared my attention wholly. But right now it was his right arm I was focused on, specifically the streaks of rusty crimson he appeared to have been in the process of scrubbing off.

Looking him over, I found darker wet patches on his black shirt where the material clung to the skin beneath and saw more of the red splattered across his throat. I swallowed hard and repressed a shudder. The image of his dying in the Shrieking Shack came unbidden and unwelcome, Severus bleeding out from the neck while I was helpless to prevent it.

A more thorough evaluation of him indicated that the blood probably wasn't his. At least he didn't _look_ injured.

He raised an eyebrow, ignoring my question and looking pointedly at me. I realized I hadn't answered his either.

The fact he wasn't berating me for invading his personal space was unusual. I almost expected him to start yelling and demanding I leave at once. But he didn't. He must have had a rough night to be willing to let it slide.

"You weren't at dinner - I was worried," I admitted. He looked so surprised that I wondered when the last time someone bothered to check on his welfare was. He stared at me for another minute, still without telling me to get out, so I ventured to again ask, "What happened to you?"

"There was an attack," he said simply, turning away. When he started to re-enter his bedroom I got annoyed that he wasn't going to elaborate.

"That's it?" I demanded. He didn't stop, so I followed him into his bedroom.

It was altogether unexpected.

All of the staff rooms had the same setup, and similar furniture, but the color schemes and furniture styles varied to suit our personal preferences. Mine was done in various shades of lavender and white with wrought iron furniture. It was a little too frilly, but I hadn't gotten around to fixing it up yet. I think the castle had based my style after the beaded handbag I carried.

If I'd had to guess how Severus's was decorated, I would have either said starkly in black like his sitting room so that it screamed isolation, or vibrantly in green that boasted of Slytherin pride.

I'd have been wrong.

It was lush and oddly appealing. The bed was the centerpiece of the room, its massive expanse consuming much of the floor space. The comforter was a deep blue, not quite navy, more rich, but with a greyish tint like the sky during a storm. It was thick and plush. There were numerous silver throw pillows adding to the comfort. I couldn't imagine Ron or Harry having throw pillows, but it added a luxurious decadence to the room. The pale grey of the stone walls accented the colors nicely. And dark wood, mahogany to match the sitting room, formed a massive though simple wooden frame for the bed. A matching dresser stood in the corner. The floor was covered in a thick rug with an abstract design in the same blues, silvers, and greys. The rug was so soft I could feel it through my shoes as they sank in nearly an inch.

The room was void of personal touches just like the sitting room. Not a single picture or momento to be found. Even _I_ had several pictures that had been in the purse that I was able to frame and set around my room to serve as reminders of my past life. In fact I had a an entire photo album that Ginny had assembled and given me for Christmas during our seventh year. She knew how much I missed the boys and had hoped it would help. It did and now I was more grateful than ever for the tangible reminder that I'd had a life before this and friends that I'd cared deeply for, even if I could never have that relationship with them again.

I stopped my assessment of his room when I realized he'd removed his shirt upon entering the room and was now glaring at me furiously for taking yet another liberty with him.

"Oh! Sorry, I'm sorry!" I squealed before spinning to race back out of the room.

"Give me a moment, you infernal, meddlesome woman," he muttered from in his room.

After about two minutes he returned to the sitting room in a fresh shirt. He stood in the doorway glaring at me.

The whole time I kept picturing him shirtless. It hadn't been a wholly unpleasant sight. Startling and intriguing would be a better description.

He was thin, much thinner than he probably should be, which was not unexpected considering how little he ate at meals. He looked like Ron after his first major growth spurt when he shot up five inches in under two months and looked like he'd been stretched on the rack. Severus had scars too. Not many, but enough in various lines and shapes that stood out scattered over the pale expanse of exposed skin.

I had my own array of scars. Such was the way of war.

At first neither of us said a word. It was uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable under his scrutiny. He examined me as a doctor might an unusual growth. A faint pink glow seemed to emanate from his neck and face, but that could have been from scrubbing them, rather than embarrassment.

It was exceedingly hot in the room and the fireplace was empty.

"Well?" I asked, unable to wait a moment more and hoping to distract him from the blush I knew was staining my own face and neck.

"I got word that Benjy Fenwick interrupted Fenrir Greyback last Friday during the full moon. He was furious and decided to go after him as payback," he explained, rubbing his face tiredly.

" _They only ever found pieces,"_ Mad-Eye Moody had said. I remembered him telling Harry that during Ron and my celebration for being made Prefect. I'd warned Professor Dumbledore that Benjy would be the first of his Order members to die at the hands of Death Eaters. I didn't have an exact date. It wasn't listed in the books I'd brought with me, just a brief mention that he'd been killed in the spring. And I'd never heard anyone say since most of the new Order members had never even met the man. I didn't know what Professor Dumbledore had decided to do with the information, but it looked like maybe he'd passed it on.

"Is he alive?" I asked in a whisper, afraid to hear the answer.

"Yes, but he may wish it otherwise once he wakes up. He's in St Mungo's recovering."

"What do you mean?"

He gave me a hard look, judging how much to say I imagined. I schooled my own expression. This wasn't my first time getting such news, I could handle it.

"Greyback and a couple of his werewolf cronies got ahold of him. I'm not sure how, but they ripped him up a bit before I got to him. There will likely be significant scarring."

Just like Bill, except maybe not. Maybe now Bill would never have to go through that.

" _You_ stopped them?"

"Yes."

"Do they know it was you? What if you'd been caught?" I asked, starting to feel panicked. His cover couldn't be blown so quickly. It would ruin everything! Professor Dumbledore should have sent someone else!

"Of course they don't! I'm not a fool," he declared, sounding insulted by the suggestion. "There wasn't time to inform anyone else. If I'd waited any longer, Fenwick would be dead."

"But by going yourself, you risked getting killed, or worse - discovered!"

"I know what I'm doing! Did you not hear me? There was no time! I had to wait after I learned of the planned attack to avoid suspicion, but we are always being watched at the Lestrange home. By the time I could safely leave, the attack had already started and I had to rush there."

"Wait, so Professor Dumbledore didn't send you?" I asked, feeling confused now.

"No, of course not. I was at a meeting when Avery bragged about it happening," he said now looking at me with uncertainty. This was something I'd have to think on more later.

"How did you stop them?"

"I caused a distraction. Made them think several of the Order had arrived. Their kind scare easily," he said in disgust. I wasn't sure if he meant cowardly Death Eaters or werewolves. I suspected the latter, but chose to assume the former to avoid starting another fight that would be completely off topic at the moment.

"Have you told the headmaster yet?"

"I sent a Patronus. I believe he was heading to St Mungo's to check on Fenwick himself." That must have been when I'd seen the headmaster striding purposefully through the entrance hall on my way here.

"You saved his life," I said feeling a sense of wonder. Benjy was supposed to be killed here, but he hadn't been. So it _was_ true that things were changing since I'd come back. I hadn't been sure at first that my presence was actually having an impact. The laws and stories said it would. This was the first solid proof of it in any significant way. We'd have to wait and see the ripple effect, but it was promising. What's more, Severus had saved him. His spying was already helping our side and he was already doing the right thing without needing Professor Dumbledore's orders to do it.

Not for the first time either. On New Year's Eve he saved a number of Muggle families by warning Professor Dumbledore where the Death Eaters would be 'playing'. The headmaster had been able to send several Order members to intercept them quite successfully.

He was on his way to becoming the brave man I knew.

"Hmm," was all he said to that.

"Oh, Severus, you have to be careful! We need you," I said earnestly. He looked uncomfortable now, unused to such displays from others on his behalf, but I think he was secretly pleased by it. At least he didn't try to argue further.

"Was there anything else you needed _now_?"

"Actually, yes. Professor Dumbledore wanted me to talk to you about a possible potion. A poison actually. One with an exceedingly rare antidote, if it even had any at all. Do you know of any like that?"

"There are a few, I'm sure. What is it for?"

"I can't tell you. Just in case," I rushed to add as an explanation. "But we'd need to make it discreetly," I continued and he nodded in understanding.

"That limits the options," he said, getting up and going to look at his bookcase. It was crammed with more books than even my parents' home had been, and there were three of us who loved books living there. I itched to race after him and explore his personal library.

"But it's doable?" I asked instead when he didn't offer an invitation to join him.

"I'll need some time, but yes, it should be," he said distractedly, already pulling down the fourth book to add to his growing pile.

"Thank you. If I could tell you everything… "

"No, you're right to be cautious. My mind is not infallible and should the Dark Lord learn too much, Lily would be in danger," he said, glancing back at me over his shoulder. This topic catching his interest more fully than the search for an illusive potion did.

Right. Lily.

It always came back to her. We'd had several rather heated discussions about her - his refusal to talk to her and my refusal to tell him more on how she died.

The first had been the night of the first Order meeting I'd attended. I think he was embarrassed about my overhearing his conversation with Lily. Regardless, he sought me out just after I returned.

I remembered that fight now as I left his room, leaving him to his solitary search.

" _Tell me exactly how she dies," he demanded, cornering me in the corridor outside our rooms._

" _I can't," I said, shaking my head._

" _You mean you won't!" he hissed, stepping closer so I was forced to retreat further back against the stone wall._

" _Yes, I mean I won't," I agreed, feeling trapped. I didn't like it. He was trying to intimidate me and I was angry with myself for letting it work. I hadn't cowered to anyone since Bellatrix at Malfoy Manor._

" _How am I supposed to protect her, if I don't know who to protect her from?" he asked, leaning in more. I could smell Earl Grey tea on his breath. The uneven stones of the wall were beginning to dig painfully into my shoulder blade._

" _Voldemort is the one who kills her!" I finally snapped, pushing him back as hard I could. He stumbled. Only barely catching himself before falling to the ground. "I'd like to see you do something about him, oh wait, you can't!"_

" _He kills her himself?" he asked hoarsely._

" _Yes," I said softly, heart aching at the distress on his face. The expression rapidly morphed into fury, however._

" _You put a target on her," he accused._

" _Don't act like you're not to blame as well. You would have shared what you heard of the prophecy if I hadn't stopped you, and he'd end up targeting her just the same," I said forcefully. I would not be the only one to take the blame for this situation, and at least this time we'd been able to divert Voldemort's attention away from the Potters, at least for now. "It's just as much your fault."_

" _How dare you! I'd never deliberately harm her!" he shouted, storming up to me again. I held my ground this time, refusing to be cowed._

" _Yeah? That's why you're still such good friends then?" I asked, sick of his attitude and attempts to act like a blameless victim._

" _You know nothing!" he fired off as he spun away to face the opposite wall. He was acting like a petulant child throwing a temper tantrum. I was not amused._

" _I saw it all. And in case you forgot, I'm a Mudblood too, so I know how she felt hearing you - her friend - call her one," I said almost daring him to react. I was rewarded at once._

" _Do not say that word around me!"_

" _The truth hurts, doesn't it?" With that, his shoulders slumped and the fight seemed to whoosh from him with the sigh he released. He looked broken and defeated. And just like that my anger diminished too. I felt such empathy for this man. He tugged on my heartstrings like a virtuoso musician playing a cello._

" _I'm trying," he said, squeezing his fists at his sides._

" _Try harder," I said firmly. "If you want to make amends, Lily is not the only one who needs your help."_

" _She'll never forgive me," he whispered hopelessly._

" _Make yourself worthy of her forgiveness. Don't just help people for her sake, do it for your own, because it is the right thing to do."_

" _Don't pretend to understand. It is not as simple as all that," he said, shaking his head in denial._

" _Don't make excuses! You're one of the bravest, most honorable men I have ever met - be the man I know you are," I insisted, getting right in_ his _face this time._

 _He looked so confused, yet considering. I wished I could make him see what I did when I looked at him. He seemed to sell himself short time and again. I think he wanted to believe me, but didn't know how. Aside from that, I what clueless as to his thoughts._

 _Without another word he turned and strode to his private entrance._

He'd come so far since then.

* * *

It was over a week before Severus approached me with a couple ideas for potions he believed would meet my criteria. We went back to his room after dinner for him to show me. The book was nearly as vile and repulsive as the one I took from Professor Dumbledore about Horcruxes. The ink too looked like blood, but at least this one didn't use skin for its pages.

The first potion he showed me turned the drinker's blood to acid, burning them from the inside out. I rejected this on the principle that a Horcrux didn't have blood. It might work, but it wasn't worth the risk if it failed.

The second potion seemed a much likelier option. It corroded nearly everything it touched within moments. It was exceedingly complex. It required a titanium cauldron brushed with a diamond glaze, literally little grains of diamond adhered to the surface, otherwise the potion would melt through the bottom in the process of brewing it. It would take about six weeks to brew it and had about ninety ingredients. Many of which would be difficult to obtain and required precision when adding them. The instructions were very involved.

I understood Professor Dumbledore's desire to use a potion rather than a spell. Simply casting a spell could be considered Dark Arts because of what it took from the caster in the process of creating it in addition to the effects. It was different with potions. In general, a potion wasn't Dark Arts until it was used to inflict harm on another individual. The making of one wasn't unless it involved harming a human. This potion definitely flirted with the Dark Arts, considering it involved animal sacrifice, but it didn't quite cross that line and I didn't think using it on a Horcrux would count.

"This is the one," I said as I looked it over carefully, already calculating how long it would take and what we needed.

"You're certain?" he asked. I heard the surprise and glanced back up at him. He was looking at me warily, perhaps questioningly.

"This is exactly what I need," I said certainly.

"You understand what it does?"

"Yes, the description and pictures were quite thorough," I said with a grimace. I was unlikely to forget the moving images drawn above the potion's description demonstrating the effects when splashed on an individual, watching their skin and organs rapidly disintegrate as they screamed in agony.

"And you're going to be the one using it?" he asked, seeking further clarification.

If I didn't know better, I'd say he was concerned about me doing something I'd regret. Going down a dangerous path similar to the one he took. He couldn't know I intended it to be used on an object rather than a person. I stared at him fiercely for another minute, letting him see my determination. I would do whatever I must to stop Voldemort again. I would not let him win and destroy all that the wizarding world could one day be.

"How soon can we begin brewing it?" I finally asked. He did not attempt to dissuade me again.

"You intend to help?" he asked with wide eyes.

I understood his shock, some of the ingredients were a little controversial. It would also need a delicate hand. I also thought he might be a little offended, as if I didn't trust he was capable.

"You'll be in charge, of course. We both know you are the superior brewer." That was difficult to admit so freely, but there was no denying it. "But I can help prepare the ingredients. It's dangerous to make, I don't want you having to do it alone."

"It will take a while to collect all of the ingredients," he said, then began making a couple different lists. "Have the headmaster get these as soon as possible. We can get the rest over the weekend from Knockturn Alley or collect them ourselves."

When he was finished, he handed me the list and I took it saying, "Goodnight, Severus."

"Hermione," he intoned, bowing his head.

It was the first time I could remember him saying my name. Usually, he just spoke to me without any sort of official address. It sent strange buzzing tingles dancing down my spine and along my arms.

When I got to the Headmaster's office there were already several people gathered within as I entered at Professor Dumbledore's behest. Professor Dumbledore, James, Sirius, and two people that were immediately familiar - Alice and Frank Longbottom.

Frank looked as Neville had the last I'd seen him - tall, fit, and bearing a number of scars.

The pair must already be working for the Auror department and seeing action. I wasn't sure how long ago they'd graduated, but I didn't think it had been more than three years yet. I knew normally they train for three years before graduating and becoming full members of the department, but maybe things were being expedited right now with everything going on.

Alice, though, was where Neville got his looks. Both were blond and round-faced with kind hazel eyes. It was also obvious she was currently pregnant with Neville. I quickly calculated and found she'd be just over four months along, though she looked a little closer to six. Neville must have inherited his metabolism from her as well.

I missed Neville. Before being sent here, I hadn't seen him anywhere near as much as I'd like, being in different places physically, but we did correspond regularly and he always came during Hogsmeade visits. He'd probably changed more than anyone else I knew over the years. It seemed impossible to believe that he'd once been the clumsy boy too scared to stick up for himself after watching him stand fearlessly in defiance against Voldemort during the final battle.

Frank and Alice had missed the first Order meeting I attended as well as all the ones since. The first two because of work, then the last two because Alice had been too sick to come and Frank hadn't wanted to leave her alone. I hadn't put it together at the time, but now I realized it must have been morning sickness or something to do with the pregnancy. I wondered if everyone knew about it. It was very obvious when you looked at her, but I hadn't heard anyone mention it.

"Hey, Hermione," James greeted me tiredly.

They all looked banged up, each sporting fresh wounds. Some still bleeding freely.

"What _happened_?" I asked, looking from one person to the next as I waited impatiently for answers.

It was Frank that finally answered, though it seemed to pain him greatly to say the words.

"Vol-Voldemort attacked my home tonight. Him and a couple of his Death Eaters. I think he was after my parents. We're blood traitors, you know. He - he got my dad. My mum is fine, she's one tough bird, but if James and Sirius hadn't been visiting us… " he said, trailing off as he shook his head in disbelief.

"And you said they all escaped?" Professor Dumbledore inquired of the group.

"Yes," Sirius barked out, continuing, "and they'll keep getting away until we start fighting fire with fire. We need to use the Unforgivables - "

"And we'd be no better than they are," Professor Dumbledore interrupted sternly, every bit the strict teacher scolding the misbehaving student in that moment. "We've discussed this before, Sirius. We will not have this conversation again."

"Sorry, Sir," he said with a cheeky grin. The same one he always resorted to in order to get out of trouble.

"We need to go. I need to check on my mum, and Alice needs to see a Healer," Frank said, drawing everyone's eyes back to him. Now that I knew to look for it, I could see the grief etched into his features - deep purple bags beneath reddened eyes and harsh lines bracketing his lips.

Alice was pregnant. They'd just fought Voldemort. This must be their third defiance. The prophecy potentially indicating the Longbottoms was coming to pass. James had even been there too for his third defiance. Except Lily wasn't. Would that matter? I wasn't sure.

Another issue demanded my attention and caused me to tune out the Longbottoms' hasty departure. Something about the events of this evening didn't seem right. I'd been combing through events so frequently recently, that it took me several moments to puzzle it out. And when I did, I didn't know what to think.

Frank's father had just died. Frank's father, as in _Mr. Longbottom_ \- Neville's grandfather. The same grandfather that he had watched die. The same one that had enabled him to see the Thestrals during our fifth year. Except Neville wasn't even born _yet_ , so he _couldn't_ have seen him die. So here was another change - a death that I was now, at least partially, to blame for.

"Why don't we just have Hermione come with us?" I heard Sirius ask, coming back to the present when I heard my name.

"Good idea, Pads! You're not busy right now, are you, Hermione?" James asked.

"No. Go where?" I asked cluelessly. They both looked at me like I'd grown a third head.

"To Brighton," James said.

"To track Wilkes," Sirius added when that didn't get the response they were looking for from me. This must have been what I missed while thinking about Mr. Longbottom.

"Right. Let's go then," I said feigning understanding as I discreetly passed Professor Dumbledore the list Severus had assembled for us. He briefly looked it over and gave me a nod as I followed the other two down the spiral staircase.

The boys explained more on the walk through the castle to the gates on the grounds where we could Disapparate from. Apparently, Wilkes was one of the Death Eaters that got away this evening. He'd been smarting off about finishing off the blood traitors in his family after he was done with the Longbottoms.

"Reginald Wilkes has a cousin that just had a baby with a Muggle, so we think he'll start there. Dumbledore is sending others to check on the rest of the family," James explained.

"Who is his cousin?" I asked.

"Jason Wilkes. Their dads were cousins, but their mums were actually sisters," Sirius said and shrugged at my look of disgust, adding, "You know how it is in the pureblood family lines."

I did, but that didn't mean I wanted to think about it too closely.

"What family is his maternal side from?" I asked instead of commenting on the degree of incest likely warping Wilkes's mind and accounting for some of his innate brutality.

"Shacklebolt," James said.

"Kingsley's family?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"Don't know about him, but probably if his last name is Shacklebolt. Not too many of those left, are there," Sirius said without much thought, thankfully, since we'd arrived at the gate. Then we were off.

Professor Dumbledore had given the boys an address, and it didn't take long to find the tiny house. There was a neat little flower garden in front and white shutters on the windows.

A dark skinned woman answered the door holding an infant in a soft blue blanket. She looked like she hadn't slept in days. There were dark smudges under her eyes like two day old mascara stains, and crusted spit up on her rumpled shirt and neck. Her face fell when she saw us. I think she was expecting someone else, or at least hoping for someone different. There was an air of caution and distrust emanating from her as she hesitantly opened the door to greet us. The baby was fussing, seeming to sense his mother's distress.

"Can I help you?" she asked before shushing the baby and rocking him gently.

"Is Jason home?" James asked.

"What are you wearing?" she asked distractedly, giving our robes an odd once over. She was obviously a Muggle, and judging by her confusion, her husband had never told her that he was a wizard.

"Please, we need to speak with him immediately," Sirius added, trying to convey a sense of urgency to the request.

"He left a week ago. Without a word, just packed up while I was at work and took off," she said as tears started up. The baby's crying grew louder as she hiccupped on a sob.

"What?" James asked sounding outraged.

"Guess having a baby was just too much for him to handle. If you find him, tell him I'm moving in with my parents and I never want to see the wretch again!" she shouted, pressing her face into the baby blanket to wipe her eyes. "Hush, Dean. Mummy's sorry she yelled," she whispered as James turned to look at Sirius and me.

I was shocked. That was Dean - my friend, Dean, in her arms. It absolutely had to be. I'd always thought he was Muggle-born too. Apparently not.

It seemed too unlikely to believe. First, the fact that this was Dean in front of me. Second, that he was actually part of one of the oldest pureblood families in Great Britain, when he'd been hunted for being a Muggle-born. Talk about coincidence. It was difficult to wrap my head around.

She noticed my shocked face and seemed to deflate, misreading the reason for it. "You might try his sister's place. I couldn't get ahold of her - no phone, if you could believe it. But I think she lives some place called Tutsdown - Tutshill - something like that." She didn't look particularly certain and I couldn't blame her. Tutshill was the name of a wizarding village and this woman was a Muggle. Of course she wasn't familiar with it.

"Thanks," I said as she shut the door on us.

"I know his sister. Let's go," Sirius said and took our arms once we'd stepped into some shadows and could safely Disapparate.

It was chaos when we arrived. This was definitely the right spot. Two dark skinned individuals, both badly injured, were facing off against two masked Death Eaters and one that had already discarded his mask.

We raced to join in at once.

The duel was fast and fierce. It reminded me of when Ginny, Luna, and I had faced off with Bellatrix. No time for thought, just instinct taking over. I was by far not the best dueler. I had mastered an entire host of spells that would be useful in a duel, but having a working encyclopedia of knowledge regarding various spells was not the same as firing them off during a fight. I could hold my own, but I tended to overthink things rather than letting my gut guide me.

Jets of different colored light zipped past my head, faster than I could track.

Barely a moment into the fight I saw Jason's sister fall lifeless and heard his cry of outrage. I didn't even know her name.

I was suddenly facing off with one all on my own, while Jason took on the one that killed his sister, and James and Sirius fought the other one.

James and Sirius worked well together, but there wasn't time to stop and admire their fighting style and only just enough time to note that the pair watched each other's backs rather than their own. That was a dangerous, often deadly, habit to get into.

" _Ventus Duo,_ " I shouted, causing a burst of wind to knock him over.

His mask slipped as he fell and I recognized him from a picture I had seen as Evan Rosier, but he managed to keep hold of his wand.

" _Petrificus Totalus_ ," I shot as he scrambled back to his feet, but he rolled at the last second and managed to avoid it.

" _Confringo_ ," Rosier cried as straightened, shooting flames at me.

" _Aqua Eructo_ ," I cast, producing a jet of water to douse the majority of them in one sweep though some of the grass near my feet caught fire.

" _Reducto_ ," he fired while I was distracted by the dancing flames still trying to catch the edge of my robes. I barely ducked in time to avoid it.

" _Stupefy_ ," I shouted, but the sudden arrival of Aurors en mass caused it to miss.

Rosier took in the scene in an instant then was gone with resounding crack as he Disapparated.

I hastily cast Anti-Apparating wards without another thought and ducked out of the way, not wanting to be hit with a stray spell now that so many were crowded onto the torn up front lawn.

Wilkes realized a moment later that there was no escape. He stared firing off Avada Kedavras without bothering to aim. The Aurors scattered, jumping this way and that to avoid sudden death. After the fourth one he cast, he was hit with one himself. Fired by a fed up Auror.

The third Death Eater was sitting tied up between Sirius and James, his mask off to reveal Dorian Snyde. He'd been part of the mass Azkaban breakout during my fifth year.

Looking around, I saw Jason leaning over his sister's body, crying into her shoulder as he cradled her in his lap.

The situation was suddenly crystal clear and I understand precisely what must have happened. Now it seemed so _obvious_! The events played out in my head like a familiar movie. Jason knew Wilkes was coming after him and he'd left to protect his family. Only in my time, he'd died before Voldemort was defeated, so he'd never been able to return and explain. This wasn't exactly the best time to be a Muggle in the wizarding world, so he'd kept that part of himself secret. But this time he hadn't died. For some reason he survived, and now he had that chance.

So here was yet another change this evening. By saving Jason, Dean's brothers and sisters might not be born, or if they are, they might not be the same ones he grew up with. Mrs. Thomas might never meet Mr. Thomas and Dean would grow up as Dean Wilkes, not Dean Thomas.

It was definitely something to consider. I didn't know how my presence here in the past had triggered the events of this night to change, but there was no denying that it somehow had. It didn't make sense, but that was the problem with time travel. Mr. Longbottom and Dean's siblings hadn't done anything to deserve their fate, but it was done now. Though in that same vein, Benjy, Jason, and a number of Muggles had lived. I was reminded that there were strict laws regarding time travel for a reason.

The guys joined me after turning their captive over to the Aurors. It was clear they had things well in hand and were anxious for us to go, so they could get their work done.

"You're not a bad fighter," Sirius said, looking me over assessingly as if seeing me and my potential for the first time.

"Yeah, just not good enough," I muttered as I continued to watch the siblings.

"Maybe it doesn't seem like it right now, but this was a win," Sirius said with a heavy sigh and a forced grin.

"Let's grab a drink to - er - mark the occasion," James said awkwardly.


	10. Chapter 9

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

I have all except the Epilogue written now. The story was mostly complete when I started posting, I just have to do final edits and that takes me a couple days per chapter if I want to do a good job, so I'll continue updating as I can. It's 22 chapters total including the prologue and epilogue if you were curious :)

PS I'm not JK Rowling, so I don't own anything. But luckily I get to play in her world!

Chapter 9

April 1980

Severus and I began brewing the potion as soon as Professor Dumbledore delivered the ingredients we needed. That, however, took several weeks, so we'd only actually started a few days ago.

It was grueling work. At times stirring one hundred revolutions clockwise before adding three half turns counterclockwise, then repeating thrice more. Other times ingredients had to be added at particular times of day, or seeped and dried in other potions numerous times before they could be added. And all of this was just for the base. The truly difficult part hadn't even begun yet and wouldn't for another week.

One ingredient was for a vial of virgin's blood, willingly given, to act as a binding agent. I'd blushed scarlet before stating as professionally as possible that I could do that part.

Severus had actually gaped at me before saying, "I'd planned to get that from Madam Pomfrey the next time a first year got hurt."

"It needs to be _willingly_ given. A first year can't truly consent, if they don't know what it's for. I'm here and willing, so I might as well," I explained rationally.

I wasn't sure I wanted to know why he couldn't donate himself, or if he'd secretly planned to, but hadn't wanted to admit it. I wasn't sure which option I preferred.

Most of the time I was finding it difficult to behave normally around him now that I'd realized I had feelings for him. It was ridiculous and I kept berating myself over it, but the end result was the same. I stammered and blushed like a second year with a crush each time he caught me staring at him.

I wasn't sure when it happened. It certainly wasn't _planned_. Over the last few months the feelings had slowly snuck up on me before firmly taking root, like flower bulb planted in early spring that didn't bloom till late fall. And now that I recognized what I was feeling, there was no denying it.

I know I'd had a crush on Professor Lockhart during my second year, but that was a schoolgirl infatuation. I hadn't been attracted to any other teacher, and definitely not Severus when he'd been Professor Snape to me. Now that I was older, I found it highly disturbing to think about a teacher that way while being a student myself. That was not what my current attraction was about.

Things were different now. Our dynamics were different. We worked together as equals. And he truly was my equal intellectually. He stimulated my mind in a way no one else had ever come close to, certainly not Ron, and that was addicting. He pushed me to broaden my horizons and think deeper.

He made me laugh too. His sense of humor was so dark, if you blinked you'd miss it, but it was there, hiding beneath all the sarcasm and sneers. It often provided the perfect amount of levity after a difficult day.

Even his moodiness rarely managed to phase me. After all, I was immune to Ron and Harry's after all our years together and everything we've gone through.

Fred had once teased that Ron and my fights were our version of foreplay. I had been mortified at the time, but secretly agreed. Severus and I fought in much the same way, though far less frequently, and typically over less petty reasons.

It didn't hurt that we spent so much time together either. We ate nearly every meal together, only missing when one of us had something going on with our apprenticeships, work for the Order, or in his case, because Voldemort had summoned him. Every evening, we brewed together, particularly now that we were working on the Erugo Statim potion together. A couple times we'd even stayed up late debating the merits of various books we'd both read.

His appearance had altered slightly as well. Not much, but enough that he now embodied one of the brooding antiheroes from Muggle Romanticism literature I used to read during my summers off Hogwarts.

The more prominent changes had come about two weeks ago after one of our typical fights. He'd been in a temper after we'd heard a couple seventh year girls mocking him to each other. They hadn't learned to properly fear and respect him the way his own students would come to in the following years when he was officially a professor and capable of assigning detention and taking off house points.

 _After about an hour of his scowling silence, I was fed up and finally snapped, "Well, if it bothers you so much, do something about it! Try a different face wash or shampoo if the one you're using doesn't work the way you want it to. Honestly, that's just common sense!"_

 _The glare he'd leveled on me was enough to know I'd poked an angry dragon. Fire was practically shooting from his flaring nostrils. Well, nothing for it now except to dive all in, I decided. I looked him over critically._

" _And you could always get Madam Pomfrey to straighten your teeth," I continued bravely. His scowl getting blacker by the second. "Oh, don't look at me like that! I already had her fix mine. After_ you _insulted them as a matter of fact!" I said, emphasizing the you so he'd understand it had been a painful and embarrassing experience for me, much as this likely was for him._

" _So this is payback?" he finally ground out._

" _Call it what you will. Do what you will. Honestly, you look just fine the way you do. But don't pout when you are perfectly capable of doing something about it if you but want to," I said dismissively, as though I wasn't secretly afraid I'd pushed too far._

 _I didn't actually mind his appearance. After all, I'd never cared overly much about my own. But he seemed more hung up about it than he wanted to let on. If a few changes would help his sense of self-worth, then I didn't see the harm in offering a few suggestions to make it as he wanted. I also got the impression that his family hadn't tried much to help him, so this was the first help he'd been offered in that department._

He'd stormed off and ignored me for the rest of the day, refusing to even let me help with the potion. The next day he let me help, but it was at least a week before he voluntarily spoke to me again. But a few days after the fight, his face was obviously cleaner, less oily, and his hair silkier. Then two days ago I'd noted his teeth were straighter. I didn't comment, but I couldn't help feeling a little smug that he'd taken my advice.

It also didn't help that I thought of the time I saw him shirtless more often than I wished to. I'd seen Harry and Ron shirtless countless times during our year on the run or during summers while the boys played Quidditch, the twins too for that matter, but it had never had this dramatic of an effect on me.

Severus on the other hand, gave no indication that he knew or that he felt even remotely similar to me. This was expected, so I knew I shouldn't be as disappointed as I was, but it hurt all the same. It was Ron picking Lavender, then all those other girls, instead of me all over again.

Brewing was an exceptionally tortuous endeavour. One I dreaded and looked forward to every evening. Standing so close to examine the contents of the cauldron, accidentally brushing hands as ingredients were passed, trapped in a room for hours on end with no one else to serve as a distraction - it was overwhelming.

Obtaining the additional ingredients that Severus insisted on collecting himself, or that we bought in Knockturn Alley, a few weeks back was also an experience that consisted of blissful agony.

My second trip to Knockturn Alley was much different from the first. Severus insisted I keep the hood of my cloak up the entire time so no one could get a good look at me. I had only entered the one shop before, Borgin and Burkes, and I had been treated with suspicion before getting kicked out. This time we visited several stores and Severus, and I by association, was treated with a respect that bordered on deference.

I could understand how someone that had always been bullied and looked down on would find this appealing. When Severus caught my eye, I think he could tell where my thoughts went, because he scowled at me then spent the next hour pointedly ignoring me.

Apparently, he had forgiven me by that evening, because he took me along into the Forbidden Forest to collect little red baneberries that required being harvested under moonlight. He said we'd have to come back in a few weeks to get fresh aconite because that required a full moon to increase its potency. Luckily, it didn't need to be added until near the end of brewing, so we could start before collecting it.

The first time we worked on the potion, I brought up the changes that have already occurred in the timeline that I was aware of. I wanted his take on the situation and I needed to talk to someone about the guilt I felt.

That was another reason I had developed feeling for Severus. I could admit things to him that I couldn't tell anyone else and he didn't pass judgement. Or if he did, he at least kept it to himself - unless it involved Lily. He helped me sort out my thoughts and come to terms over everything that happened.

Just as mealtimes were for academic debate, brewing had now became a time when we shared difficult things from our pasts while the other acted as a sympathetic ear and sounding board. While I often ended up sharing far more, Severus was coming to trust me enough to share a few of his more intimate secrets. I felt privileged and honored to be trusted with the information.

After hearing more of his past and how significant Lily's friendship had been in his life, I was determined to help them reconnect in some way.

To that end, the next time I was meeting her for dinner, I dragged Severus along with.

It was nearly unbearably awkward. Conversation was stilted and forced more often than not, but it was something. We were all trying so hard. Desperate for something to do with my hands and give me a legitimate reason not to speak, I ended up drinking so many butterbeers my stomach sloshed uncomfortably when I moved.

Lily seemed unaccountably curious about our friendship, asking probing questions that implied there was much more happening between Severus and myself than there actually was. I found that embarrassing, but also unmistakably disappointing that it wasn't true and never would be. His heart had always belonged entirely to Lily. That was a fundamental truth in my life. There had never been room for another woman in Severus's life and he didn't seem to mind that fact one bit.

Severus was as oblivious to the direction Lily's questions we're taking right now, as he was to my stares when we brewed. But then, Lily had always been oblivious to his feelings for her, so I guess they were both hopeless in their own ways.

I think everyone was grateful for that first dinner to end, but we tried again the next week. This time with something resembling success. Well, at least not total failure.

Lily was around five months pregnant now, and had somehow, miraculously, only just started showing in a noticeable way. She was significantly smaller than Alice, though just as far along. Mostly, she just looked like she had recently eaten a really big Christmas dinner. If you didn't know she was pregnant, you'd never suspect it. James was frustrated by this, but Lily was delighted. She wanted Harry desperately - they'd officially decided on the name a month ago, much to my amusement - but she wasn't eager to 'get fat'.

Tonight she was ecstatic. It was the first time anyone other than her had been able to feel Harry move. As soon as she made the announcement, Severus quietly asked to feel. She looked surprised initially, then supremely pleased by the request. I think she saw it as him coming to terms with her truly being with James, the man he hated. I suspected it more likely he just saw this as an excuse to be near to her.

Watching him though, as he tenderly placed his large, calloused palm against her miniscule bump and let her move it to the correct place, I think the truth was somewhere in between the two assumptions. He looked so contemplative at first, like it was the most difficult Arithmancy problem in existence, then the looked changed. It wasn't the dawning wonder James had likely worn, but more as though he'd figured something vitally important out.

He cocked his head and stared at where his hand lay for several minutes, not saying a word. Lily looked at me over his head in question, but I could only shrug.

Finally, he sat back with a quiet thank you and calmly asked how her week had been and if she was taking any vitamins. With another questioning look at me that forced me to offer yet another baffled shrug, she answered. The rest of the night was much less forced.

I might not have been sure what that scene was all about, but one thing I was certain of, Severus would already willingly give his life to protect Harry if it proved necessary. That alone made this evening an unequivocal success.

But I wanted more than that, for his sake. Fortunately, I think I got it. They weren't the friends they'd been growing up, but it was a start to being a new kind of friends.

Maybe this time, if the worst happened, the past wouldn't haunt him to the same degree as it did.

The next time we brewed together he choked out a very grudging thank you and I knew immediately it was for helping him reconnect with Lily.

It was also during that session that he told me Snyde had escaped custody. He'd never even made it to trial before he vanished from the Ministry. I wasn't surprised, but I was a little disappointed at the blatant corruption present in our government.

I wished Kingsley was already working at the Ministry, but he wasn't even starting Hogwarts until next year.

Maybe I should start S.P.E.W. up again. I had access to future generations. If I could convince them about the injustices happening right under their noses, maybe when many of them entered the Ministry in the coming years they'd take steps to fix things. I hated feeling like it was all on me to do everything. I would if I had to, but I wanted others to care just as much.

I decided to talk to Minerva and see if she had any ideas.

* * *

I'd just stopped in the Three Broomsticks to grab a quick lunch before I headed to the Potters' home in Godric's Hollow, but Gideon and Fabian had seen me and invited themselves over to join me. They had a habit of doing that. They'd spent the morning helping their sister with her six sons.

"Can you believe it?" Fabian asked.

"Six boys!" Gideon exclaimed, shaking his head in amazement.

"She's certainly going to have her hands full raising them!" Fabian added with a wicked grin, clearly anticipating his sister experiencing the hell raising her sons were going to give her.

"And I bet the twins are your favorite?" I asked in amusement.

"Of course!" they both said at once.

"Well, no. We don't have favorites among our nephews, but those two are definitely the most like us," Gideon said, shrugging and taking a gigantic bite of his turkey sandwich.

"She only just had her youngest, right?" I asked, unable to stop myself from inquiring, though I already knew the answer.

"Yeah," Gideon said with a grin since Fabian's mouth was full to bursting. "Ronald - Ron - turned one month last week."

"What's he like?" I wondered about my friend as an infant. Molly had never really had time to share stories and lately when she had, they were always about Fred.

"Whiny," Fabian said with a frown. I choked on the sip of butterbeer I'd just taken when he said that. Somehow, I had no trouble picturing that.

"The only other one to cry as much was Percy," Gideon added musingly.

I laughed at that so much they gave me funny looks. I guess Ron wanted extra attention even now and he knew just how to get it. Fondness for him welled within me. For the first time, it lacked the bitter taint it had held for the last year or so.

"It was chaos at the Burrow though - that's where they live," Fabian said excitedly.

"And I bet you love every minute of it," I said. I could tell he thrived on that type of environment.

"Of course!" he said, nodding vigorously.

"Arthur wants to get involved with the Order, but Molly put her foot down," Gideon said suddenly. Both brothers frowned and shared a speaking look.

"She said she's worried about what would happen if he died and she had to support all the kids by herself," Fabian said when he turned back to me. I could only imagine what she was feeling. She'd been a wreck throughout our years at Hogwarts with almost her entire family fighting. But she hadn't really had a choice to stay uninvolved, not once she'd adopted Harry the way she did. He was, of course, the very center of it all.

"I think she's just mad. She feels she can't fight herself since the kids are her first priority now," Gideon elaborated.

"I take it she's pretty tough," I said, wondering what she'd been like growing up.

"Let's just say - watch out. She's scary when she's angry," Gideon said with mock terror, making exaggerated warding motions with his arms that made me laugh.

"I definitely wouldn't want to get on her bad side!" Fabian said with an exaggerated shiver. I thought of Bellatrix and how she had certainly found this out for herself.

The rest of lunch was filled with the various antics of the kids and how the twins were currently teaching them to fly.

"Charlie's got a real knack for it," Fabian said excitedly.

"Bill's good, but he doesn't seem to love it the way Charlie does," Gideon added.

"Bill's the oldest, right?" I asked feigning ignorance, something I'd grown quite good at.

"Yeah. He's starting Hogwarts year after next, he's ten this November. I don't think he'll try for his Quidditch team," Fabian said disappointedly.

"Shame that," Gideon agreed.

At the end of the meal they made me promise to come with them sometime. That idea made me equally nervous and thrilled. It'd be like visiting my family, except they wouldn't know me. I wasn't sure I'd be able to make it through the day with my composure intact.

"I'll try to get away. We're quite busy at the castle right now. Exams _are_ just around the corner," I said noncommittally.

"Molly will adopt you like one of her own," Gideon insisted, trying to get me to agree.

"She's a softy, really!" Fabian added.

"Yes, that was the impression you gave earlier," I said dryly. "A fire-breathing dragon? That was your description, wasn't it?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"That may have been a slight exaggeration," Fabian said sheepishly, though I wasn't sure I disagreed entirely with it. She _was_ rather fierce, especially where her family was concerned.

"Yeah, she's always adopting strays," Gideon said.

"Gee, thanks," I said with a laugh as we left, still not promising more.

* * *

Arriving in Godric's Hollow was just as surreal this time as it was every other time I had visited the Potters' home in this time. Each time I envisioned the rubble serving as their memorial. I truly hoped that didn't happen again. I could only guess how painful that must have been for Sirius and Remus to see if I was struggling after only knowing them for a few months.

James was on a mission for Professor Dumbledore, but Lily had a checkup at St Mungo's today and he wasn't back yet. She'd Flooed me this morning and I'd asked Minerva for some time off this afternoon to take her myself.

"Oh good, you're here!" she said excitedly when I knocked.

"Are we in a hurry? I though the appointment was at one… " We still had twenty minutes and with Apparation, we could be there in seconds.

"It is, but I want a new picture right now. He's bigger and I want to see him!"

I laughed at her enthusiasm and we were off. Lily was shown directly into a private room while I sat in the waiting room. It only took about thirty minutes before she came out glowing.

"Everything alright then?" I asked.

"Perfect! He's perfect - look," she announced before brandishing a photo under my nose.

It was Harry. A tiny ten or eleven inch long Harry. In the photo his hand opened and closed like he was trying to grasp a Snitch. My emotions were a chaotic jumble, but I grinned at Lily knowing that was the reaction she wanted. Her excitement was so palpable.

"I can't wait to show James," she said with a pleased sigh, lightly patting her tiny bulge where Harry rested, safe and content.

"Have you heard from him since this morning?" I asked in concern. He normally checked in every few hours with a Patronus when he was on missions. He didn't want to worry Lily in her condition.

"Yes, he'll be home by dinner," she said as she bit her lip, eyes crinkling in worry despite the positive words.

"Do you want me to stay with you until he gets there? Minerva gave me the rest of the day off," I offered.

"Oh, could you? I think I'll drive myself mental if I'm alone any longer! And ice cream! We need to get ice cream on the way home," she said, looking back at the picture of Harry as excitement gripped her once more.

"That's a great idea," I said going with James's advice to give her whatever she wanted. He seemed to think the world would end if Lily was denied a single thing. That, or he was worried about where he'd have to sleep if everyone didn't help him keep her happy.

It was a nice day so we strolled through Diagon Alley as we ate, chatting happily about the baby.

The explosion knocked both of us off our feet. It wasn't overly large, but it did happen in the shop we were currently passing.

It was sudden. Alarming. Dust billowed in the air, blocking the sun where moments before the sky had been bright and clear, not even a cloud to mar the rare perfect spring day in London.

People we running, scrambling around. Several lay unconscious nearby, though luckily none appeared dead.

There were pieces of the storefront scattered through the street and merchandise littering the ground where it had been blasted outward. I couldn't even tell what shop it was.

"Are you alright?" I demanded of Lily, turning frantically to find her from my prone position.

She was lying on my right looking rather dazed. She nodded, sitting up and rubbing her belly. Aside from a tiny knick on her leg, she appeared unharmed. Relief filled me.

I stood and reached to help her up, eager to get her as far from here as possible, as fast as possible. I felt my ankle give when I put weight on it, but I gritted my teeth and ignored the stabs of pain shooting up my leg as I tried to hoist her up.

A scream sounded behind me, coming from inside the ruined store and Lily pushed forward, attempting to go help as she pulled out her wand.

"Lily, no! You can't!" I screamed pointing wildly at her stomach.

She looked torn. I don't think she'd ever been forced to ignore someone in need before. I tried to grab her arm, desperate to Apparate her away, but she jerked back.

"Then you have to help them!" she insisted, stepping back and looking for a place she could safely wait for me.

"I will, but only if you promise to stay there," I said, nodding to an overturned picnic table a few feet away.

"Okay," she agreed, turning to go to it.

I watched her for a moment, assuring myself she'd keep her promise before I turned towards the unmistakable sounds of dueling. I didn't even get a chance to move before a Severing Curse hit my shoulder. I grunted at the pain, holding back a moan as warm liquid gushed from the sizable wound.

"Stupefy!" I shouted in the direction I thought the curse had come from, but I didn't see anyone. I looked around frantically, inching back towards Lily. This was a bad idea. We needed to go - now! I wasn't in any condition to fight and if something happened to me, she'd be unprotected. Harry would be in danger.

Pain and blood loss was fogging my brain, black spots danced across my vision.

"Hermione, look out!" Lily screamed from just behind me.

I ducked on instinct and a blazing blue flash passed right where my head had been.

Lily's warning alerted my attacker to her presence. I saw the Death Eater now, standing a few feet to my left. He was grinning as he looked her over, wand pointed directly at her. It was not a friendly grin. I didn't stop to think, just dove between them as he fired his curse.

It burned far worse than the curse that Dolohov had hit me with in my fifth year. The fire was unbearable. A never-ending Cruciatus Curse racing through my veins. I screamed, the sound ripped from my throat.

"Hermione, I'm so sorry!" I heard Lily mutter.

Where was the Death Eater? What was happening?

I couldn't open my eyes. Sounds came as though from a long tunnel. The pain was worse in my hand I realized Lily must be gripping it. The contact was agonizing.

"St Mungo's," I heard her say. The name was enough to briefly clear my head as panic set in.

I could not go to St Mungo's. Not for any reason.

"No!" I cried. "You have to take me to Hogwarts - not St Mungo's. I can't go there! Promise," I insisted, gritting my teeth to stop another scream from bursting forth.

"What? That's insane - we have to go now," Lily said panicked. "Oh, Merlin! It's _him_!"

"Dumbledore - I ne - " my words ended in another scream I was helpless to hold in any longer.

My vision went black as pressure squeezed me from all sides at once.

* * *

"Hold on, Hermione… Severus is on his way - he'll be here any minute. Just hold on." Lily's frantic mutterings were the next thing I was aware of.

Then the green flames sparking, the glow illuminating the backs of my eyelids as someone used the Floo.

"Are you all right?" came a velvety murmur.

Severus. His voice was unmistakable. A whimper escaped unbidden as I forcefully pried my eyes open to look at him. He knew dark magic. He'd make the fire stop.

"Yes, but Hermione - " Lily started to say, but Severus was already leaning over me, waving his wand and muttering unfamiliar spells. At last he touched the tip to my skin just above my heart.

The longer he stood there, the more the fire receded, as though sucked through a straw out of me and into his wand. It caused my back to bow and my breath to catch.

Once the fire was gone he recited a lyrical spell to seal the wound inflicted by the Severing Curse.

"Where else are you injured?" he asked, concern leaking into the words. It was a stark contrast to the detached, professional expression he wore.

"I'm fine, Lily - " I said, more worried about her than anything else.

"She is unharmed. As is the child," he said, anticipating the question. I was shocked when he didn't even turn from me to glance at her. "Are you injured elsewhere?" he asked again.

"My ankle," I said hoarsely. My throat was raw from screaming.

He gently probed my tender ankle with his wand before whispering another incantation. After a brief flare of pain, it too was mended.

"There will likely be scarring," he said looking up at me. I only nodded. My throat was too sore and it wasn't like a few more scars would kill me.

"I think I have Blood-Replenishing Potions in the kitchen. Severus, will you help me look? You might see something else she needs," Lily said from beside us. She was wringing her hands looking exceedingly worried.

They were entering the kitchen when I heard her quietly whispered words to Severus.

"He was there, Sev - Voldemort! We barely made it out of there," she said, the worry only just barely gone from her voice.

Her third defiance. The prophecy was still playing out it seemed.

"What were you doing there in the first place? Don't you realize how foolish - she almost - " Severus responded, but broke of abruptly.

"It's okay to love her, you know," she said after a moment's pause.

"I don't know what you are talking about," he said quickly in a tone that implied she should drop the subject immediately.

"She's really quite remarkable, and I think she feels the same," Lily said anyways.

"Mind your own business, Lil," Severus snapped and the door shut, cutting off any further response.


	11. Chapter 10

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

PS I'm not JK Rowling, so I don't own anything :(

Chapter 10

May 1980

Severus and I were in the lab Professor Dumbledore had set up for us to brew the Erugo Statim potion. It was nearly ready. The final step involved sacrificing a pregnant Mandrake coated in the blood of an immature hawk, or falcon.

Mandrakes weren't like other plants. They needed care as babies, partied, lived with the opposite sex, and carried their young the way mammals, in particular - humans, do. And we'd have to kill a pregnant one for this potion. I comforted myself with the fact Professor Sprout, who loved her plants dearly, routinely harvested the mature ones, even pregnant ones such as this, to be used in various potions. It being pregnant wasn't that different, it just seemed that way because the Mandrakes were humanoid.

We'd also have to kill a baby falcon to get enough blood. I was not looking forward to that part. It would definitely be the worst endeavor for the entire potion, but at least once it was done, we'd be able to destroy the Horcruxes.

Severus had offered to do it alone, but I refused to put it all on him.

When I'd been hesitant during my last meeting with Professor Dumbledore, he'd reminded me what all was at stake if we failed. To that end, he'd procured a sickly falcon that would not have survived anyways to be used. It didn't really make it any easier, but he reminded me again that it had to be done.

Last night we'd spent several hours completing the final stages of the potion in preparation for the last step and we'd talked all the while, distracting me from what I'd have to do today.

Things hadn't changed between us after he healed me. I'd secretly hoped they would. Especially after what I overheard between him and Lily, but there was nothing.

I was grateful for his help, but he waved off my gratitude and just pointed out that it wouldn't have killed me, just caused me excruciating agony. Because that was the point of my thanks, of course. It must have been the pain making me imagine that he was worried. Wishful thinking.

"During my fourth year, Draco upset a professor, and as punishment, he got turned into a ferret. The professor was bouncing him all over the place. It was hilarious," I said to get us started; this time with amusing stories of unfortunate things that happened to people we didn't much care for during our school years.

This was usually how it went. We'd work in silence until I picked a topic for the day and got the conversation started. Then we'd trade stories back and forth that followed the same vein.

"Hmmm. During my fourth year, Potter was showing off during a Quidditch match and managed to get himself stuck inside one of the Keeper rings. It took twenty minutes to free him and the whole time he was dangling helplessly as the entire school watched," he said with a particularly satisfied grin.

I could picture the whole thing. It seemed right in line with the James I was coming to know. Severus appreciated the memory for the embarrassment factor, but I bet James loved having all of the attention and the fact everyone likely talked about it for weeks afterwards.

We were slowly getting to know the ins and outs of each other. He seemed particularly inclined to this topic, sharing far more than he usually did. I didn't mind. I enjoyed the sound of his voice. Soft, smooth as velvet, and intense. It didn't really matter what he was saying, when he spoke, I was drawn to listen. It was soothing, reassuring, chilling, but in some undefinable and addictive way.

It was a little after midnight when we finished. The final step had to be completed 578 minutes after the last which put us at 9:48 AM.

We'd both gone straight back to the lab that morning, neither very inclined to eat beforehand. I'd already warned Minerva I'd been working on something for Professor Dumbledore today, so she shouldn't expect to see me.

We had eighteen minutes to go.

Today while we worked, I distracted myself by quizzing Severus about Voldemort's movements. We'd have the potion soon, so I'd be able to go after the Horcruxes. I just didn't know where to start. I needed the information in order to make a proper decision or help Professor Dumbledore make one.

"What are his plans for Hogwarts?" I asked Severus abruptly.

"Nothing for the moment," Severus said, raising an eyebrow at my line of questions, but he merely continued preparing the final ingredients.

Severus was used to my starting in on a subject as though we were in the middle of a conversation rather just beginning one. It was something Ron and Harry had never gotten used to, no matter how often I did it.

This was another wonderful thing about Severus. He knew to go with it when I was like this. The boys used to badger me with questions until I'd fully explained my thoughts. Severus trusted me enough to not push.

It was unexpected. He'd always pushed Professor Dumbledore to know more, but with me he didn't. I was grateful.

"You're certain?" I asked, needing the reassurance.

In my time, Voldemort had assumed the diadem was safe and hadn't once checked on it after hiding it years earlier. He'd been arrogant and thought no other had explored the castle enough to find the Room of Hidden Things, according to Harry. I was counting on that arrogance now. If Voldemort had no immediate plans for Hogwarts, then we could safely destroy that one and he'd not know it was missing for quite some time. Hopefully never.

"He is content with my presence here," Severus confirmed.

"When do you think he'll make a move to take over the castle?" I asked, wanting to cover all of my bases just in case.

"He has not mentioned a desire to do so at present. I believe the threat of Dumbledore is enough to dissuade him from trying anything so long as Dumbledore remains headmaster," he said, pausing long enough to study me intently. I wondered what he was thinking. His thoughts were always such a mystery.

If that was true, and I had no reason to doubt that it was, the diadem could be destroyed this very day. One less piece of Voldemort to taint the world. All we'd have to do, was ensure Professor Dumbledore remained alive and healthy through the end of the war. Without Draco around being forced to kill him, it shouldn't be a problem. Plus, this time I could warn him about the ring before he tried to put it on.

"What about the Ministry?" I asked as he continued to examine me.

"That is where his attention is directed for now," he said before offering me the specialized silver blade as I had insisted _I_ be the one to complete this step.

I would never forget watching the Pensieve memory where he pled with the headmaster, " _And my soul, Dumbledore? Mine?_ " I refused to put him in a similar position, even if it was only a sickly, dying animal. I would not ask him to kill on my behalf.

Eleven minutes to go. To increase potency, the spilt blood must be as fresh as possible.

"What is he planning?" I asked, referring to the Ministry.

"He's inserting those loyal to him in places of power, or coercing those that he cannot replace," he said wearily, and he turned to retrieve the scrawny, wilted bird.

"Will he try anything significant soon?"

"No. He is taking his time. He does not want to draw too much notice. He intends to slip in quietly and have everything in place, so that when he does make his move, it's too late to resist."

"And by then, no one will dare to try. They'll be to used to the new way or too scared to speak out," I said, remembering those exact events taking place in my time.

"Precisely," he said with a sharp nod.

"Has he mentioned Regulus?" I asked suddenly.

This was the other Horcrux I had debated destroying first. Regulus was already dead by the time I'd arrived. It'd happened only a month after he graduated last summer. But that meant the locket had already been replaced with a fake and that Kreacher was in possession of the real one.

Mrs. Black was still alive though, so I wasn't sure how we would manage to get ahold of it without enlisting Sirius's help and that was something I'd rather avoid doing if possible. He was just too irrational where his family was concerned and it wasn't like I could tell him the truth. If I could, that would have made things a whole lot simpler. Though maybe that was something to consider...

"No. Why do you ask?" he asked in surprise, breaking me from my reverie. I doubt he'd spared a thought for Regulus since hearing about his death. I doubt anyone aside from Kreacher, and possibly Mrs. Black, had in fact. If they only knew the truth!

"How much do you know about what happened to him?" I asked curiously. Now that I thought about it, I wondered just what tale Voldemort had concocted. Sirius had relayed the rumors he'd heard, but Severus was part of the inner circle, so he might know more.

"Only what has been whispered. He was a coward. The Dark Lord killed him as a punishment and to serve as a warning to the rest of us," he said almost absently, looking at the clock.

Six minutes.

"What about the Malfoys? Are they in _his_ favor?" I asked now.

As far as I knew, Lucius already had the diary. At least, he'd had it by the time Voldemort had murdered the Potters. We needed an in with him in order to get it. The diary and Hufflepuff's cup would be the two most challenging to get ahold of. And the two most likely to be discovered missing. Those we would have to wait to obtain, at least for now.

"Yes. Disgustingly so. The Dark Lord sees their son as the dawning of a new generation of Death Eaters. Same with the Crabbe, Goyle, and Nott families," he said nastily. "Lucius is his crown jewel, however."

"Hmmm," I said at that. That was very good to hear. "Do your best to help it stay that way - if possible. And befriend Narcissa. We may need her loyalty."

He looked flabbergasted. The very idea of Narcissa giving us, a traitor and a Mudblood, her loyalty was a bit ludicrous, but I had a few ideas there. Including the truth. I knew her weakness, after all - Draco.

That would, of course, be held in reserve to be used only as a last resort though.

"I hope you know what you're doing," was all Severus said as he took out the pitifully chirping falcon. The sounds didn't have the right quality at all, more of a death rattle to be honest. His fingers brushed gently over its matted and clumpy feathers. It had several bald spots where they were already missing.

Three minutes.

"I'm ensuring fail-safes. A trick I learned from Professor Dumbledore - and _you_ ," I said vaguely, though rather pointedly.

"If you say so," he muttered as I took the delicate bird from him at last.

It was so light. The tiny life didn't struggle at all, too weak to move or protest. Its eyes were milky, green pus oozing from the corners. Ending its pitiful life would be a mercy, but that hardly helped. I should have made Professor Dumbledore do this himself.

"What of the Lestranges?"

"Bellatrix grovels at every possible opportunity. It's sickening."

"But useful," I insisted as I grasped the blade harder.

"Anything else you'd like to know?" he drawled, moving closer and picking up the muffled Mandrake.

"No, I think I have a plan," I said.

It was time.

I looked up into Severus's eyes as I plunged the blade deeply into the falcon's breast. It didn't make a sound. Severus held the Mandrake under the dripping blood with one hand while his other moved to mine still clutching the blade as he helped me pull it out. A brown and tan speckled feather clung to the wetness on the blade. His touch was reassuring. As the first of my tears fell, he gave me a single nod before dropping the christened Mandrake into the potion.

With one and a quarter final measured counterclockwise stirs it was ready.

We stoppered it in specialized vials, again diamond brushed titanium, the only thing immune to the potion. There were ten, just in case. I stored five in my beaded purse and pocketed the others to give to Professor Dumbledore. Severus cleaned up while I left.

I took one now to Professor Dumbledore. He was not in his office when I arrived. The events of the morning left me feeling restless and seeing Fawkes made it impossible to wait in his office for the headmaster to return. I wasn't sure I'd ever look at birds without recalling this morning again.

Deciding I might as well retrieve the diadem, I headed to the Room of Requirement.

The Room of Hidden Things was as I remembered it. Broken and forgotten items were piled everywhere. It took hours of searching. I tried several spells, but gave up when they failed and began slowly picking my way through the clutter instead.

Had everything in here been hidden by students over the years? If so, Voldemort was a fool not to realize others could find it. There must be stuff belonging to thousands of former students in here.

When I finally found it, I was afraid to touch it. Harry had, and nothing happened, but Harry wasn't here with me now and well, he was _Harry_.

His connection to Voldemort was so mysterious. Most things were explained away by Harry being a Horcrux and containing a bit of Voldemort's soul, but there were other things too, such as their both being Peverell descendants or how similar their upbringings were, that struck me as very odd. I wondered just how large a role they had played in possibly helping him succeed.

I didn't plan to destroy the diadem here. I wanted confirmation from Professor Dumbledore that it would be safe to do in the castle and that this was the right move - destroying it now that is. I didn't want to risk ruining things by acting too soon. This seemed like the right move, but I wanted his opinion. He was far wiser as far as these things go.

I'd also thought a lot about who would actually destroy the Horcruxes. In the end, I realized I only wanted to be the one to destroy the cup, just as I'd done before. Professor Dumbledore was welcome to destroy the rest.

Transfiguring a broken boomerang into a bag, I carefully stowed the precious, though condemned, diadem inside using only the cloth of the bag to touch it, and returned to Professor Dumbledore's office.

He was there this time, sitting, hands steepled under his chin, and watching the doorway as though waiting for me to appear.

I handed off the bag, explaining what was inside and why I thought it was safe to destroy now. Beside the bag, I carefully set the vials of potion Severus and I had brewed. After extracting the diadem, Professor Dumbledore spent a long time contemplating it.

"Rowena's you say?" Dumbledore asked over the muttering of the portraits. They were being very verbose during this visit. "Such a shame," he said with a sigh, giving a little shake at the waste of such an extraordinary object.

"Yes, but then, so is the story of how Voldemort came by it," I intoned gravely.

He looked up puzzled, so I relayed what Harry had told Ron and me. Professor Dumbledore seemed usually surprised by the story. I took it Helena Ravenclaw had never shared this story with the headmaster and he'd never thought to ask. I shouldn't have been surprised. If he had, he'd have told Harry the diadem was a Horcrux instead of saying he _thought_ it might be something that used to belong to Gryffindor or Ravenclaw. The idea struck me as strange, that Professor Dumbledore always seemed to know everything happening around him, yet he'd not bothered to learn the stories of those who lived under his guardianship.

"Love, obsession, greed, betrayal… such powerful emotions drive our actions," he said at last when I'd finished. The statement held tremendous grief, and I thought he was applying it to his own life as much as he was to Helena's.

"Sir?" I finally asked after several minutes of silence and when I thought he'd managed to collect himself.

"Forgive an old man. I was lost in the past. I believe you are correct that this would be safe to destroy now. I will not let him invade the castle while I still live and we can perhaps plant a replica in the meantime, just in case."

"I can plant the fake while you destroy this one," I offered.

"You do not wish to be the one to end this particular piece of Voldemort?" he inquired seeming surprised.

"No, Sir. There is only one piece I am interested in destroying myself," I said.

I wasn't ready to face what it would show me when I did attempt to destroy the cup. The first time had been difficult enough. I wanted to mentally prepare before having to face that again.

" _Gemini_ ," he said clearly to create the duplicate. It was perfect, at least to the casual observer, far superior to the locket replica I had made for Umbridge.

"Be careful, Sir. He will not go quietly," I warned while accepting the fake and exiting the room, eager to be gone from the vile thing's black presence.

At dinner that night, Professor Dumbledore looked pale and shaken, but at my inquiring look he nodded in the affirmative.

One down. Four to go.

* * *

Two weeks later saw me attending Lily's and Alice's baby showers. The girls had decided on a joint one since they were both due at the end of July and had the same set of friends.

After what happened in Diagon Alley, James had become overbearingly protective. He insisted Lily not leave the house without him there to accompany her. She had actually given in with relative ease. I think she was more shaken up than she wanted to let on.

The shower turned out to be more fun than I expected. We played games similar to what Muggles would play, but there were twists. There were charms and potions everyone had to do and take before it started that triggered the games. Instead of 'don't say baby', when someone tried to say the word baby, they'd end up shouting a curse word at the top of their lungs and everyone would end up laughing. And instead of "feed the baby', the container you were 'feeding' would randomly spit up all over the 'parents' by expelling all of the contents in projectile vomit style.

As far as gifts go, most people got practical baby items that the new parents needed. Others not so much.

Marlene had gotten the girls lingerie, both for now and for after the babies were born. She'd laughed saying, "What? They'll need siblings, won't they!" Alice had grinned shyly and stuffed the items hastily back into the gift bag, but Lily had blushed as scarlet as her hair when the racy items, that were nothing more than scraps of lace stitched together, had slipped from the bag to spill across the floor for all to see.

I'd actually gotten Sirius to go in with me for my gift. It was unlimited weekend babysitting for the first few months. I needed Sirius to act as backup in case something for the Order came up and I couldn't. Besides, he was Harry's godfather and would want to spend the time with him. I had to admit to wanting the same. I figured this was the most practical gift I could offer. Both had lost their families, so they had no one to help when they needed a break and first time parents always had it the hardest.

Lily had started crying and hugged me so hard my back popped when I explained.

"Oh, James is going to love it!" she exclaimed. They loved Harry, but they were still relatively newly married and would likely love the downtime to just be _them_ once in a while.

For the Longbottoms I'd gotten them a number of Dark Detectors that I'd secretly coded to specifically go off if in proximity to Bellatrix Lestrange. I'd explained the odd gift by saying, "We're at war and you're both well known Aurors. You have enemies and I want you all safe."

Dorcas wasn't at the party and I had to admit I missed getting the chance to see her. She was off on yet another Order mission for Professor Dumbledore. At this rate she really was going to get herself killed.

At one point during the party, Lily and Marlene cornered me.

"So, you and Sev?" Lily asked suggestively as she dragged me forcibly into the kitchen so we could talk privately, Marlene trailing behind.

"Nothing's happening," I muttered, flushing.

"Wow, wait a second. You fancy _Snape_?" Marlene asked, pouncing on the subject like a cat on a mouse.

"Quiet! It's not exactly something I want getting back to him. He isn't interested," I said swallowing painfully. That was hard to admit, but I knew it to be true. It was Ron all over again. I wasn't "the one".

"Well, to each her own, I guess, but you know Gideon and Fabian would each jump all over that if you'd even hint that they had a chance," Marlene said, gesturing wildly at me and wiggling her eyebrows knowingly.

"I'm not really into redheads," I said evasively. I really did not like the idea of dating either of Ron's uncles. "Besides, I get the impression they are a package deal and I don't think I could handle both," I said teasingly, hoping she'd drop it at that.

It worked. She started sharing a story about these two Muggle blokes she'd taken home the other week and how much fun they had together. Lily and I shared horrified looks over her shoulder that went unheeded by Marlene.

Once Marlene had wandered off, Lily started back in.

"I think you're wrong. Don't give up on him yet," she insisted, grabbing my hand to stop me from leaving when I shook my head in the negative at her words.

"Trust me, it's not me he thinks about like that," I said. She gave me a look that clearly said 'who else would it be' and it made me want to scream at her. How could she not see it? Everyone else did!

"I've known him a long time. I can tell there's something there," she insisted more adamantly.

"You're wrong. It's just friendship," I said, feeling sadness steal over me at the admission. I don't think I realized just how much I wished it were otherwise until that moment.

"Maybe I am, but I don't think so," she said, finally letting go of my hand so I could escape to the bathroom and check my emotions.

A little later, as the party was winding down, I heard some other highly unwelcome news.

"Benjy got fired this week," Alice said. I knew they both worked at the Ministry, though I didn't know what department he was part of.

"What? Why?" Emmeline asked.

"The new werewolf laws," Alice said disgustedly.

I had no idea what she was talking about. Normally, when a new law passed it was posted in the _Daily Prophet_. I still read the _Prophet_ every morning and there had been nothing mentioned recently.

"But he wasn't even infected!" Lily shouted. She was busy pacing the room because Harry started kicking every time she tried to sit down.

Indignant fury was making her swell up even more than her finally protruding belly did. For such a petite women, she sure knew how to work the intimidation factor. Maybe it was a redhead thing. Mrs. Weasley and Ginny both could do it too.

"They don't care. It's still obvious where his scars came from," Emmeline said sadly.

"Guilt by association and all that," Marlene said.

"But that's ridiculous!" I cried.

"I agree," Alice said softly.

"What about Remus?" Lily asked, concern overcoming her as she moved closer to where we all sat.

"Yeah, him too," Alice confirmed. "But he was fired a little while ago. One of the first actually."

"Is that why he hasn't come by these last couple weeks?" Lily asked, her expression pained.

"Probably. You know how you dote on him, Lily. He was probably ashamed and embarrassed," Marlene said.

Lily looked torn, like she was either going to burst into tears or storm over to Remus's and tear him a new one. Pregnancy hormones - what fun!

"I'll go talk to him if you want," I offered.

"Will you? Please," she begged, looking at me hopefully.

* * *

That was how I found myself standing in Remus's run-down flat a little while later.

"Lily's worried about you. We all are, but she can't come to you and you're avoiding her. It isn't exactly fair," I accused.

He looked like he was having a pity party. There were empty alcohol bottles littering the table and dirty dishes all over the place. The rank odor of old trash permeated the place. I wasn't sure how his more sensitive nose handled it, though maybe after a while he'd just stopped noticing. And I very much doubted he had showered recently either. He definitely hadn't bothered to shave. Unkempt stubble covered his jaw like a patchwork quilt, not growing where his scars were.

He needed a wake up call - badly.

"What am I supposed to do?" he asked hoarsely, looking lost and hopeless - defeated.

"Let your friends help you. There is no shame in that," I said firmly.

"How would you know?" he asked dismissively, snorting at the idea that anyone could suffer like he was. It made me furious.

"I had lost everything - I mean _everything_ \- when Professor Dumbledore took me in. Then Lily befriended me and so did everyone else - including you!" I said, a hard edge in my tone. "And things got better. At least you still have your friends."

I hoped he wouldn't start prying, but something about what I said caught his attention. The defeated air had retreated, replaced with curiosity. He was now openly staring at me. His interest made me fidget nervously.

"I don't want to be a burden," he finally said, though he hadn't stopped his assessment of my person.

"You aren't! They love you," I shouted, throwing up my hands and feeling fed up again.

"They shouldn't have to take care of me on top of everything else," he said, putting himself down as he was prone to do.

"Then help them! Focus on helping the Order, so they don't have to raise their son in a world where Voldemort reigns. Help by looking after Lily when James can't. You're strong and competent, and right now she's vulnerable. Don't you think it would ease James's worry to know you were looking out for her when he wasn't around?" The volume of my words had gotten louder and louder, as had their shrillness. By the end I was poking him rather forcefully in the chest to emphasize each word.

"Has anyone ever mentioned how clever you are?" he asked with a weak smile.

"A few times," I said with a shrug, thinking of all the times he himself had. "It won't always be like this - I swear."

"If only we could all share your certainty," he said tiredly, shaking his head and looking out the window forlornly.

"I will change the prejudice laws one day. Just you wait and see," I promised, more determined than ever to keep that promise.

"Thank you. For everything," he said with a soft chuckle, obviously not believing me, but grateful just the same.

"Then you'll go to them?" I asked to confirm his change of mind.

At his nod I left him to straighten himself out and hopefully go where he was wanted.

* * *

"Can you believe they fired them? Just because they were attacked! It's ridiculous and completely - " I ranted to Severus while we worked on some of the school potions we'd been neglecting lately in favor of the Erugo Statim potion. Professor Slughorn had completely abandoned the extra brewing to Severus, so he'd have more time to host his Slug Club gatherings.

"Well… they are filthy beasts," he said dismissively, cutting me off, apparently tired of hearing it.

I was outraged. I couldn't believe he would say such a preposterous thing. I looked at him and he smirked as though enjoying hearing the news. My temper snapped and I smacked him without giving it a second thought. It was like Malfoy during third year. I was so angry I just couldn't contain it any longer.

It felt so good and he looked so furious, I raised my arm to strike him again, but he caught my wrist and tugged me against him.

I released a startled squeak of surprise.

"Do _not_ hit me again," he growled.

"Then don't sound like an ignorant ass!" I fired back, leaning closer in.

His eyes flared for an instant before his lips descended on mine.


	12. Chapter 11

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

PS I'm not JK Rowling, so I don't own anything :(

Chapter 11

June 14, 1980

It had been almost four weeks and nothing.

It was like it had never happened.

I didn't know what to think.

I didn't know what to do.

He didn't seem to be obsessing over it the way I was.

He didn't seem to want a repeat either.

That was probably the most difficult part for me to reconcile with. He had been the one to initiate the kiss. It had been so unexpected. I had a feeling I had just pushed him too far and he'd retaliated on instinct, though for once it hadn't been with razor sharp verbal barbs.

It was a fantasy come true, but afterwards…

I'd finally given up trying to figure it out on my own. Normally, I was excellent at reading situations. When it came to ones that involved me, however, not so much - at least not always. If I were, everything with Ron wouldn't have happened and I wouldn't now be agonizing over the fluctuating state of things between Severus and myself. I needed to talk about it to someone and Lily was the only person here that knew both of us well enough to offer solid advice regarding what I should do.

But I didn't immediately bring it up when I got to her home that evening. It was just after dinner. I found myself reluctant to broach the subject. This was the woman he truly loved after all. She might be heavily pregnant, not to mention totally oblivious, but how could I compete?

We were just discussing Remus when Marlene showed up.

"I don't know what you said that day, but thank you again," Lily said as Marlene flounced in without knocking and threw herself down on the sofa.

Since Lily was basically under house arrest, everyone took turns popping up at her place to keep her company. As she headed into her final month of pregnancy she'd become rather irritable. She didn't like being cooped up and idle. James was going spare. The best way he'd found to help her was to keep her occupied with visitors. So to that end, he'd enlisted all of their friends to drop by whenever they had a free minute to say hi and update her on the state of things in the wizarding world.

This was actually the first time I'd seen Lily since her shower. With end of the year exams, I'd been too busy to leave the castle for any extended period of time before today and she'd been unable to come to me. It had only been at the last minute that I'd gotten enough done to be able to slip off today. I didn't think I could wait until the students were gone to come talk to Lily about this, it was weighing on me far too much even if it was just another week. The students were leaving next Friday and the staff were supposed to leave Hogwarts a couple days after that.

Minerva had said I could stay with her over the summer, but I didn't want to impose. My salary at Hogwarts was enough to cover room and board at the Hog's Head for the summer and I planned to go there instead. Minerva insisted the offer was open should I change my mind, but Aberforth was giving me a discount as a favor to his brother, so I would likely just stay there.

At first I debated on whether to tell Marlene about the kiss as well, but then I figured given her experience with men, any advice she had to give wouldn't hurt. Now I just had to actually tell them. Right, how hard could that be?

Ginny was the only person I'd ever discussed boys with and even then, it was almost always about Ginny's feelings for Harry. It had been too uncomfortable for me to talk to her about Ron considering he was he brother. Harry had never asked about things with Viktor, Cormac, or Ron. And Ron was just plain clueless. I wondered if he even knew I'd kissed someone before him… Though maybe he'd assumed I had and that was his motivation for some of our worse fights.

"What are you talking about?" Marlene asked.

"Hermione talked to Remus and ever since, it's like he's a different person," Lily explained.

"Is that why he's over here all the time now?" Marlene asked, stretching out to lie down.

"Yes. It's been wonderful. He's actually letting us help him for the first time ever," Lily said, beaming brightly.

"I'm surprised he isn't here now," Marlene said, adding, "He has been every other time I've been here this last month."

"Oh, didn't you hear? Peter just got back! The boys all went out to celebrate," Lily said excitedly. All I could do was offer a weak smile in agreement. I'd sincerely hoped he'd stay gone. Guess I'd lucked out.

"That's great! How's he been?" I forced out with false enthusiasm when Lily looked at me expectantly.

"Really good I think, but homesick. You should have seen him when he showed up this morning. He wanted to know every detail about what happened while he was away," Lily said.

"Yep, that sounds like Peter. He was always in the thick of it, hated to miss out on all the action," Marlene said.

When Marlene paused, something about the word action triggered my confession and the words burst out, "Severus kissed me."

I hadn't meant to tell them quite like that, but now it was out and all I could do was think about it and reminisce.

It had been nothing like the way Ron kissed. That was all tongue and slobber and mashing teeth and bumping noses and groping hands. Pent up passion and inexperience taking the reins.

This had been intense. A slow burn spontaneously igniting into a full blown inferno. Embers burning in my belly, champagne bubbles fizzing and popping in my veins. He'd tasted of peppermint, his lips soft as his tongue slid erotically against my own. It left me reeling and light-headed, dizzy for several minutes afterwards. If he hadn't had his arms wrapped around me, holding me up, my knees would have surely given out. They offered support and firm pressure as though unwilling to let even an inch of space exist between our bodies.

My hands had gotten tangled in his hair. The silky ebony stands slipped through my fingers when I gripped his head to hold him closer. It was soft and fine, so very different from my own thick springy curls.

And the look he'd given me afterwards… it was heated, an all consuming desire - for me, and me alone. His dark eyes had glittered, deep pools of indigo ink I could easily get lost in.

But then he'd gone. Fleeing the room without a word as if hellhounds snapped insistently at his feet.

"WHAT?" shouted both girls, dragging my thoughts back to the present as the memory faded. It was starting to feel more like a dream than anything concrete and real. Was it wrong to prefer fantasy to reality?

"Uh, yeah… he kissed me," I mumbled.

"When?" Lily demanded then winced a little and rubbed a spot on her side where Harry had likely kicked.

"After your baby shower," I admitted, giving her a sheepish look.

"And you're just telling us _now_?" Marlene asked, both outraged and offended.

"I haven't seen any of you since then!" I said defensively. They both waved that off though, anxious to get back to the real topic at hand.

"Wait - _he_ kissed _you_?" Lily asked incredulously. I'd honestly been just as shocked. I nodded to her.

"What happened after?" Marlene asked.

"Nothing," I muttered, the frustration of the last few weeks leaking into my voice unbidden.

"At all?" Lily asked in surprise, frowning a little. Clearly, that hadn't been what she'd expected to hear after learning he'd been the one to initiate things.

"Nope," I said, shaking my head in denial. "Look - I'm not exactly well versed when it comes to relationships. What should I do?"

"Kiss him again," Marlene said like it was obvious.

I'd actually considered that - provoking him into a fight to see if he'd do a repeat. But that seemed underhanded, cliched, and forced. I wanted something real if it were possible. Plus, I'd tried manipulating him when I first got here and that was one thing. Actively doing so now that we had developed a friendship just didn't seem right.

"What do you want to happen?" Lily asked, giving me an assessing look.

"I want to know what he's thinking," I said, annoyed that I didn't have a clue. I looked to her, waiting for advice and absently stroked her new kitten curled up against the side of my leg.

The newest addition to the Potter family was so tiny it fit in the palm of my hand, and when you picked him up, he'd stick his legs straight out and give a little yowl of protest that sounded more reminiscent of a squeaky rubber duck toy than a ferocious beast. It was a long haired black tuxedo cat with a white patch just under its chin. Though right now the fur was all fluffy and stuck up everywhere, much the same way James's hair did. According to Lily, the kitten had started begging for scraps last week and James had fallen completely in love and begged her to let them keep him. His name was still up for debate at the moment. Lily was leaning towards Mr. Dapurr because of the white bow tie or Fuzzinator McClaws, while James was all for Furrocious.

"Have you thought to ask him?" Lily asked, holding her hand out like that was the obvious move to make.

"He's too busy pretending it never happened," I said in frustration, burying my head in my hands.

"You sure this is what you want?" Lily asked quietly. I had a feeling she was worried about her friend's feelings, and I didn't mean mine.

"I think so," I admitted, thinking about it seriously for a couple minutes.

"Then you have to tell him. Trust me. He's not going to be the first one to put himself out there. It'll have to be you if you're serious about this," Lily said patiently as a knock sounded. Marlene hopped up to get it since Lily's belly got in the way too much for her to easily move around anymore.

"Yes, you're right about that," I said as Marlene returned with Dorcas behind her.

Dorcas looked around, raising a questioning eyebrow when I flushed under the scrutiny and sagely asked, "What'd I miss?"

"Well, go on - tell her!" Marlene insisted, so I did.

"Severus? Really? Huh… I guess that makes sense. But what about Gideon?" Dorcas asked, looking from me to Marlene significantly. That was the second time now one or both of the Prewett twins had been referenced in relation to me.

"What about him?" I asked cautiously.

"You really didn't know, did you?" Dorcas asked and Marlene grinned evilly.

"No?" I questioned, afraid of where this was heading.

"That he's been trying to ask you out for what - a couple months now, right, Marlene?" Dorcas informed me, looking to Marlene for backup.

"At least," Marlene agreed. I shot Lily an accusing look, angry she hadn't warned me about it before now.

"Hey! Don't look at me! This is the first I'm hearing about this too," Lily said huffily.

"He's not… he won't be… " I tried to say, worried about what this would mean for our friendship and working relationship.

"Don't worry. He'll get over it," Marlene said, brushing it off entirely.

"Especially once he sees you with Severus," Dorcas said ruefully.

"Speaking of… What are you still doing here then? Go get him!" Marlene instructed.

"What, now?" I asked, shocked.

"Of course! Before you lose your nerve," Marlene insisted and Lily nodded in agreement.

* * *

He was in the lab when I returned, brewing a calming draught for the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey was running low post exams and it was better to stock up now instead of waiting till the start of term since the potion could be preserved for months and still be effective.

I breathed the soothing vapors gratefully. That would make this easier.

"How's Lily?" he asked after catching sight of me hovering in the doorway. My spirits sank. Was there really any point in trying when I'd always come second, even if he was willing to try?

"She's doing really well. Bored, but that's to be expected," I said as naturally as I could, trying desperately to fall into the easy rhythm we usually had.

"And you enjoyed yourself?" he asked.

"Yes," I said stepping closer. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth, prepared to ask.

"Hand me the dried lavender, would you?" he asked absently, his focus entirely on the large cauldron before him. I deflated, but did as he asked. He looked up as he took it, assessing me. Apparently, I wasn't quick enough to mask my disappointment because he asked, "What's wrong?"

"Why did you kiss me?" I asked in a rush, forcing the words out on a timid exhale.

His mouth gaped open and he just stared at me. It finally opened and shut twice, but no words came out.

"Did you mean to, or was it an accident?" I finally asked when he appeared too stunned to speak.

"You mean did I trip and fall on your mouth?" he asked drolly, and I let out a surprised giggle that eased much of the tension swelling uncomfortably between us.

"Hmm, yes, just like that," I returned with a small smile. I bit my lip, trying to contain the hopeful sparks that had ignited the moment I realized he was actually willing to discuss this with me rather than brush it off. Maybe, just maybe, he had been dwelling on it as much as I had.

"I meant to," he admitted after another minute of staring at me.

"To shut me up or because you wanted to?"

"I wanted to," he said, a frown creasing his brow.

"And do you want to again?"

"Do you?" he returned.

"Yes," I admitted, hoping he'd take the risk with me. He nodded, but I wasn't sure if it was in acknowledgement of my admission or an agreement to wanting the same.

He slowly reached out and brushed the tips of his fingers over the back of my hand where it lay on the workbench. Both of our eyes were riveted to his movements. The gesture was timid, afraid of being rebuked, almost nonexistent.

I remembered Lily saying I'd have to be the brave one, so I summed my Gryffindor courage.

"Would you like to go on a date this weekend - with me?"

His startled eyes shot up to mine and the fingers touching mine jumped. I saw him swallow and thought for a moment he wouldn't answer. Then he nodded and whispered, "Yes."

I grinned and hurried from the room to save both of us from the awkwardness sure to descend.

* * *

Saturday saw me suffering through a bout of nerves at lunch. Severus was apparently skipping the meal altogether just as he had breakfast. I hoped that meant he was just as nervous. Knowing that he was would certainly make me feel better.

Minerva finally got fed up with my inattentiveness and jumpy actions.

"Well? What is going on with you today?" Minerva asked.

Pomona leaned closer to hear the response as well.

"I have a date with Severus today," I admitted, biting my lip as I waited for their responses.

The two women looked at one another in surprise. I don't think either were expecting that.

"Are you certain? It's just, he's always -" Minerva started, but stopped after spotting my frown. I didn't like the idea of her putting him down. "Never mind, I can see that you are. Very well, I wish you both the best," she finished.

"Yes, you two are well matched," Pomona agreed quickly. She looked eager to leave the table and tell anyone who would listen the gossip she was now in possession of. Luckily, I knew she would restrict that to the staff she'd known and been friends with for years, such as Filius and Hooch, and they were safe.

I relaxed and grinned at the pair before changing the subject to ask what they thought about the eighteen Muggle deaths that happened in Wrexham the night before.

"It must have been Death Eaters," Minerva insisted, looking furious. "Cowards!"

"Was there a Dark Mark?" Pomona asked.

"No," I answered, remembering the article mentioning that. "But they may have been interrupted before having the chance to cast it."

"Dumbledore's Order, no doubt," Minerva said approvingly, and I wondered again why she was not already a part of the Order. Why had Professor Dumbledore waited until the second war to include her?

Minerva and Pomona switched to discussing which former students had recently passed, and I excused myself to go begin preparing for my date.

* * *

We met just outside the castle gates at six that evening.

Since I asked him, I offered to plan it and he seemed relieved. In the end, I decided a Muggle place would be best. We needed to avoid being recognized and reported back to Voldemort. It would not do to bring me back to Voldemort's attention. So far it had been sheer luck that had kept me off his radar since that first night, especially given the number of times I'd engaged his followers over the last few months. If he decided to target me, well… I knew too much. It would be beyond dangerous. He also couldn't learn that his loyal Death Eater was dating a Mudblood. If that knowledge were to get back to him… It would put both of us at risk. We had to be careful - at least until we figured something out or knew if this was even going to go anywhere.

The place I picked was a family-run restaurant near my childhood home. It was the site of my parents' first date. They used to go all the time for special occasions, but it closed down when I was in primary school. Since I now had the chance to see it, I really wanted to. Besides, tonight was important and I liked the idea that my parents could be part of it, however possible.

Severus was wearing black jeans and I had to smother a laugh at the sight. Not that they looked bad on him or anything, just the opposite in fact. But I'd never really pictured him wearing Muggle clothes before. He was just so quintessentially wizard that he looked out of place dressed as a Muggle. He wore a lightweight soft grey sweater with it and had tucked his hair back behind his ears. I was rather surprised, though certainly pleased, that he wasn't trying to hide behind it as usual. My approach earned a slight smile from the silent man as his eyes took me in every bit as carefully as mine had him.

I had ended up transfiguring the dress robes I'd brought with me into a icy pale pink sundress with a scalloped edge. I had an ivory cardigan to go with it in case the London evening demonstrated its typical chilly weather. And to cover my scars. Having the word Mudblood carved into your arm tended to draw unwanted attention whenever it was exposed. Hiding it was partially to keep Severus from feeling uncomfortable. I had come to terms with that word a long time ago, and now I even felt as though I owned it. That was not the case for him. That word would always be associated with pain and loss - and Lily. I'd rather not give him extra reason to think of her tonight. Plus, explaining away its presence would not be easy or particularly welcome during our first date should a Muggle comment on it. Not to mention that because it had been a cursed blade, the wound looked perpetually fresh. Thank you, Bellatrix, for ensuring I would _never_ forget you.

I'd also taken pains to tame my wild hair even more than usual and had pinned one side back, letting the rest fall in cascading ringlets down my back. I hadn't cut it since being here and it was getting extremely long. I'd even applied some makeup, shell pink lip gloss, mascara, and the barest hint of blush. Not much, but I wanted to look nice and show him I was trying - that I was serious about this.

We stared awkwardly at one another for several moments, neither really sure what to do next. Deciding things were only going to get worse the longer we stood there, I took his hand for Side-Along-Apparation. When we arrived at the restaurant I released my grip, intending to let go of his hand lest he feel uncomfortable, but he tightened his own and threaded his fingers through mine. I grinned up at him, grateful that he was as reluctant as I was to lose contact. His grip was strong and sure. His hand large, dwarfing mine. I felt callouses, but they weren't unpleasant. Instead, the places they brushed felt tingly and electrified.

The restaurant was just as I thought it would be, quaint, cozy. It looked more like an overly large sitting room in someone's home than a typical dining establishment. It had been refurbished to fit ten or twelve little tables around the edges of the room with one larger table for bigger groups set in the middle. Soft music played in the background, quiet enough not to disrupt conversation. There were four other couples already there when we arrived. It wasn't overly romantic, which was a relief - I don't think either of us would have enjoyed something like Madam Puddifoot's.

The menu was ideal as well. I'd noted over the last few months that Severus tended to stick to more basic and bland foods, rarely ever adding extras or going for the sweeter more decadent options that were offered at Hogwarts. Here he had the choice of things like roasts and grilled chicken that would be more to his liking.

When the waiter came, Severus ordered a bottle of red wine for us to share and I was surprised that he knew enough of wine to pick one of such high quality.

I'd traveled to France with my family on numerous occasions growing up, and the last had been over the Christmas holidays during my sixth year. We'd gone on a tour of a vineyard and visited the winery where we did a tasting that was very informative.

After our greeting, I thought it would be awkward. That the night would be extremely forced, especially in light of it being our first date and neither of us was the most experienced, but it wasn't. We immediately fell into our normal bantering, conversing with ease just as we did at normal meal times.

That didn't mean it didn't have the feel of a date though. He'd never watched me so intently before. I was his entire focus. It was a heedy, powerful feeling, this being the center of his world - even for this short period of time. I thought I was floating and my cheeks actually ached a little from smiling so much.

He smiled more too. I even got him to laugh, like out loud not a suppressed chuckle, at one point, something I was sure had never happened before. Occasionally, he brushed the tips of his fingers lightly against mine where our hands rested on the table. It was the same thing he'd done the other day in the lab when we'd agreed to a date.

During dinner we revisited the topic of inventing spells, the same thing that had begun our friendship.

"Why don't you invent your own potions, the way you invent jinxes?" I asked suddenly. He was so creative, not to mention already talented at tweaking potions, I didn't understand why he didn't just invent new ones.

"Potions take too long to brew in the first place. It's time consuming to perform a trial," he said as though that explained everything. "Besides, it's too easy for something to go catastrophically - deadly wrong."

"So you have considered it!" I exclaimed, thrilled by the discovery.

"Yes, but there's usually an easier, faster way. Saying a spell will often produce the same, or similar, results."

"So you don't plan on ever creating a cure to lycanthropy or a better magical mess remover?"

He'd never had the time to devote to such an endeavor, working for both Voldemort and Professor Dumbledore. If things went differently and the war ended sooner, maybe he could do something worthwhile with his intelligence. I was curious what he'd already considered.

Besides, potions like Wolfsbane didn't exist yet. I wondered if he'd be able to go a step further and create a cure. It'd been possible for dragon pox after all, and that was just a different type of infection, so technically, or perhaps theoretically, it should be possible as well.

"Why? Would you be interested in working with me?" he asked, sounding truly interested by the idea for the first time.

"Maybe. It would certainly be enlightening," I said. I'd not considered that option, but we did work well together and it could be very exciting to experiment with him.

"For profitable reasons or academic?"

"Either, honestly," I admitted.

"Perhaps this summer, or more likely, after the Dark Lord's defeat, we could devote our energies to such an endeavor," he offered with a smile. I was already looking forward to it.

After dinner we took a moonlit stroll through the bustling city streets and continued our conversation from dinner. He held my hand again and it was strangely intimate for such an innocent action.

When a park appeared, he led me across the grass and into a shadowy, secluded area.

The gentle kiss he bestowed upon me was nothing like the first one. This was sweet, tender, and portrayed a hope that it would be the first of many. I hoped for the same.

I sighed when he leaned back, looking down at me and studying my face as he gently tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. His hand lingered on my face, warm fingers brushing over my cheek softly.

"Did I mention how beautiful you look tonight?" he asked quietly.

"No, but thank you," I said, feeling a grin splitting my face.

"I'd like to do this again," he admitted, looking uncertain for the first time all evening.

"I'd like that too," I said quickly, hoping to put him at ease. "I really would," I added to make sure he understood the depth of my feelings.

This, with him, felt right. We fit. We complemented one another in a way I don't think anyone else ever would, or could. If only he could see it too and was willing to let me in.

He kissed me again. And this time it was passionate, consuming, very much like the one we shared in the lab several weeks ago.


	13. Chapter 12

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

PS I'm not JK Rowling, so I don't own anything :(

Chapter 12

July 31, 1980

It was finally happening. Today was the day Harry would be born. I didn't know when it would happen - I don't think he'd ever known himself. But I woke up early anyways, unable to sleep past five. I'd flooed Severus at seven, too impatient to wait any longer, and begged him to grab breakfast with me. I needed something to occupy my time as I anxiously awaited the birth of my best friend.

Apparently, Harry wasn't as anxious to meet the rest of us.

Severus took one look at me as he grumpily entered the Hog's Head and sighed. He knew it would happen soon, but I don't think he'd put it together until he saw my reaction.

"So the world will be inflicted with another Potter today, won't it?" he asked with the patented sneer he reserved for Sirius and James. I gave him a dirty look and pursed my lips, but didn't reprimand him.

I knew they'd never be friends, but I wished they'd at least try to be friendly with one another. I'd tried a couple times, enlisting Lily to help me. But it had been unequivocally unsuccessful. Hell, at this point I'd settle for genuine civility.

Professor Dumbledore was delusional if he honestly believed all it took was being on the same side of a war.

"Sorry," Severus muttered as he slumped tiredly into the seat across from me. It _was_ rather early to be up over the summer holidays.

At least Severus respected the fact that I was friends with them, and he usually tired not to insult them too frequently around me. They were the same way. Biting back snide retorts in favor of silence and telling looks since learning I'd begun dating Severus.

That had been an interesting conversation, and honestly a particularly awful one. James just stared in incredulous amazement, acting like I had lost my mind. Sirius on the other hand, had turned nasty.

 _"_ Snivellus _? That's disgusting," Sirius said, performing an exaggerated fake gagging scene for those still assembled after the most recent Order meeting. Most had left already, but a couple had loitered, including James and Sirius._

 _"Si - " Lily tried to intervene, but at my hasty gesture of silence, she gratefully backed off to let me handle it. I appreciated her willingness to defend Severus, something she'd always done as a child, but had quit doing in more recent years. But now was not the time. This was my battle._

 _"As if you're any better! You're nothing but an arrogant, in-bred, hypocrite!" I'd shouted, catching Sirius and the others completely off guard._

 _"WHAT? I'm nothing of the sort!" Sirius cried, looking supremely outraged and offended._

 _"All you do is show off, and act like you're better than everyone when you aren't! I've see - heard what you were like in school, and you haven't changed all that much," I accused, anger making my blood boil and my vision narrow. Not to mention almost making me slip up._

 _Thanks to Harry, I'd never been able to properly tell Sirius off for the things he did, and there were a number of them that I didn't agree with. The one time I'd tried, he'd jumped all over me, furious that I'd dare suggest Sirius wasn't perfect. Granted, some of my issues with him didn't apply in this time, but several things did. Now, I could finally say something without fearing I'd upset Harry._

 _My accusation wasn't entirely true. I knew that, and felt slightly guilty, but fighting any perceived injustice was ingrained in my very nature. I always felt pushed to stick up for those that either couldn't, or wouldn't, stick up for themselves. I knew Severus was perfectly capable of sticking up for himself and often made the exact same mistakes Sirius was guilty of. He'd already admitted that he'd given as good as he'd gotten many times over the years, but he wasn't here now, so I felt the need to be defensive on his behalf._

 _Besides, I wanted them to one day get along. I needed them to all own up to their mistakes so we could move forward. I'd recognized that Remus had tried that when he worked with Severus at Hogwarts during my third year. And it had worked - to some extent. Severus hadn't had anyone urging him to grow up and see it for what it was, but now he did. Hopefully, that's all it would take… Well, that and time._

 _Seeing Sirius's stricken expression right now though, reminded me that I wasn't being entirely fair saying the things I'd just said. I'd noted the differences between the memories I'd seen and the man in front of me, but I was too furious to care. I'd also realized that Azkaban had done a number on him and likely emphasized all of his less desirable traits, such as his recklessness, selfishness, and bitterness. It was a perfect case of arrested development, at least as far as his childhood and emotional development went._

 _But right now I was too upset to let that knowledge temper my words._

 _"You say one thing then go and do another!" I continued, really on a roll now. "How can you fight to stop Voldemort's prejudice when you're guilty of doing the same?"_

 _"I am_ nothing _like him! How dare you suggest - "_

 _"What do you call it then?" I screamed. The entire room was silent, watching our verbal volley._

 _"It's not the same. He - he's evil!" Sirius stuttered out like this was a well know, obvious fact. And one that justified his every action._

 _I remembered him once saying, "_ Yes, but the world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters," _yet he failed to believe his own words where Severus was concerned. The idea that nobody is wholly good or wholly evil seemed to just be something he preached, rather than practiced._

 _Tears were flowing unchecked down my face, almost sizzling against my burning cheeks._

 _"And what you're doing isn't? You bully and traumatize those less fortunate than yourself_ _or those that remind you of the life you escaped_ _. You act like it's alright because it's all for a laugh, but you don't care who you hurt in the process! You make assumptions because of the House a_ hat _places someone in when they're only eleven years old! Severus was just a child when you decided he was evil and not worth your time! It's no different from Voldemort's thinking all Mudbloods are worthless because of who their parents are!" The words were hard to understand through my tears, despite their volume, but once I started, there was no stopping._

 _"Hermione… " James whispered, holding out his hands placatingly. Both boys were shaking their heads furiously in denial of the accusation, their eyes wide with shock._

 _"No! No, I won't sit here and let you insult him. He's a good man and I care about him," I choked out between sobs._

 _"But why?" James asked, still looking confused, but at least willing to listen._

 _I think becoming a father, even if Harry wasn't born yet, had helped mature him more than anything else, including Lily's influence or fighting in a war. He was more respectful and tolerant than I remembered hearing about in the stories of his youth. He had new priorities now, and his actions and opinions reflected his need to do right by the innocent life he was now charged with protecting and raising._

 _Sirius just looked furious over what I'd said about him, though he was no longer protesting or arguing. Underlying all of that, however, was unmistakable hurt. I felt a brief flash of guilt stab me over my harsh words. He really was a good person, but sometimes he could just be so cruel and vicious._

 _"Every day he risks his life to make sure we have the information we need to win this war," I explained._

 _"But how do you know he isn't really loyal to Voldemort?" James asked, sounding almost desperate to understand. He needed this reassurance. It was his family at stake._

 _"Trust me. I know. He has his reasons. They aren't for me to share, but you need to trust him," I said without an ounce of hesitation or doubt._

 _"He's always been so quick to turn to the Dark Arts," James continued though slowly, questioningly._

 _"You lot shut him out! If you'd tried befriending him instead of targeting him, maybe he wouldn't have felt like that was his only option!"_

 _"He chose to become a Death Eater," Sirius said, like that justified his every prior action against Severus and vindicated him from my earlier allegations._

 _"He made a mistake. One he regrets and is trying to set right. Don't pretend you've never made a mistake. You've proved capable of just as much cruelty as any Death Eater, haven't you? But can you say you've learned from it? Because I don't think you have," I said, wavering between pleading with them to understand, and blaming them for their youthful follies. At the confused expressions, I elaborated, "Using Remus in a deadly 'prank' ring any bells?" Both Marauders and Lily paled hearing that._

 _Neither said anything more and I left immediately after, too upset to spend any more time with them or listen to any additional excuses._

I hadn't told Severus about the altercation, reluctant to have it out with him for the same reason when my emotions were already so raw. I knew if we did, I'd just throw similar accusations at him.

Things were awkward and tense after that, everyone walking on eggshells around each other. But they made it clear they were respecting my choice by trying to withhold judgment and comments. I'm sure they'd had a long talk after I'd left. Maybe something I said got through and they understood each other a bit more now. I didn't apologize for what I said either. Sirius needed a wake up call and his friends seemed both unwilling and unable to do it. I did truly care about the man and considered him a friend, but this needed to be said.

We were almost back to being comfortable friends again. Harry's impending arrival helped. Yesterday when I'd asked, Sirius had even promised to let me know immediately when Lily went into labor. Of course, he didn't know he'd be doing that today. I knew he was staying with the Potters' this week for extra protection, just in case, so he'd know right away when it happened. I couldn't wait for his message to arrive!

After breakfast we went to Diagon Alley to pick out a baby gift. I already had one, several onesies with dancing Gryffindor lions, but with nothing better to do, and my mind unable to focus for more than a few minutes at a time, I figured I could also get something else for Harry. We ended up picking out a mobile with fluttering Snitches that would flutter around above his crib.

Severus had actually helped pick it out, making snide comments about how the child would likely follow his father onto the Quidditch pitch, desperate for the same fame. But it had lacked the heat that normally accompanied such words. He'd also groaned in mock horror when I confirmed that would indeed happen. He swore at once that he'd be gone from the castle long before that day came to pass.

It was weird being away from the castle. I'd settled in there, made a home for myself, gotten into a routine, talked daily to friends. That all seemed to be paused now that summer was here. Only Filch remained at the castle, performing a deep clean of the place before the students returned to mess it all up again.

This also meant less time with Severus. Or I thought it would, but I was pleased to find he was actively taking steps to maintain daily contact. We had at least one meal together every day and true to his word, we'd tried to invent a new potion. We spent so much time together that I worried I'd bore him, but that didn't seem to be happening. He sought me out more frequently than ever, coming up with excuses to Floo me throughout the day or visit outside of meals and potion brewing. Overall, things between us were wonderful.

The potion we were trying to create was meant to stave off the effects of dementors. Aurors and Ministry officials could take it before going to check on Azkaban. Warding off the initial effects of the dementors would make it easier to cast a Patronus, or render needing one unnecessary. This would help many of the witches and wizards who were incapable of producing a Patronus in the first place. We'd decided to start with something easy, well relatively easier, since he already had a good idea of what would be needed. At first, he'd been put off the idea because a Euphoria Potion already exists, but that had a tendency to induce feelings of extreme giddiness and recklessness. We were going for something more subtle, something similar to a Muggle antidepressant that would feel like a properly cast cheering charm, since those were useless when facing a dementor.

So far we hadn't had any luck, but I enjoyed trying all the same. The first attempt had produced a distasteful blackened lump worthy of Neville. The second did nothing, it was just a foul smelling liquid. The stench had lingered in my hair for days and every time I moved, I caught unpleasant whiffs of rotten eggs and decomposing trash. The third attempt emitted rainbow sparks periodically. Severus had frowned, frustrated when he could explain where exactly we'd gone wrong.

This last week we'd both been too busy working with our respective 'masters' to do much in the way of brewing.

Voldemort had called Severus to his side at some point nearly every day for the last week. Evidently, he was taking advantage of Severus's break from Hogwarts. I struggled to hide my concern. He'd worn a haunted expression the one time he'd returned to my side rather than heading straight home. His entire person had been closed off from intrusive questions, and it had taken considerable restraint on my part not to pry into what had caused him to look so… _tortured_. There'd been no news from the Order and nothing in the _Prophet_ , so I was ignorant of the cause.

While he'd appreciated my restraint, he'd also been careful not to come again afterwards until he had his emotions under better control. I wanted him to trust me enough to let me help him with whatever he was experiencing, but I understood that he might never feel comfortable sharing those things. His shame over becoming a Death Eater in the first place was just too great.

At least we didn't need to fear Voldemort discovering us like we did at first. Severus had used his reports to Voldemort as a way of indicating that I was a weak link in Professor Dumbledore's Order and that I was prone to gossiping. A gossip he had easy access to, to use for his own means. He'd been careful to spread these hint out, and slowly give them over the last several months. Then, finally late last week, Voldemort had suggested Severus either befriend me or seduce me in order to learn Professor Dumbledore's secrets.

I'd been surprised to learn that, but Severus had admitted that he hoped to see if I may be interested once Voldemort approved of the idea. I'd just made a move first and he hadn't wanted to wait longer after learning of my feelings. He'd been grateful not to have to make the first move since being vulnerable and demonstrating physical affection weren't things he was very familiar or practiced with.

He was, however, starting to become more comfortable with demonstrating his affection. We'd hold hands on evening strolls around the lake at Hogwarts, now free of any students and potential for awkward classroom situations, and he'd kiss me whenever we had a private moment.

A few weeks ago, he'd brought me a book he remembered me saying I was interested in reading. After my initial shock that he'd even remembered the name I'd only said in passing, let alone taken the time to get it, he'd suggested we stay in for the night rather than go out. We'd ended up curling up in front of the crackling fire on the sofa in my rented room and each read our receptive books for hours. It was relaxing and intimate. I'd sat pressed against his side while he'd absently played with the ends of my hair as he read. The feather-light tugging had spent chills arching over my skin a number of times throughout the evening, demanding I acknowledge his silent presence. When he'd kissed me good night, his grip had been so tight I'd feared I'd either wind up with bruises or demand he never leave.

I couldn't imagine any other guy I'd ever know planning such a considerate and enjoyable date, especially not Ron. Severus and I were both content to stay in reading rather than play Quidditch or go out drinking.

Most recently, he'd taken me on a picnic in a Muggle park. When I'd commented on how delicious the meal was, he'd admitted to making it himself. That knowledge wasn't as shocking as I thought it would be. He was such an accomplished brewer, that of course he'd be good in the kitchen. " _Unlike you,_ I _don't lack imagination, so of course I can translate the skill_ ," he'd teased drolly when I brought up how bad I was at cooking while I'd been on the run with my friends.

* * *

Sirius still hadn't contacted me with news about Harry when we'd finished lunch, so Severus took me to the bookshop, correctly assuming that would serve as the best form of distraction.

We were just leaving when the owl finally came with news that Lily was in labor.

At my pleading expression, Severus sighed, allowing me to drag him along to the hospital. He looked mutinous, arms crossed and scowl fixed firmly in place before heading there, but he went without protest. I hated that I wasn't sure if he was going for my sake or to check on Lily for himself. I pushed the thought away, angry with myself. We'd only been together a month and a half. That wasn't enough time for our relationship to progress to that level. I also hated that Ron had left me feeling so insecure that I bothered with questions like this at all.

Severus had recently warned Professor Dumbledore that Voldemort's interest in the various Order members was on the rise. He was curious who he could turn against Professor Dumbledore, and failing that, eliminate the person or persons from his opposition altogether. He was particularly interested in those who also worked for the Ministry, so he could use them as part of his gradual takeover, but blood traitors were fairly high on his list as well.

To that end, the Potters had decided to have Harry at a Muggle hospital instead of St Mungo's. Their thinking was that Voldemort would be less likely to learn of Harry's birth that way. They didn't want to give him any additional ammunition to be targeted, such as a half-blood baby. They were keeping the whole affair quiet, only involving Order members. Lily also hadn't been seen in public for several months now. She'd begun seeing a Muggle doctor rather than a Healer for her check-ups as soon as they came up with the plan. She'd decided that if they were going to do it this way, she wanted Harry born at the same hospital that she had been born at.

The Longbottoms had been in a similar predicament the day before, but they'd chosen to have Neville at Frank's family home. No one had been invited to visit yet. I was hoping they'd start letting Order members drop by next week. I was nearly as anxious to see baby Neville as I was to meet baby Harry.

* * *

After quickly transfiguring our outfits to something more suited to Muggles, we headed to the hospital Sirius mentioned in his owl.

There were already a number of people in the waiting room when Severus and I arrived. If I hadn't been holding his hand so firmly, I was certain he'd have turned and left immediately. I'd still had to pull rather insistently to get him to actually enter the room and join me on one of the worn, broken down sofas that littered the room.

The ugly tan leather, which reminded me disturbingly of baby poop, was cracked in places, and scratched irritably against my legs when I sat. Severus watched me shifting restlessly, failing to get comfortable for several minutes, amusement dancing in his eyes. When I caught sight of the look, his lips twitched as they fought back a grin at my antics. I huffed and leaned back, crossing my arms loftily and heard the faint whisper of his quiet chuckle.

Remus was watching the whole exchange assessingly. When Severus looked at him defensively, Remus offered a timid smile. He must have heard about my fight with Sirius and James. It seemed he'd formed him own opinions regarding it and had decided to try making amends. Gratitude had me grinning back at him.

Looking around I also saw Fabian, Gideon, Dorcas, Emmeline, Hestia, and Peter assembled throughout the room. The twins looked bored as they whispered to Dorcas. Emmeline was looking through a stack of papers and making notes periodically. Hestia was busy eyeing one of the Muggle nurses, and I wondered if she intended to use the opportunity to further Muggle and wizarding relations. She blushed and bit the lower lip of her smile when she realized I'd caught her. I winked and shooed her after the built young man.

Remus had gone back to having his head back and eyes closed as he had been when we'd first arrived. He looked more haphazard, yet alive, than I had ever seen him. He was, thankfully, freshly showered and shaved this time, which was a relief, but his Muggle clothes were obviously borrowed. The shirt was meant for a broader body, likely Sirius, and the dark pants were rolled at the cuffs having been meant for someone taller, likely James. I was glad to know they were looking out for the werewolf, and more importantly, he was letting them. He had the air of someone loved and well-cared for.

Peter was another story. His mouth had gaped open for so long, that Remus eventually elbowed him in the side.

For a moment, I was worried about Peter being there, and seeing Severus and me together, but it was too late to do anything about it now. Not that it really mattered, considering Severus was ordered to start spending time with me. Voldemort would probably see this as an ideal time, surrounded by so many Order members as he was. But in all the excitement, I'd honestly forgotten Peter had returned to Britain. I hadn't seen him yet. I also had yet to tell Severus that Peter was the ultimate betrayer, so he didn't understand the true significance of Peter being here today in particular. I wasn't sure if I'd ever tell Severus. He might just kill the rat himself.

No one else gave any indication that they were surprised by Severus's presence. I hoped that meant I could include him in more things in the future, though I wouldn't count on it.

"Where's Sirius?" I eventually asked the two Marauders.

"In with James. He was driving Lily batty, so she demanded he 'get in there and control the old wart before she permanently sealed his mouth shut'," Remus explained with a grin. Severus looked supremely smug upon hearing that, but thankfully didn't say a word.

It was tense and uncomfortable for the next couple hours. The others shot Severus furtive looks every so often, particularly the twins, but no one said anything outright provoking or hostile. No one spoke to him at all in fact, aside from Dorcas, something he seemed completely fine with. As for her, she was trying to be friendly for my sake. I could tell Severus disliked her the least because they talked for several minutes here and there throughout the course of the evening.

Peter was probably the worst though. Openly staring, his beady eyes calculating in a way that left me weary and disappointed. At one point, he'd sat up straight, disturbing eagerness lighting his eyes when he'd spotted someone coming down the hall. It was Sirius. Peter deflated, lips twisting like he'd eaten a mouthful of sour grapes when Sirius came in, looked at Severus, then proceeded to ignore him altogether as he gave everyone an update on Lily.

After the first two hours, Fabian got the bright idea to sneak in and visit Lily, mentioning something about speeding things along. Her displeasure could be heard clearly down the hall and was enough to draw the attention of two nurses who went to investigate. Fabian was escorted back to the waiting room soon after looking sheepish with his face the same shade as his hair.

His face turned even redder at my scolding glare. The last thing Lily likely needed right now were juvenile pranks. He nudged his brother over when he resumed his seat on the couch perpendicular to mine, using Gideon as a barrier between himself and my disapproval.

Remus offered to scare up dinner, even offering to get some for Severus. Peter looked so horrified by the idea that it was actually enough to make Severus agree, just to spite the twitchy man.

"The nurse thinks it's probably going to be a few more hours, if you guys don't feel like waiting. You can always come back tomorrow," James said to the waiting room some time after we'd finished eating, leaving Lily's side for the first time in hours.

It was already well past ten, nearly eleven in fact. Harry certainly was taking his time.

All, except Remus and Peter, decided to clear out for the night and try back in the morning.

I looked at Severus, judging how well he could handle staying here longer. I was honestly surprised he'd held up this long. At least James and Sirius were in with Lily more often than either were in the waiting room with us.

"Let's go out for a bit," I said. His relief at the suggestion was palpable, but he hesitated when I stood.

"What if you miss something?" he asked.

"Just a short walk. Stretch our legs a bit. Harry will still be here when we get back - one place or another," I said, though I knew it would happen soon. It had to for his birthday to stay July thirty-first.

A simple Confundus Charm was all it would take to get the staff to let us see Lily and Harry after visiting hours were long over, after all.

* * *

We ended up outside in a little garden and picnic area.

"This is near where you grew up, isn't it?" I'd Floo called him at home before, this morning even, but he'd never invited me over. "Do you still live in that house?" I questioned, curious, but prepared for his unwillingness to talk about this.

His childhood was one subject we still hadn't broached. As were his parents.

"Don't you already know all of this?" he asked, confused.

"No, actually. Your life has been fairly mysterious." At his look, I explained, "I know the major events involving your defection and relationship with Lily, but I don't know the other personal aspects of your life, except what you've told me yourself."

"How have you managed to restrain yourself?" he asked drily, teasing me.

"I like to respect your privacy," I said.

His rather unattractive snort made me look at him sharply. Incredulity was etched across his face. I winced a little knowing I did have a tendency to pry and push on occasion - though I usually found it was warranted for me to do so.

"I'd hoped you would open up when you felt more comfortable with me," I admitted.

We'd been officially together for over a month now and it hadn't happened yet. He'd never once mentioned his family.

"You're not exactly rushing to share either," he shot back.

I opened my mouth to deny the accusation, but found I couldn't. To my surprise, he was correct.

"My parents knew too much. They were a danger - to us and to themselves," I finally said, gathering my Gryffindor courage to share one of the most painful events in my life. If I wanted him to open up, it was only fair that I be willing too. But it was hard, much harder than I ever believed it would be to share.

"What happened?" he prodded gently, urging me to go on instead of letting the weight of the memories drown me.

"I modified their memories. Made them forget they had a daughter and made them believe they wanted to move to Australia," I explained.

"And after the war?"

"I'd never tried memory spells before, and as you know, they're tricky."

"What went wrong?" he asked, catching on at once.

"I didn't modify them, so much as erase them completely. They was nothing left to retrieve. I was too thorough," I said bitterly. So much for being the cleverest witch of my age.

"You tried? Did you have a specialist look at them?" he inquired. He was intrigued, but I appreciated that he was still trying to be sensitive to my feeling as he satisfied his curiosity. I couldn't always admit to doing the same, as Lavender was quick to point out. Like when her rabbit died during our third year.

"There was no need for that," I said, feeling self-hatred well up within me. "But, yes, I tried. I ended up doing more damage. I was so upset when it wasn't working, that I tried harder… tried to force the memories to be there… by the time I realized… they ended up with huge gaps - entire months, almost years, even - missing from various parts of their lives," I finished brokenly.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, wrapping his arms securely around me as I sobbed into his chest. I'd never messed up so catastrophically before that. Then I'd nearly done the same with my other family - Harry, when I first got here.

It was a long time before I had composed myself enough to step back and Severus didn't rush me, content to offer strength and understanding as he lightly stroked my hair. Occasionally, he'd utter quiet, soothing words, but they barely registered.

"Guess I'm not quite as clever as everyone thought," I finally muttered aloud, admitting my secret evaluation and condemnation of myself as I wiped the last traces of tears from my face.

"Did you tell your friends?" he asked consideringly. It must be so obvious that this is the first time I'd let myself break down over what happened.

"I couldn't! They'd have felt so sorry for me. That was the last thing I needed when I just wanted to move on and forget," I told him, hoping he'd understand. Besides, there had been everything with Ron to deal with when I returned and there just hadn't been an ideal moment to share everything with my friends.

He nodded, and I let out a relieved sigh to have gotten that off my chest and out in the open.

"My mother died the summer after I graduated," he said as he took my hand in his. He studied it, running his fingers over it and threading them between mine as he talked. Confessing to our joined hands rather than me. Maybe that was easier. "I was with Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy when it happened."

"How did she die?" I asked, returning the favor he'd done for me when I struggled to tell my story.

"There was no proof, but my father did it. He was an abusive drunk," he spat in disgust, a vein pulsing in his temple as he grit his teeth together.

"Oh, Merlin!" I exclaimed, unable to hold it back. "Severus - "

"It's why I joined. I was so angry. They'd been trying to recruit me - the Death Eaters, Voldemort - and for some reason I'd been holding out," he said, cutting me off. We both knew the reason he'd been holding out, but neither acknowledged it. "He offered to make my father pay for his crime… so I said yes."

"And your father?"

"He vanished a day later. His body washed up three days after that. He was found downstream in the river that runs near the local pub about ten minutes from here. He was a frequent customer. He was barely recognizable," he said, a lost look descending over him. It made him look very young, so different from the man I'd come to know.

He'd withdrawn into himself as he spoke. His fingers had stopped moving over mine and his grip had loosened noticeably. I think he expected me to be disgusted with him, to pull away and repudiate him now. I was disappointed. He'd handled the situation all wrong, but I'd always been the forgiving sort with those I cared about. After all, how many times had I forgiven Harry and Ron? And look what I'd done to my own parents - however unintentionally. The damage was there all the same. Not one of us was perfect, especially during a war. What mattered most, was learning from your mistakes, so you could do better in the future.

I tightened my own grip on his hand and pulled him closer. I waited until he looked at me before I leaned in to kiss him softly, tenderly.

He stared at me with such wonder, that for once I felt like the most important person in the world to him.

We stayed outside, just watching the stars for another hour or so before heading back in to meet the littlest Potter.

Just before we headed back in, I said, "Thank you - for today. You've been so incredibly supportive. I don't know what I'd have done without you."

Hopefully, he understood all that my words encompassed.

* * *

It was after midnight when we reached the deserted waiting room. Harry must have already arrived a little after we'd gone, making his appearance at the last possible moment. Guess he took the line 'as the seventh month dies' literally.

"Should we check her room?" I questioned Severus after a couple minutes when it became clear that Remus and Peter were already gone too.

"He has Lily's eyes," I whispered to Severus just before we entered, assuming he'd appreciate the warning.

I could see just enough inside the room when I said it to see Sirius's head snap up and watched as his eyes narrowed on me. He was as still as a dog on a hunt when it caught a whiff of its prey.

I shifted nervously. There was no way he'd heard me, right? He couldn't be on edge because I'd said something I had no way of knowing, could he? It must be because I'd brought Severus in here and he didn't trust him around his loved ones. All the same, I found it difficult to swallow, a wicked dryness lining my throat.

Sirius's expression was intent, unreadable as we stepped up to the bed. He didn't say a word.

James was talking about how once Harry had decided he was ready to come out, it'd only been a matter of minutes before he was here. Remus and Peter had left a good twenty minutes ago, but James, Sirius, and Lily weren't ready to let Harry go yet.

That sounded about right. Definitely in line with the Harry I grew up with.

James was obviously filled with excitement and adrenaline. He paced the room restlessly as he talked, his little family watching him with tired amusement. He tugged on his hair every few words, which was about three times as much as usual. I wondered if he'd be bald by the time he was thirty - if he lived that long this time.

Lily looked worn, but thrilled, when she offered to let me hold Harry. I took him carefully, cradling his tiny form to my chest. I could scarcely believe how small he was. It didn't seem possible that this was my best friend.

His eyes were open and he stared first at me, then Severus over my shoulder. A little spit bubble expanded from his gurgling mouth.

I ran a finger delicately over his unmarked brow, bending to place a tender kiss against the soft skin, no lighting bolt scar visible. It would stay that way - if I had my way.


	14. Chapter 13

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

PS I'm not JK Rowling, so I don't own anything :(

Chapter 13

September 1980

The new school year was starting and I was missing the first several weeks because of my work for the Order. I'd only had time to drop some of the things I'd brought to the past with me and the few things I'd acquired since coming here, off in my rooms before I headed out for my mission. The teachers were busy with their annual back-to-school meeting, so I'd not even been given a chance to say a quick hello before having to dart off. The kids were to arrive two days after that.

Professor Dumbledore had decided that because I wasn't a fully fledged member of the staff, I would not be missed, and honestly I was a little excited about what we were going to do. Typically, only James and Sirius were sent on missions that involved extended travel since they were both living off their inheritances while working full time for the Order. But now that Harry was here, James refused to travel like he had been, and Sirius had insisted on staying close as well. He'd been more protective and suspicious since my slip in the hospital.

I was constantly having to watch what I said around him now, much more so than before. He second guessed or questioned just about everything that came out of my mouth. It was obvious he was trying to catch me in a lie. So far, I'd managed to be evasive, but I didn't know how much longer I could keep it up.

He'd even insisted on "helping" me any time I babysat Harry, never once leaving me in the room alone with the infant. We still talked and joked as always, but I knew he didn't trust me anymore. Maybe it would be more accurate to say I'd provoked his curiosity. I was a riddle he was hell-bent on solving. He'd either decided against telling the Potters, or they had brushed off his concerns. I was betting on the latter. They were both far too trusting and willing to believe the best about their friends. Sirius, on the other hand, was more realistic about the true nature of people given his background and upbringing.

Professor Dumbledore hadn't had much work for me over the summer, and given the underlying tension between Sirius and myself, I was eager to do something meaningful and get away for a bit. It was a far cry from the reluctance I'd expressed upon my initial arrival to this time, but again, that had been more about having to redo all that had already been accomplished and survived. Not to mention, having to face it all without my friends at my side. I had friends here now though. Ones I cared dearly for and would die to protect.

To that end, we were going after Lucius Malfoy. Becoming a father hadn't changed Lucius in the least. It was quite startling to realize he was as horrid as ever, particularly after noting the changes fatherhood wrought on James. And right now, he was up to something. Dorcas and I were trailing him in an attempt to figure out what it was. He had been seen meeting with several disreputable individuals that had been known to support Grindelwald abroad, and we were hoping to catch him doing something illegal that we could report to Moody and get him arrested for. Severus confirmed that Lucius was acting on the Dark Lord's orders, but he'd been unable to uncover what it was about.

I was secretly hoping this would also lead to a way to get my hands on Voldemort's diary. Though I kept coming back to Narcissa being a possibility for obtaining that one. Hopefully, a better option would present itself before I had to resort to that.

It was also nice that the Auror department could be trusted, for the most part, in this time. I'd fought a war where those meant to protect were often incompetent, Confunded, or forced to work in secret. This was infinitely better. Having Moody on our side and in place at the Ministry was a definite bonus.

We'd tracked Lucius to Nice first, and then Tirana where we were currently waiting for him to leave his hotel.

While in France, we'd put several surveillance charms on the first place he'd stayed, a luxury hotel, but he'd managed to detect them. He'd moved to a private villa for the remainder of his stay and had checked regularly for similar spells, so we were left tailing him the way a Muggle would.

Dorcas and I had taken turns watching Lucius and his contacts, hoping someone would give something away. He stayed in Nice for over two weeks, barely coming or going, and from outside appearances, met with no one. Then about a week ago, we'd caught a break. We'd seen one of the men we suspected Lucius of having dealings with, Rastus Kosso, leaving the villa and looking around shiftily before Disapparating.

We'd already learned that Kosso worked in Holvie, a shop similar to Borgin and Burkes, in Paris's equivalent to Knockturn Alley. It was a fairly safe assumption that Kosso would head there, if not immediately, then at some point after meeting with Lucius and we'd hopefully be able to discover what the meeting had been all about. It was unfortunate that we didn't have a better means of figuring everything out, rather than assuming and hoping. I did not approve of leaving so much up to chance and fate, but there was nothing else for it.

What I wouldn't give for some Extendable Ears… If only I had asked George how to make them when I'd helped him at the shop!

The night we saw Kosso, I was stuck hiding in the foliage just outside the wards Lucius had put in place around the French villa. I was itchy and uncomfortable, the cushioning charm I'd cast on the ground starting to fade. Every now and then a spider or unwelcome insect would crawl over to investigate and I'd have to quickly shake them off. Ron would go berserk if stuck here this way. The temperature was dropping too. I hadn't packed many warm clothes, assuming I'd be back at Hogwarts long before now and there were only so many times you could transfigure an item of clothing before it stopped working or destroyed the initial object. The warming charm I'd first tried ended up attracting even more insects, so I was left to suffer in silence. Some of my blue flames would be welcome right about now, but I couldn't risk being spotted.

Meanwhile, Dorcas had gone to Holvie to try and intercept Kosso. Next time we were trading tasks.

It was extremely boring work, all of it - nearly as bad as my year on the run. I longed to at least read a book to occupy my time, but I'd never forgive myself if I missed something because I was distracted, too engrossed in my reading to notice if Malfoy made a move. I wondered if this was what it'd been like when the Order members had guarded the prophecy during my fifth year. It was my first time doing any work like this and I wondered how others, Dorcas in particular, stood it. She was so energetic that it was easy to see she struggled with all the downtime involved in waiting and watching.

Dorcas definitely had it worse than I. She was forced to complete her work through owl correspondence since she wasn't able to go into the shop. She was in charge of managing the books at Quidditch Quality Supplies. The first time she'd told me that, I hadn't believed her. I just couldn't picture someone so - active - being willing to sit around all day doing accounting and orders. She'd admitted that it was the only way she could work at the shop. In her spare time, though I had yet to discover when that was, she was training in the hopes of making a Quidditch league as a Chaser. She used her employment for discount supplies, including her most recent acquisition - the latest model of broomstick.

She could spend hours talking Quidditch, and I even usually encouraged her too. It was so reminiscent of Ron that I'd actually cried myself to sleep one night from missing him and Harry.

I was worried about her though. She fought as fiercely as any Auror. Her name was gaining a reputation. Severus had warned me before we'd left when he'd heard who I was going with. Voldemort was beginning to take notice of her. He didn't care for how active a role she was taking in opposing him. The last thing anyone needed was Voldemort's interest centered on them.

"Are you ever worried you're asking for a target on your back?" I'd asked her the other day, finally voicing my concerns.

"I want to make them worry. The Death Eaters have gotten too used to walking all over everyone. And _he's_ gotten too used to no one daring to stand up to him," she had said with a daredevil grin.

"Yes, but - "

"No! We're fighting a war! I'm going to do everything in my power to make him sit up and take notice. _He_ does not get to _win_ through intimidation and fear. I _won't_ let it happen. No matter what," she had declared, and I had been forced to repress a smile. It was how I felt as well, but I felt better knowing she understood the situation for what it was and was relatively clear-headed in her zealous efforts to stop Voldemort.

"And when he comes after you himself?" I'd asked, recalling that he'd done exactly that one summer night only a few weeks after Harry's first birthday. He'd actually taken great pains to go after her. She had been one of his most notable kills, at least as far as his thinking went.

"Then I'll go down fighting," she'd said with such determination that I knew it must have been just like that during the original timeline.

"So long as you understand," was all I could say in response. It was the same for me after all.

Thinking about the timeline at least gave me something to focus on while working surveillance. Currently, my thought were focused on Evan Rosier. It didn't sit well with me that he'd managed to get away the night he'd attacked the Wilkes siblings, and could even now be out there hurting someone new. I'd been trying to remember since I met him, what I had read about what happened to the Death Eater, and I'd finally remembered that it was Moody who captured him. And that it was him that took a chunk of Moody's nose. That capture would happen soon, within the week if if still happened the same way. I'd warned Professor Dumbledore before leaving, but hadn't heard anything since. He'd promised to send word when it happened. Actually, he'd promised to send word _if_ it happened. That left me worried that Rosier might either get away, or potentially harm Moody worse than he had initially.

I don't think a day went by anymore that I didn't worry about making things worse for someone innocent just by interfering. It was a careful balancing act. But I was equally against sitting by doing nothing while Voldemort slowly took over using tricks, jinxes, and blackmail.

It was about four o'clock in the morning, that last night in France, when Dorcas suddenly appeared looking excited.

"Did you find something?" I'd asked, stifling a yawn. How could she possibly look so awake right then?

"No, but I did hear that Lucius is heading to Albania tomorrow - Tirana," she'd said. "It was sheer luck. I'd disillusioned myself and was hiding in the corner of the store when he mentioned it."

"Hopefully, we'll have better luck there than we've had here," I'd said, amazed and thrilled that we'd finally caught a break.

"That's what I was thinking," Dorcas had said, nodding excitedly. I wasn't sure how much longer she'd have been content to just sit around waiting. A few more days and she'd have stormed the building demanding to know what Lucius was up to.

"Voldemort always did like Albania," I'd murmured absently.

"How do you know that?" she'd asked with a baffled look, pausing in the process of detangling her springy black curls from a branch determined to ensnare her.

"Professor Dumbledore mentioned it once," I'd said immediately, hoping the dim light concealed my expression. I wasn't always the best liar and I hadn't meant to verbalize the passing thought.

We didn't see Lucius leave, that night or the next day, but he'd been easy to find in Tirana after we followed him there. Only one hotel in the city catered to wealthy wizards. And considering the size and remoteness of Albania, the establishment was relatively small. That had been six days ago and now we were back to waiting and watching. Dorcas had long since passed the point of impatience and it was beginning to set me on edge as well. I wished Benjy had been able to join us as originally planned, but adjusting to his new circumstances was proving harder for him than initially anticipated. The initial energy involved in getting a new lead had long since worn off for Dorcas and me. We were both exhausted and drained. Nothing had happened yet, but we were tired from sleepless nights and being constantly primed for a fight.

The moment we'd been waiting for finally came two days later. Lucius met with Kosso and an associate local to the area judging from his native Albanian. They were having breakfast in the hotel dining room and we could hear much of what was said from the edge of the plush lobby, where we'd seated ourselves, presumably to wait for a hotel guest to join us. My empty stomach growled obtrusively at the thought of the decadent food only feet away and the scents of sausage and butter filled my nose enticingly. The lobby was done up in an abundance of gilt and jewel tones. I'd had to transfigure our clothes to look like custom tailored robes so we wouldn't stand out.

Kosso was rapidly translating the conversation into French for Lucius's benefit and we were able to piece enough of it together to understand. Dorcas, like me, spoke some French, which was beneficial since we were only catching about every third word. This was the most careless Lucius had been on the trip yet, but I was betting that he assumed anyone watching would have given up by now considering how long he'd already been away.

Our patience and persistence was finally paying off though. They were planning to move something for Voldemort later that afternoon, just after lunch. An address and time were given and we headed straight over to plan a trap to catch them at whatever was happening.

After checking the place out, we decided the best option would be to surprise them. Initially, I'd suggested we just wait and see what Lucius had with him before acting, but Dorcas was insistent and honestly, she'd made enough valid points that I had to give in.

I double checked the address when we first arrived, doubtful that we were in the right place. The building looked like an abandoned factory from the outside, rundown with a partially collapsed roof and keep out signs. Trash was piled up outside, resting in abandoned heaps near the main doors and throughout the alley running alongside the building. Spray painted graffiti and tags covered the sides in every conceivable shade of the rainbow. A homeless man in knit cap with a hole, that had tangled greyish hair poking out, was asleep on the sidewalk across the street. His blanket was tattered and fraying along the edges, his boots sticking out under the bottom edge. The large metal doors were rusted through at the corners, as were the handles which left little brownish flecks peppering my hands when I tried to open them manually. Dorcas chuckled at me then magiced them apart. I felt myself flush and imagined Ron saying, " _Are you a witch or not?_ "

The inside had obviously been repaired using magic. It made up for everything the outside was lacking. I no longer doubted we were in the correct place. It was like a giant Victorian ballroom with marble floors, a massive crystal chandelier, and elaborate candle brackets lining the walls. There were tables scattered along the edges of the room, but they were bare.

" _Homenum revelio_ ," I murmed. Nothing happened and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Good thinking," Dorcas said approvingly as she perched on a table to face me, legs swinging absently.

"So what's the plan?" I asked. She'd insisted on setting a trap, so I figured she had something in mind.

In the end, we decided I'd cast an Anti-Disapparation Jinx when they got here, while Dorcas caused a distraction using the chandelier - it'd worked for Dobby after all. We decided not to chance leaving and giving away that we'd been here, or risk missing them altogether, so we took our places and settled in to wait. I wished we'd thought to bring breakfast with us when my stomach growled insistently again.

Over four hours after they were supposed to show, yet hadn't, we admitted defeat and returned to the hotel in defeat to check on things and come up with a new plan if necessary. By dinner we realized Lucius was gone - from the hotel, and likely the country too. It was obvious he'd discovered us at some point and decided to lead us on a merry chase, a very futile one at that.

It was definitely unfortunate that Lucius had never been as unintelligent as some of his friends like Crabbe Sr. and Goyle Sr.

We packed up, reluctantly admitting defeat, and took a Portkey back to the Grinning Skull. It was standard procedure for all missions abroad to travel back to the Order of the Phoenix's headquarters first. We didn't want people outside of the Order noting our comings and goings, so this was the easiest way, and Edgar didn't mind. His girls loved when people popped in unexpectedly too. They always assumed everyone came just to visit them.

The first thing I saw when I'd regained my feet was the eerie glow of greenish light illuminating the front lawn. Looking up revealed the Dark Mark hovering ominously over the house. I was still mesmerized by the sight when Dorcas took off for the house, racing through the missing front door before I could shout a warning or caution her to wait.

The sound of a chuckle coming from behind me was startling and caused me to spin towards it, fumbling for my wand. A masked Death Eater stood there, wand pointed directly at me. _Why_ didn't I already have mine out? He moved his, gesturing threateningly for me to stop reaching for my own. I was utterly defenseless - completely at his mercy. As if he had any.

"Perhaps, you should have hurried back sooner, or been paying more attention to what was happening right here at home," drawled the dulcet tones, amusement evident in every word.

The voice was unmistakable. I'd only been close enough to hear it a half dozen times in my life, but the sound of Lucius Malfoy's voice was forever imprinted on my mind. If the voice hadn't been enough, the thin wisps of white-blond hair dancing in the breeze would have been enough to confirm his identity.

"Did you…" I whispered, unable to finish the question as fear lodged the unbearable words painfully in my throat.

"Yes. He didn't even put up much of a fight once his kids were threatened." He sounded disappointed.

Bile rose to fill my mouth and I swallowed the bitter, burning acid to keep from vomiting right then. Luckily, my stomach was relatively empty, having only eaten a couple bites of dinner before discovering Lucius's absence, or I'd never have managed.

"No! How could you?" I pleaded, choking back more bile with my rising sobs. For the briefest moment I'd hoped the children were spared. Lucius was a father himself! To murder a helpless child…

"Ah, ah. Now we'll have none of that. I'm not a monster - they didn't suffer," he stated calmly, as if that fact justified his actions. As if anything could justify them! He studied my disgusted look and shrugged. "Hmm, I'd like for you to pass on a message from me. Tell your fool of a master that he'll never win, and no one is safe from us."

"As if I'd ever - " I started, but he Disapparated before I could finish.

I raced inside to find Dorcas kneeling over the body of Catherine, Edgar's eldest daughter. If I remembered correctly, she was only eight. Dorcas looked tortured was she glanced up at me. Her hand was hovering above the young girl's prone form, as if afraid touching her would wake her from a peaceful dream. If only…

I had to swallow several times before I could ask, "The others?"

She only shook her head helplessly. I guessed she'd not made it past seeing the girl's lifeless body sprawled carelessly on the floor of the parlor, the rich chestnut hair fanned out artfully around her. A fire crackled merrily in the fireplace. An open book left resting on the coffee table between two still streaming mugs. I left her there and continued into the kitchen where I found three more bodies. Edgar, his wife, Christine, and their youngest, Ella. Ella had only just turned six in June. I remembered her storming into the Order meeting and commanding everyone to sing happy birthday to her, mistakenly assuming they were there for her party.

I'd rarely felt so helpless.

I sent a Patronus to Professor Dumbledore - Albus - he kept insisting I call him. It felt unnatural to do so, but I was attempting to follow his wishes. I sent one to Alastor Moody as well then sat with the deceased family as I waited. The Bones family hadn't been killed until next year originally. I'd been so worried about Moody and Rosier, that I hadn't spared the family that housed our meetings a thought. My knowledge of future events was turning out to be next to useless right when it was most needed.

I was so lost in thought I didn't notice the arrival of the two men I'd summoned, or hear Albus quietly talking to Dorcas about the events of our trip and what had happened here.

It wasn't until Moody gripped my shoulder firmly and gruffly said, "Come along, girly," that I became aware of my surroundings again. He helped me up and kept a tight grip on my arm to brace me. Weakness had invaded my limbs and I was forced to brace myself against the wall when we reached Albus and Dorcas in the hall.

Moody conjured a glass of water for me and made me sip it slowly. It helped remove the prevailing taste of death clinging to my tongue as well as wash down the residue of bile from earlier.

I explained recognizing Lucius Malfoy outside and relayed what he'd said. Professor Dumbledore, Albus, looked deeply troubled. Older by far than he'd ever seemed, even more than when I knew him in my original time.

Moody took charge of the family and notifying the proper people while Albus quizzed Dorcas and me again over what had happened during the last month. He was trying to make sense of something senseless. I could have told him it was pointless. That he would never find the answers he sought. That there were no answers to find, but the words wouldn't come. Just like none of the Bones that once lived here would ever wake again.

Eventually, Moody came back saying, "They'll be here soon, Albus."

Moody shot me a pointed look and Albus looked worried for a moment. Apparently, Albus had shared at least part of my story with Moody. That was unlike him, but then, Moody and he had an actual friendship. Well, at least as much as Albus had with anyone these days.

"You should be heading back to the castle, Hermione. It's getting late and you'll need some rest before starting tomorrow. We can finish up here," Albus said. I took the hint and left.

* * *

Returning was immensely welcome. I'd missed the castle and all the activity. I missed the people. But most of all, I'd missed Severus. This trip, particularly this night, had been awful and I simply needed him.

He was on my mind more often than I thought possible. I'd had nothing better to do during the many long hours of my trip.

He hadn't written once the entire time though - not that I had written him either. I wasn't sure what that meant. I tried to rationalize the lack of communication - he knew an owl could be intercepted or spotted and our respective roles discovered by the wrong person. He was a spy. He understood the need for secrecy. It was the same reason I had for not writing to him. It didn't mean I liked it, or that being away didn't bring up unwelcome reminders of coming home to Ron just to find out we were over.

As I thought of that I become irrationally nervous about seeing him. It was already after dinner, so he'd have retired for the night. I debated between sending him a message saying that I was back and seeing what he would do, or just going straight to his rooms. I still hadn't decided which option would be best by the time I'd entered the castle, but that didn't matter anyways.

Several young girls were laughing in the entrance hall when I stepped in. Seeing them brought images of Catherine and Ella to the forefront of my mind and I was heartbroken all over again. That decided things for me. In my current mood, I didn't feel up to seeing Severus if he wasn't happy to see me.

When I got to the door of my rooms, I found them warded. Very familiar wards at that. They were the same spells Severus had always used to protect his potion stores while I'd been a student.

I wanted to be furious. At this point, I just wanted to curl up in bed and cry before starting my first day tomorrow. Being so far into the semester, nearly a month, I was going to have to play catch-up tomorrow while trying to process this evening, but here was a clear sign that Severus wanted to see me. He'd deliberately blocked my door so I'd know to go to him once I returned. It was clever, just the sort of thing he'd do, and it sent warmth unfurling through my body in lazy tendrils.

Knocking on his door, I was surprised by the nervous flutters in my stomach. My hands were wringing by the time he opened the door. My breath caught and a smile threatened to split my face in two at the sight of him. He was wearing black cotton pants and a loose, thin grey shirt. It reminded me of our first date, except this time his hair was tied back at the base of his neck.

For one moment neither of us moved. Each drinking in the sight before them. I wished I'd at least taken time to brush my hair before coming over or brush my teeth to remove the last traces of bile. Too late now.

Then we were kissing and it didn't matter. Nothing else mattered except the feel of his lips on mine. It was all encompassing, consuming, energizing. He dragged me in and slammed the door behind me. I stumbled, but he was there to catch me. Then I was pressed against the closed door and his hands were exploring me intimately. My breath caught as his lips left a blazing trail down my neck and his hips pressed into mine.

"I missed you," I gasped out and only got a grunt in reply. It made me giggle.

Obviously he'd missed me too. It was apparent as his hands continued running over my body, touching me everywhere at once. I clutched his shoulders, hanging on for dear life, afraid releasing them would mean being cast adrift at sea, left to flounder and drown.

When his lips returned to mine I tasted peppermint. Judging by that and his attire, he'd been preparing for bed when I interrupted. Things had never gone this far before and it left me dizzy, like I was falling from some impossible height. My stomach rioted in anticipation of hitting solid ground, the impact sure to thoroughly devastate me.

When his kisses became less frantic and more slow, like a drug, I pulled away looking at him, desperately gulping in air. He pulled back too, and studied me.

After scanning my face, he pulled back further, looking closer.

"What's happened?" he asked, more concerned than I'd ever heard him sound before.

"Lily is fine," I assured quickly, and he looked momentarily confused.

"I meant, what's happened to you?" he clarified.

"The Bones family. They're dead. Lucius killed them. Like - like they were nothing."

" _All_?" he asked stunned.

I could only nod. The tears I'd been repressing no longer willing to be contained. Once they started, they were relentless.

Severus pulled me close, into his embrace and held me for a long time. Eventually, when I was only hiccuping occasionally, he led me over to the couch. We sat pressed tightly against each other, my head on his shoulder, watching the fire silently until I fell asleep. The next morning he woke me early so I could get ready before facing my first day of the new school year.

* * *

The next several weeks passed in a blur and before I knew it, Christmas decorations started appearing around the castle.

Helping with classes was more fun this year. All, except the first years, remembered me and several of the older kids sought me out to say hello when they heard that I was back in the castle. It made me feel so giddy to receive such a warm welcome. It was a balm for my bruised heart.

It was strange not having Hestia around though. She'd graduated and gone to work at the Ministry in the Department of Magical Transportation, Portkey Office, at Albus's request. We needed someone to oversee and hide the Order members' movements. Hestia had admitted that she'd do anything for the Order, but that she couldn't wait for the war to be over so that she could transfer out of the department. "It's such a snoozefest!" was how she'd described it when we met for lunch last weekend. In her spare time, she was working with Peter Pettigrew and Caradoc Dearborn on something top secret for Albus. He'd told her not to share the details with anyone.

I didn't like Peter being part of it, especially knowing Caradoc had disappeared without a trace in the original timeline, but Albus must have his reasons for this and it wasn't my place to question him. Not that it mattered anyways. He had taken to turning a deaf ear when I tried to insist that his efforts with Pettigrew weren't working and that he should try something different.

I was reminded of Harry's frustration with how Albus used to do this to him about Severus. His complaints weighed more now that I was experiencing the same. Though to be fair, Albus had been right then, and I was certain he wasn't now. I absolutely hated that Albus wouldn't listen when I knew I was right!

There were no students like Hestia this year. No new seventh year candidates to recommend for the Order, seeing as everyone was more scared than ever. I could only hope that we managed to end the war before too much time passed. There was no guarantee that Voldemort would be defeated by this time next year, as he had been previously, but I could hope. It would certainly make working at the castle more enjoyable.

There was a new student I recognized though - Kingsley Shacklebolt. Until I saw him, I'd forgotten he'd be starting this year. He was incredibly tiny, one of the smallest in his year. It was strange given how imposing I knew he'd grow to be.

It was a wonderful surprise, like receiving extra helpings of your favorite dessert, to discover Kingsley was a Gryffindor too. He'd been incredibly careful not to show bias or preference after the war, actively working towards breaking down old stereotypes. To that end, he'd never discussed his Hogwarts house. I could have asked someone else that went to school with him, but I admired his decision and chose to leave it be when I understood what he was doing and why.

Kingsley was incredibly bright too. All of his teachers were impressed with him. He excelled at Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts, top of his class in both subjects and nearly so in Transfiguration.

I hoped he would still one day become Minister for Magic. He was honorable and just, loyal and honest. We needed someone like that running things.

Since returning to the castle, I'd picked an independent project for Transfiguration too. It was an assessment exploring how Gamp's Laws of Elemental Transfiguration don't all necessarily apply to house-elves. The exceptions to Gamp's Laws are food, money, love, knowledge, and soul. Like us, house-elves couldn't make food out of nothing, but they could transfigure it from non-edible things, while wizards couldn't. We at least had to start with something edible. The love exception seemed to be universal, infatuation was the closest anyone could come - wizard or elf. I couldn't find any information about knowledge, and since house-elves were typically kept relatively ignorant, I wanted to see if it was possible for them to learn something without effort when wizards couldn't.

As far as money, wizards could transfigure something into a precious metal that could then be turned into money, but that was illegal, and there were strict laws governing what can and can't be conjured. But house-elves could. It would also explain how some of the older wizarding families, especially those more likely to have a house-elf, managed to maintain their fortunes without ever working a day in their lives. I'm sure it should be illegal, but the laws were very specific - wizards can't transfigure metal into money, rules regarding what house-elves could or couldn't do in terms of money don't exist.

And a soul. This was probably the most intriguing part. Wizards can't create life - not without sex, at least. But could house-elves? No one seemed to know. There was no written information about how they reproduced and when I asked Minerva if she'd ever seen a pregnant elf around Hogwarts, she'd blinked, mouth hanging open for several moments and a puzzled look on her face. Eventually, she'd said, "Well, no. I can't say that I have."

I was fascinated by the idea that house-elves could do things wizards couldn't. I got the idea from Anti-Disapparation Jinxes not working on them, and I wondered what else they could do that we couldn't. I really wanted to help wizards see house-elves in a new light. I hoped doing this would help wizards be more willing to show house-elves the respect they deserved. It wasn't the legislative changes I wanted to be working on by this point in my life, but it was at least something notable for the cause. It made the necessity of staying in the castle more platible.

Minerva had even been supportive of my idea of starting S.P.E.W. up as an official school club. I'd gotten Filius's support as well. He liked it because he was part goblin, and was partial to any change that involved wizards treating their magical brethren more equally. Severus just shook his head when I got on a roll talking about the unfairness of everything, then asked what I needed him to do. His support was unexpected and very welcome. Ron, and even Harry for the most part, was never willing to help me with this. So Severus joining without me having to twist his arm had a powerful effect on my emotions.

I'd learned from some of the mistakes I'd made the first time I tried to start S.P.E.W. This time, I didn't try to force it on anyone. I also didn't try to collect money. People seemed a lot more open-minded when it didn't cost them to be so.

I posted signs and notices in all of the common rooms and classrooms. I promoted meetings during Transfiguration, with Minerva's blessing - so long as I didn't disrupt class. And I started having meetings once a week in one of the unused classrooms on the fourth floor.

Right now, only a few of the younger kids, mostly Muggle-borns that saw the slavery parallels that they were familiar with showed up, but it was a start. I even got Kingsley to start coming after the second meeting too. If I stayed at the castle long enough, I could eventually reach students of every age. I wanted immediate results, but again, that was a mistake I made before. This time, I was willing to be patient and slowly bring about the changes I was desperate to see happen.

On top of all of that, I had my relationship with Severus. Things with him were incredible. Since the night I'd returned I'd realized something. Between his enthusiastic greeting, the comfort he'd offered, and his support of my dreams, I'd slowly come to the realization that I was in love with him. Of course, I didn't tell him. I didn't know how receptive he'd be to hearing those words, and it was rather soon. I didn't like that the feelings felt rushed thanks to the war and uncertainty surrounding everyone. But regardless, they were undeniable.

Severus had been more on edge lately. Voldemort was upset about something, but he wasn't sharing why. We were both worried, but there was nothing for it. And aside from a few Muggles disappearing under mysterious circumstances, Voldemort wasn't making any moves out in the open.

Since returning, my war efforts had been focused entirely on finding Hufflepuff's cup. I was becoming obsessed with tracking it down. I even dreamed about it now with alarming regularity. I'd had Severus tell me everything he possibly knew of the Lestranges, and I'd checked every place I could that my presence would go either unnoticed or undiscovered. Places like their home I had no access to since it was specifically warded to keep out those who were not directly invited in. Others, I searched when I knew they were at a Death Eater meeting, regardless of when that time came. Minerva had been very understanding about my sporadic disappearances. My fear was that it was already in the Lestrange vault, and we'd have to break into Gringotts again. Once was enough, thank you.

For now at least, the locket was safe. It was still safely stashed at 12 Grimmauld Place just waiting for me to collect it. Besides, I had no way to get to until I figured out how to get around Walburga Black and Kreacher, both of which would kill me on sight for trespassing in their happy home.

The same was true of the Gaunt ring. Albus knew where the Gaunt House was, so all I had to do was tell him of its location and the ring would be destroyed within a day. There were two things stopping me. One, I didn't really want to explain that he tried to use the ring to see his family and ended up getting cursed - that was just so personal and it didn't feel right being privy to such intimate details without him voluntarily sharing them. The second, was how long it was taking to track down the cup and diary. If he destroyed the ring too soon, Voldemort could discover it missing and we'd be in the dark going forward. It wasn't worth the risk. Albus would just have to wait until after the others to destroy the ring.

* * *

The majority of students had left today for Christmas break and tonight I was joining a bunch of people for dinner at the Potters to celebrate the holiday. I'd asked Severus to join me, but he'd begged off, claiming the need for a quiet peaceful evening now that the castle was mostly empty. Only about a dozen students had elected to remain. Most of the families insisted they come home in light of the current climate in the wizarding world. And we both knew quiet and peaceful wouldn't describe his evening if he did join me, so I understood.

Something about the night made me desire a solitary stroll through Godric's Hollow before I joined the others.

This evening the village was eerily similar to my first ever visit with Harry. It was a quiet evening, with cheers and Christmas carols from a nearby pub filtering out intermittently. Snow dusted everything and I slivered as I passed the graveyard, looking anywhere except directly at it for fear of imagining James's and Lily's ghosts staring out at me hovering forlornly over accusing graves. The obelisk war memorial covered in names was already in the middle of the square, but it didn't change to reflect the Potter family when you passed it - I'd checked on my first visit during this time. It had been irrational to think it would, but I'd been helpless to stop myself.

I was the last to arrive. Sirius, Remus, Peter, Gideon, Fabian, and Hestia were already there. Dorcas was practicing late and Hestia had been dumped by Marlene's older brother, so Marlene had elected not to come to spare everyone the awkwardness. Hestia was holding up surprisingly well, despite things not working out with her longtime crush. Though judging by the way she and Sirius were casually flirting, I might understand the reason why. Benjy and Emmeline didn't usually come to things like this, and the Longbottoms were spending extra time with Frank's mum. It was the first holiday since her husband died and she was struggling, despite the brave face she put on for everyone. Alice was worried about her and knew having Neville around helped cheer her up and keep her pleasantly distracted.

After greeting everyone, I wandered over to where Harry was lying on a furry red blanket spread over the floor. He was decked out in Gryffindor apparel and I shot James a questioning look, but he just shrugged and grinned sheepishly.

James and I had actually had quite a surprising talk about that once a few weeks back.

" _How would you feel if Harry wasn't in Gryffindor?" I asked._

 _Knowing Harry, he'd end up in Gryffindor no matter what happened in his life - that was always going to be his choice, but I was curious to hear what James thought about this._

" _Honestly? A little sad, but mostly I just want him to be happy," James said with clear sincerity. He touched Harry's cheek almost reverently, like he was still coming to terms with Harry being_ real _._

" _Are you going to push it on him?" I asked, gesturing to decorations filling the room._

 _Everywhere you turned, there was something Gryffindor termed. Roaring lions raced around the edge of the wall where it met the ceiling. His blankets and bedding were scarlet, the crib and walls painted a faint gold. A Gryffindor banner, an enlarged version of the one Sirius had in his bedroom at Grimmauld Place, covered the ceiling. It billowed downward sightly in the middle._

" _Lily and I already talked about this, but no," he said, looking around the room ruefully as he tugged absently at his hair, making it messier than ever._

" _Really?" I asked, the doubt and disbelief unmistakable in my voice._

" _You know about Sirius's family, right? Well, let's just say they did a number on him growing up. It was all Slytherin, all the time. I saw what it did to him, and I can't imagine doing that to my own son. I love him so much, Hermione. You can't even imagine," he said passionately, willing me to believe him and I did._

" _So all this?" I asked a little confused as I waved my hand vaguely trying to encompass the entire room._

" _Well… it's not like he'll be able to remember his baby room, right? No harm getting it out of my system now, is there?" he asked with a grin that was so like Harry's that I had to smile back._

Watching Harry was different than I thought it would be. I don't know why, but I expected there to be this instant connection. There wasn't. It was like when I first met him and Ron, we didn't get along. Not that baby Harry hated me or anything, but he just did what all babies did - sleep, eat, and poop. He was a very happy baby though, rarely crying. And tonight, when he laughed, I was taken by surprise. He hadn't been doing that yet when I last saw him. I looked up to find Remus smiling at the pair of us.

"Yeah, he started that a couple weeks ago," he said, sitting beside me to hand Harry a small stuffed lion. Harry gurgled and failed his arms and legs several times excitedly before grabbing it and stuffing as much as possible into his mouth happily. Drool leaked unheeded down his chin. If only Ginny could see her boyfriend now…

"He's a happy baby," I said softly.

"Yes, but with so many that love him, it's expected," Remus said, looking at me questioningly.

"Hmm," was all I said, turning back to watch Harry, reaching to tickle his rounded belly lightly and watching as he giggled.

"You're worried - about the war?" he suggested.

"Aren't you?"

"We'd all be fools not to be, but we can't let that stop us from living," he said, then wrinkled his nose.

Harry had interrupted his sage advice moment with his bowel movements. I laughed and scooped the cheery baby up, intending to change his dirty nappy. I was still a little weirded out by that whole affair, and Gideon, seeing my expression, offered to come help. He even laughed at me when I looked away, flushed and fidgeting awkwardly, as he completed the task for me.

When we came back in the room, Sirius was in the process of announcing his and James's latest bet where Harry was concerned.

"They're starting solid foods in a couple weeks. Any bets what Harry will like best?" Sirius asked.

"Bananas, hands down," said Remus confidently.

"Sweet potatoes, all the way," Sirius added.

"I agree with Sirius!" Peter exclaimed eagerly from his place right beside James on the couch.

"You can't bet the same thing!" Sirius chided Peter, and James wrapped an arm around the dejected man when his shoulders slumped a little.

"I'm betting carrots since they're my favorite," James added to draw the attention away from Peter's embarrassment. I shifted Harry so I could sit in one of the armchairs before commenting.

"He's always hated carrots, he won't even eat Mrs. W - " I cut off, realizing what I was saying as I saw the strange looks I was getting from everyone.

You could have heard a pin drop in the silent room. I clutched Harry a little tighter. He gurgled into my shoulder and the Potters' growing kitten weaved between my feet, tail curling gently around my calf before he flopped down to rest on my feet.

Sirius was looking at me calculatingly, as though on the verge of a major breakthrough or long sought after revelation. So much for watching what I said.

"S-sorry. I was talking about my brother. He's go-gone now. This conversation just reminded me of it," I rushed to say, thinking fast.

It was even sort of true in a wrapped way. Harry _was_ like my brother, and he had always hated carrots. He hadn't even eaten Mrs. Weasley's, as I'd almost mistakenly told everyone assembled, and he ate everything she offered. When they were in something she made, he'd eat around them or discreetly slip them onto Ron's plate to avoid hurting her feelings. Ron had always said that was barking mad, that he should just tell her, and then she wouldn't make any of them eat them anymore. But Harry never did.

"Oh, Hermione! You've never mentioned losing a brother! I'm so sorry," Lily exclaimed, tearing me away from my memories.

"It's still too difficult to talk about," I said, focusing on Harry instead of everyone else, hoping this would get them to drop it.

"Of course," Hestia said.

Fabian took this as his cue to change the topic, but I noticed Sirius and Remus whispering to each other and Remus frowning. Apparently, he'd decided to try bringing another round to his way of thinking.

* * *

The twins were by far the best with Harry, years of practice with their nephews paying off. They took turns entertaining him all night with colored lights and bubbles that changed shapes every few seconds while dancing just out of his reach.

"Did we tell you?" Gideon asked the group suddenly just after dinner.

"Molly thinks she might be pregnant again!" Fabian said, rushing to be the one to deliver the news.

"Again?" several people asked incredulously.

"Yeah! Here's hoping it's a girl - for her sake," Gideon said grinning.

"Hers? What about us? I want a niece to spoil!" Fabian said while dancing around, obviously excited by the possibility.

"How far along is she?" Lily asked, laughing when Fabian tripped over one of Harry's toys.

"It's really early, only a few weeks, I think, but she's pretty good at figuring it out by now," Gideon said.

"I'll say! I can't believe they're going for seven!" James said, shaking his head in wonder.

"Maybe even eight," Remus added, waving his hand at the twins and referencing the fact that they ran in the family.

"Oh dear, poor Molly," Hestia intoned, groaning at the thought.

* * *

I was one of the first to leave, anxious to return to Severus and spend some time alone with him while the students were cleared out of the castle.

I'd just stepped off the porch when the door creaked opened behind me. Looking back, I saw Sirius standing there eyeing me consideringly. He was another reason I was ready to leave.

"I'm going to figure it out, you know," Sirius said, expression inscrutable as he examined me.

I attempted to channel Lavender Brown as I gave him a vacant look in response, blinking several times.

"What?" I asked, sounding as clueless as possible.

"Nice try," he said, not buying it for a second. "Dumbledore trusts you, so I will too - for now, at least. But don't think I'm letting it go."

"Good luck with that," I muttered ruefully. He was like a dog with a bone - how fitting.

He looked surprised by the challenge, but then he grinned, like it was some marvelous game we were playing and he was tickled by my latest move, then he returned to the house without pushing any further.


	15. Chapter 14

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

Also, I added a poll on my profile. I'm trying to pick a character name and want some input. Feel free to visit and help me decide!

PS I'm not JK Rowling, so I don't own anything… unfortunately! Anything you recognize is from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Chapter 14

December 29, 1980

Severus had returned from his latest Death Eater meeting about a week ago, excited. This was highly unusual; typically he'd be sour and unapproachable for hours afterwards. But this time, he had news. Lucius Malfoy was hosting a New Year's Eve party this year. It would be a perfect time to sneak in and retrieve the diary.

About a month ago, I'd confided that I needed to get a hold of something Lucius had for the headmaster, and that I needed to do so discreetly. He'd asked why Albus couldn't just get it himself and I'd answered the question with a question of my own, "Which would draw more notice, me or the headmaster?" He'd acknowledged my point at once. I don't think he liked me putting myself at risk. It was nice knowing he cared, even if he never said it. I very much doubted he'd ever admit to caring about me. Harry had never told any of us that he loved us, though I never doubted that he did. Both men had experienced similar childhoods. Some traumas just ran too deep.

I got Marlene and Dorcas to help me pick out a dress. It was a long, pale wintery blue satin gown with a draped neck and plunging back. A bit of lace peeked out at my cleavage and it had long sleeves that would cover my scar - it wouldn't do for the word Mudblood to make an appearance on one of the guests at this party. The dress clung to every curve and was more daring and elegant than anything I would have typically considered for myself, but Severus had said it needed to be fancy if I didn't want to stand out. This met that criteria, and both girls said it looked incredible on me, so I went with it. They'd asked what it was for and I'd told them Severus had a special night planned for us. They didn't need to know I was going to a house filled to the brim with Death Eaters.

While there, Marlene had admitted that there was someone new in her life, but when pressed, she clammed up and refused to discuss her new mystery man. I think I was most intrigued by the fact she refused to spill any details about who she was dating. She'd never held back before. I was curious to see if that meant she was more serious about this guy than she'd ever been about any of the previous ones.

Dorcas was still resolutely single. She was determined to devote herself entirely to Quidditch. She insisted that there would be plenty of time after she made the team and became famous to find someone and settle down. I didn't blame her. It wasn't like I'd gone looking for Severus myself.

After picking out a dress, we'd gone to the Leaky Cauldron in London to meet up with Fabian and Gideon for lunch. The twins were full of their usual news about the Weasleys and updates about Molly's pregnancy.

"She's absolutely convinced this one is a girl," Gideon said with a disbelieving laugh.

"Of course, she's believed that about the last three as well. And look how that turned out - she got twins instead on the try before last," Fabian said, though this was smugly, as though having twins was far superior to having a girl.

After sharing the latest family gossip, including the fact that Fred had somehow managed to make Ron's freckles flicker like a rainbow Lite-Brite every time he cried, they got up to their usual antics. This involved begging me to finally come meet their extraordinary family. I was very reluctant to do this. I wouldn't fit in like I had, and I didn't know if that would make things harder or not. I didn't need another reason to miss them and meeting them might very well prove that I could no longer have a place with them.

"You have to come for New Year's Eve. Molly's hosting a party," Gideon begged unrepentantly.

"She can't," Marlene said, savoring the opportunity to embarrass me as I had her when I pointed out the hickey I'd noted on her neck earlier at the dress shop.

"She already has plans - with Severus!" Dorcas said quickly, stealing Marlene's moment. I flushed when both of the twins looked at me in surprise.

"Like a date?" Gideon asked, sounding a little disappointed.

"A romantic one? Did you plan it, or did… " Fabian started, then trailed off at the sight of the girls frantically shaking their heads. "Wow. Okay. So, Severus Snape is a closet romantic."

"Who knew!" Gideon exclaimed with false cheer, though he looked troubled all the same.

"He actually knows how to take you out and show you a proper good time? Will wonders never cease - er, sorry. I just meant… Well, you have to admit it's surprising. I don't think any of us thought… " Marlene explained, then shrugged. "Sorry - again. We really are happy for you. It's just surprising. That's all," she finished.

"I think you're good together. Honestly, I can't really picture you with anyone else now," Dorcas said sincerely. I smiled at her fondly in gratitude.

I hated lying to them all in that moment, but it couldn't be helped. Destroying the Horcrux needed to be kept secret. The idea that they didn't really think I'd still be with Severus by this point in time didn't sit well though.

"Then you'll have to come to Ron's first birthday party," Gideon said quickly, recovering and pointedly steering the topic back to its starting point.

"I'm not sure I can get away when classes are in session. Between my research and everything with the Order… " I said vaguely, trying to get out of it without refusing point blank.

"Wait! She can come to the twins' party then. It's going to be over Easter holidays. That's perfect," Fabian suggested.

"We'll have to see what Albus has planned for me then," I said noncommittally.

I left soon after, needing to speak with Severus more about what would happen at the party.

Having a girls' day and spending time with the twins before being forced to mingle with Death Eaters in the place where I'd been tortured was extremely welcome. It helped keep my mind off what was to come and made it possible for me to think clearly as Severus and I finalized all of our plans.

I was planning to change my appearance, as I'd changed Ron's the day we broke into Gringotts, as well. I used Fleur as my inspiration, just toned down a bit, less Veela, more ordinary, but pale blond, blue eyes, and higher cheekbones. I was also straightening my hair. Hopefully, that combination would be enough to mask me. Lucius had only seen me a couple times, so I was fairly confident.

Voldemort might have instructed Severus to get closer to me, but that definitely didn't include bringing me as a date to such a "prestigious" affair. He would be expected to arrive with someone suitable - someone pure.

* * *

The day of the party I spent four hours getting ready. Severus was speechless when he saw the results. He stared for so long I had to ask if it was all right to arrive late. The question was enough to get us going. I wondered if he saw me, or the charmed illusion when he looked at me…

We spent the first hour dancing in order to avoid having to speak to anyone until they'd started drinking. If I hadn't been so on edge, it would have been quite enjoyable. Severus was an incredible dancer. He held me close, just within the bounds of propriety, with his fingers lightly skimming over the exposed flesh of my back leaving a trail of electric sparks in their wake. He was light on his feet and could lead expertly. I wished fervently that this was happening elsewhere so I could truly enjoy it. Viktor had been rather accomplished as well, but he didn't hold a candle to Severus.

While dancing I saw Barty Crouch Jr. He looked like a child still, though he couldn't be more than a year or two younger than myself. I remembered him from last year. He'd been in the seventh year Transfiguration class I helped out with. I had done my best to ignore him then. He was so talented it wasn't like he'd needed my help, and honestly, I couldn't bear to look at him and know what he would become. Apparently, he hadn't waited long after graduating to join the Death Eaters. Everyone here seemed to know him and treat him as a beloved friend.

Afterwards, we spent another hour mingling. Severus did all the talking, while I wore my best imperious look to ward off unwanted conversation. I was hoping they'd take me for some elitist pureblood too good for everybody, even others of my own "rank". Basically, I was mimicking what I'd noted Narcissa doing when we'd entered. I'd also remembered that while trying to mimic Bellatrix, I'd been too nice. I didn't want to make that same mistake here, so I figured it was best to say nothing.

When it seemed people were starting to enjoy the effects of the wine and champagne, Severus and I slipped from the room. We'd planned for him to be gone for about ten to fifteen minutes, then return and say I was freshening up if anyone asked. Let people assume what they would about where we'd slipped off to and what we were doing. It was a party, after all.

I made a frantic dash to Lucius's study. Severus had given me explicit instructions on where it was, and what wards to expect. I dismantled them easily and darted inside. The room was massive with dark imposing furniture that screamed wealth and power. I hated it at once. Echoes of shady business deals seemed to waft through the chilled air. I performed a quick, yet thorough search, and turned up with nothing. It was disappointing and my nerves were getting tighter by the second. Over half of my excusable time was now up.

The library was the next stop in my search. I had to make my way stealthily upstairs to get there. I wished I'd gone there first. It was a book, of course the best place to hide it would be in the library!

At any other time I would have stopped to marvel. It was even better that the Black family's private collection. Shelves lined the octagonal room, stuffed with priceless works from floor to ceiling. I ached to explore the titles. It was nearly guaranteed that they would have a number of books that couldn't be found anywhere else. After trying every possible charm I could think of to locate it, I made a frantic scan of the shelves just to be sure. It just had to be here!

Except, it wasn't.

It wasn't in the library. _Where else could it be_?

I was running out of time. In fact, I was already on borrowed time. The library's sheer size had promised I'd run over if I searched it, and I'd had to.

Then it hit me. The drawing room. The Malfoys had a secret chamber under the drawing room floor. Draco had mentioned it when Harry and Ron had used Polyjuice Potion to impersonate Crabbe and Goyle during second year. That was where they stored their dark objects to avoid detection. Ron had sent Mr. Weasley to search it. How could I have been so _foolish_ to forget?

I hurried there now, but froze upon arriving. Of course, it had to be this room. The one I'd been tortured in. I froze in the open doorway. Horrified as memories of that day came rushing back. Little lights danced behind my eyelids, bursting like impromptu fireworks. I slammed them shut, shaking my head to stop the memory, but it barrelled forth knocking into me like a sledgehammer. My feet were glued in place, I couldn't force them to take me further into the cursed room. Every breath was more labored than the last, catching painfully in my throat and scraping my lungs like razor blades. An iron band wrapped itself around my chest and squeezed with the strength of a twenty foot boa constrictor. _Why couldn't I breathe_?

That day played out in front of me like I was watching a Muggle film.

" _Where did you get the sword?" Bellatrix hissed, her wild curls haloing her head like Medusa's snakes. I looked away at once fearing she too had the power to turn me to stone._

 _Harry and Ron had been taken away. Harry looked determined, I knew he was rapidly coming up with a plan, I just had to stay alive long enough for him to act on it. That was what he did - what he always did - save the day. Ron, though, I'd never seen him look so terrified - not even when he'd faced gigantic spiders. He understood exactly what was about to happen, and he was desperate to spare me from it. I loved him all the more for it._

" _I don't know!" I screamed, shaking my head. The refrain of lie, lie, lie running constantly through my head._

"Crucio _," she called with a manic grin._

 _The pain was sudden, fierce, excruciating. Every muscle in my body seized and twitched, my knees slammed brutally into the marble floor, cracking loudly as my spasming muscles gave out, but I hardly noticed. Everywhere else hurt worse. It lasted for hours, years even, though the first time was actually only a few seconds._

" _Do not lie to me. Where?" she asked again, this time calmly, as though discussing the weather, or something equally mundane - as though she hadn't just used an Unforgivable Curse to torture me._

" _We found it!" I insisted, choking and sputtering. Blood coated the inside of my mouth from where I'd bitten my tongue to keep from screaming. I spat it on the floor and tried to roll onto my side._

 _As though from some great distance, I heard a woman's horrified exclaim, "Disgusting animal - that'll never come out!"_

"Crucio _," Bellatrix called merrily once more._

 _This time was longer and I fell onto my back again, arms and legs twisting like a turtle on its back. The scream I'd managed to contain the first time now burst forth, expressing my pain for all to hear. When it finally stopped I fought to gasp in air. Every breath a struggle, my lungs unwilling to expand without igniting twinges of pain. My hands were completely numb from squeezing them into such tight fists._

" _Lies! Now tell me where," she said, sounding more deranged now, hands tugging at her own hair as she stared down at me, then raised her wand to point at me once more._

" _No, no,_ please _," I begged._

 _At first I thought I was strong enough to handle this. But I wasn't. It was too much. I was breaking. Surely they could see the cracks webbing across my body like a broken mirror, shards falling to the floor to shatter on impact. Surely they could? I was going to die here. Or at least end up like the Longbottoms._

 _I whimpered and tried to scoot away. My useless fists finding no purchase on the plush rug. My body refused to cooperate, tiny shuttering spasms rocking it, and my efforts were rewarded by an amused chuckle. How could anyone be so evil? How could anyone enjoy hurting someone defenseless?_

" _I'm going to ask you again! Where did you get this sword?_ Where _?" Bellatrix screamed, frustration overtaking her._

" _We found it - we found it - PLEASE!" I screamed myself, desperation taking hold as her wand came up again._

"CRUCIO _," she screamed, and the power and rage behind the word seemed to amplify the pain._

 _Agony worse than before consumed me. I was burning from the inside out, volts of electricity coursing through my veins unwelcome and unending._

 _I screamed, and screamed, and screamed. Blood coated my chin where I'd bitten my lip in addition to my tongue._

 _The pain was so intense, I didn't even notice when she stopped. My head rolled helplessly to the side, my neck muscles too weak to support it. Draco was there. His mother's white knuckled hands were gripping his shoulders tightly. His face was wearing a look like he was the one being tortured. The idea that he cared and his mother was stopping him from intervening cleared the fog of pain from my head a bit._

 _I must not let Harry down. I had to lie so we could finish this and all of us would finally be free._

" _Do you know what happens to the mind when it undergoes the Cruciatus Curse for too long? Would you like to experience it for yourself?" Bellatrix whispered by my ear, momentarily excited by the idea. I hadn't even noticed her approach, but the feel of her rancid moist breath on my face made my stomach roll unpleasantly. Then she suddenly jerked back, striding away. Spinning back to me she screamed, "You are a lying, filthy Mudblood, and I know it! You have been inside my vault at Gringotts! Tell the truth,_ tell the truth _!_ Crucio _!"_

 _I screamed. On and on it went. I feared I'd never stop hearing the sounds of my own pain. She hadn't even given me a chance to answer that time, though maybe that was a blessing. It was easier to conceal the truth when you said nothing at all._

" _What else did you take? What else have you got? Tell me the truth or, I swear, I shall run you through with this knife!" Bellatrix threatened, waving a dagger with a wicked blade in the air. Light sparked off the tip, reflecting onto the nearby wall where it wavered erratically as she waved the blade. She paused then and considered the knife in her hand, a savage grin twisting her features. "Lucius, hold her down," she commanded, nodding to my right arm._

" _Father!" Draco cried aghast._

" _Hush, Draco," his mother scolded._

 _Once Lucius had restrained my right arm to her satisfaction, she began carving. It was a different sort of pain. Hotter, more localized to a single point, rather than my whole body. With each slice, I felt the actual beats of my heart more. Each beat propelled a rush of fiery pain radiating outward from the site of her artwork._

" _M. What else did you take?" Bellatrix asked, perched across my chest, her weight making it harder to breathe than it already was._

 _I bit my lip to keep from screaming again, a renewed surge of copper filled my mouth again. But I said nothing._

" _U. Tell me!" she insisted._

" _Nothing," I whimpered, trying to spit the blood on her, but my attempt was too weak to succeed and only seemed to enrage her further._

" _D. There, mud. The filth in your veins," she said, sitting back to admire her effort. Her face hardened. "What else did you take, what else? ANSWER ME!_ CRUCIO _!"_

 _She laughed as I screamed, body seizing and contorting uncontrollably beneath her._

" _B. How? L. Tell me," she coaxed, carving faster, seeming more excited as she hastily wiped the weeping wound so she could see her canvas. The pressure of that almost hurt worse than the actual slicing._

" _I can't! We found found it. I swear!"_

" _O. Lies. O. One more chance then I'll give you to the mutt. He'd like sinking his teeth into such soft, tender flesh," she said while making the final cuts. "D. There all done," she said, patting it roughly._

 _She stood and Lucius released me at once, wiping his blood stained hands on my robes in disgust before he hurried back to his wife's side. Bellatrix's head cocked as she studied her work, I wanted to pull my arm in, prevent her from seeing what she'd done, but the pain was too great. My arm was as useless as Harry's when Lockhart had vanished all of his bones._

" _How did you get into my vault? Did that dirty little goblin in the cellar help you?" Her words were enough to clear my head again somewhat. I couldn't let the goblin suffer for what we were doing._

" _We only met him tonight! We've never been inside your vault…. It isn't the real sword! It's only a copy, just a copy!"_

Distant sounds broke me from the trance. Panic seized me as I realized someone or possibly several someones were heading this way. I was going to be caught and I still didn't have the diary!

Finally entering the room, I let the door swing silently shut, magicked the decorative rug back, and opened the concealed door as fast as I could. It was dark, but I could make out piles of objects heaped inside.

There were voices sounding now, the words almost distinguishable.

Hurry, Hermione, I chastised myself.

" _Accio_ diary," I muttered, trying my luck and hoping against hope that it would work, and to my immense surprise and relief it did. I switched it with the fake I had strapped to my inner thigh right beside my beaded purse and dropped it inside - luckily both were small and relatively flat so I could wear them discreetly. After all, the diary was thin enough to go unnoticed when fit between the pages of a textbook.

The voices, both male and female, were clear now and as were the sounds of their footsteps almost right outside the door.

With a wave of my wand, the room righted itself, the edge of the rug fluttering down just as the door opened. Oh, _why_ hadn't I thought to cast a Disillusionment Charm as soon as I'd left the ballroom?

Lucius and a giggling Narcissa came to an abrupt halt. Behind them was Rabastan Lestrange. I gulped, thinking up an explanation for my presence as quickly as possible.

"What are you doing in here?" Lucius asked looking around, trying to see if anything was out of place. His suspicion was almost tangible. I gulped, throat unbearably dry all of a sudden.

"N-nothing! I was w-waiting for someone," I stammered shrilly, inching back until my leg knocked against a decorative end table, the edge digging sharply into my thigh.

"Who?" Lestrange asked looking amused and perhaps as though he'd be willing to take whoever's place.

I had to swallow back bile at the thought. His deadened eyes raked over me and I cringed, an involuntary shiver racking my body. He noticed my disgust and his look narrowed angrily.

"Igor! Igor Karkaroff," I exclaimed, saying the first person I thought of that I'd seen tonight. I did not want to incriminate Severus if this went badly.

It was my fault for having a panic attack and taking so long. If I'd just done what I needed to do, we'd both already be gone from here and none of this would be happening. He could not be implicated if what I'd done was discovered. We still needed his information too much. I was expendable, he was not. It had always been that way for me, though Harry would argue that he couldn't have done any of it without my help. I knew that was only true to a certain extent. There were always other intelligent individuals that would have willingly helped him in my place should something have happened to me.

"I thought I saw you with Severus earlier," Narcissa said shrewdly. I hadn't thought she'd noticed.

"I got bored," I said attempting a coy smile, trying to seem like a floozy, not worth their time. And Igor was currently the more traditionally handsome of the two men, though he had not aged well. I think it came off looking constipated though, because no one seemed to buy it. But Rabastan looked intrigued again.

"Who are you, girl?" Lucius asked moving to stand in front of me and examine my face. There was no sign of recognition. I had to fight to suppress the hatred I felt at this man. For what he did to me, but more importantly, what he did to Edgar's family.

"Penelope - Macmillan," I invented.

I'd planned to be Ms. Macmillan tonight, having spent some time researching wizarding families to prepare for tonight. I hadn't given much thought to what first name I would go by. But Penelope was always my go-to first name. It helped having used it before, but I added Ernie's last name to prevent them investigating the Clearwater family. The last thing I needed was them killing her family because I used her name.

The Macmillans were one of the only large pureblood families left with ties to both sides of the war, so it was safer to use and go unrecognized or questioned. Most members of the family definitely supported Albus, particularly by the second war, but right now there were several branches that remained unaligned. And while some had married Voldemort supporters, like Melania marrying Arcturus Black III, none were actually Death Eaters themselves. It was the best I could come up with.

"Rabastan, get Severus. I'm sure he'd like to know what sort of _girl_ he's seeing," Narcissa said at last.

He left at once and we stood in silence for several minutes as we waited for his return. I concentrated on breathing and keeping a placid expression on my face. It wouldn't do for them to see my fear at Severus's involvement. My mind raced, but each possible solution was discarded as fast as it came to mind. All I knew for certain was that this was really, really bad.

"I couldn't find him in the ballroom," Rabastan said while panting upon returning.

"Were the two of you planning something?" Lucius questioned, grabbing my chin painfully. His manicured nails scratched harshly along my cheeks. I squeaked and tried to shake my head, but his grip was too firm. He'd likely leave bruises where his fingers manacled me in place.

"What? No! I don't know where he is. I swear, I was meeting Igor," I insisted, eyes wide and pleading with him to believe me.

"Take her wand and lock her in the cellar. I'll find Severus and Igor myself, then we'll see," Lucius said decisively. I paled, fear creeping back in at the knowledge I'd be trapped and defenseless in this manor once again.

Rabastan escorted me downstairs and led me into a dark room. I didn't put up an ounce of protest, knowing that would make me seem guilty. I think Rabastan was expecting me to, and when I didn't, he seemed to start to believe my story.

Before he shut the door, he smirked and said, "If things don't work out with Igor, I'd be willing to have a go."

He ran a sweaty, knobby finger down the length of my neck as he spoke, continuing the path down until it met the edge of my dress's low neckline. His fingernail was yellowed and chipped, though unusually thick, as if he suffered from a fungal infection. I cringed in disgust at the feel of him touching me, but I hoped he mistook it for an amorous shiver.

"N-no, thank you," I said, trying and failing to mask my disgust. My voice was too unsteady, and I'd shrunk back when he hooked his finger in the front of my dress and tugged, trying to lower it a fraction to reveal what lay beneath it.

He slammed the door shut in my face at my unmistakable rebuff. Locking it from the outside. I heard the heavy thud as the bolt slid home. It held an ominous note of finality in it.

It was dark and dreadfully cold in the room. I backed up a couple steps and bumped into something that rattled and made sloshing sounds. Wine bottles. So before it was a prison, the Malfoys had used the room as a wine cellar like any other rich, elitist family would. It was surprisingly… mundane.

I realized there was a very real possibility that I might not make it out of here tonight. I had to destroy the diary - and I had to do it right now. That was the most important thing. This was all for nothing if I didn't.

I knew Severus could take care of himself, and would do what he must to maintain his cover. He was trying to come up with explanations for any possible situation Lucius found him in as I waited here. He might even be searching for me at this very moment, though I hoped he wasn't because that would make things worse if we were discovered together at this point.

It took several minutes of scrounging around blindly in my purse for one of the potion vials, but at last I found it. My hand clasping around the gritty texture of the tiny vial. The deadly container fit neatly into the palm of my hand. It wouldn't take much to work.

This was not the Horcrux I wanted to destroy. Before this moment I had never considered destroying any except the cup. Perhaps, there was a reason I was supposed to do this now instead. Everything with Harry had seemed to happen for a reason, working out just right to ensure we were triumphant.

Laying the diary carefully on the floor, I bent before it and unstoppered the vial.

The voice sounded from the dark. Persuasive and young. Earnest and enticing.

The memory of a charismatic young man who would one day grow to be the darkest wizard ever to live.

" _You know this won't work. You'll still fail. That's what you are - a failure. All of your friends know it - well, those you call friends. They aren't really your friends, you know. They only tolerate you for what is inside your head. That's the only useful thing about you,_ " the young Tom Riddle said almost sadly, as though disappointed for me - on my behalf.

"Stop it," I muttered, closing my eyes and shaking my head, but that didn't help. The voice continued, all the worse because I couldn't see him and it seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere at once.

" _No one truly cares about you - especially not here. Did you think they would mourn you if you were gone? They won't. They don't need you. They have others far more important and useful than you,_ " he said calmly, seeming to circle me.

"Don't listen," I chided myself as I fumbled with the vial's stopper. My hands were shaking so badly I couldn't get a hold of it, my fingers kept slipping off.

" _Not even Severus really cares. You'll always come in second - if that. Do you truly believe you could ever compare to Lily? She will always have his heart. She is just as intelligent as you, far more beautiful - a blazing supernova to your flickering candle flame. If he truly cared about you, he would have come for you by now. He would not leave you to the Malfoys' and Lestranges' tender mercies. He knows what they did to you before and he hopes they do it again._ "

I squeezed my eyes shut, desperate to block out the voice. I did not want to hear this, but Tom Riddle's words were too insistent to ignore. The stopper final sprang free with an audible pop. The suddenness and pressure of the release almost causing me to drop it or spill some of the deadly fluid on myself in my rattled state.

" _You're going to fail here too. They'll still die and it will be all your fault. When Harry grows up, he'll hate you for what you've done. For how you've failed him_ ," he continued, almost tauntingly now.

"No. You're wrong. I won't fail!" I said and dumped the contents of the vial onto the diary. It hissed in the darkness as the potion splashed onto the cover and the voice let out an agonized scream before abruptly silencing.

Two down, three to go.

It was similar, though different, than it had been the first time I'd destroyed a Horcrux. The first time, it talked about Ron and Harry dying in addition to my failing. I sometimes wonder if Voldemort's success at making me doubt myself was the reason I even kissed Ron in the first place that night. It had almost been as if I was trying to prove something to myself and everyone else. Though that realization only came through hindsight.

I desperately wished this night would just end already. Now, I had to find a way to hide the diary remains. The potion's properties should diminish as it dried, until finally being rendered useless when the last of the liquid had evaporated or been consumed in the process of corroding something, but I didn't particularly want to risk it in the dark when I couldn't verify that all of the liquid was actually gone. That meant I couldn't put it in my purse, but I hadn't thought of that before acting. I was making careless mistakes, ones I couldn't afford to make. I felt myself fraying at the edges. If only there was a way out!

Of course.

There was a way.

The same way I'd used last time I was trapped in this hell.

"Dobby!" I shouted. "Dobby, _please_ help me!"

The crack was almost instant. A light flared above us, illuminating the very, very young house-elf that had been willing to give his life for Harry - that had done so. He was dressed in dirty rags, and had a bandage on his hand and a cut on his face. So the mistreatment had already begun. I felt indignation rise up within me.

"Look, Dobby, I know you don't know me, but I need your help. I have to get out of here," I said in a rush even as he began furiously shaking his head, massive green eyes wide with alarm. "No, please, listen! I know how the Malfoys treat you, and I hate it! I know you want to be free. I can help you - I will help you," I promised.

He made to run at the wall, but I intercepted him, kneeling before him and grasping his hands tenderly, though firmly enough to stop him from pulling away and hurting himself.

The simple kindness stopped him in his tracks. He stared at me in dawning wonder, his hands trembling in mine. I was devastated to think he had only ever been touched in a way that inflicted pain prior to this.

"Free? You would help Dobby get free?" he said in astonishment, wonder making his eyes widen and giant tears well from their verdant depths.

"Yes! But you don't need wizards to free you. You're better than that! Free yourself, then come to Hogwarts. The headmaster will welcome you and pay you for your work," I said as an idea occurred to me.

If I wanted to show wizards that house-elves deserved respect, then what better way than to show them how they didn't need us - for anything! Dobby has always felt so indebted to Harry, what if he didn't have to feel that? What if he only had himself to look up to?

"No, no. Dobby can't do that. Dobby is not knowing how," he said, twisting his drooping ears roughly with the hand he'd tugged free and shaking his head. I hated how little he thought of himself. I had to fix that, and not just for him.

"It's easy - I swear! Next time one of the Malfoys changes, hide and catch an item of clothing as they drop it. You can be free by tonight!"

He blinked at me, thinking hard. I'd gotten the idea from what Harry had said about Lucius throwing the sock and Dobby catching it. That was all it took. Why couldn't Dobby do that for himself this way?

"Dobby could do that," he said at last, nodding slowly. Then he rushed forward to hug me, squeezing so hard my sides hurt where he'd manacled my waist. "Oh, thank you, Miss!"

"Then - then will you help me too? Please, I have to get out of here and they took my wand. Oh! And I have to get rid of that," I said, pointing to the diary remains. "But don't touch it!" I warned when he reached towards it.

"Dobby will help," he said with a fierce, determined nod.

And with a snap, the diary vanished then with a second snap I was standing outside the gates of Hogwarts. It happened so fast I didn't even get to say goodbye or beg Dobby not to punish himself for what he was about to do. I had an awful feeling that he would.

With no wand, I could do nothing about it, so I rushed straight to the headmaster's office to explain everything. I felt naked, exposed, helpless without one. It was not a welcome sensation on top of everything else that had happened this evening. I was anxious to reach the castle, the headmaster, and the protection they promised.

Severus and I had never discussed what we would do if we became separated. It seemed like a vast oversight now. I wanted to go back for him, or send a message - something - to let him know I was fine and gone from the manor. I wanted to warn him of Malfoy's suspicions before he was confronted by them, but it was impossible. I just had to trust in his ability to think on his feet. It had served him well so far, after all.

Albus was engrossed in my tale, listening intently as I explained everything that had happened. I was just finishing explaining Dobby when the door burst open and Severus rushed in looking thunderous. He stopped short when he saw me.

"You're alive," he breathed, eyes fixed solely on me though he remained in the doorway.

"Yes," I agreed, still amazed at that fact myself. "Lucius took my wand and I escaped," I said by way of explanation for why I hadn't tried to contact him and why I was here instead of at the manor, though we both knew I couldn't have anyways given where he'd been at the time.

"Hermione," Albus said and I looked to him, "we'll finish this in the morning. For now get some sleep. You can visit Ollivander's once we've spoken more in the morning."

Albus was studying the pair of us, a secret smile on his face. He always had been a huge supporter of love. I was grateful for the dismissal. I wanted to talk to Severus immediately. I needed to know what happened after I left, then I just wanted to sleep and forget everything else that happened.

"Were you at least successful?" Severus asked in the lonely corridor as we made our way through the tomb-like castle.

"Yes. What happened when Lucius found me missing?" I questioned, fearing he'd taken the blame.

"The door was left open. He accused Rabastan of getting taken in by a pretty face, though he denied it," he informed me, and I silently thanked Dobby. That had been quick thinking on his part. Once I got a new wand in the morning, and some new clothes for him, I'd have to check on him myself.

"And you?" I asked, just to be certain.

"For now I look like the idiot who was duped," he said ruefully, and I winced. That had not been my intention, but it was far better than the alternative.

"But he doesn't suspect anything?"

He eyed me the rest of the walk back to our rooms. Worry creased his brow. When we reached the door to his rooms, he took my hand and urged me to follow him inside.

"Hermione -" Severus began once he'd lead me into his rooms. Albus had already put my appearance back in order.

"Please, Severus, we really don't need to talk about anything else. It all worked out," I said, exhaustion lacing my ever word. I feared the nightmares that were sure to plague me tonight, but I longed for sleep regardless.

"Hermione - " he said, trying again anyways.

"No, Severus! Look - I love you, and thank you for caring, but - "

"You love me?" he cut in. I replayed my words and realized I had, in fact, admitted just that. Well, here goes nothing.

"Oh, well… yes," I whispered, wringing my hands nervously, mentally preparing for his repudiation.

"You're certain you don't wish to discuss what just happened?" he asked, changing the subject abruptly, but at least not looking horrified by my admission. I scrambled to keep up with him.

"No. It's over and done," I said, thinking it best I head out now, before this got uncomfortable since he didn't seem inclined to acknowledge my declaration.

"Good," he said, stepping up to me and sweeping in for a heated kiss. "Stay here tonight?" he asked, a vulnerable look on his face when he broke away. That was a rather unexpected request for him to make. At my hesitation, he added, "Just to sleep. I want you close."

"Well, all right," I said, letting him led me into his bedroom.


	16. Chapter 15

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

This chapter will likely have an outtake once the entire story is posted. I started to write the scene between Hermione and Severus, but it didn't feel right actually including it in the story, so you'll be able to read it in its entirety afterwards if there is any interest for it.

PS I'm not JK Rowling - obviously, so I don't own anything :(

Chapter 15

February 1981

My newest wand was unexpected. It was ash, 10 ¼", pliable, with a phoenix feather. It was all new. This was the third wand I'd been fitted for, the first before starting Hogwarts, and the second after the war. I just couldn't make myself continue using Bellatrix's. The first had had dragon heartstring and the second had had a unicorn hair as its core. Both had been made of vine wood. The phoenix feather had come as a surprise, that was always Harry's. The first would likely always be my favorite, it was the one I first learned to perform magic with, but this one might actually be the best fit. Plus, it felt more powerful.

I spent much of the rest of the Christmas Holidays practicing with it, but I hardly needed to think of a spell before the wand was making it happen, often with better results than I'd ever gotten previously. I was quite happy with it.

When the students returned from holiday, classes resumed and it was business as usual. I still spent all of my free time trying to piece together where the cup was right now and how I could get into Grimmauld Place without help.

A new surge of determination filled me after the success of destroying the diary. The problem was, I was still no closer to figuring out where the cup even was. At least with the locket, I had a location, and the ring was right where it was meant to be.

By early February, I was no closer. It didn't help that work wasn't exactly going well either.

Today had been particularly trying. Minerva wasn't feeling very well, the cold going around Hogwarts seemed to catch her unawares, but she refused to take Pepperup potion, insisting she was fine. But after four days of denying her illness, she'd finally admitted defeat and gone to see Madam Pomfrey. The mediwitch had fixed her up in a minute, but I'd volunteered to cover classes for the day, so she could catch up on some much needed rest.

Albus had overheard and agreed, saying that it was, "A marvelous suggestion."

It had been frustrating. The students pulled the typical substitute teacher shenanigans and I was not impressed. Typically, I am very patient and encouraging in the classroom. Not today. It was clear the students' work wasn't up to its usual standard, and I let them know that was unacceptable. One student had had the audacity to call me 'overly critical'. I'd embarrassingly lost my temper and punished the whole class by docking one hundred and fifty points from the third year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws - each! It was slightly, well possibly highly, unfair if I were honest, but once done, I couldn't take it back without losing all authority with the kids.

That had been the first class of the day.

News spread quickly afterwards and the rest of the classes were either mutinous, refusing to do as they were told because of my earlier actions, or challenged, attempting to provoke a similar outburst for them to witness firsthand.

I'd skipped dinner in favor of going straight to Severus's rooms. The last thing I wanted to experience were all the stares from students I was sure to earn if I dined at the head table tonight.

Severus and I had begun spending less time brewing, and more time researching our respective pursuits, or simply relaxing on the sofa as we read companionably. I really needed that tonight.

"You would not believe the day I had!" I said when he came in after supper.

"I heard," he said succinctly. His careless retort was like sandpaper rubbing against already raw skin.

"Do you realize how awful tomorrow is going to be?" I asked, incredulous at his dismissiveness.

"Are you honestly letting the actions of children dictate your mood?" he querried, eyebrows raising in surprise.

"As if you've never done the same," I huffed, folding my arms angrily. He studied me for a moment, amusement dancing in his eyes. It just upset me more.

"Ah, but it is you that we are currently discussing, not I," he pointed out very unhelpfully.

"Overgrown bat," I hissed.

"Insufferable know-it-all," he fired back, lips quirked into an obnoxious smirk.

"I can't wait until the next time a student says something awful about you!" I cried. He knew how much I hated when he called me that!

"One would think you'd gotten all of that out of your system already given everything that happened today, but I'd be happy to oblige with a fight if that is your intention," he said calmly, assessing me and I realized how completely unreasonable I was being. It wasn't his fault students could be immature and lazy.

"Oh, Severus! I'm sorry," I groaned, rubbing my face tiredly as he moved to join me on the sofa. "I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"Relax," he said, rubbing my aching shoulders. I sighed, realizing how tense I'd been all day.

"That feels wonderful," I said as he continued, thumbs pressing insistently into the aching knot of muscles between my shoulder blades. He slowly worked his way down my back, relieving the tension with his skilled touch.

"Perhaps… we could continue this in the other room? We could try to make your day end on a better note… " he whispered suggestively in my ear, kissing my cheek softly before looking me in the eye meaningfully. There was an uncertainty about him and he'd tensed perceptively. Awaiting my rejection I guessed.

Then my breath caught as I realized the direction his thoughts had taken. For as close as we'd gotten in the months since our relationship had begun, we had not yet taken that step. At first, neither of us were ready. He was still so obviously in love with Lily, and I was insecure after everything with Ron and about Severus's feelings for me. But those concerns had gradually occurred less and less frequently as each of us worked out our respective issues until we'd finally reached this point.

Destroying the diary Horcrux had actually helped me a great deal. It was easier to see now that he cared, if not more for me, then at least equally. It was more than I had hoped for, and certainly something I felt I could live with without sacrificing any of myself in the process.

There had been several times since the first night, a little over a month ago now, that I'd stayed with him. He'd shyly ask me to stay after particularly heated snogging sessions, or make a request in a whispered plea on nights he met with Voldemort, desperate for comfort and acceptance in the aftermath.

I'd actually been looking forward to taking things further for several weeks now, almost since that first night. But I didn't know how to initiate it. Thankfully, he was doing that for me.

Turning my head, I placed a soft kiss on his lips saying, "Yes, please."

It was awkward at first, both self-conscious about our respective scars and worried about getting everything right. But in the end, the only thing that mattered was that it was the two of us and that we both wanted it to happen with each other.

The next day I couldn't stop smiling and nothing the kids said or did could change that fact. My night with Severus had been perfect, everything I ever hoped it would be. We were closer than ever, and I loved him more than ever.

* * *

The weeks since Severus and I were together for the first time were probably the best since I'd arrived in this time. My newfound intimacy with him was exhilarating. There wasn't enough time in the day to explore and get to know this side of our relationship, but that didn't stop us from trying.

Minerva was the only member of the staff that seemed to pick up on the change. Or maybe she was just the only one brave enough to broach the subject with me. She called me into her study one afternoon, presumably for tea, then ambushed me.

" _You are being careful, dear, aren't you?" Minerva asked straightforwardly, then took a measured sip of her tea._

" _Careful?" I asked. What could she possibly be referring to?_

" _With Severus, Hermione. You are being careful with Severus, correct?" Minerva clarified impatiently before sipping her tea again._

" _Wh - Oh! Yes, we are," I said in dawning realization, the room suddenly unbearably warm as she nodded in approval._

 _She must have noted the change between Severus and myself and understood what it meant. I was horrified by this evidence that we'd been so obvious about it. I tugged at the collar of my robes, restless and undeniably uncomfortable now. My underarms were perspiring noticeably and I wished I wasn't dressed in winter robes. Must she have the fire burning so hot?_

 _I wondered just how many students she'd been forced to have this same conversation with over the years. She seemed completely nonplussed, if you ignored the barest hint of rosy pink marking the edge of her cheekbones._

" _There are potions if you wish to see Madam Pomfrey. The hospital wing stocks them, though we of course discourage that sort of behavior from happening at all among the students. But it's better to be safe -"_

" _That's not necessary," I interrupted holding up my hands to stop her. The very idea of seeing Madam Pomfrey for a birth control potion made me queasy._

 _I was still struggling to wrap my head around the fact I was calmly discussing sex with my former professor and current colleague. That she was offering advice on safety seemed ludicrous within the setting of Hogwarts. This was a school, after all! But then, it was a school filled with hormone riddled teenagers and the wizarding world did tend to marry young…_

 _Now, I wondered if she'd had this talk with Ginny during our seventh year, or if she assumed Mrs. Weasley had taken care of it for her. I wondered why she'd never talked to me about this while I was in school. Or had she instinctively known it was unnecessary? Were all of the Heads of Houses expected to do this for their students? The idea of Severus doing it was laughable._

 _She was definitely correct that it was better to be safe and informed than it was to do something that could potentially produce life altering consequences while ignorant._

" _Hmm, yes. Severus can probably brew the potion for you, or you could yourself," Minerva continued, misunderstanding my protest._

" _I meant we're using the charm," I said, trying to sound mature and practical about it. If I was having sex, then I needed to be able to discuss this like the twenty-one-year-old adult I was, not a naive teenager._

" _But that can be easy to forget when caught up in the moment. The potion is effective for a month at a time. Though it does take some time to brew," she informed me, looking concerned._

" _Thank you. I'll definitely look into that," I said primly. I'd definitely be finding that potion and making it for myself after this. Once a month did sound more convenient and safer._

" _Madam Pomfrey also stocks pregnancy tests should you ever have need," Minerva added._

 _There was absolutely no way I would ever go to Madam Pomfrey about my relationship with Severus. She was not known to gossip, but it wasn't worth the risk. I really did not want the rest of the staff feeling the need to weigh in on our sex life. I don't think Severus would ever forgive me if I embarrassed him like that._

 _Minerva did bring up a valid point though. It was possible that we could forget at some point while I made the potion. While I refused to see Madam Pomfrey about this, I could pick up a Muggle pregnancy test to keep just to be on the safe side. It would be the responsible thing to do and they were just as accurate as anything in the wizarding world._

" _That shouldn't be necessary. As I said, we're careful. Thank you for the information though," I said and was relieved when she nodded and switched the uncomfortable conversation to a new topic._

* * *

It was a little prior to the Easter holidays before anything major happened again. I still no closer to finding the cup or with coming up with a way to get the locket from Kreacher. Every plan I came up with needed inside help and Sirius just wouldn't help me without an explanation. I'd slipped up too many times and he was seriously suspicious now. He'd never trust me without question.

Now that Dobby had helped, it seemed obvious that I should enlist Kreacher as well. Apparently, even I was capable of not giving house-elves their rightful due.

Dobby had settled into the castle with relative ease, and after only sustaining minimal damage to his person. I hated that he'd suffered at all, but at least now he was free and had choices. He loved the socks and sweaters I gotten him, wearing them often. I'd even gotten him to come speak at my S.P.E.W. meetings. I think it really helped some of those on the fence about the whole thing to understand the injustice of the whole affair.

* * *

The Prewett twins had been pestering me for over a year now to go with them to meet their sister and her family, and I'd finally run out of excuses not to. Molly was due in a few months, and Fabian and Gideon were spending all the time they could over at the Burrow helping out. Last week was their twin nephews' third birthday and the family was celebrating today. They'd used that to coerce me into going to Fred and George's party, saying they needed help watching the other boys so Molly could focus on the two troublemakers without getting too tired or exerting herself too much.

I couldn't help wondering if seeing Ron would be as strange as seeing Harry had been. That was part of why I kept putting it off. Fred was the other reason. I might just burst into tears when I saw him.

I'd talked Fabian and Gideon into getting the twins toy broomsticks, and I'd gotten them some magic tricks from Zonkos. I was secretly amused by the situation and the possibility that in this timeline, I could be at least partially the reason for their Hogwarts antics - the same ones I used to despair over. I was doing the same with Ron too. I'd gotten him a stuffed orange cannonball, stamped with the Chudley Cannons logo as a late birthday present so he wouldn't feel left out even if he was only one. His self-esteem had always been so low, I hoped to help it a bit if possible. I was also pleased by helping jumpstart his doomed Quidditch obsession.

I Apparated directly to Fabian and Gideon's flat. We'd use Floo powder from there to get to the Burrow. The Weasleys had disconnected their house from all of the Floo Network connections except the twins' flat a couple months ago, scared of an attack happening that way. One of the Death Eaters' newest tricks was to Floo into someone's home that had refused to join, light the room on fire, then walk out, sealing the place up tight - Floo, exits, Anti-Disapparation jinxes, the works - so the residents would burn to death, trapped within their own homes.

The twins weren't ready when I got to their flat, so I settled down on the sofa as I watched them run around, scrambling to find matching socks, finish breakfast, and brush their teeth.

None of us were prepared when the windows of the flat blew inward, raining glass over the hardwood floors and making the curtains billow like ghosts waving in the wind.

I sent a Patronus to Albus at once, then dared a look out the window. I counted seven Death Eaters before I ducked under the sill and out of sight. The odds were not in our favor. " _Gideon Prewett, it took five Death Eaters to kill him and his brother Fabian, they fought like heroes…_ " Moody once said. I didn't think I exactly evened the odds, but I wouldn't let that happen this time. It just couldn't.

We needed to stall for time. If we could hold off until Albus got here, we'd be fine. Maybe we could even capture all of the attacking Death Eaters, or at least a few. All we needed was a few minutes - ten tops. It was the Easter Holidays and I knew Albus was helping out at the Ministry in London, so he could be here even sooner than he normally would if he'd been at Hogwarts.

The twins stumbled into the room, but I gestured them back into the safety of the hallway. They stared at me, their looks hard and questioning. It just wasn't them to back down from a fight, but I couldn't risk telling them my plan and having those waiting for us hearing.

"Come out, come out little blood traitors," someone taunted in a sing-song baby voice.

"We know you're in there. Nowhere to hide, nowhere to run," another taunted. Fabian tensed, eager to go after them, but Gideon grabbed his arm, restraining him as he continued to watch me furiously shaking my head at them.

"If you don't - we'll start with your neighbors," a third voice promised. Then a scream rent the air as a nearby window shattered, the tinkling explosion destroying the quiet spring morning like grotesquely distorted wind-chimes.

That was all it took and the boys were off, dashing outside. I followed immediately after.

* * *

Severus was with me when I woke. My eyelids were heavy, weighted with exhaustion. He hadn't realized it yet. I took the opportunity to study him. He was the one that looked haggard, not me, though I'd only just woken. He looked as though he hadn't slept in days. His face was unshaven and he was staring vacantly out the window. I could feel his calloused hand covering mine. It was slick and clammy, as though it'd been there for a very long time.

I was disoriented and everything hurt. My head felt huge and I couldn't turn it to see where I was. I didn't know how I'd gotten here. The room was silent, the only sound our respective breathing.

Something must have alerted him that I was awake because suddenly his eyes were focused on me and his hand had tightened painfully around my own. I whimpered at the contact, but he didn't let up. If anything, he squeezed my hand even tighter.

"Hermione," he breathed, sounding shocked to see me, though that didn't seem right.

"W-wh-where am I?" I said, the effort taking a toll. Sandpaper lined my throat, not a drop of moisture to be found and even forming those simple words had been agonizing. I remembered this feeling from just after being tortured. It was a rawness that came from screaming and disuse.

"Hospital wing. Albus brought you back here when he realized you were still alive," he said looking tortured.

"W-what - " I tried to ask.

"Shh. Don't try to talk just yet. Here," he said reaching for a cup of water on the bedside table and bringing it to my lips.

Even they hurt, but the pain was worth it to feel the refreshing coolness of water and something else slide down my throat. I gave him a questioning glance, but my suddenly heavier eyelids demanded I sleep instead.

This happened twice more, but each time I managed to get more of the story from Severus. He never left my side and no one else was ever there, not even Madam Pomfrey. He said I'd been out for almost three days, only coming to briefly.

Albus had saved me, though it had been touch and go for a while. My skull had cracked in several places. I couldn't remember any of what happened for me to end up here. Severus said I should be back to normal soon, they'd been most worried that my mind wouldn't be intact, but it seemed to be mostly fine.

Each time I woke after that, Severus was there. He stared at me with an almost aching hunger. His expression revealing more of his feelings than his words had ever come close to conveying. There was such a naked intensity to it that I didn't really know how to process it. Particularly because underlying the blatant need was terror. I wasn't sure if it was because I almost died, or because I had every intention of continuing to risk my life. Possibly, it was some combination of the two.

It wasn't until the fourth time I woke that Severus admitted Fabian and Gideon were both dead.

* * *

When I was released from the hospital wing, Albus gave me the full story, since I still couldn't remember most of it, but bits and pieces had been slowly returning.

 _When I'd first followed the twins out, it was to find them, blazing like flashing red beacons ringed in a sea of black. The Death Eaters had converged on them at once. One was aiming a curse at Gideon's back._

"PROTEGO _!" I shouted immediately, a shield springing up to protect him. He flashed me a grin then was back at it._

 _My spell had drawn attention and two of the masked figures broke off to converge on me, while one of the twins incapacitated one of the Death Eaters in the shuffle._

"Steleus _," I fired at the one on the left, then hurried to raise a shield charm to block a blue jet coming from the one on the right._

 _I'd intended to follow the sneezing spell up with a stunner while he was distracted, but the other Death Eater was there to step in. Again and again it happened, their tag-team efforts working._

 _Where was Albus? Why wasn't he here yet?_

Something else had happened, but the memory was missing. My recall of the events was like watching a movie, but the DVD was scratched, so it skipped forward unexpectedly. It picked back up what was likely several minutes later.

"Impedimenta _," I cast, desperate to finally incapacitate one, so I could focus solely on the other, but I aimed too wide._

 _At some point I had been forced back towards the twins' flat. It was a relief to have the building at my back so no one could sneak up and surprise me with an attack from behind._

 _I cast spell after spell, weaving and dodging the ones aimed my way._

"Reducto _," he fired back at once._

 _The noise was deafening, shouts coming from everywhere at once. I couldn't hear my own voice over the surrounding din, though that was actually a blessing._

 _One shot a volley of knives at me._

"PROTEGO _!" I screamed, forming a shield to stop them, but one soared through before it formed and lodged deeply into my thigh. I stumbled to my knees._

"STUPEFY _!" I cried over and over from my kneeling position, until one of the Stunners finally hit, and I risked stumbling to my feet as I tried to stand on my wounded leg._

 _I watched the man fall, crashing to the ground like a generic marble statue. I spared a second to note the twins were each still fighting, watching as one successfully sent one of their opponents soaring away._

 _That momentary distraction was my downfall._

"CONFRINGO _!" the remaining one I was fighting screamed, and I was blasted off my feet, slamming into the brick wall of the building behind me. My head fell back, ricocheting off the solid roughness._

 _Then there was pain. Then nothing._

* * *

Albus said Gideon was dead when he arrived, hit with a Killing Curse. Fabian had shouted my name, and Albus had gone to my aid while Fabian fought the other two remaining Death Eaters at that point. The one that had blasted me was using the Cruciatus, despite the fact I had already succumbed to unconsciousness. It had turned out to be Avery. While Albus was busy stopping Avery, Fabian too was hit with a Killing Curse.

The twins had managed to kill one of the Death Eaters, Mulciber Sr., and between the three of us, another three were incapacitated, Travers, Goyle Sr., and Pyrites. Albus single handedly captured the remaining three, Avery, Rabastan Lestrange, and most unexpectedly - Barty Crouch Jr. The truth of his allegiance was currently shocking the wizarding world even more than the deaths and captures of several of Britain's most prestigious purebloods occurring in a single day.

Albus had thought I was dead too at first, but was vastly relieved to find me only unconscious. He'd sent me to the hospital wing at once, calling Moody and the Longbottoms in to deal with the captured Death Eaters and the dead. Madam Pomfrey had looked me over then warned him that there was a chance my mind may be broken or that my head injury may have resulted in permanent brain damage. I shuddered to think I'd only barely escaped Frank and Alice's fate, but was also secretly thrilled that they had been able to arrest two of the people responsible. Madam Pomfrey had said there was no way of telling until I'd woken up, so Albus had sent for Severus and that was where my memories picked back up.

None of that made me feel any better about the twins. After meeting the Prewett men, I'd been certain they'd survive. They'd seemed so indominable, like forces of nature.

I hated myself for failing them. I felt as though I was drowning in self-loathing.

So much pointless, useless death. So much suffering. And all for nothing!

It wasn't fair. I wanted a do-over. Another chance to get it right. I'd do better next time. If only I had the chance!

I secretly feared that Fabian had let himself be killed in order to join his brother, not as strong as George had been to face going on alone in a terrifying new reality. I chastised myself for the thoughts, knowing how unfair and likely incorrect they were, but they plagued me regardless - particularly during the relentless nights that had started in the couple days since I'd awoken and begun recovering.

Madam Pomfrey insisted I needed rest, trying to ply me with Sleeping Draughts, but I refused. There was nothing restful or rejuvenating about sleep.

I left the hospital wing, against her wishes, the day after I woke and started remembering. Severus convinced me to compromise by staying with him, so he'd be there if I needed anything during the night. But my nightmares seemed egged on by his. Severus had admitted that Voldemort's wrath over the loss of so many of his most trusted and loyal followers had ignited a reign of terror that he was determined to inflict on all of Britain, wizard and Muggle alike.

No less than twenty innocents had died in the few days since it happened and I had a feeling that was only the beginning.

Severus had been pale, shaking and twitching uncontrollably for nearly a day after the first time he'd been summoned after the attack - the same day I left the hospital wing. I recognized the lingering effects of prolonged exposure to the Cruciatus Curse because I had experienced the same before and was currently suffering it myself. It wasn't until after the second time he'd woken me with his screams that he'd confessed everything. Now, we seemed to take turns unintentionally waking the other with the terrors that haunted our nights. At least sharing our horrors helped both of us go back to sleep at night.

* * *

The joint funeral was awful. It didn't take place until well over a week after their deaths. Molly had been hospitalized herself upon receiving the news of her brothers' fate. The shock and upset had been so great the Healers had feared she'd lose her baby. They'd monitored her for several days before letting her go home and cautioning her to remain calm.

The event was a somber affair that the twins would have hated. I hated it. Nearly all of the Order attended though, at least those not away on missions they couldn't get back from. And Severus. It would not do for him to be seen mourning. He'd expressed regret this morning at being unable to go for my sake, but I'd brushed it off, not wanting to make him feel guilty for not being there when I needed him.

All of the Weasleys attended too. This was not how I expected the first meeting to go. It was supposed to be a riotous, joyous occasion, like the ones I remembered from my Hogwarts years, not this.

Arthur was practically holding Molly up, her protruding belly squashed between them, and Bill had Ron dangling from his hip with Charlie beside him. Bill would be turning eleven this fall and Charlie would be nine this winter. A five-year-old Percy was between the twins, an arm wrapped protectively around each of them as they sat, quiet and still with their heads resting against their elder brother. It was unnatural to see the twins like this. I hated it.

Afterwards, Molly came waddling over to speak with me, clutching her belly protectively. I'd been dreading this moment since I learned what happened to the twins.

"You were there, weren't you?" she asked before blowing her nose wetly into the handkerchief Arthur produced and held out to her. He hovered half a step behind her, one hand resting on her shoulder offering silent support.

"Yes… I'm so sorry - " I began, desperate for her forgiveness. I could not forgive myself, but maybe she could offer some sort of atonement.

"No, no, none of that, Dear!" she said soothingly, tears cascading down her face.

"They were so brave. Heroes, really," I said, trying and failing to find the right thing to say. This must have been close enough though because she threw her arms around me, sobbing harder into my shoulder. I cried too, helpless to stop it, and held her tightly, offering what strength I could.

"Sorry, Dear - it's just - just, they spoke so fondly of you. I feel like I know you already," she explained after releasing her death grip.

"I feel the same way," I assured her. It was true. Being with her now was like having my mother back. Like being reunited with my family after a long journey. It was cathartic just being near them.

"Mum? Sorry, but I can't get Ron to stop crying," Bill said looking frazzled and apologetic as he jerkily rocked the whimpering child struggling restlessly in his arms.

Molly went immediately to the pair, scooping Ron lovingly into her arms and cooing at him. He stopped fretting at once, grabbing her neck as soon as she perched him on top of her extended belly. His carroty hair stuck up everywhere and I swallowed thickly, forcing back more tears.

"Will you come back to the house? Molly needs to keep busy, and taking care of others will help. Several of those you work with are coming," Arthur said to me as he too watched the others. Worry carved deep lines in his face. He looked pained and helpless.

"Yes, of course," I promised at once.

* * *

The Burrow was not the house I was familiar with. It was well on its way to becoming the home I loved, but it had a long way to go. The chicken coop was in the backyard, but the broomshed was missing. There were thick old trees forming a rather dense forested area where I remembered the apple orchard being. But the most significant difference was in the house itself. It was smaller, fewer stories for sure - only two, and much, much neater. It was also lacking that hobbled-together-and-only-remaining-upright-thanks-to-magic look I had always been so fond of growing up. There were piles of supplies for renovations and building additional floors in the backyard, but they didn't seem to have started on them yet.

Charlie was the one to explain when he saw me looking.

"Uncle Fabian and Uncle Gideon were going to build us each our own bedrooms before the baby comes. Bill and I share, then Percy shares with Fred and George. Ron still stays with mum and dad, but after the baby is born he'll have to go somewhere else. But now they're gone," Charlie said sounding choked up by the end. He rushed off as soon as he finished speaking, not giving me a chance to reply.

I stood there, watching Percy caring for Fred and George, trying to get them to go inside with him to eat something. He was like a mini Molly smothering them with affection and motherly care. They laughed and clung to him every few seconds before darting off in different directions to make him chase after. It had never occurred to me that the three had once been close. After the war, Percy and George had gotten closer, forming a bond in their shared grief. But before that, I'd only ever seen the twins antagonizing their elder brother, or Percy acting so smug and superior that he was absolutely insufferable to be around. I wondered when that changed. When did Percy's ambition start coming before family? When did Fred and George start isolating themselves away from the rest of their family, forming an insular, impenetrable duo?

Molly bustled around continually checking on her twenty or so guests, getting refills for drinks or forcing more food on people. Arthur followed dutifully behind, reassuring himself that she wasn't overdoing it.

The Potters and Longbottoms had brought Harry and Neville, so the kids spent most of the overcast spring day playing together in the backyard. Seeing Harry and Ron together inspired the first positive feelings I'd had since waking in the hospital wing. It was a welcome reminder of what I was fighting for. For them, I'd willingly suffer all this and more.

At one point, I held Ron. It was just like it had been with Harry. He was just a baby, there was no instant connection and knowledge of a future friendship. I was disappointed, but it did make it easier being here. I was going to watch the boys grow up. We'd have a different kind of relationship. I'd become a beloved aunt instead of their best friend. It wasn't really all that different. I'd still be the one looking out for them and trying, though often failing, to keep them out of trouble.

Ron pulled my hair at one point, his chubby little baby fist getting stuck in the curls and making him frown adorably. I'd teased him, saying, "You don't like my hair, even now, do you?" He'd just tugged harder in response and I'd laughed.

That was the first time I'd done so since the morning Gideon and Fabian died. It was also the first time I realized things would get better - I just needed some time.

All in all, the day was bittersweet. I had been reunited with my family, but they were ignorant of the fact and it had come at the cost of two of my dearest friends. They'd never surprise me for lunch again or tease me about Severus. They'd never make Harry laugh so hard he turned red as a tomato again. They'd never meet Ginny.


	17. Chapter 16

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

I still have a poll on my profile. I'm trying to pick a character name and want some input. Feel free to visit and help me decide!

Also, I'm leaving for vacation today and I won't be able to update while I'm gone. I'll have a new chapter up as soon as I return!

PS I'm not JK Rowling, so I don't own anything. But luckily I get to play in her world!

Chapter 16

July 6, 1981

Marlene and Sirius had been getting closer lately. A lot closer, if the lipstick on his collar - the exact shade she was currently wearing - was any indication. He'd dated a number of Muggles since calling things off with Hestia, but it looked like he was back on witches, at least for the moment. They kept playing footsie under the table and James was desperately biting his tongue to keep from commenting. His face was currently the color of a beet and his lips were pressed into a tight line. Dorcas kept shooting him death glares to keep him silent.

I think she was partial to the idea of these two settling down together, though I honestly couldn't see it lasting. They brought out the recklessness and immaturity in each other, rather than the best traits. Though they certainly seemed to enjoy each other's company.

James, Sirius, Marlene, Dorcas, and I were all gathered at the Potters' for dinner. We'd been doing that a lot this summer - at least once a week. Usually, there were more of us at these. The Longbottoms, Sturgis Podmore, Benjy, Emmeline, Hestia, Lily, Remus, and Peter typically showed up whenever possible, having become even closer since Fabian and Gideon had died, but Lily was actually with Severus right now and the others were likely all either working or doing something for Albus and the Order.

Lily and Severus had started meeting up a couple times a month just after the twins' deaths. Both were determined to rekindle their previous friendship. When Lily had stopped going out in public while pregnant with Harry, their interactions had tapered off. I'd tried to bring him with me whenever I saw her, but he almost always refused. Then, after the twins, Lily had been the one to reach out to him. Since then, they had lunch or tea or something almost every other week. James seemed untroubled by it, so I tried to feel the same. Severus never shared how it went, glaring when I'd inquire, so I quit asking. It hurt, but I understood his feelings for Lily were a private thing. I wanted them to be friends, but I also wanted to be the one he shared his innermost thoughts with too. Eventually, I kept reminding myself when this happened. Eventually, we'd get there.

I'd just gotten my turn holding Harry when he decided he'd rather show off his new skill - walking. He was very proud of himself and particularly enjoyed it when everyone clapped for him after he'd made a lap around the room.

Harry and Neville were becoming fast friends. Frank and Alice usually brought him over with them and the two would sit and share toys and baby conversations for hours while the adults talked. I tried to get Molly to bring the twins and Ron as well, hoping their friendship could begin now, but she just couldn't bring herself to leave the house much yet. The loss of her brothers was too fresh.

The Healers at St Mungo's had actually put her on bedrest for about two weeks after the funerals when she'd had to be hospitalized a second time. They were more worried than they'd been previously that she'd lose the baby, and she'd had to begin taking several potions daily for both her health, and the health of the baby - Ginny. I'd been terrified for Ginny's safety when I heard that, but she seemed to be doing better now. Having all of her kids at home to distract Molly seemed to be helping force her to come to terms with everything. I'd visited a few times now to see for myself, but it was strange becoming friends with the woman I'd always assumed would one day become my mother-in-law.

Not to mention, seeing her was a constant reminder of the friends I'd just lost.

I secretly kept expecting Fabian and Gideon to pop up like they used to, unexpected, but wonderful at making themselves welcome in any situation. Except they didn't. They couldn't because they were really, and truly, gone.

"Where's Peter tonight?" I asked politely, curious what he was up to despite myself, as I reached to catch Harry before he fell when his leg didn't move quite the way he wanted it to. He grinned up at me absurdly pleased with himself. I grinned back making him giggle wildly.

"Wormy said he had other plans," Sirius said with a shrug, but James and Remus both frowned.

"He's been busy a lot lately," James said worriedly.

"Maybe he's just not comfortable around babies," Marlene suggested gesturing to the toys littering the room. It was very obvious which member of the family was the center of attention, and it wasn't James with his giant ego. Though it had deflated significantly in recent years.

"Perhaps," James said, but he sounded hurt by the absence all the same, maybe more so for the suggestion that one of his best friends didn't care to be around his son.

"Just wait till I get him flying," Sirius said, paying more attention to Harry than the current conversation.

Harry was back to chasing their cat. The cat was definitely not a kitten anymore. In fact, he'd grown rather large. It was surprising that he'd managed to put on so much weight with the amount of running he was forced to do in order to avoid Harry pulling his tail. I'd definitely noted a couple knicks on Harry's hands where Mr. Furrocious had retaliated.

"He'll be a natural," I said.

"You do that a lot," James said suddenly.

"What?" I asked confused. There was no way they'd read more into that than they should. All of them said it all the time. It was a running joke that Harry was James's mini-me considering how much they looked alike.

"Sound so certain about things you can't possibly know," Dorcas explained when James was too busy having a stare-off with Sirius to answer.

The shock I felt was unexpected, and overwhelming. Dorcas was the one around our little group the least. If even she had picked up on it, then I must have been messing up more than I realized.

Despite my sudden concern, I knew this had been coming for a long time now. I could tell James was gearing up for it at Sirius's prodding, but I'd thought he'd wait until Lily was here before actually asking. I'd tried to mentally prepare for it, but it still caught me by surprise.

I'd planned to tell them soon, regardless. It was less than four months from when the Potters originally died. I needed them to know something about that beforehand, so we could try to prevent it from happening. But I had intended to wait at least a little longer, and I had intended to tell only James and Lily. Though if there were others I would consider telling, Sirius, Marlene, and Dorcas were probably the ones.

"Nonsense," I said evasively, my last ditch attempt to avoid the discussion now, instead of under my control, but I knew before I tried that it wouldn't work. They did not disappoint.

"Right, and Voldemort has decided to start a fundraiser for Muggles," Sirius quipped.

"Please, Hermione. If you care about my son at all, you'll be honest with us," James said. He strode over to where Harry was wobbling and scooped the unprotesting boy up into his arms. Harry immediately buried his head under James's chin. The sight was too much. I blinked rapidly.

"Well, I for one have been dying to hear this for months," Sirius added crossing his arms and leaning back in his seat. It seemed that now that I was going to tell the story he was relaxed and eager for it.

There was nothing for it now. I felt pinned in. I'd been slipping up more and more lately. I felt comfortable enough to let my guard down. Maybe it was even intentionally - at least on a subconscious level.

"He was my best friend growing up," I said at last.

"I knew it!" Sirius shouted and James snorted. "Well, okay, I didn't know it was that, but I knew it was something. Pay up, Prongs," Sirius added, holding his hand out to his friend.

"No way, Pads! You said she was a seer - that's not what she said," James said, then cocked his head and looked back at me, his face a mask of confusion as he thought more about what I'd said.

"You had a bet going about this?" I asked incredulously. I knew how those two were, but seriously? I shook my head when they grinned sheepishly, but both quickly returned to wearing confused expressions, complete with wrinkled brows and frowns.

"I don't understand," Marlene said when no one else seemed capable of voicing the question.

"I guess I should start at the beginning. The reason Severus started spying for us was because of a prophecy. It said, 'The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies - '," I said rephrasing slightly and cutting myself off there. I probably shouldn't have even shared that much. I had a feeling Peter would be hearing this story, and I did not want him telling Voldemort everything. I'd prefer Peter tell him nothing, but this was at least something we could control a little more. "Voldemort thought that meant Harry, so he went after him. He tried to kill him," I finished.

"That doesn't really explain anything," Sirius pointed out practically, and I groaned knowing I was making a mess of this.

Ron and Harry always did say I jumped into the middle of an explanation, forgetting the beginning entirely, and forcing them to scramble to catch up. Here I was, doing it again.

"This isn't my time. I went to school with Harry, fought and defeated Voldemort with him - he was my best friend, my family. Then a Death Eater attacked me and sent me back in time, hoping that would mean Harry would die before winning the war."

No one looked like they entirely believed my story, but Sirius had the look of someone putting all the pieces together. I wished Remus was here. He'd have already come to the conclusion that I spoke the truth. He was much better at solving mysteries than the others.

"Are you serious? My son - " James broke off, clutching the boy tighter and causing Harry to squirm uncomfortably and cry out in protest.

"You can confirm all of this with Professor Dumbledore. Right now, only he and Severus know the truth. It had to be that way. If Voldemort discovered what I knew... " I said, pausing to shake my head and hopefully convey the significance of my words, finishing, "He'd know exactly what mistakes to avoid making. He'd win."

Everyone just stared. No one spoke for several minutes.

The silence was oppressive, like walls slowly closing in. I didn't know if they believed me. If they didn't, this could go badly. I needed James in particular to trust me absolutely. If Albus and I had any hope of protecting his family, this needed to go well.

"Plus, I have pictures and history books that can confirm everything I say," I added, hoping that would be enough to sway them.

"So you already knew all of us when we met?" Dorcas asked at the same time Sirius said, "Pictures?"

"No. I'm Muggle-born, so I knew nothing of Voldemort until I got ready to go to Hogwarts and met Harry. Most of you died long before I even met him," I said bluntly then looked into Sirius's eyes and added, "Or - well, circumstances meant you weren't around… "

I thought of Frank and Alice too. They, like Sirius, were alive, though I wondered if each of them had wished they weren't given the way things had turned out for them.

"But, yes, I always carry my pictures," I added to answer Sirius.

It was probably a really bad idea to show them anything, but I didn't know how else to make them believe me. Wizarding photos couldn't be altered the way Muggle photographs could. They'd all know what they were looking at was genuine. Plus, there was no mistaking Harry. His resemblance to his parents was unquestionable. And I hadn't changed that much in the last couple years myself - at least not in the face. The rest of my scarred body was a different story.

"It's that bad?" Marlene asked despairingly, leaning back and looking up at the ceiling.

To everyone's credit, no one cried or outraged about their fates. But the atmosphere in the room was a far cry from what I'd witnessed during my first few Order meetings. Reality had finally set in and everyone understood the stakes now. If they didn't when the Bones family was murdered, the loss of Fabian and Gideon successfully drove it home.

"By the end of the war the only people in this room still alive, are Harry and myself. And you are far from the only ones killed."

No one spoke for a while after that. Everyone looked around at each other. The only noises disrupting the silence were Harry's occasional babbles, and the chimes from the Potters' ancient Grandfather clock that dominated the wall just inside inside the parlor when it heralded the arrival of a new hour. James, though, was focused entirely on his son. Running a hand over the boy's dark messy hair as if continually verifying that he was real and safe.

"We always knew it'd be like that," Dorcas finally said breaking the tension. A couple people forced weak chuckles, but no one denied it.

"He's going to go after my son?" James asked in a broken whisper.

"Yes. But I swear I'll help you keep his safe. We'll stop him. I can't say much now and you don't need to worry for a while yet. I'll tell you more when Albus agrees that the time is right, but, James, I swear I'll help you," I said forcefully, he looked up as I finished and nodded. "For now, just live your life as normally as possible."

Sirius moved to stand beside him, draping an arm over his shoulders and placing his other hand on Harry's back in a show of support.

"I can't say much," I repeated. "And, aside from Lily, you can't tell anyone else about this. It's too dangerous, if Voldemort finds out… Harry… " I warned, but saw James and Sirius exchange a look. I wanted to warn them about Peter, but Albus had cautioned me not to, saying he had his reasons. I trusted him, knowing how he liked to keep that sort of thing close to his chest until the right moment. But James and Sirius had never kept things from their friends, and I doubted they'd start now. Especially if I was prevented from explaining exactly why it was so important that they do.

"No, that fine. Will you share what you can?" Dorcas asked.

"I'll try," I said.

"Can I see a picture?" James asked, eagerness sparking in his eyes.

Extracting the photo album Ginny had given me from my purse, I flipped through it, looking for a good one to share. Sirius edged closer as I searched, trying to catch a forbidden glimpse, but at my glare he hastily backed off, hands help up in surrender. I was fairly certain that if I hadn't noticed him in time, he'd have snatched the entire album from me.

In the end, I picked two. One was from near the end of my sixth year. Colin Creevey had taken it. It was in the Gryffindor common room. Books and scrolls of parchment littered the tables. We'd been taking a much needed break from studying. Ginny was sitting on Harry's lap and Ron and I were on either side, all squished onto the same sofa, laughing at something someone had said.

The second was from after the war. Just a couple weeks before I was sent here, in fact. I'd only added it to the album about three days before everything happened. It was of Harry holding Teddy at his first birthday party. Ginny and I had left Hogwarts for the weekend to attend and support Harry. He'd thrown the party and was quite pleased with himself about it. Ginny was behind him, arms wrapped lovingly around his waist as she peeked around then gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. I was there in the background too, watching from George's side. Neville could be seen as well, off in the distance talking to his date, Hannah Abbott. If I remembered right, Ron and Fay had already disappeared to the apple orchard for some alone time by the time this was taken.

I handed both photos to James, but Sirius was right beside him, looking over his shoulder.

"James… he looks just like you!" Sirius exclaimed and Dorcas rolled her eyes, sighing exasperatedly. That was already the first thing anyone ever said when they saw Harry.

"Let me see!" Marlene demanded.

"Who's he holding?" Dorcas asked holding up the birthday party picture for me to see.

"Teddy," I said.

"Who?" Marlene asked looking at the picture too.

"His godson," I said carefully.

"Whose kid is he," Sirius prodded.

"Doesn't matter," I said, deciding not to get into that. If things worked out, there'd be time to get Remus and Tonks together so Teddy would exist.

"He looks familiar," Sirius added, holding the picture closer to inspect it. He looked up at me, seeming to hope I'd change my mind about sharing, but I just shook my head.

"You're right. He does," James said to Sirius then looked to me as well.

"Hmm." That was the only response they got from me at that. They looked at each other questioningly.

"Do we know the kid's parents? Or was it one of your friends from school that named Harry godfather to his son?" Sirius asked, still trying to make me talk. When he finally realized that I honestly didn't intend to share more, he rolled his eyes and huffed in annoyance.

"I'm more interested in who the girl is," James finally said, having moved on and was now looking at the one of Harry holding Ginny in the common room. "He loves her," he said with such certainty that I couldn't help but nod in confirmation. I guess he recognized the emotions in himself and his feelings for Lily.

Again, I didn't explain who she was - despite repeated urgings.

Over the next hour those assembled quizzed me about the future, but I remained tight lipped. Question after question failed to get an answer. I'd already ended up telling them more than intended, but the future had already changed so much, that it probably didn't really matter. Most of this would be unlikely to happen now anyways. I tried to make sure they understood that, but it was still strange - for all of us.

James asked to keep the pictures, to show Lily. I made copies for him before leaving.

* * *

I ended up walking around London for a while after that, getting lost in the crowds as I tried to figure things out. I'd interfered and changed some things, but others had happened regardless. Maybe they were fated, but I didn't know for sure. I didn't want my best friend to grow up an orphan, but maybe there was no preventing it. Could I accept that if it turned out to be the case?

Eventually, I made my way to the Leaky Cauldron and used Tom's Floo powder to get back to my room at the Hog's Head in Hogsmeade where I was again staying for the summer.

While walking, I'd decided against sharing the events of the previous few hours with Albus, but I did plan to tell Severus.

I was surprised to find him already in my room waiting for me. Though I really shouldn't have been. We did spend every night together and had for months now by some unspoken agreement. If I had to pinpoint when it began, I would say when the Death Eaters almost killed me during their attack on the Prewett twins.

He knew how to dismantle all of the protective wards I used, and he typically did so without hesitation when he decided to visit. It was the same way for me while at Hogwarts when I went to his rooms.

Things had been very difficult for him lately. Voldemort was irrational and angry all the time, for no apparent reason. When he'd first told me about this, I feared he'd discovered one of his Horcruxes missing, but that didn't seem to be it. He was getting more aggressive with his campaign to win the Ministry. We'd ultimately come to the conclusion he was angry his takeover was taking so long to happen, and he was frustrated people weren't falling all over themselves to support him.

Voldemort was an impatient toddler throwing a temper tantrum when he didn't get his way quickly enough.

Things were nearly as tremulous now, as they had been in the spring when six of his Death Eaters had been captured and another killed during the attack on the Prewett twins and myself. Voldemort's revenge had ultimately ended with a death toll of ninety-six Muggles and eight wizards, though many more had been injured. He'd derailed a train after the initial twenty he'd had his Death Eaters kill, then he'd targeted an office in London, making the building collapse in on itself. The Muggles had chalked these incidents up to structural error and mechanical failures. Engineers were puzzled over what went wrong to cause the accidents.

I had hoped getting to see Lily today would help ease some of Severus's stress, but giving him a once over proved that not to be the case. He looked exhausted, aged beyond his twenty-one years. Evidence of the lesson plans he was making for this fall when he took over Professor Slughorn's Potions position were scattered over the table. He'd mentioned earlier that he was planning to start brewing potions sometime later this week to show the N.E.W.T. level students on the first day, the way Professor Slughorn did. He set his book down now and came to me when I remained stationary before the fireplace in the rented room.

"Did something happen?" he asked, kissing me softly in welcome. We'd been together just over a year, and I was still amazed how easily he could read me without the aid of Legilimency.

"I slipped up," I admitted, glancing away from his penetrating eyes.

"How?" he probed.

"I was careless, said something I shouldn't… then it all just came out," I explained.

" _All_?"

"Enough."

"Who all knows?"

"James, Sirius, Dorcas, Marlene… Lily by now," I said, biting my lip and finally looking back at him.

"Will this ruin things?"

"I don't think so… " I said uncertainly, but he nodded, taking me at my word and not asking more.

* * *

The next week I approached Sirius, intent to get his help retrieving Slytherin's locket. Maybe I'd always subconsciously planned to tell him in order to secure his help. Having it would certainly make the task easier.

We were at his flat on a Thursday morning in mid July. His windows were closed up tight trapping the muggy summer heat inside. Cooling charms weren't doing anything. I'd already cast two, and I still couldn't detect a noticeable difference. Sirius was staying in a Muggle flat, but it didn't have central air to help with things either.

His place honestly looked like a combination of his teenage bedroom and Harry's nursery. Pictures and Gryffindor paraphernalia were stuck to every available inch of wall. I was amazed a twenty-one-, very nearly twenty-two-, year-old male lived here, particularly one so good with women. If he wasn't so ridiculously handsome, one look at this place would be enough to scare any prospective dates off.

Sometimes I wondered if Sirius or Severus was the more emotionally stunted individual by the time they graduated Hogwarts.

Sirius made tea while I studied some of the photos on the wall. There was one with a probably thirteen-year-old James, judging by the similarities between his and Harry's appearances, trying to stand on Sirius's shoulders, while Remus and Peter danced around trying to help him balance. It was obviously taken on the grounds at Hogwarts. There was another of an older James and Sirius standing between a happily smiling couple in front of a massive Christmas tree. The elderly couple looked very similar to James. Another yet, that must have been taken at the Potters' wedding seeing as both were wearing tuxedos. It was just James and Sirius, arms looped around one another. I think I'd seen Harry with this same picture once, or at least one similar.

The rest of the flat was an eclectic mix of furniture and Muggle nicknacks, likely picked up at a Muggle thrift store. Nothing matched, and all seemed rather worn, or in the case of the sofa, broken down. I think he was using magic to keep one end from slumping down to the ground. I knew Sirius had money, but I wondered if refusing to live luxuriously was another way he was sticking it to his family.

Sirius required a bit of background before agreeing to help though.

"So what's this about needing my help?" he asked, cocky about being needed. It was as if his earlier mistrust had vanished entirely.

"Well, it'll help protect Harry," I started, hoping to get him to agree before explaining that it involved his family. "You know, I've always been trying to protect him. Everything I've done has been to that end."

"You know, I'm really glad it turns out you aren't evil," Sirius said with unusual seriousness.

"Why's that?" I asked, smothering a chuckle at the way he phrased his statement.

"Because now I don't have to kill you," he said. His straight face indicated this was no joke.

"You would have too, wouldn't you?" I questioned, knowing at once that he would have if it had been necessary.

There was a hardness to him that most of the Order members lacked. I wondered if it was part of the leftover remnants of having been raised in the Black household. No matter how far he ran from his past, part of the taint would always linger. A stained that had faded with time, but would never truly vanish.

"Yes. For Harry and James - to protect them. I'd do anything I have to do," he said solemnly.

"I know. I remember," I whispered, closing my eyes to fight back the memory of his death and the numerous times he'd risked everything for his godson.

"So I did protect him then? When you knew me before?" he asked, sounding like an insecure, uncertain child.

"Yes. You loved him dearly," I said immediately, then bitterly added, "Everyone knew it."

"Even Voldemort?" he asked, picking up on some inadvertent cue I'd accidentally revealed.

"Yes."

"So that's what happened. Was Harry alright?" he asked worriedly.

"Eventually. As much as he could be," I said with a helpless shrug, because honestly, there had been no real getting over the loss of such a connection to his family, at least not for Harry.

"I never really thought you'd harm Harry," Sirius said suddenly, holding his hands up to hold me off when I went to speak. At my continued incredulous look, he added, "Okay, so maybe I did very briefly for a little bit, but that ended months ago!"

"Really?" I asked, not entirely believing him.

"Yeah! I just wanted to know what you were hiding - I knew it was something massive - and now I know I was right!" he exclaimed looking smug. "You were so mysterious. I wanted to be the one to puzzle you out and prove everyone else wrong."

"Ah, there we are! You just like getting to say you were right and everyone who doubted you was wrong," I said in understanding, shaking my head at him when he smiled his trademark grin, guaranteed to make any witch he used it on forgive him instantly.

"Exactly!"

"Oh, Snuffles. I've missed you," I murmured, clutching his hand. He looked baffled for a moment, so I explained, "Old nickname, _Padfoot_."

He let out a bark of laughter. Whooping excitedly.

"So you know about that too! Well, I like it! Now, back to the matter at hand," he said turning serious in the blink of an eye. His emotions were so changeable, even now.

"I need into your family home," I admitted and he paled at once, shaking his head in denial.

"Are you insane? I spent years trying to escape that place! No one in their right mind would voluntarily go there!"

"I have to. There's something there. Something Albus needs to stop Voldemort," I insisted, urging him to quiet and listen to me.

"You're serious," he said, mouth agape, eyes incredulous.

"No. You're Sirius," I punned, hoping to make him smile and help relieve some of the tension that had instantly appeared in him at the mention of his hated family. He just rolled his eyes.

"Hermione -"

"Your brother hid it there - it's why Voldemort killed him," I explained, trying to make him understand.

"Regulus?" I didn't think he could sound more surprised than he did in that moment. The pain in that single word almost equaling his shock.

"He changed his mind, wanted out, but he got caught and killed for it," I explained, squeezing his hand as I sipped my rapidly cooling tea.

"Oh, Reggie. Poor sap," he muttered, resting his head in his hands, his elbows propped on the table.

I gave him a few minutes to digest this news. Regulus may have died a few years ago now, but Sirius was only just learning the truth. It was a lot for anyone to take in.

"Will you help me get in?" I asked finally when he seemed to have his emotions under control again.

"I'm not sure I can… "

"Why not?"

"There are - " he started to explain, but I cut in.

"Yes, I know all about the wards. Dark spells to keep any uninvited guest out, you told me about them once - in the future. Can you take them down?"

When I'd first gotten to Order headquarters before by fifth year, Sirius and Remus were discussing them one night in the kitchen. I hadn't been able to sleep, and I stumbled upon them talking. It was before Harry had gotten there. I'd expressed an interest in the magic involved, and Remus, ever the professor, had obliged by explaining how they worked and the fact only someone from the Black line could dismantle them.

"I don't think so. I was disinherited. The house won't recognize me," he said with a degree of uncertainty.

"It will. It did in the future, at least. You're still a Black, after all. Can't change that," I said ruefully, knowing he would if he could.

"More's the pity," he muttered darkly.

"Yes, but it's quite useful right now," I reminded him, but he just shrugged, likely thinking of his "family".

"I don't actually have to go in, right?" he asked suddenly, looking started and perhaps a bit horrified.

"No - or… "

"Or? What, Hermione? Or, what?" he asked insistently.

"Can you try calling Kreacher? He might help if you can summon him here," I ventured, wondering if this would work. The idea suddenly occurring to me.

Sirius snorted then froze, examining my face. His eyes widened comically and he exhaled audibly.

"Oh, you're serious. What the hell, worth a shot - Kreacher!"

Nothing happened.

"That definitely would have been easier. Can we go tomorrow morning, before your mother would normally wake up? Oh, and bring James's cloak!" I said in a rush, making plans as I spoke.

"You know about that too?" he asked, shocked.

"Of course I do! The number of times I used it with Harry," I said shaking my head as a grin brightened his face to Lockhart level dazzling proportions. "We found your map too," I added knowing he'd love it even if I hadn't always approved of Harry using it.

* * *

We met at five o'clock the next morning, just outside the hidden brick house. Sirius was in the process of contemplating it darkly when I Apparated in.

"You can't burn it down - yet," I warned and he smiled deviously as he handed me James's cloak.

"But I can dream. Besides, you said it - the key word is yet!" he said with anticipation at the thought. I would not be surprised in the least when he followed through with that one day. "The wards are down, you were right."

"I'll see you later then. Dinner at the Potters' again?" I asked. He hesitated, and I think he was about to offer to accompany me or at least wait, then after a quick look at the house, a violent shudder, and a sharp nod, he Disapparated.

Once inside, I went straight to the drawing room. The glass case filled with assorted dark objects was right where it was in the future, but after quickly scanning it - twice - I could not locate the locket. Kreacher must have added it after Walburga Black's death, so that she didn't discover it herself.

I sought out the kitchen instead, assuming Kreacher would be making breakfast for his beloved mistress. He was there as expected. I entered the room quietly and removed the invisibility cloak.

The kitchen gleamed. It looked bright and new. Every surface shone, as shiny and brilliant as a mirror. It was by far the lightest room in the Black house. It didn't even look this incredible after the war when I'd stayed with Harry and Kreacher after my break-up with Ron.

Kreacher looked different as well. He stood tall, not the slumped and decrepit figure I first met. Here was a house-elf in his prime, though by no means young. There was an air of sadness about him though. Most of the family he loved so dearly was gone - Mr. Black, Sirius, and Regulus. Only his mistress remained and she was grief stricken and embittered herself, spewing hatred and insults at every opportunity just as her portrait one day would. I'd noted its absence from the entryway when I first arrived and was grateful for it.

"Master Regulus sent me," I said when he turned to me, freezing at the words.

I needed him to stay quiet and not attract Mrs. Black's attention. I also needed him to trust me. I felt terrible for lying to him, but this seemed the most expedient way to gain his help. Plus, if he realized I was Muggle-born, there was no way he'd consent to helping me - not even for his deceased master's sake. His background ensured that.

"M-master Regulus?" he croaked pitifully, tears welling up at the name.

"He sent me to help you destroy the locket. The one that killed him," I continued hoping my knowledge was enough to persuade him. Judging by his surprise, it was.

"You know about that?" he asked in wonder, shuffling closer.

"I know you tried to destroy it, but couldn't. I have something - something that will let you carry out his wishes," I said, an idea coming to me.

Originally, someone different had destroyed each Horcrux. Typically, in some meaningful way. Harry had destroyed the diary while saving Ginny. Albus had destroyed the ring containing the stone he'd sought since his fateful childhood summer with Grindelwald. Ron had destroyed the locket after saving Harry and returning to us. Crabbe had inadvertently destroyed the diadem and himself in the process. I had destroyed the cup after breaking into Gringotts and during the final battle. Voldemort himself destroyed the one in Harry when Harry attempted to sacrifice himself for everyone else. And Neville had destroyed the snake, Nagini, while defending all the people fighting against Voldemort.

I wondered if that mattered. If there was more significance in having each destroyed by someone different after a pivotal moment. The question drove me now as I searched through my purse for a vial of Erugo Statim.

I pulled out one of the tiny stoppered vials showing it to the already elderly elf. His eyes grew huge.

"It will work?" he questioned, voice sounding much less like the croak I was familiar with.

"Yes, can you get the locket?" I requested.

While he was gone, I placed silencing charms around the kitchen, to prevent Mrs. Black from hearing what was about to take place. I had a feeling we would need them.

When he returned, carrying the locket, I shuddered. That locket had been indirectly responsible for some of the worst months of my life. It was just as I remembered, gold with the hideous snake on the front forming an S. The little green stones twinkled menacingly in the kitchen's candlelight.

"Do you want to do it? I think you should," I said, my idea coming to fruition.

Kreacher was there with Voldemort to place the locket in the secret cave initially, and with Regulus to retrieve it and plant a fake in its place. Regulus wanted Kreacher to destroy it. I thought he should be the one to do it now, to carry out that final wish.

"It must be opened to destroy it," he warned. I thought about that. This potion should corrode the lock, regardless of any spells placed on it. That was sort of the point of using this particular potion for this task in the first place.

"That shouldn't be a problem," I replied.

"What must Kreacher do?" There was a disturbing eagerness to him now, but I ignored it, knowing it was just because of his unhealthy devotion to his "Master Regulus".

"Pour it on the clasp, carefully, so that it opens then trickles inside to destroy it. It will say awful things, so be prepared. None of it is true," I warned him and he nodded, taking the potion from me. The locket was already rattling ominously.

"Yes, miss. Kreacher can handle it. For Master Regulus!" he cried and tipped the contents onto the seam of the locket.

It sizzled and hissed as the last of the potion landed on the locket's surface. It shook so much Kreacher dropped it. Just when I second guessed the potion working, the locket burst open.

Grotesque red eyes looked out from each half, shifting rapidly from side to side. I scrambled with my wand, trying to summoned another vial of potion for Kreacher to use as a distorted figure rose up. The figure more closely resembled Sirius than the pictures of Regulus I had seen, but I could still tell that it was supposed to be the younger brother, not the older.

It was awful, more terrible than my own experience because I was witnessing someone else's darkest fears.

" _I should have made you drink the potion! You left me there to die,_ " the apparition accused.

"No, Master! No! I followed orders!" Kreacher screamed, crumpling to the floor and banging his head incessantly against the stone. I finally ensnared another vial and raced to the grieving elf, catching his head before he could hurt himself further.

"Kreacher, no! Don't listen. It's not real. Here, use another vial! Destroy it," I told him over the continued taunts of the fake Regulus.

" _You're useless. Completely incompetent! That's why I'm dead. You couldn't even destroy the locket properly,_ " the fake Regulus continued, growing louder with each word.

"Kreacher, you can! You're holding the potion! Use it," I urged desperately. "Do it for Regulus! Do it now!"

Then he did, shaking as he poured the dangerous potion haphazardly over the cursed locket. The figure vanished as quickly as it appeared, its next words cutting off before they could be comprehended.

The only sound remaining was Kreacher's racking sobs.

"You did it, Kreacher. You did what Master Regulus wanted you to do," I whispered, patting his sobbing form comfortingly like I would a helpless child.

"But M-master is dead - dead!" he cried.

I stayed with him. Eventually, he settled into wretched, seizing hiccups.

It went against everything in me to leave him there.

"Kreacher, are you happy here?" I asked, already knowing, but dreading the answer.

"Oh yes, Miss," he said hiccuping. "Kreacher is most happy to be serving his Mistress - the most noble Black."

I pursed my lips, but refrained from commenting. He didn't need to hear my thoughts after his earlier upset. It would only make things worse right now.

"When… when she's gone - come find me. I'll help you get settled somewhere new doing what you want. Master Regulus wouldn't have wanted you to be lonely staying here all by yourself," I promised. He looked at me in confusion at first, then consideringly.

"Yes, Miss. Kreacher will find you. You helped Kreacher," he finally promised.

"Thank you," I whispered, then drew the cloak back around me to leave the most noble and darkest House of Black, hopefully for the last time.

I wasn't happy, but it was the most I could do for now.

Albus, however, seemed positively delighted when I deposited the twisted remains of the locket on his desk that morning and shared the story of its destruction.

Three down, two to go.


	18. Chapter 17

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

I'm back and I hope this was worth the wait. Only four more chapters including the epilogue! Also, don't forget to vote on the poll I posted on my homepage. Thanks for reading and sticking with me :)

PS I'm not JK Rowling - obviously, so I don't own anything :(

Chapter 17

July 27, 1981

The cup was proving as elusive as ever. I'd revisited every place I thought it could possibly be, with the exceptions of the Lestrange house and Gringotts, and still nothing.

Albus insisted that this meant it must be in Gringotts already, but I disagreed. Something prevented me from accepting this. I just knew I was right and it wasn't there yet. I couldn't explain it, but it was like Harry was telling me it wasn't there. I'd always doubted his instincts, but I wouldn't this time - even if it was just his voice in my head saying it. That probably meant it was just my own stubbornness, but I would not be persuaded regardless.

Albus, meanwhile, was trying to figure a way into the Lestrange vault without word getting out that he'd been there.

I had one card to play that I hoped could help us at least find out if it was there yet, but I refused to play it until the last possible moment, and only then as a last resort.

It involved Narcissa, threatening Draco, and showing her my memories of saving him, her family defecting, and their trials after the war. I didn't want to have to do that. What if Voldemort saw it all in her mind afterwards? Or what if she turned me over to Voldemort hoping that would be enough to circumvent the events I showed her? It just seemed too big a risk.

And given my history, I just couldn't bring myself to trust her - even if I was only spiting myself by not attempting it.

This was probably the first time Albus and I truly disagreed when it came to defeating Voldemort. Typically, he was content to follow my lead regarding the Horcruxes while he handled everything else involved in our fight to stop Lord Voldemort's takeover of wizarding Britain.

We still had three months. If we made it to three weeks and there was still no sign of it, then I would be more willing to consider playing my hand. For now, I kept thoughts of using Narcissa to myself. If Albus managed to come up with his own way, he would have my full support.

For now, I was also setting things in order for when the war was over. Apprenticeships typically lasted two years, which meant mine was ending this December. I hadn't made much progress given everything else I was devoting my efforts towards, but for once that didn't bother me as much as it normally would. Stopping Voldemort was far more important. I'd dropped out of school my seventh year to do the same, hadn't I? Was this really any different? I didn't think so.

Dumbledore had been helping me put things in place this summer for when the apprenticeship ended. He was creating a paper trail, including home school records documenting my studies over the years outside of Hogwarts. He falsified documents showing that my results had been reported to the school each year, instead of the Ministry as most home schooled children were required to do. These were necessary if I ever wanted a job at the Ministry, which is what I was still leaning towards. Thanks to the expertly forged documents, I'd be able to work there, no questions asked after the war ended. It also helped that enough people now knew me from my couple years of working at Hogwarts. I was counting on few remembering that I just appeared one day, rather than having always been around. For now, I was content focusing on working for the Order. There would be time for everything else later.

* * *

The end of the month was marked with Harry's first birthday. It turned out to be a very small affair. Sirius was out of town doing something for Albus with Sturgis, Marlene, and Dedalus. Emmeline and Caradoc were also out of town working on something different for Albus. Molly, who had come to visit a couple times in the last month, was stuck at home. She'd be having Ginny in less than two weeks, and considering all the complications she'd had, she wasn't up to traveling anymore.

Moody, Frank and Alice were busy working for the Auror department. There had been a giant attack two days ago in Wimbourne and a nearby Muggle community. They were still trying to get it under control. The Longbottoms hadn't even been able to celebrate their own son's first birthday because of it. A number of homes had been crushed, the streets were torn up, and at least a dozen people were still missing. The initial count had been closer to fifty, but they'd started finding remains buried in the rubble.

Remus, Peter, Hestia, Dorcas, and I were the only ones available to join the Potters in celebrating.

Harry was the only child at the party, so we all took turns chasing him around the room as he flew on the toy broomstick Sirius had gotten him. Lily cursed Sirius's name at least a dozen times throughout the day, each time when Harry fell off, but he'd just giggle and hop right back on. Sirius had mentioned getting the toy broomstick, so I got Harry a baby version of a practice Snitch. It inched forward just in front of the broomstick and would move just the tiniest bit if you reached for it, not enough to escape, but enough to entertain a child when he managed to grasp in nearly every time he also managed to stay on his broom.

Lily ended up having to lock Mr. Furrocious in her and James's bedroom after the third time Harry decided to chase him instead of the practice Snitch around the room, reaching unerringly for the bushy waving tail each time he got close to the poor thing. Harry really was a natural Seeker. However, being on a broom meant Mr. Furrocious couldn't escape as easily as he was used to needing to.

Peter was edgy all afternoon, and he kept shooting Harry strange looks. It terrified me to guess what that meant. He kept his distance from the birthday boy, as though he was scared of him.

After watching Harry smear blue and red frosting all over himself, I took my leave. I just wasn't in the mood to celebrate, and I'd rather avoid awkward questions if possible.

* * *

The next few weeks were quiet. Terrifyingly so. Death Eater activity seemed to cease altogether. Severus wasn't summoned and there were no unexplained disappearances, attacks, or deaths. Rumors floated in that Voldemort was abroad, but Albus wasn't certain. There was nothing in my history books mentioning any of this, so I was no help at all. I hadn't been for quite a while now if I were honest with myself. Except for the Horcruxes, and even there I was struggling to come up with anything useful.

Albus and I were back to debating if he should try to persuade a goblin to let him in the Lestrange vault. We both knew it wouldn't work, but we were discussing the merits regardless.

He'd come to see me in the Hog's Head about an hour ago. Severus excused himself to go work on the potions he was making for next year while we met, knowing this would be a private discussion.

"I think you should destroy the ring, before we try Gringotts. If word gets out… we might not get another shot at it," I said adamantly.

"You may have a point," Albus said, surprising me.

"Exactly!" I exclaimed, warming to the subject now that Albus and I were finally back on the same page. "If you destroy the ring, then the cup and Voldemort himself are the only two bits of his soul left."

"What is the ring? You've never really said," Albus questioned now.

"Well… it's been in their family a very long time, passed down for generations. It's quite ugly actually. Very, very old gold with a nobby black stone. And there's a terrible curse on it. It was actually killing you before, because you tried to put it on," I explained, and Albus looked startled.

"Why would I do that?" he questioned, beginning to pace my room as he often did when contemplating a particularly troublesome issue.

I had been dreading this question for months now. I was loath to confess what I knew of the incident with Ariana, Aberforth, and Grindelwald. I took a deep breath before I dove in to answer it, ultimately deciding to skirt the issue entirely.

"You thought the ring could do something it couldn't. You mistook it for what it wasn't," I said carefully, picking each word with care.

I hoped with everything in me that he didn't see through the lie, but I had a feeling telling him it was a Deathly Hallow, particularly the death stone from 'The Tale of the Three Brothers', was the surest way to get him to risk using it. I hoped if he believed it wouldn't work, then he wouldn't be tempted this time. If he knew it would work, his desire might prove to be too great, his longing driving him to desperate actions he wouldn't normally take.

He studied me intently before nodding. When he looked back to the empty fireplace, it was too warm to need it this time of year, I shut my eyes and exhaled. Please let this work!

"Please, Sir, don't put on the ring. It will kill you and we need you too much for you to make a mistake like that," I said again, just to be certain he understood.

"Yes. I gathered as much from your earlier statement. Where might I find this ring?" he questioned, waving my concerns away. I breathed easier.

"In his grandfather's home in Little Hangleton. His wizarding grandfather - Marvolo Gaunt," I explained. I didn't actually know where the cottage was myself, having never been, but I assumed Albus knew since he'd already been researching Voldemort before I got here and he had known the dark wizard for a very long time already.

"Ah, yes. I know the cottage of which you speak. You said there are wards on the ring?"

"I don't know what they are, but I know you had no trouble getting to the ring. It was just once you had it that things didn't go well for you," I said before begging again, "Please don't make that same mistake!"

He nodded and moved to stand before me, clasping my shoulder in a reassuring grip. It was comforting and I offered a small smile in thanks.

"I shall return soon, never fear. Wait for my return?"

"Yes, Sir."

And with that he strode from the room walking much more briskly than someone his age typically would or could.

* * *

Nearly three hours passed before he returned. And when he did, I gave a cry of despair. Aberforth was half dragging him, one arm wrapped tightly around his waist as he helped his older brother into my room. Albus's right hand was every bit as blackened as it had been before. I rushed to his side as Aberforth released him and stepped back, looking between the two of us curiously. Albus swayed unsteadily on his feet before pitching forward. Aberforth and I both tried and failed to catch him as he collapsed to the floor just a few steps into the room.

"Severus! Please get Severus! I need him," Albus begged, crying out in pain when the damaged hand made contact with the floor as he tried to sit up.

"Of - of course!" I cried, sending a Patronus, knowing it could find Severus faster than I could track him down at this hour of the day. "Sir, what can I do?"

"Nothing, there is nothing," he whimpered, cradling the damaged appendage to his chest.

"Al?" Aberforth whispered questioningly, starting to lean down, but Albus turned from him, drawing in on himself as if trying to hide, even as he swayed alarmingly. I feared he'd lose consciousness before Severus arrived. I didn't know if that would make it harder for Severus to help him or not.

"Go. Go. Please, Abe, go," Albus muttered piteously. Aberforth's expression hardened, but he stood to leave. I moved behind him to the still open doorway.

"He collapsed out front after Apparating," Aberforth said. He glanced over my shoulder to his brother. He hesitated, then asked, "I don't know what the pair of you are up to, but -" he started, but stopped and sighed. He shot a pained look over my shoulder towards the crumpled form of his brother. Whatever differences they had, Aberforth obviously still cared about Albus.

"Will you let me know how he is doing later?" Aberforth finally asked instead.

I nodded and he went down the steps to his pub. I closed the door behind him and returned to the headmaster's side.

Not even a minute went by before the fireplace flared green and Severus stepped out, black robs billowing menacingly around him like the wings of a bat. He took in the scene with a calculating glance, then hastened to Albus's side, already waving his wand and muttering incantations before he'd reached him. If I hadn't been paying attention, I would have missed the flash of alarm that crossed his featured before he managed to mask it.

Several spells later he looked to me for answers, but all I could say was, "Curse. There was a powerful curse on a ring."

His look shot daggers at me. Obviously, it was a curse.

For several more minutes he worked, never hesitating or deviating from his task as he handled the black and withered hand. His attention was focused solely on the task of stopping the spread of the curse. Even in the few minutes that had passed since Albus's arrival the curse had consumed more of his flesh like spilled water oozing outward.

Severus cast several more spells I was unfamiliar with, and I watched in amazement as the blackness finally stopped its slow creep upwards a few inches above his wrist.

"Hermione, go to my store room at Hogwarts. You'll find a large green vial in the cabinet to the farthest right. It is unlabeled. Quickly," he said still examining the damaged hand.

I rushed to the fireplace to do as he'd bid, Flooing to the headmaster's office - it was the only connection open during the summer. I saw Fawkes move out of the corner of my eye as I raced towards the door and paused, looking towards the bird. His tears possessed healing powers.

"Fawkes, go! Albus is injured and he needs you," I said, and in a flash of fire he'd vanished.

I raced through the halls, running so fast I felt a stitch form in my side and sweat break out on my neck and forehead, trickling unpleasantly down my cheek and the back of my robes. The potion was right where Severus said it would be and it was burning to the touch. I'd never heard of a cooled and stoppered potion radiating such extreme heat before.

The pair were whispering when I returned though Albus's eye were closed and his lips barely moved as he uttered an inaudible response to whatever Severus said to him. Fawkes was resting on Albus's uninjured shoulder. I rushed to their sides and Severus gave me a grateful nod as he took the potion from me.

Severus coaxed Albus into drinking the liquid, a single droplet of the golden potion spilled from his lips and dripped down his chin. Once finished, the headmaster breathed a sigh of relief and opened his eyes, much more alert now.

"Can Fawkes - " I started to ask, but Severus shook his head negatively. I was immediately downtrodden. I'd hoped. But then, if Fawkes could have done something, Albus would have used him the first time this happened. I should have realized sooner.

"Why?" Severus demanded. When Albus just blinked up at him, he continued, " _Why_ would you touch something that must have obviously been cursed? Surely you realized it was?"

Albus grimaced, but stayed stubbornly mute.

"That ring carried a curse of extraordinary power, to contain it is all we can hope for; I have trapped the curse in one hand for the time being — " Severus chastised the older man now.

I had withheld my own chastisement thus far because he was in obvious pain, but I wanted to rail at him myself. How could he do this to us, now, when we were _so_ close to everything being over?

"There is nothing more I can do. This is dark magic, the darkest, whatever you were doing I hope it was worth it, because this will surely kill you," Severus continued furiously, the words coming out clipped and abrupt in his anger.

Albus raised his hand, examining the blackened flesh as he moved it this way and that, paying the pair of us no heed. He studied it, trying to determine how much damage had actually been done and how much use remained to him in the injured hand.

"Yes, but thanks to you, not today," Albus finally said almost dismissively. It was enough to crack the tight control I had on my fear.

"Oh, Albus! What have you done? Why did you put on the ring? I warned you!" I cried causing both men to look at me in surprise.

"Do not forget I am human, and as fallible as the rest," Albus said tiredly in explanation.

"You tried to put it on? But why, why do it? Surely - surely, you realized it carried a curse? Why even _touch_ it?" Severus asked furiously, and in the questions I heard echoes of the past, of a memory I had only witnessed after the fact.

"I... was a fool. Sorely tempted… " Albus whispered.

"But I warned you!" I repeated, unable to understand how this could have happened. "I warned you," I whispered brokenly once more, helplessly crying now. How unbelievably frustrating that this too, I had failed to keep from happening.

"I knew the potion would destroy it completely… I hoped… to use it just once," he whispered, eyes squeezed tightly shut, pain etched in his wrinkled, aged visage.

"Severus, how long does he have? We still need him… " I questioned, trying to give the headmaster a moment to collect himself, but Albus answered anyways.

"I am not gone yet. And thanks to Severus, I have a little time left. He did well, very well. It should be enough to see things through to the end. Not all are so fortunate."

Four down, one to go.

* * *

News and questions about the headmaster's hand spread like wildfire through the school when classes started up the next week. He downplayed the injury, stating it was an experiment gone wrong, offering more explanation now than I remembered being given my sixth year. The last thing we needed was for Voldemort to put the pieces together, but now as had happened in the past, Voldemort's arrogance kept him from realizing that Albus's injury was due to his destruction of the ring.

Albus's injury also meant a change of plans for my future. He asked that I remain at Hogwarts through the end of the school year instead of leaving at Christmas as I'd originally intended. Since Minerva would need to step up and take over as headmistress once Albus was gone, someone would need to take over her classes. I was a prime candidate for the position considering I was already helping with them as it was. He said Minerva could look for a permanent replacement over the summer if I decided I didn't want to continue.

* * *

It was weeks before Severus was summoned to Voldemort's side again. In fact, it was the last day of September. Halloween was just around the corner, thirty-one days away. We had just retired for the night when the mark burned demanding he go at once. We had one month if things went the way they had before. Albus was confident Voldemort would use the holiday, with all its wizarding significance, to do something bold. I agreed. My jaunt into the past didn't seem to matter when it came to that. No matter how much had changed, it was all ultimately going to come down to Halloween. Some things really must just be fated to happen.

Breakfast at the castle had already started before Severus returned, exhausted and bone weary. He collapsed into an armchair and gave me a haunted look. I immediately feared the worst, but the words and questions would not come as I waited to hear what he'd say.

"He knows."

"Knows? Knows what exactly?" I asked shrilly.

"The Dark Lord knows about the prophecy," he whispered.

"Does he know it's about Harry?" I asked frantically, kneeling before him to look him straight in the eye.

"No," he whispered, sounding briefly relieved, though oddly perplexed. He sighed before continuing, "No. As of now he only knows what the prophecy said. He told us all tonight - or last night I suppose - though it didn't sound quite as I remembered it."

"What do you mean?"

"He said the prophecy was, 'The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies', but I remember there being more to it when I overheard it that night and I know I didn't even hear all of it then," he said looking questioningly at me. I nodded in agreement. "Was that what you told them that day?"

"Yes," I admitted. "Do you know who told him?"

"No, but I have a feeling you do," he said probingly. I remained mute and he let it drop, knowing I would be stubborn over this.

"So there is a spy. The traitor that betrayed Lily before?" he questioned and I nodded, stung by the betrayal and I was not even the one truly hurt by it. Not the way James was. _How_ could Peter do this?

The only logical explanation for Voldemort to discover the prophecy contents, was if Peter told him. That information was likely why he was even accepted as a potential Death Eater. How long would Peter hold out before selling out the Potters, or me, to get into the inner circle? Our only respite was that he hadn't yet confessed that to his new master.

"He doesn't know when the prophecy was given, so he doesn't yet know if the prophecy refers to a child born this year or last or some other year entirely, but it's only a matter of time before he remembers hearing a story about a girl and a prophecy the night you arrived," he said, reaching for my hands and engulfing them with his much larger ones. He squeezed them so tightly it was painful.

"How long before he realizes what it means? How long until he targets Harry?" I asked worriedly.

"Not long. A week or two at most I would guess. He could target you before then. He does not realize you are that girl - I've made certain - but should the spy tell him… " he warned, and I was startled to realize the truth of that. If Voldemort got a hold of me, he could rip my mind open and discover everything.

"I won't leave the castle again until this is all over," I promised, but he shook his head.

"Swear it," he demanded.

"I swear. I need to speak with Albus immediately. You'd best get ready, classes start in a few minutes."

Kissing him briefly, I rose to leave, walking rather than Flooing to give myself a chance to process everything. I arrived at my destination long before that happened, but I'd just have to make due.

" _Alea iacta est_ ," I muttered before knocking.


	19. Chapter 18

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

PS I'm not JK Rowling, so I don't own anything :(

Chapter 18

Thirty-one days until Halloween.

I'd broken my promise at once, going straight to the Potters' when I left Severus. I felt terrible lying to him, but I needed to learn just how much Peter knew before I talked to Albus. It was necessary and that alone justified it. Peter's knowledge, and therefore Voldemort's, would impact any plans we made.

When I entered their home, smiling like nothing was wrong, something kept me from coming right out and admitting everything immediately. It just didn't feel like the right move. Instead, I did my best to act normal, saying I was was out, bored and had simply wished for a bit of entertainment that morning since Minerva didn't have anything for me to work on, and I wanted to chat with Lily some. Neither Lily nor James seemed to pick up on my tension. Nor did they comment on the fact that this was not my usual behavior.

Actually, James had just grinned and said, "Great! Now I get some manly bonding time with my son!" before whisking a giggling Harry from the breakfast table to play on his toy broomstick outside, leaving bits of food and half finished plates in their wake.

I watched them with Lily out the back window as they rolled around in the piles of fall leaves whenever Harry took a tumble from the broom in the early morning light.

"They're a handful, aren't they?" I asked Lily absently.

How different would Harry have been if she and James had raised him? It was so obvious that he was the center of their world. Harry always longed to be normal, his greatest desire was to have a family that loved him. If James and Lily lived, that would happen.

I wanted so much to give that to him. Selfishness was fairly good motivation as well. Losing Fabian and Gideon had been terrible. I was still struggling to come to terms with their deaths. I wasn't entirely certain I could handle losing anyone else, especially these two people that had become such an essential part of my life.

"Oh, yes! But I wouldn't have it any other way," she said, waving through the window when James looked back at the house. He had leaves sticking out of his messy hair and his square glasses were skewed, but he'd never looked happier.

We settled in with tea and I tried to casually ask some probing questions, interested in finding one thing in particular out about Peter. It took several tries, but eventually I steered the conversation in the direction I needed it to go and orchestrating a "natural" segue for the question I needed answered.

"Severus and I are practically living together," I confessed, adopting an air of amazement.

I had actually wanted her take on this, but hadn't felt comfortable enough sharing before now. Some days it felt unreal, like it would vanish if mentioned the way a dream faded when you tried deliberately to recall it. Water trickling through cupped hands, impossible to maintain.

It had been weeks since we'd spent a single night apart, months really, if I were honest. Only three times all summer, and not once since we'd returned for the start of the school year. We had still been given separate rooms at Hogwarts, but mine was empty, unused. All of my possessions were in his room. I'd come back last week to find he'd even placed the photos I'd framed around the sitting room. There was even one of the two of us that Lily had taken, on one of the rare times Severus had actually accompanied me out, that he had placed on the nightstand beside the bed. His arm was looped around my waist and one side of his lips was quirked up in a half smile as I rested my head against his shoulder comfortably, a giant grin splitting my own face.

I had a pretty good feeling that Albus knew exactly what was going on, but I didn't know if he approved or not. He was always so adamant about the power of love and needing more of it in the world, but I didn't know if that included two of his staff members shacking up outside the bounds of marriage. The school governors would probably have a lot to say about it if they knew. Perhaps that was why he'd still assigned us different rooms, at least for record keeping purposes. Although it could also just be to help Severus maintain his cover with the Slytherins should any of his House pick up on it. Albus never had shied away from others' disapproval as far as his methods were concerned.

Severus and I were extremely careful to give nothing away regarding our relationship outside of his rooms. The students couldn't know in case any reported to Death Eater parents how genuine our relationship had actually become. Looks between us were guarded, and distance was maintained at all times. The most anyone would suspect if they didn't know us personally was that we enjoyed bantering at the head table. That was something Voldemort encouraged. He believed that our "friendly" conversations were actually when Severus took note of things I casually let slip without realizing it. Voldemort still believed my feelings were a liability, and would ultimately cause me to let my guard down and share too much, maybe even something potentially important given my place in the Order and contact with Albus.

"Are you really?" Lily asked, shocked. She actually sputtered and sprayed some of the tea she had just sipped when I spoke. It had taken her a few moments to mop up the mess and stop coughing.

I was confused for a moment, lost in my own thoughts, then I remembered sharing that Severus and I were cohabitating.

"Yes… I think? We never really discussed it, but we always stay together and… "

Now that I thought about it, maybe he minded? It hadn't been a conscious decision. When I'd rented the room at the Hog's Head, he'd been with me and stayed the night the first day. He'd come to me after meeting with Voldemort the next day and had needed me. After that… Well, it just became an expected occurrence. He'd even paid for the room the second month since I'd paid the first month. There had been no debate, and I hadn't second guessed it until just now. With Ron, he'd never had money to do things like that. And with Harry, during our year on the run, we'd just taken turns paying for things without any expectations. We took care of each other. It was our habit. Now Severus and I had seemed to fall automatically into the same one.

"Oh my!" she exclaimed, sitting forward. "What's that like?" she asked, now looking perplexed.

"Interesting. Comfortable. Honestly?" I took a deep breath before admitting, "Wonderful!"

"But he's so private! I just can't imagine him willingly sharing his space," she said, shaking her head and looking baffled, though extremely intrigued.

"We have been working together daily for almost two years now," I reminded her dryly.

"What was he like? Before, I mean - when you knew him," she clarified, tilting her head like a curious kitten.

"Solitary. Bitter. Closed-off? I don't know… lonely, may actually be the best way to describe him," I said, unwilling to tell her his real secrets, but feeling the need to share something true.

"How strange is it for you? Comparing the him you knew, with him now… Does that even make any sense?"

"I know what you mean, but honestly… I don't really see the two versions as the same person - at least not anymore. Not for a long time really. Professor Snape was a hero that hid his honor and good deeds from the world, then he died saving those under his protection -"

"He died? You never said… " Lily cut in then trailed off as she covered her mouth and shook her head in denial. She and the others had been great about not prying too much about the future. I'd promised to tell them everything after the war was over and they were respecting that request admirably. "Oh, Hermione, this must be so hard for you - living here," she said reaching for my hand.

"Thank you. But really, it's okay." I squeezed her hand in reassurance before continuing, "Like I said, he's not the same. He hasn't suffered years of regret and loneliness yet. He hasn't been shaped by those same experiences. Things are much different for him now than they were before.

"Severus is the man I love - my partner and confidant. One was a mystery, the other I know as well as myself - at least, I think I'm coming too. Sometimes it's still hard to tell," I confessed, opening up more than I'd initially intended to.

"Wow."

"Tell me about it." Then, remembering my true purpose for being here, said, "I'm trying not to think about the future. Too much has changed for it to even be recognizable anymore."

"I think it'd drive me insane. The paradox of what was, and is, and will be, and… well, all of it," she said, and I laughed understanding completely.

"Speaking of the future, have you or James told anyone that wasn't there that day about the prophecy?"

"No, of course not! Oh! Well, James told Remus and Peter, but they're practically family, so they don't count. The boys have never been able to keep secrets from one another," she admitted, shrugging like it was no big deal and to be expected.

Hearing the love and trust in her voice almost broke me right then and there. I had to grit my teeth to keep for railing at her and divulging the truth. It wasn't time yet. I needed to talk to Albus before I made any solitary decisions that would affect everyone. All the same, I needed to leave soon. The cracks in my composure were threatening to splinter like broken glass.

"What about me? Did you tell them I'm from the future?"

"On, no. That wasn't our secret to share. I thought you should have the right to choose who you decided to share that with."

"Thanks," I exhaled in relief, then gasped as an unseen voice filled the room crying out frantically.

"Lily! James!"

Both of us jumped to our feet, raising our wands in preparation for an attack.

"LILY! Where are you?" The exacerbated voice said again, and Lily spun towards the fireplace, laughter spilling forth with recognition. I followed suit and grinned at the sight.

"Dorcas! Merlin, you scared me half to death screaming like that!" Lily exclaimed, holding a hand pressed to her chest as she spoke.

"We thought you were a Death Eater come to kill us!" I told her.

"Oh, never mind that now! You'll never believe what's just happened," Dorcas rushed to say, waving off our concerns as though complete overreactions.

"Voldemort is dead?" Lily asked dryly, and I smothered a snort. It was no wonder Severus and she had been such good friends growing up. They occasionally had the same sense of humor.

"Better! I've just been named the Holyhead Harpies newest Chaser. I just got the letter this morning," Dorcas said proudly, her joy at finally making a pro Quidditch team evident.

"Brilliant!" James said from just behind us, having come in unnoticed. He and Harry were both sporting very reddened cheeks from the cool fall morning and their exertions.

"You must come over and celebrate! We'll have a party tonight," Lily said, looking thrilled by the idea.

"I better head back. I'm supposed to help Albus this afternoon, but I'll be back after classes end to help you set up," I promised, and hugged the pair goodbye, waved to Dorcas's head, and rushed out before anyone could say more than bye themselves.

Peter's ignorance about me might be just the thing that helped us win this war, and I needed to inform Albus at once.

* * *

Twenty-four days until Halloween.

Albus and I basically locked ourselves in his office for the next several days, working desperately to come up with a feasible plan. We'd called an emergency meeting the next morning after I told him about what Severus had learned, and he'd doled out new assignments to everyone like they were lemon drop candies. He now had messages coming in from almost every Order member, getting a ridiculous amount - nearly twenty or thirty each day, though most contained only the information that there _was no new information to report_. Everyone was out seeing if they could discover any new rumors or gossip that had been circulating lately relating to Voldemort and any plans he was making. He also had people trailing every known Death Eater and reporting every move he or she made. He even had Severus compile a more complete list of those in the inner circle to have followed, something he'd been reluctant to do before now in case it made Voldemort suspect Severus's true allegiance.

In the end, we devised something workable, though I was far from happy with it. I thought it was too risky, but Albus insisted every person willingly joined the Order, and by doing so, knew what he or she was signing on for and was willing to take the risk. That stopped any further protests, but I still stubbornly refused to be happy with what we'd decided. I would go along with it, but I most definitely wished it could be different.

Albus still maintained, and I couldn't refute the idea, that Voldemort would wait until Halloween to act - even if he learned the complete truth sooner. The holiday had meaning to wizards and he would take advantage of that. For Muggles, Halloween was all about being what you weren't and pretending you were more - something special or unique. For wizards, it was about celebrating the fact you were, in fact, special and unique. For Voldemort, he would relish the opportunity of parading the fact he wasn't a Muggle on that day.

Not to mention, he feared death above all else. Halloween traditionally had ties to ideas and beliefs relating to death or spirits living beyond it. Ideas he could appreciate flouting in his quest to live eternally. He would want to wait and use the symbology of Halloween to prove his words to his followers. It was likely what he had done the first time around.

We'd already made this assumption, but the latest series of events seemed to confirm our suspicions.

It also meant we had a little time to get things done and organized.

"Wait, wait! That won't work!" I insisted to Albus's latest suggestion for getting our hands on the cup.

"Do you have any suggestions then," he asked in a piercing way that made it perfectly clear he knew I was hiding things. His knowing eyes were bright and penetrating.

"I think I can persuade Narcissa to help," I finally admitted, obviously surprising Albus if his raised eyebrows were anything to go by. He'd apparently been thinking I had something different in mind.

"Narcissa? You believe she would help us?" There was blatant doubt in his questions, but he seemed willing to hear me out at least.

"With the right incentive and motivation… yes," I said sighing. "She did before, but she can't be trusted unless I can prove what's in it for her."

"Do you have such proof?"

"I have my memories," I said, and at his curious look added, "Of what's in store for her family if they don't defect now - particularly her son. She'd do anything for him."

"Won't it raise suspicion if she visits her sister's vault?"

"Of course! And I doubt I could convince her to, even with what I could show her. But I should be able to convince her to at least talk to her sister. Question her discreetly, and see if it is even there. No sense breaking in and causing a scene if it isn't," I explained.

"Will you need help?"

"I shouldn't, but can I borrow your Pensieve?"

"Of course," he said graciously, going to the cabinet to retrieve it for me.

He extracted the memories currently swirling; Peter's face was recognizable on the surface even from across the room. Albus must have been contemplating where he'd gone wrong with the rat. I don't think he necessarily did. Ultimately, Peter was just too weak-natured for anyone to save. Or perhaps, Albus was just double checking something to make sure his plan would work, and ensuring Peter would still be able to play his part, despite being ignorant to it.

Once finished, he gestured for me to take it. The stone basin was very heavy, and rough with chiseled runes along the edges. I assumed the magical item was resistant to weightless charms, its innate magic canceling out any additional spells, like several other rare magical items I'd read about. With his hand, I doubted he could lift it on his own anymore.

"When will you do this?"

"Next week. I need to figure out a way to get access to her when she's alone first."

Apparently, I was going to be breaking my promise to Severus - again. He had not been happy with me when I went to Dorcas's party or the Order meeting the next day. He thought I was taking unnecessarily dangerous risks. I frowned at the thought, but there was nothing for it. This had to be done.

"Keep me informed." I nodded and left, going to store the Pensieve in my empty set of rooms where Severus wouldn't find it.

* * *

Seventeen days until Halloween.

All of the steps were in place and I was a mere two days away from gaining Narcissa's help learning about the Lestrange vault. It had taken longer to figure things out than intended. Precious time wasted when there wasn't any to spare. I'd stopped assisting Minerva entirely at this point, and my independent project was put on hold until all of this was over - one way or another.

I still didn't like the idea of trusting a Malfoy - any Malfoy - fearing Voldemort would learn of it and act prematurely, but it was all we had. Besides, I knew Harry would trust her if necessary, that he had in fact, so that helped.

I'd almost ended up going back and saying I'd need help after all, but ultimately, I decided that I would just have to risk it and be the only one to detain and coerce help from her. I was much more expendable than Albus, even with his injury. Should something go wrong, he knew all he needed to be able to finish things without me.

There was nothing to do now, except wait.

Severus was with Voldemort now. Again. When I'd gotten to lunch he wasn't there; normally he beat me to the Great Hall. I noticed a number of students glancing at the vacant chair to my left and whispering to one another. I'd looked to where Albus was reading his latest report when the hall filled and Severus still had yet to make an appearance. He met my eyes briefly, and the headmaster's worried expression was all it had taken to understand where Severus was. Albus must have had other teachers covering his classes for him. I wondered why he hadn't asked me to do it, but he likely correctly assumed I'd be far too worried to do an adequate job, and Potions wasn't the place for careless mistakes and distractions.

This situation was highly unusual. Given Severus's role as a mole inside Hogwarts, or at least that was how Voldemort saw him, he had only called him away from the castle during the day when classes were in session twice before now. Both times had been after some huge success that Voldemort had felt the need to gloat about. Typically, Voldemort waited to call Severus to him in the evening or on weekends when he wasn't occupied with teaching and maintaining his cover at the castle. Summer was the only time he was called randomly like what must have happened today.

I couldn't concentrate late that afternoon, and Minerva, tired of my incessant fidgeting, had finally banished me from her sitting room where I'd gone to fret while sharing tea with her. The next few hours were spent pacing Severus's rooms as I awaited his return. I skipped dinner entirely. Surely, it couldn't be a good sign that he had been gone for so long, could it?

Were we wrong? Had Voldemort learned the truth and already gone after the Potters? Was Lily still able to sacrifice herself for Harry? Was Harry dead? I would know if he was, wouldn't I? Was Severus dead? Had he been found out? Was Voldemort torturing him even now?

When Severus came in at last, he slumped back against the door, sinking down to sit on the floor and rest his face in his hands, knees drawn up in front of him like a defeated child.

I froze. He'd obviously not seen me. I was torn between rushing to him, relief swamping me that he was alive, and from all appearances, uninjured, and terrified about what could devastate him so thoroughly. There was very little he cared for enough to affect him so greatly.

"Severus," I eventually called softly. He lifted his head slowly to stare at me, but made no move to stand. I went to him, kneeling before his prone form.

"There was nothing I could do. It was over before I knew he'd planned it."

"What was over?"

"Dorcas. The Dark Lord killed her this morning," he whispered, searching my face as he uttered the awful words.

"No!" I denied at once.

That couldn't be right. I had just seen her a few days ago. She could not be dead. She just couldn't!

Her dream of playing professional Quidditch had just come true, all her hard work was finally paying off. Surely that meant it couldn't be true. I couldn't have just lost yet another friend.

Dorcas was so confident, so tough. She could take on any Death Eater. Severus had to be wrong. He reached for my hand. His was shaking, icy cold as it gripped mine. The touch anchored me to the present, but it also forced me to face what he was saying. My friend was really gone. We'd never work together again, share confidences, or laugh at Marlene's antics. That was all over. I'd never again listen to her gush over Quidditch the way Ron and Harry always had.

That she'd already mentally prepared for this possibility was little solace right now.

The first sob was harsh and painful, expanding my aching chest far past the point of comfortable breathing. Severus used his grip on my hand to urge me onto his lap, stretching his legs out in front of him so I could sit there. He held me for several minutes as reality set in, gently stroking my back with soothing caresses.

I needed to know more. Originally, she'd been killed months ago. Marlene and her family had been killed in July and Dorcas in August, less than a month later. When those months passed and both survived, I'd falsely believed they were safe this time around. Apparently not.

"How did it happen?" I finally asked, hiccuping as I spoke, while salty tears dripped into my mouth. I dreaded the answer, but needed to know anyways.

"The Dark Lord killed her himself." He exhaled shakily into my curly hair. Remorse had filled the words.

"He did the first time too," I told him, realizing he'd not have known that. "Severus," I began, trying to keep panic from sounding in my voice, "he tortured her last time. Broke her. Used her mind against her. He didn't - "

"No," he cut in to say firmly. I feared he was saying this to spare me, so I sat back to eye him. He shook his head, elaborating when my doubt registered. "He was actually rather disappointed. She put up such a fight that he'd had to kill her almost immediately. He even told us he regretted not having more time to torture her."

"She was protecting the Potters, and maybe me as well. She knew about the prophecy and my time travel. If he'd been in her mind, he'd have found out. She must have… "

That was such a sacrifice to make. It was not one I would have ever asked her to make, but she was a hero and I doubted she'd hesitated for even an instant before doing whatever she could to secure that outcome. The only consolation was that she had probably suffered less this time. I hated that, and the tears that had still been steadily falling picked up in earnest once more.

"You're likely correct," he said after thinking for a few minutes.

He knew Dorcas himself, or he had - past tense now. She'd been in Ravenclaw and was one of the few in the Order that had never been outright cruel to him in school. They'd never been friends, or anything like that, but they certainly hadn't been enemies either. Since my relationship with him began, Dorcas had even gone out of her way trying to make Severus feel more welcome and included in things we did together.

"He was disappointed? That's why you were gone so long?" I asked suddenly, a new thought occurring to me. It was an odd choice of words and sentiment for Voldemort to feel given the situation. Had he taken his rage and frustration out on Severus over the last several hours?

"No. He wanted all of us to admire his prize. He may have been disappointed about the nature of the kill, but he was quite excited by the reward he got from it," he said with disgust.

"What? What reward?" I asked confused now. If he didn't get inside Dorcas's mind, what had he gotten?

"This little gold cup. He said that it was the trophy he'd earned today, and he made a big show about requesting Bellatrix store it in her Gringotts vault - Hermione? What is it? What's wrong?"

Dawning horror consumed me. I felt sick. I tried to deny it, but the pieces fit. Here, at last, was the reason I hadn't been able to find the cup yet. It hadn't been a Horcrux until this very day.

But wait, had the cup really not been a Horcrux before today? Harry said Albus believed Voldemort had used Hepzibah's murder and the murder of an unknown tramp to turn the cup and locket into Horcruxes. Had he been wrong? Had all of the Horcruxes been gone, leaving Voldemort vulnerable for the last several weeks, the only piece of his soul in existence, the one in his body? Could we have ended this before he murdered Dorcas?

Nausea roiled through me, threatening to force what little I'd eaten at lunch to come back up and make a reappearance.

I wanted to take it all back, time travel again now that I knew this and fix it all, but there was no way to do that. I'd felt this way after Fabian and Gideon were killed, but it was nowhere near as strong as the desire now welling within me. Dorcas was dead and if we had only known, this could already be over and we could all be celebrating, not mourning and fighting still. For a moment, it was too much. I couldn't breathe. It was like the panic attack I'd had at Malfoy Manor on New Year's Eve all over again.

For several minutes Severus struggled to soothe me, rocking me and muttering gentle senseless words as I broke apart in his arms.

It was some time before rational thought returned, and when it finally did yet another idea occurred to me. Voldemort gave Bellatrix the cup today. Not even an hour ago.

"Does she still have it? Right now?" I gasped out suddenly, fighting to stem my flow of tears and inhale enough breath to form the words.

"I would imagine so. Gringotts closed several hours ago," he said, frowning, confused as to where I was going with my questions.

"Severus, please - I need your help," I begged, a plan forming in my mind, the puzzle pieces coming together perfectly. It was insane, rash, reckless - Harry would have loved it.

"What do you need?" he asked, no hesitation at all. I truly loved him, more in that moment than ever previously. His bravery and selflessness so easy to see.

"Can you come up with a reason for seeing her tonight?"

"Her? You mean Bellatrix? I'm not sure… "

"I have to get that cup! Voldemort will win if we don't!" He looked startled. I hadn't meant to give that much away, for his safety, if not just the need for secrecy, but I was desperate to make him understand.

"Yes. Yes, I can come up with something," he said, and I could see the wheels turning in his mind, making and discarding ideas as rapidly as I was known to do. Eventually, he nodded though he looked pained.

"Can we go now? I just need to grab one thing if you're ready," I said, darting into the bedroom to grab the invisibility cloak I had already borrowed a couple days ago from James in preparation for my meeting with Narcissa. A meeting that had thankfully just been rendered moot.

We left at once.

* * *

I was hidden beneath the cloak, standing just behind Severus when he knocked on the door of a dark and imposing manor house. It was nowhere near as grand as Malfoy Manor, looking to be in the beginning stages of disrepair, but it still looked like it was better suited for a Gothic novel or haunted house, not someone's home.

"Severus! What a surprise, come in, come in," she said, smirking at him when she opened the door. I felt the wards lift at the invitation and smiled, relieved that it had worked. The wards were the reason I hadn't searched the house before now, and my reason for needing Severus to come along.

I stayed close to Severus, so as not to let the door hit me as it closed and give my presence away.

"Good evening, Bella. I was hoping you'd have time for a little chat - if you and Rodolphus don't have other plans, of course," he said inquiringly.

"He's not here," she said, leading him into the parlor and settling on an elaborate chair that was more for decoration than comfort. It was a plush black velvet with elaborate swirling decals etched in silver thread. She sat rigidly upon the chair like a psychotic queen on her throne of misery, ready to make decisive edicts that would inflict pain and suffering and her helpless subjects.

Rodolphus being out would make this infinitely easier. It meant not having to worry about accidentally running into him while looking or fearing he'd discover me in the process of taking the cup. While Severus was talking, I carefully looked around the room, wondering if she had hidden it here.

I listened to Severus as I worked my way through each shelve, nook, and cranny. Luckily, there were no objects in the room the cup could be stored within. The tables were all solid wood with no draws and there were no chests or sideboard cabinets.

"So, for what reason are you visiting me at this hour?" Bellatrix asked curiously.

"I wished to congratulate you on the honor you received this day," Severus lied silkily.

"Why?" Bellatrix inquired, the single word laced with enough suspicion to sink a ship.

"I fear I have not given you the respect you deserve. I wished to correct such a grievous error," Severus intoned, skillfully adding just enough seriousness that the words came out sincere rather than mocking.

"The Dark Lord must love your serpent tongue," Bellatrix said, laughing in delight.

It was so strange listening to Severus. Eerie, like the feeling of accidentally walking through a spiderweb. He sounded, if not sincere, then at least genuinely loyal to Voldemort. It was surprising, just how good he was at persuading and manipulating others into believing what he wanted. This was the first time since I'd come back that I'd witnessed it for myself, but I could easily see now how he managed to survive as a spy for as long as he did. All in all, it was rather unnerving.

"Our Lord is too wise to be taken in by pretty words. He knows when one speaks a falsehood. Besides, I see no need to exaggerate when the truth is staring me in the face. Or are you suggesting the Dark Lord is not the most powerful wizard to ever exist?" Severus questioned with a dangerous note now creeping in, skirting merrily around the edges of the conversation.

Bellatrix sputtered indignantly just as I finished my search of the room.

The room was empty. The Horcrux wasn't here.

I eased out of the room and moved towards the next. Casting a quick _Muffliato_ so they wouldn't hear me searching, I checked the room as quickly as possible. Muffled voices from the room I'd left the conversing pair in came to me, but none of the words were clear enough to make out. This room too was empty.

As were the next three rooms.

I made my way upstairs, pausing when a stair creaked ominously under me. No one come to investigate, so I continued after waiting another minute just to be safe.

It was in the second upstairs room I tried. It was obviously her bedroom. The cup was sitting on the nightstand, right beside her pillow on her black velvet covered bed. I wondered idly if she'd planned to cuddle it like a teddy bear tonight while she was sleeping. The thought disturbed and sickened me, but it also didn't seem too far off the mark. A few different revealing spells proved there were no wards on it. Bellatrix must be extremely confident in her own superiority to leave it out like this.

I was descending the stairs after replacing the cup with a fake when I hear her raised voice coming from the parlor, the words worryingly discernible.

"You think to gain favor by cosying up to me! Admit it - admit it!" Bellatrix's screeched.

"Why would I need _you_ when I have become his most favored? I, whom the Dark Lord trusts most to keep an eye on his foe Dumbledore. The Dark Lord trusts me alone to collect and pass him information about his enemies' movements," Severus said smugly, taunting Bellatrix with something she herself could not do for her precious master.

I listened in as I descended the last of the stairs and silently approached the open door. It did not sound as though Severus's plan to charm Bellatrix had gone as expected.

"Lies! I am his most favored! I do everything he wishes, follow all of his orders. He shares all with me, and me alone!" Bellatrix insisted, standing now to tower over Severus's bored form. I watched as he merely raised an eyebrow, unimpressed with her argument, or her righteous fury.

"That must be why you are married to Rodolphus?" Severus questioned slyly, calm in the face of her fury. He looked towards the doorway, just a twitch of the eyes, nothing more to betray his interest, but I knew he was searching for a sign that I was there. I shifted the cloak to flash a peek of my shoes. He gave the barest nod in acknowledgment, and I knew he would wrap this up quickly now that I was finished.

"Of course! The Dark Lord wished it!" Bellatrix replied passionately, eager to prove how she always did as bid by her beloved master.

"Because he did not want you for himself," Severus said with a smirk.

"NO! He always picks me! I am his most favored! He proved that today, by entrusting me above all others," Bellatrix raged, her heavily lidded eyes going wide and her face turning a very unattractive mottled purple.

"The Dark Lord chose the Lestrange vault, not you, Bellatrix. The very man he entrusted to watch over and control you. The son of one of his oldest friends. How does it feel to be nothing more than a pawn?" Severus spoke smoothly, as though discussing the weather over tea rather than deliberately riling up one of the darkest, most dangerous Death Eaters that ever existed.

"Get out before I make you pay for that!" Bellatrix hissed with venomous hatred, her wand pointed at his calmly seated person.

My breath caught and I was forced to clench my fists to keep from moving and giving myself away. My teeth worried painfully at my lip as I bit it to hold back my cry of alarm. It had taken everything I had to trust him and not interfere. I was terrified he'd pushed too far. But these were the games he played on a daily basis, and he was a master at them.

"Now, now, Bellatrix. The Dark Lord would be most displeased. He values my position at Hogwarts very highly and would be furious to lose it," Severus warned casually, not seemly the least worried about her threatening wand aimed directly at him.

"The Dark Lord's need of you is the only thing protecting you right now - NOW GET OUT!"

"Good evening, Bella. It's been... delightful as always," Severus said pleasantly, then rose gracefully and left the room, careful to open the door and hesitate long enough for me to duck out first.

* * *

"Well, Hermione, this is what you initially expressed interest in destroying, did you not?" Albus asked me when we brought Hufflepuff's cup to the headmaster and explained that we had just taken it from Bellatrix.

I noted that he was careful not to say the word Horcrux in Severus's presence. I assumed Severus was clever enough to work out what it was for himself given his extensive knowledge of the the Dark Arts, but there was no point giving him information like that - information which he would be forced to hide when he next returned to Voldemort's side.

Albus was busy cleaning his glasses on his cerulean blue robes. I think he was using the cleaning as an excuse to look away as he struggled to compose himself and to give me additional time to think. His patience seemed both endless and encouraging. The bell-like sleeves of the robe draped strategically over his desk to conceal the pile of letters he had stacked by his arm. So maybe the cleaning also provided him an excuse to hide valuable information from his spy.

I was still analyzing the headmaster when Severus began reciting the events of the day and evening.

He had been sitting behind his desk when we entered, slumped forward in his throne-like chair with his face hidden in his good hand. His glasses had been discarded on his desk, and if I didn't know better, I'd assume he was crying. He must have learned about Dorcas while we were gone because he was already aware when we got to that part of the story. He'd looked just as troubled as I'd felt earlier when Severus recalled how the Dark Lord had referred to the cup as his reward for killing Dorcas. Albus's eyes had shot to me, and I gave a discreet nod as Severus continued his story, oblivious to the distress Albus was currently feeling or how it mirrored my own.

A debate now waged within me at the suggestion of being the one to destroy the cup. Albus was correct. I had wanted to be the one to do it. But that had been before I destroyed the diary. It didn't feel right destroying this one anymore.

"Sir, I don't think I should," I eventually said, once I'd worked it out in my own head.

"Hmm, perhaps you are right. Severus, would you like to destroy this for us? After all, you did brew the potion and help retrieve it," Albus offered.

Severus looked to me for a hint as to what was going on. When we first got back, I'd insisted he come with me to see Albus and give him the cup. I wasn't sure why it had seemed necessary at the time. The plan had always been to keep Severus in the dark about the Horcruxes, but now that Albus had made the suggestion, it seemed like the most logical step in the world.

"If you think it best," Severus said, and Albus went to the cabinet beneath Fawkes's perch to retrieve a vial of Erugo Statim for him to use.

"It can be very personal. Would you like to be alone?" Albus asked knowingly.

Severus looked at me and his expression was pained. I wanted to go to him, to stand by his side as he faced this, but he looked away almost at once. I felt gutted.

"Yes," he whispered, never looking back as Albus ushered my rejected form gently from the room to leave Severus to his task.

Five down… Only Voldemort himself remained.


	20. Chapter 19

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

PS I'm not JK Rowling, so I don't own anything… unfortunately!

Chapter 19

Eleven days until Halloween.

When no word came that Bellatrix had realized she'd been duped, I felt the slightest bit of hope that we were really going to end this soon and that everything would work out. Well… at least, that the war would be over soon and that we would be victorious. With the recent death of Dorcas, I wasn't sure anything would truly "work out" anymore. The death of another friend was not so easy to overcome, or move on from.

And yet, Voldemort also hadn't requested Severus's presence since the day he'd killed Dorcas either. I didn't know if it was because he knew Severus was busy teaching, or if he was busy keeping his own counsel over the prophecy. Either way, I was buoyed by that small mercy.

Things were strained between Severus and myself since he destroyed the cup. He'd pulled away, retreated into himself. He'd barely said five words to me in the last week. We hadn't kissed or been together once since that night. Whatever happened with the cup had altered him, and I was terrified of what that meant for us. Had it made him realize I was just a consolation prize and that he'd never truly be happy settling for me?

I'd only tried to bring it up once, two days afterwards, but he'd glared at me and left the room without uttering a word. Since then, he avoided being alone with me. He skipped meals, locked himself in his classroom, and avoided coming to bed until well after midnight when he assumed I would already be asleep. Then he'd leave early the next morning before I woke. I typically pretended to be asleep when he came in, too worried to actually fall asleep before he joined me, but knowing he didn't wish to speak with me just then, I'd remain quiet, feigning sleep.

This couldn't continue for much longer. The stress and tension had been only a low simmer the first couple days, but was now full blown boiling, threatening to spill over any moment. If he wanted to end things, I wished he would just do it already. I'd be devastated, but it would be much better to know for certain, rather than remain in this withering state of limbo.

Just now, Lily was wandering around my rooms, checking for herself that Severus and I were really cohabitating. She found it hilarious, though it was a very subdued humor. Both of us were tiptoeing around the subject of our most recent loss. This was the first I'd seen of her since Dorcas's murder and she looked every bit as awful as I felt. There were deep purple bags under her eyes and there was a sickly pallor to her complexion today.

Dorcas didn't have any family, so Albus, as head of the Order of the Phoenix, had taken responsibility for seeing to her remains. He had decided that it was too dangerous to have a funeral for her. Once everything was finally at an end, we would honor and truly grieve for her. I understood his reasoning though. A funeral right now would provide the perfect backdrop for a Death Eater attack and that was something we just couldn't afford right now. We'd waited to have an official one for Mad-Eye during the original timeline as well for similar reasons.

Watching Lily inspect the space I shared with a man that would likely always be in love with her was harder than I expected it to be. If things hadn't been so strained I'd probably have loved it. But they were. Bitterness kept me from asking how she was doing since Dorcas. I didn't want to listen to her pain and struggles when I'd been forced to deal with mine all on my own this last week since Severus had shut me out.

I also couldn't face telling Lily that I had actually planned to spend today moving back into my original rooms before she showed up. Now, I'd either have to wait until she left, or more likely, wait until tomorrow since Severus would be done teaching classes soon. I didn't particularly enjoy the thought of doing it when he was here watching, continuing his ominous silence all the while. That would just make it all the harder to do.

Currently, Lily was studying one of the framed photos she'd found in the sitting room that I had of Ron, Harry, and myself. Her fingers traced the shape of Harry's face delicately, a soft smile on her lips. It was one of the three of us taken at the Burrow the summer before fourth year when Harry and I stayed there after the Quidditch World Cup. We were all grinning and waving. Harry and Ron were each holding brooms and I had a book. They'd been trying to get me to play with them, before finally giving up and getting Fred and George to join them instead. I'd sat and read while they soared above me, laughing in the warm summer day. Ginny had taken the picture, eager for any reason to be near Harry at that point, though still unable to utter a word in his presence. That had been right around the time she and I truly became friends, and I was advising her to be herself around him. After getting to know her better, it had been obvious that they'd be perfect together. She was exactly what he needed. Of course, he was too blind to see it then.

Severus was the same now.

"When was this?" Lily asked curiously. I know she'd been dying to ask more about her son, and I was surprised she'd held off for as long as she did after noticing the various pictures.

"Summer before fourth year," I answered.

"He enjoys flying?" she asked, looking to me and finally tearing her eyes from the picture in her hands. I grinned.

Talking about Harry was easier. It was actually rather difficult to restrain myself and keep from telling her everything.

Besides, it wasn't her fault Severus was in love with her. She was incredible and she had claimed his heart long before I met him. I'd known that before ever getting involved with him. It wasn't fair to take my frustration and disappointment out on her.

"He's the best - complete natural. I'm sure that's hard to imagine," I teased, both of us laughing and picturing him on his toy broomstick with James running along behind to catch him when he fell. He used that broom more than he walked these days.

The Marauders had taken Harry for the day, something about an apple orchard, so Lily had taken advantage of her unexpected break to come for a visit. It was actually the first time she'd ever come to see me at Hogwarts. She usually met me in Hogsmeade, either the Three Broomsticks or the Hog's Head, or I just went to her house.

Talking about Harry reminded me about the other reason I'd only kept in touch with Lily through owl since my last visit. The idea of seeing her in person and having to keep secret that Voldemort knew about the prophecy was just too difficult. Albus didn't want them knowing yet, and I couldn't disagree with his reasoning once we'd sorted everything out, so I'd just avoided her instead. There was no sense causing them to worry sooner than necessary.

And again, everything with Dorcas… The loss hit all of us hard. I was struggling with the reality of her death more than any other I'd previously experienced. Some days it was just too much.

"How did you become friends? Was it on the train like James and Sirius, or before school started like Sev and me?"

"Definitely not on the train," I said chuckling at the memory of how much Ron had loathed me at first. Lily looked intrigued, but I waved her off. "Never mind that now. Our friendship, well, it's a funny story actually… they - Harry and Ron - saved me from a troll on Halloween our first year."

"A troll? Here? At Hogwarts!" she exclaimed, placing a hand to her chest and looking torn between shocked and amused. "Ron? As in Ron Weasley?" she asked after a second's pause and a glance back at the redheaded boy in the photograph she still held.

"Yeah, the three of us were best mates, usually inseparable," I said, thinking of the many fights between Ron and myself when we wouldn't talk for weeks at a time. "People used to call us the 'Golden Trio'."

"Were you and Harry ever… "

"Merlin, no! He was like my brother. Look, I promise I'll tell you the full story one day soon," I said grinning at her to indicate our history made for one interesting tale.

"It's so hard sometimes - to believe all of this is real," Lily said wonderingly, setting the picture back where she'd gotten it from and looking at another.

"That what is? Time travel, the war, magic, Harry?" I asked, confused.

"All of it. But come now, you must understand - you're Muggle-born too. I think it's different for us. I keep expecting there to be limits to what magic is capable of, but it's almost like there aren't. Or when there are, someone comes along to push those limits and set new ones," Lily said sounding strangely frustrated.

"Maybe. I think Harry thought a bit like that. I always did so much research that I felt prepared for what I would next find so very little truly surprised me. I think at first, though, maybe that was what motivated me to keep learning more. At least partially," I replied thinking back to when I'd first arrived at Hogwarts.

No, before that even. To when Minerva first arrived at my house. She'd told me I was a witch, that it was the reason I could do so many wondrous and alarming things. When I was seven, there'd been a book I wanted on a shelf far above my head. I'd unknowingly used magic to levitate it down to me. Then when I was nine, a bully had been picking on me at school and I managed to amplify his voice, so that the teachers heard and he got in trouble for it. Later that year, I managed to change the hair of one of the popular girls to match my own since she'd been making fun of mine. Her mum had spent a fortune at the salon trying to change it back, but nothing seemed to work.

That summer after Minerva's visit though, I'd insisted on going straight to Flourish and Blotts to get as many books as my parents would willingly buy me. There were dozens, and I'd pored through them all, memorizing as much as possible. I was desperate to prove I belonged at Hogwarts. Finally, finally, I would have a place where I fit in! And once I'd begun learning all that magic was capable of, I was that much more eager to learn the extent it was capable of. I covered such a wide array of subjects that summer and the following year, that the possibility of magic being able to do something new or different wasn't all that unexpected or surprising.

"What was the other part?" Lily asked, tilting her head as she studied me curiously. She hadn't known me at Hogwarts, so I don't think she really understood what I was like before she met me.

"I was terrified of failing. Of finding out a mistake had been made, and I didn't really belong at Hogwarts. I tried so hard to learn everything at once when I first got to Hogwarts. I was terrified they'd kick me out if I didn't know enough about being a witch to stay there, well, here," I admitted, glancing around since I was currently in Hogwarts and shrugging helplessly.

"I felt that too," Lily exclaimed then winced, clutching her stomach and pressing her lips together. Her face had taken on a slight greenish tint and I feared she might be sick any moment.

"Are you all right?" I asked, hurrying over to her.

"I've been fighting this wicked stomach bug all week. It's brutal," she muttered, wincing and squeezing her eyes shut tight. She visibly swallowed several times before slowly letting her emerald eyes flutter open again.

"Have you tried Pepperup potion?" I asked, placing a hand on her forehead. Her skin was warm, but not overly so, yet it was slick with perspiration. She leaned into the touch as if seeking more of the cool relief on her clammy skin.

I looked her over critically. Her cheeks were hollow, sunken as though she either hadn't been eating well, or hadn't been able to keep anything down. And now that the greenish tint had lessened, it was obvious that she was even paler than when I had first noticed - washed-out. Sweat beaded visibly on her upper lip and along her hairline. She definitely did not look like the picture of health.

"I've tried everything! Even Muggle cold medicines, but none of them have worked," she moaned miserably. "Stress, grief, worry - you know," she said as if that explained it, but for some reason I didn't think that was it. It could be, of course. Losing Dorcas and learning about Harry had certainly been stressful for her, but…

"Are you - is their - could you be pregnant again?" I asked haltingly.

"What? No! We've been careful… " she began, but trailed off, her eyes going wide as something seemed to occur to her. "Oh, Merlin!" she gasped and moved to sink down in an armchair, staring at me in bewilderment.

Had she been pregnant the first time - in the original timeline? I'd never heard mention of it before, but then maybe she had been, but hadn't realized it herself yet. It was only just over a week before she was slated to die. She might not have come to the realization yet on her own if she had been before. Or had my presence changed this too? I couldn't be sure.

"Do you want to check? To know to be sure?" I asked hesitantly, my heart going out to her. This was the worst possible timing, and she didn't even know the half of it yet.

"I never suspected. I never had morning sickness with Harry, but it would make sense. Yes, I'd better find out for certain," she said, absently watching the dying flames flickering in the fireplace across the room. The glowing embers appeared to blink threateningly like eyes watching and condemning us.

"I have a Muggle pregnancy test. They're very accurate," I offered and left to retrieve it when she nodded gratefully.

I was abruptly grateful to Minerva for having her precautionary talk with me. I'd never needed to use the test myself, but I'd kept it anyways.

After that talk, I'd ended up visiting the corner drug store I frequented in London, it was still there in the future and it was the one I knew my parents used. I wasn't actively trying to see them, but I stopped in every once in a while on the off chance I'd at least catch a glimpse of them. I'd picked up the test the weekend after Minerva sat down with me, knowing it would be better to be prepared for any outcome.

I could have brewed the potion Madam Pomfrey used, but I didn't really like the idea of ingesting potion ingredients if it ever turned out I was pregnant. Perhaps it was a holdover from my Muggle heritage, but I recognized how dangerous it could be for a baby if the mother consumed something she shouldn't. All of the ingredients used in the potion were supposed to be safe, but I was still hesitant. I figured it was better to be safe than sorry.

A box of three tests had been on sale when I bought them, so I grabbed one from where I'd stashed them in a drawer in my room and returned to Lily. I waited, pacing anxiously, while she locked herself in the bathroom. Three minutes had never taken so long.

"It's positive," Lily said faintly, coming back into the room. She looked ill. And terrified. "I have to go… "

"Lily, wait," I begged, but she shook her head and stepped into the hallway before pausing.

"Hermione -" she began sounding grave and broken. Her emerald eyes were shiny with unshed tears. I could see my worried face reflected back at me in the mirrored surface as I took her hand and squeezed, trying desperately to reassure her. Her icy fingers were trembling within my grasp.

"Don't worry. Everything will work out this time. I swear it," I vowed as I watched her tears begin. She looked so unbelievably vulnerable in that moment. A sense of helplessness washed over me, drowning me in the sensation. Lily hesitated for an instant, then turned and left without another word.

* * *

Severus entered only a few minutes after Lily left. I was still standing by the door. He looked me over, paused, then walked into the bedroom when I didn't answer his unspoken question. I wasn't sure I could form words right then even if I tried. How was it possible to explain all that had occurred in the last hour of my life to someone who was still refusing to speak to me?

"What is this?" Severus questioned from the bathroom, his confusion evident.

I waited for him to come out to see what he was talking about, surprised enough by his speaking to me that I had no idea what he was referring to. When he stepped out, I was startled to see him holding the white stick and studying the large and clearly visible plus sign with a puzzled expression. Lily must have left it in the bathroom, and I hadn't been in there since; considering she'd only just left before Severus entered.

"It's a pregnancy test - " I started to explain, but he cut me off.

He looked up agast. The blue plus sign was pretty hard to misinterpret, even from here.

"You cannot be pregnant!" The words were so vehement, his look of horror so pronounced. My entire body seized up at the harshness of the words. I was stunned. His opinion on the matter was unmistakable.

"Don't worry," I snapped. "I'm not the one who is pregnant. But your precious Lily is - too bad for you!"

* * *

I'd stormed from the room without another word, or look back, after spearing him with the accusation. I didn't stop walking until I reached the Room of Requirement. I didn't want Severus coming to find me, not that I really thought he would right then, but I didn't want to risk it by going to my rooms when they were located right next to his own and he knew how to easily enter them.

It hurt so much that he was disgusted by the idea of having a child with me - not that I wanted kids right now, or even in the near future - but it hurt all the same.

My initial fear was that this was practically confirmation that he wanted out of our relationship. Somewhere along the way, he'd decided this wasn't what he wanted, and the idea that we'd be stuck together was appalling to him.

I cried. Great gasping sobs that left me shattered and distorted like sharp, jagged pieces of a broken mirror scattered on the floor. It all seemed to crash down on me at once, unrelenting waves pounding me as I drowned. First, getting sent back here. Then, fighting Voldemort all over again. And losing Fabian, Gideon, and Dorcas. Now, Lily was pregnant and there was yet another I felt responsible for protecting, and I wasn't positive I could. And now this too with Severus. It was just too much to process at once.

I was homesick. I wanted the comfort of my friends just then. The people that knew everything about me, that watched me grow up - except, even they didn't know everything anymore. I doubted they'd even recognize me anymore. It seemed like I'd changed so much in the last year and a half. I hardly recognized myself sometimes, and that was just making this harder too. Usually, I preferred this version of myself; I'd grown up, and grown into myself more than ever, but sometimes I longed for the past.

It was a couple hours before I felt up to facing Severus again. In that time, I finalized my plans to move out this very evening. It was obvious we both needed some time to figure things out and decide what each of us really wanted. If we couldn't communicate and discuss the things that were bothering us, this relationship would never work. I didn't want to keep staying with him until he was ready to open up. We needed to talk about if we were going to keep trying to work things out between us, or decide if there was no point in continuing things. Maybe once he was ready to talk we could work things out, but I needed my own space in the meantime.

* * *

He was pacing when I returned. The door hadn't even shut completely behind me before he'd spun to confront me, face a stoic, unreadable mask.

"What did you mean by that?" he asked immediately. He sounded lost and vulnerable, his eyes searching me frantically as though he'd been worried. But still his face remained passive, a complete enigma if you didn't know to look deeper.

Apparently, we were going to have this out right now, after all. It was a little unexpected, I wasn't entirely prepared, but I dove in anyways. Time to sink or swim.

"What did you mean by 'too bad for me'?" he asked more insistently when I didn't respond quickly enough for his liking. His jaw was clenched now and I could see a vein pulsing steadily in his temple.

"I know it's not me you want a family with," I said simply, resolutely.

I felt brittle, like glass blown too thin. Cracks fractured along the surface of my person, but I met his gaze steadily, ready to face what was coming head on. I would not make him feel guilty for how he felt. I would not break down until after I'd collected my things and moved into my own room.

For a moment he just stared at me. Then his blank mask vanished into one of extreme confusion. His forehead wrinkled and his eyebrows came together.

"Of course you are, who else - " he finally said, each word measured and deliberate.

"Don't. It's fine. I've always known," I whispered forcefully, holding up my hands to ward off his approach when he made a move to come closer. He paused and his confusion cleared, giving way to sudden comprehension.

"That's why you said… "

"Severus, really, it's fine. I get it," I said tiredly, wrapping my arms around my middle as if to hold the broken pieces together, or hide the fissures littering my body for a little longer.

A bone deep weariness was settling in. An aching longingness for this all to just be over already.

"No, you don't - not at all, apparently. Don't you understand? It's you I love, not Lily!" he roared, banging his fist against the fireplace mantle. I winced at the loud bang that sounded when his tightly closed fist made contact with the stone. It must have been extremely painful.

"What? But you've never - "

"I thought it was obvious! I haven't cared about her that way in quite some time," he said angrily. He took three steps towards me then halted again, seeming uncertain of his welcome should he actually try to touch me right now.

"I didn't know," I said shaking my head. Could it be true? I'd hoped, certainly, but this last week…

The cup seemed to be a wake up call for both of us. It certainly shook the dynamics of our relationship up. I thought I was beginning to mean more to him than I apparently was. But now he was saying differently. I didn't know what to think or believe.

"My heart has been yours for months now," he whispered imploringly, infusing the words with every ounce of sincerity he possessed.

"Then why were you so horrified by the idea of having a child with me?" I asked, needing to understand, because it had definitely been a look of horror that he'd worn earlier.

"The idea of the Dark Lord finding out… What you mean to me - your significance… " he said, shaking his head, ebony eyes large. He paused to take several deep breaths before continuing, "He would destroy you and any child I had with someone of your blood status. There'd be nothing I could do to stop it from happening. He would make you suffer in unimaginable ways, and I would be forced to watch. He's done it before - to others who disappoint him in such a way."

By the time he'd finished speaking, he'd turned towards the fireplace, tension turning his body to stone as he rigidly faced the burned out grate.

It made sense. There was naked terror in his voice as he expressed his fears. I didn't doubt for a moment that this would be the case should Severus and I ever try to have a baby while Voldemort yet lived were he to learn of it.

I wanted to go to him, ease his fears, but there was more we needed to discuss before I gave in to my desire to touch him again. I'd missed him, and knowing he loved me went a long way towards soothing the unintentional hurts he'd dealt me, but there were still things I didn't really understand about what had been happening this last week.

"But lately… since the cup… "

"Must we discuss this now?" Severus asked petulantly. Looking over his shoulder, he gave me one of his blackest scowls. It had been awhile since I'd seen that expression on his face directed at me, and I almost grinned at the fact that it had lost all power to intimidate me.

"If you meant what you said about loving me, then yes, we do have to discuss what happened with the cup now."

"That blasted thing. That foul object only opened my eyes to some harsh truths," he said disgustedly, closing his eyes tightly and turning away again. It was alarming to see him shutting done again, closing himself off from me once more.

"Nothing authentic could come from something so evil, Severus. Surely, you know that," I said chidingly.

"I'm not entirely positive that you are right about that in this case," he whispered.

"What did it say that has made you doubt us so completely?"

"That you'd leave me after the war was over," he admitted.

I was shocked. How could he believe that? He knew I loved him! I'd been saying it and showing him for months now. I'd never given him any reason to doubt me, or believe my feelings were less than genuine. Yet here he was, throwing everything away because some twisted sliver of a madman told him it wasn't real.

I stared at him incredulously for several minutes as I tried to wrap my head around what he was saying. He'd moved forward to rest his forearms on the mantle. His shoulders were slumped brokenly and his head hung low - the very picture of defeat. I was abruptly, absurdly, angry that he'd given up so easily. Didn't I mean more to him than that?

"So you, what… decided to push me away first, rather than fight for me? Severus, don't you see how _ridiculous_ that is?" I shouted angrily. Was he honestly so ready to give up on me? "I thought you were braver than that," I taunted furiously, deliberately provoking him into confessing more, so we could get this all out in the open to deal with immediately.

"It seemed easier to lose you now, than have to face reality when you no longer need me anymore."

The words echoed my own thoughts, fears, and insecurities where he was concerned. Apparently, neither of us had dealt with them as well as I previously believed. We conversed so easily, sometimes I forgot how much we struggled to actually communicate about the important issues pertaining to us.

"Not need you? I will always need you," I stated emphatically.

"Perhaps _want_ would be a better word choice. I don't wish to hold you back," he confessed, still refusing to look me in the eye as he spoke.

"Why in the name of Merlin's beard would you ever think that? That's utter nonsense! What could you be holding me back from?"

"You'll be leaving, going to work at the Ministry… meeting new people -"

"Wait, you honestly believe I'm only with you because of a lack of _options_?"

"Aren't you? I'm not exactly -"

"No! If I'd wanted someone else, I could have dated Gideon, or Sirius for that matter, but I'm not. I'm with you because there is no one else I'd ever want as much," I spat the words out, feeling immensely frustrated.

His face had twisted at the mention of Sirius. I didn't doubt for a second that if I had wanted to date him, Sirius would have been willing. He'd already dated everyone else, after all, and the man did love to flirt. But I knew it would have been a pointless waste of time, and there were too many reasons to mention for why it'd feel wrong on every possible level. It did, however, serve as an excellent way to get my point across.

We'd each moved closer to the other, each attempting to cross the invisible barrier separating us.

"I'll never fit in with your world, your friends, your life," he said, brokenly, worry contorting his lips into a pained grimace as he reached to cup my face. I leaned into the warmth of his hand. It was like finally coming home after an endless journey. His fingers brushed my cheek in a feather-light caress as if afraid I was a mirage that would vanish the instant he made contact.

"You already do. But, Severus, maybe it doesn't seem like it right now, but things will be different after the war. Better. We won't be forced to live with all the secrecy and hiding. There'll be no one to stop us. I'm not ashamed to be with you. I can't wait for the time when it's just us and we can be open about our relationship. No one else will have the power to shape my opinion of you or us," I said, attempting to convey the depth of my love into the words I spoke.

It seemed to work, because the next thing I knew was the feel of his lips on mine. I'd almost forgotten how perfect his kiss was. Skilled, persuasive, passionate. Loving.

"I love you," he whispered, pulling back just enough to breathe the words against my lips while keeping his forehead pressed against mine. I never thought I'd hear those words from him. Now that I had them, I longed to savor them forever, to bask in their warmth and power.

"Bed, now," I replied, needing him, and he obliged, whispering those treasured words over and over to me throughout the night.

Maybe one day we'd revisit the topics of children. We needed to keep working on us first though. Build a solid foundation for the rest of our lives before that happened - today was a pretty good first step though.

* * *

Seven days until Halloween.

Severus returned with the news Albus and I had been waiting to hear. Voldemort had decided that the prophecy must be referring to the Potters. He said it was because he remembered a girl mentioning a prophecy almost two years ago and saying it meant he would kill the Potters. The responsibility for that slip weighed heavily, settled like a lead weight encircling my neck. Voldemort did not tell his most loyal followers that he would have chosen Harry regardless, thanks to the parallels between himself and the child, both being half-bloods and all. The choice still felt like my burden to bear.

The news was expected, but it still terrified me. Anything could happen now. We'd been preparing for so long, but there was no way to know for certain that it would play out the way we anticipated it would. But now all of the pieces were in place and the end was finally here.

Albus called the Potters in to meet with him at once with the intention of relaying the plan. I was called in as well to help explain.

Lily settled Harry on the floor in the corner, arranging a number of toys before him to keep him occupied and out of trouble during this meeting, before seating herself beside James in one of the three chintz armchairs placed in front of Albus's desk for our use. James took one look at Albus's serious expression, then faced me.

"So it's happening then - like before - or like it did for you, whichever?" James asked, wrapping an arm protectively around Lily's shoulders when she gasped, realizing what he was referring to.

"You already know?" Albus inquired from his imperial seat behind his magnificent desk.

He sounded startled, and I realized abashedly, that I had never gotten around to mentioning that I had slipped and told the Potters about my time travel. I'd admitted to telling them about the prophecy, but had somehow missed reporting that I had also shared the circumstances surrounding my arrival in this time. It hadn't been a deliberate omission, it just hadn't seemed significant enough to warrant wasting time discussing. I had never felt more like a misbehaving child than I did the moment Albus Dumbledore turned his penetrating frown in my direction. His crystal clear blue eyes peered at me accusingly from over the top of his half-moon spectacles. I sank back in my chair, hunching in on myself, and completely unable to meet his disappointed look.

"I'm sorry, Sir. I forgot to tell you earlier this month, and I didn't want to worry you when it first happened. They only know a little, and nothing they really shouldn't," I apologized now.

"I wish you had told me, but never mind that now. Nothing for it, but to go on," he said with a heavy sigh.

"Will you tell us everything now? Everything you wouldn't before?" Lily asked, hand unconsciously going to her stomach to protect the tiny life resting there.

"Yes, but first, do you trust me to do my best to protect all of you?" I asked, glancing at her stomach meaningfully.

"Of course," Lily said at once, her trust in me and Albus glowing like a beacon.

"Then once Albus has explained the plan, I'll answer any questions you still have. But, Lily, I swear - from this moment on, you and Harry won't ever be in any danger," I said, glancing at her middle again pointedly. It was one thing I was immensely grateful to Albus for when I'd helped him make his plans for the Potters safety and Voldemort's downfall.

Our plan called for protecting Lily and Harry while using James to trick Voldemort. Albus had agreed with me about Lily for Severus's sake, since he was trying to keep the promise he'd made to gain his spy. And we had both agreed that Harry, an innocent baby, must be kept safe and protected. He was not to be used as a pawn in this war. The part with James was what I had initially balked at, but Albus insisted, and honestly, it did seem like the best plan.

"What about -" Lily started, spotting my failure to include James immediately.

"Now please, hear me out before you ask any questions. We'll hid James in your own home, using the Fidelius Charm. Have you heard of this charm?" Albus asked the couple before him, but both shook their heads in the negative. "Yes, well, it is an immensely complex spell involving the magical concealment of a secret inside a single, living soul. The information is hidden inside the chosen person, or Secret-Keeper, and is henceforth impossible to find — unless, of course, the Secret-Keeper chooses to divulge it. As you apparently already know, Voldemort targeted you in the past that Hermione has already experienced. Your Secret-Keeper betrayed you. This -"

"NO!" James cried, standing so quickly his chair toppled backwards as he staggered back several steps, the wall stopping his continued retreat. He sounded tortured and his face had twisted into a look of disbelieving agony.

Harry cried out too, head jerking up to look at his father curiously, but when no one said anything for a minute, he went back to playing with his toy train, making it zoom through the air like it was the Weasley's flying Ford Anglia.

"James?" Lily asked startled, looking up at her husband, stunned.

"No, he wouldn't. I know he wouldn't. You're wrong!" James insisted, looking imploringly at me. It came to me at once, the mistaken assumption he'd made hearing Albus's story.

"Oh, James, no. No, you're right. Sirius would never betray you." I hurried to reassure him. He deflated at once, slumping back against the wall momentarily, before jerking back upright to give me a puzzled look.

"But who… There is no one else I would trust enough with my family's safety… " James questioned, trailing off as he looked helplessly from me to Lily and back again.

"Wouldn't you? Don't you trust Remus and Peter just as much?" I asked as carefully as possible, gentling my voice like I would if trying to approach a wounded animal, or a proud hippogriff, for this knowledge would surely gut him.

"Yes, but neither of them would ever -" James insisted at once, not hesitating for an instant.

"Who?" Lily interrupted, her eyes focused on Harry, who was still playing quietly in the corner, completely oblivious to the upheaval in the room.

"You must understand, the one who betrayed you, I know he's guilty. He told Voldemort where to find you, knowing he would be going there to kill Harry, and both of you as well. I heard him say it - he admitted it to Harry even - I was there. I saw him working for Voldemort myself, so you have to believe me," I said, knowing James would try desperately to deny it when I revealed the person responsible for their deaths.

"Hermione. Just tell us already," Lily said impatiently. James though, he looked more defeated with every word I spoke.

"James, do you understand what I'm saying?" I asked him carefully, needing to know he'd believe me. He was so like Harry, so willing to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, to believe the best of everyone, to refuse to believe someone would ever betray him - especially someone dear to him.

He stared at me for so long I thought I'd have to ask again, then Harry giggled and his face set with determination and he gave me a single sharp nod.

"Peter," I said, speaking clearly into the silent room. The name rang through the room with the finality of a death toll.

Harry had once admitted that he'd destroyed Albus's office immediately following Sirius's death. I'd been shocked to hear the story of how he'd lost control like that and taken so little heed for another's possessions, regardless of his grief. But being in the office at this moment, I felt like I was witnessing it first-hand.

James completely fell apart. He ranted, raged, knocked numerous items to the floor. I'd never witnessed such an overwhelming breakdown. The fact that he so resembled his son, only made the comparison to Harry's own incident that much easier to visualize.

Lily had moved at once to scoop Harry up and shield him from seeing, her hand pressing his face into her chest and covering his ear to block out the worst of it. James had seemed to subconsciously avoid the area of the room they were in, but no where else was spared.

Albus just sat back and watched impassively. His deadened black hand resting uselessly on the desk.

I pressed back against the wall to avoid becoming collateral damage myself, my mouth hanging agape as I watched in disbelief.

I processed bits and pieces of what he muttered, certain phases easier to comprehend than others.

"- trusted him -"

"- always looked after and protected -"

"- traitor -"

"- family -"

Eventually, James ran out of steam, slumping to the floor in a broken heap, tears running unchecked down his cheeks. Lily looked every bit as heartbroken, her face pressed against Harry's neck, seeking comfort from her child as her shoulders shook with muffled sobs.

It was a long time before everyone had composed themselves enough to continue. Lily held Harry close and James was hovering nearby as Albus detailed the plan.

"You'll have to use him again -" Albus began to explain.

"I'm not risking -" James cut in, immediately refusing.

"You won't! Please, listen," I insisted, begging him to stay calm and hear us out.

"You must convince Peter that you trust him and need him to be your Secret-Keeper. He isn't the obvious choice, so you know he'll never be expected, but you know that's what makes him the perfect choice. You trust him and he can go into hiding right after as well. You must convince him of your belief in him while knowing he will betray you again," Albus said.

"Just listen," I said when James looked ready to protest again.

"Lily and Harry will stay here starting now, but you will stay at the house after the spell is cast in case Peter comes by to check on you. You can cover for Lily's absence by saying she's in bed sick or something similar. Voldemort will wait until Halloween to attack, and when he does, he will find me there waiting for him.

"From what we know, seeing you through the window will be enough to draw him in. He will be confident, assured of his victory, and believing you will be unprepared. But he will not just find you, but me as well. I have not been able to meet with him one-on-one in a duel for several years now. It is something he has avoided. If I had, maybe this would already be over. As it stands, this is our best chance to stop him once and for all," Albus finished.

"But James… it's too dangerous," Lily whispered, almost pleading with Albus to come up with something else.

Albus looked fiercely determined, however. I knew he would not change his mind about this. I had tried for days with no success. Even if James balked at the idea, Albus was likely to manipulate and guilt him into agreeing despite any reservations.

As it was, James and Albus were staring intently at one another, an unspoken understanding passing between them.

"Lily… it sounds like a good plan. We need to end this as quickly as possible - for Harry's sake," James said, almost apologetically. "I can't stand the thought of him growing up forced to fight for his life. Can you?"

"Why can't James wait here too that night?" Lily asked Albus instead, giving up on convincing James not to do this.

"I believe Voldemort needs to see him. His arrogance will be his undoing," Albus replied with such certainty that Lily abandoned her protests, though she looked far from satisfied.

"How will you get in if it's secret?" James asked Albus, spotting the part of the plan he'd glossed over earlier.

"You'll have Peter write it down. You'll say it's for Lily since she won't be with you when you cast the spell, but you'll give the address to me instead," Albus explained.

"James, can you do this? Act like nothing has changed? Make Peter believe you don't know his intentions and true allegiance?" I asked hesitantly.

"Yes."

I was again reminded how Harry had never shrunk away from difficult tasks himself. It was easy to see now what people meant when they said Harry took after James.

"Perhaps you'd like to spend the evening with your family then meet with Peter tomorrow? You can send him an owl requesting a meeting," Albus suggested, summoning a house-elf to escort the family out.

* * *

Six days until Halloween.

"I brought you some clothes to wear while you're here this week," I told Lily when I knocked on the door that afternoon.

She looked a disaster. Her eyes were puffy from crying and her scarlet hair more resembled a knotted ball of yarn than its usual glossy waves.

She'd gone back to collapse on the sofa when I entered, so I moved to set the clothes on the coffee table.

"Do you want company?" I asked, not sure how to help her right now. She only shrugged in response. "Where's Harry?" I asked trying again to provoke a reaction from her apathetic form.

"Napping," she said absently.

"Have you eaten anything today?"

"No. I wouldn't be able to keep anything down right now," she admitted, finally looking up at me. I considered trying to browbeat her into eating something. She needed to maintain her health for the baby's sake, if not her own, but the worry clouding her eyes made me reconsider.

"Did you tell James about the baby?" I asked instead.

"No. I couldn't. What if it distracted him and that distraction gets him killed?" she asked in a choked whisper. She looked young and uncertain, desperate to hear she'd done the right thing.

"Then it'll be a nice surprise for him when this is over," I said with false cheer, trying and failing to sound sincere.

"I'll tell him when this is over. It's just another week - not even a full week really," she said acting as though I'd convinced her.

"Knock, knock," Sirius said tapping lightly on the still open doorway. With my hands full, I hadn't closed it behind me or bothered with it once I'd unloaded my burden.

Sirius gave Lily a very perceptive once over, and I wondered just how much he'd overheard.

"Prongs gave me this. Asked if I'd give it to Dumbledore and hang out here for a few days to help you with Harry," Sirius said holding up a slip of folded paper as he looked at Lily. Then he turned to me, "Hermione, mind helping me find him?"

"All right," I said with a sigh, knowing what was in store for me as I followed him out. He was just too good at sniffing out my secrets.

"What's going on?" he asked with tightly controlled intensity. It was plain to see that something big was in the process of going down, and Sirius was no fool, so of course he figured it out.

I directed him into an empty classroom and cast the privacy spells that had become second nature while on the run. Sirius looked impressed with the array by the time I finished.

"You never know who's listening at doors," I said by way of explanation, and he grinned at my teasing reprimand. The grin quickly faded though, and I could tell he was getting impatient. A restless energy was making him fidget like a hyper puppy. "We're setting a trap for Voldemort. Albus and James are going to face him and hopefully end this on Halloween."

"James can't!" Sirius cried, shaking his head vehemently in denial.

"Why not?"

"I heard you and Lily talking," he said as if that explained everything. It didn't. I could understand if he was worried, but that wasn't how he looked right now. He was furious. It reminded me of that night in the Shrieking Shack back in third year.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused, and he moved to grab my arms, shaking me roughly. I gave a pained cry of surprise and his hold loosened slightly.

"She's pregnant again, and you're not planning to tell James until all this is over! You're planning to risk his life and he doesn't even know what's at stake! How can you even think about doing that to him?" he asked angrily. Of course he was upset about James. The man was like a brother to him.

"Do you blame her?" I asked. Lily was scared. She had every right to be. Only a fool wouldn't be worried, but this was the best option for defeating Voldemort and making sure that Harry didn't grow up an orphan.

"You promised you'd tell me everything a while back, will you now?"

So I did, explaining almost everything that happened the first time, and more about the plan now. The only thing I didn't share was the name of the traitor. He didn't ask either. I didn't know if that meant he thought it was Remus. He had been the one they suspected the first time around, after all. Or if it meant Sirius had worked out that it must be Peter. It had been Sirius's suggestion to use Peter the first time, so he might have done so again and come to the realization of what that meant. Or maybe he just didn't want to face the truth that one of his friends was responsible for destroying the people that meant the most to him.

I wouldn't have told him even if he did ask. He had a rash temper and it wouldn't do for him to go after Peter now and ruin things.

"I need your help," he said resolutely when I'd finished explaining all that I was willing to share.

"With what? What are you thinking?" I asked, uncertain if I actually wanted to find out. The air of recklessness I had become so suspicious of during fifth year was back and it frightened me a bit. He was considering something I probably wouldn't like very much.

"You can brew Polyjuice Potion can't you?" he inquired, moving restlessly about the room.

"Well, yes, but it takes at least a month to brew," I said, confused at the rather abrupt subject change.

"You can get ahold of some though, can't you?" he asked eagerly, getting more animated as he spoke. I did have access to the batch Severus had made over the summer for the start of term. He kept it in our rooms in case it ever became necessary to use for spying.

"Yes… I think so, but - Oh, Sirius! No, you can't!" I cried, suddenly understanding precisely what he intended to do with it.

"I won't let him put himself in unnecessary danger. He's my family, Hermione, you have to understand!" Sirius insisted.

"But, Sirius -"

"This is the best option. You know I'm right," he interrupted.

"It's too dangerous," I said, trying again to dissuade him from his wild scheme.

"Exactly! That's why it needs to be me, not James. His family needs him - Harry needs him," he insisted, playing on my love for Harry to earn my cooperation. It was a dirty trick, but effective, nonetheless.

"You're always so willing to die for Harry," I whispered assessing the man before me.

Memories of him living off rats to stay close while still being hunted; fighting off a werewolf Remus to protect Harry, Ron, and me; waking up in the hospital wing after the Department of Mysteries fiasco just to learn of his death all flitted through my head.

Sirius was so brave. Loyal to those he'd claimed as family. He gave no thought to his own safety when they were in danger. I hadn't been nearly as worried about James surviving as I suddenly was for Sirius. I think if he'd survived the war the first time, I wouldn't be so hesitant now, but all I could think of was him dying and the pain that had caused Harry. I didn't want James going through the same thing now.

But I also couldn't deny that it was a good idea. Voldemort needed to see James. We needed that arrogance to use against him, but Voldemort wouldn't know it was actually Sirius. There'd be no reason for him to know.

I almost suggested we just have Albus take Polyjuice, now that the idea had been suggested, but I realized almost at once that it wouldn't work. His cursed hand meant it wouldn't work. The arm would remain dead even if he took on another form and there were no concealing spells that would effectively work to mask it.

"Aren't you just as willing? Besides, you said the reason Voldemort overpowered him and killed James the first time was because he was unarmed. I won't make that mistake. And I'll have something that he didn't - Dumbledore!" Sirius said, dragging me reluctantly from my thoughts as he continued to make excellent points regarding the merits and soundness of his suggested plan.

"I'm not going to be able to talk you out of this, am I?" I asked ruefully. He was right, after all. The more I thought about it, the more I liked the plan too.

It was strange to actually be agreeing with his plan for once. I'd been so convinced we should do the opposite of anything he suggested back in my fifth year. But Azkaban and Grimmauld Place hadn't sunk their warped claws into his mind yet to distort his sense of right and wrong, wise and reckless.

"Nope," he said with a grin. "But come on, Hermione, we both know I'll be fine," he said with a cocky smirk that made me want to smack him.

"Doesn't mean I'm not allowed to worry," I said sighing and beginning the process of removing the wards so I could retrieve the Polyjuice Potion for him. "James is going to be so angry with you," I warned.

"But he'll be safe. That's so much more important. Besides, he never stays angry with me for long," he said with a dismissive surety. I couldn't help but share in his optimistic outlook.

We made the trek downstairs to the rooms I shared with Severus. He was luckily out, still teaching classes at the moment. Sirius wandered around the room, pausing to examine the same photo Lily had the other day when she'd visited.

"So how's this going to work - exactly?" I asked, needing to know every detail of his plan to make sure there weren't any flaws that needed sorting out.

"I'll knock James out, take his place - with your help - I can do it later tonight. Then I'll drop him off here and go back to the house to wait," Sirius said, still looking at the picture.

"You'll have to wait to knock James out until Halloween, he'll never let you go through with it if you don't wait until the last minute," I said, and he nodded absently in agreement. Other than that, it sounded pretty good. Simple was usually the best way.

"Whatever you say - you're the boss," he said, grinning at me playfully. I rolled my eyes, which only made him chuckle.

"So you really live here with _him_?" he asked suddenly.

"Yes, Sirius. I live here with _Severus_ ," I said emphasizing his name.

"I still don't get it," he said with a baffled look that made him seem like he'd just been hit in the head with a Bludger.

"I didn't get you and Marlene at first either, but look at you now!" I said understanding what he meant.

Those two seemed too similar, and at first, I think they were using each other to help cope with the stress of fighting a war. It had slowly morphed into something more over the last few months though. No one had expected them to last more than a few weeks, but they were going strong. Almost eight months of exclusive dating now. It was obvious how happy each made the other.

"I think she might be worth settling down for," he confided. I'd never seen him look so timid. It was completely out-of-character, and I was secretly pleased by the news.

"Will wonders never cease?" I teased, and he sighed dramatically.

"Oh, stop! I'm not that bad," he complained.

"Really?" I asked raising an eyebrow in question, unconsciously mimicking Severus. He just grinned unrepentantly and headed off to see Albus to let him know about the changes we were making.

* * *

Halloween.

Halloween was on a Saturday this year, so Severus was required to help with the Hogsmeade trip that had been scheduled for today. Most of the students were there, but the first and seconds years were stuck at the castle. It was a perfect fall day, clear skies and cool temperatures made most of those remaining decide to spend the day outside on the grounds.

Sirius showed up with an unconscious James a little before noon. It was a huge relief to have things going according to plan.

I'd spent a lot of time with him, Lily, and Harry this week. Albus had approved of the switch, but agreed it'd be best to wait - not because of James's reaction, but in case Peter checked on James again before Halloween. This had turned out to be very fortuitous. James sent word that Peter had come by to check on things the day before. I can't imagine how hard that had been for him. To sit and make small talk with the person - the friend - that was actively trying to kill his family.

"What's going on?" Lily asked, shocked to see her husband revealed lying supine on the couch as Sirius tugged the invisibility cloak off. He must have draped it over him to get the hovering body through the castle unseen.

Sirius and I decided against telling her before now, so that she wouldn't feel obligated to talk him out of it.

"I'm taking his place," Sirius announced with a grin at Lily.

"What? Tonight - with Dumbledore and Voldemort?" Lily asked, trying to catch up with what he was saying.

"Yep!"

"Are you sure about this?" I asked him once more. We hadn't talked anymore about it since the day he'd come up with the plan, but I had to double check.

"Of course. Dumbledore will have my back. I'll be fine - back before you know it," he said easily, readjusting James's head on a pillow.

"James will be furious with you!" Lily warned, but it was obvious how relieved she felt.

"Yeah, but I can't have him getting all the glory. I need to do something to restore honor to my blackened name," Sirius muttered.

"Don't. Don't joke. But, Sirius? Thank you. I'm so grateful to have you as my family," Lily said earnestly.

"Don't cry, Lil. It's all going to work out. Just look after my brother, nephew, and the little one in there," he said pointing at her stomach. Her hand flew up to cover it in surprise, and she looked accusingly at me as though I'd betrayed her confidence.

"How long will he be out?" Lily asked Sirius, gesturing at where James was sleeping.

"Probably at least another seven or eight hours," he said already heading out. He paused only long enough to hug a still overwhelmed and slightly bewildered Lily, bend to kiss the top of Harry's head then ruffle his hair, and squeeze my shoulder reassuringly as he passed.

"Good luck!" I called after him.

* * *

Severus joined Lily and me when he returned from the village. The air of worry was nearly tangible, but Lily, for one, looked much better. She even felt up to eating a bit. I'd had to practically force her all week long. Harry was showing Severus his flying skills and to my surprise, he was actually indulging the young toddler.

James came to rather suddenly just before Severus was supposed to leave for the Great Hall and the Halloween feast happening there.

"What? Sirius? What's -" James asked, looking around as he sat up. When he caught sight of Lily, he froze. "Lily? Am I at Hogwarts? Where's Sirius?" James asked after about a minute of staring around in bewilderment.

"Yes. Sirius is pretending to be you," I answered when Lily hesitated.

"And you guys let him?" James asked furiously, struggling to stand. Harry had piled pillows on him while he slept, and they were currently inhibiting his progress.

"James… Let him do this for us. He'll be fine -" Lily began placatingly.

"How could you let him do that?" James yelled accusingly at Lily before rounding to glare at me as well when he finally stood.

"Calm yourself, Potter," Severus said, annoyed.

"What if - why would -" James asked, trying and failing to voice his concerns.

"James, I'm pregnant. Sirius knew. He didn't want you risking yourself and chancing you never knowing your child or missing out on Harry's life," Lily explained.

"Another baby?" James asked, confused.

"That _is_ what she said," Severus said snarkily. I elbowed him to keep him from butting in again.

"Really?" James asked, moving to envelop her in his arms.

"Are you excited?" Lily whispered, just barely audible from where I was seated.

"Thrilled!" James said, laughing and squeezing her tighter. "This is amazing."

A frantic knock sounded and Severus moved to open it, revealing Albus's worn and slightly battered form.

"It's over. He's dead," Albus said, slumping exhausted against the open doorway. "He's dead," Albus repeated barely audible, yet the long awaited words rang out deafeningly through the silent room.


	21. Chapter 20

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

This is the last chapter before the epilogue. Thank you so much for sticking with and reading this story up till now.

PS I'm not JK Rowling, so I don't own anything… unfortunately!

Chapter 20

October 31, 1981

Severus helped Albus over to the sofa and began checking the progress of the curse on his hand. It appeared to have spread from his mid forearm all the way up to nearly his shoulder in a single day. At my shocked gasp, Severus spared me a brief glance, expression betraying his worry, then returned to containing the curse once more.

"Where's Sirius?" James asked at once when Albus was seated.

"With Voldemort," Albus replied, intent on watching Severus work on his arm. That made sense. It wouldn't have been wise to leave his body unattended. Who knows what Dark Arts his loyal followers might turn to in a desperate attempt to resurrect their fallen master…

Albus wasted no more time before launching into the tale of the evening's events. No one interrupted, each of us listening raptly as he recounted his defeat of the most evil wizard to ever live, much as he had the second most evil - Grindelwald - several decades previously.

"When Sirius arrived, we agreed that he would stay in the front room, lounging in plain view of the open windows, while I would remain upstairs until Voldemort arrived. Sirius had a mug of Polyjuice that he was sipping from every hour when your parlor clock chimed. It wasn't until just an hour ago, or two at most, that Voldemort finally turned up - just before six I believe, since Sirius hadn't yet taken his next dose.

"I could hear the trick-or-treaters running and laughing outside, oblivious to the danger. All so excited by the holiday, enjoying an excess of candy and eager to show off their costumes. I feared he'd harm them, kill the innocent children just because he could. Luckily, he didn't.

"Sirius was ready for him. When Voldemort blasted the door open, Sirius attacked immediately. Voldemort was unprepared to face such an unrelenting offensive strike. He was even more unprepared from me to appear quite suddenly on the stairs behind him. Voldemort began defending against both of us at once. His skills far exceeded those he'd demonstrated while in school, but that was to be expected given his reputation.

"Sirius was hit with a Stunner only a few minutes into the duel. Though I will say he lasted far longer than any other I know of aside from myself.

"Voldemort paused his attack to gloat, as is - was - his way. I begged him to stand down, to stop before it was too late. But he would hear none of it. He gloried in telling me that he'd taken steps to prevent his death even should I try this evening, truly believing he'd managed to become immortal. He relished revealing that he alone had mastered the magic necessary to overcome death.

"He was not ready to hear how I'd been aided for the last two years by someone with the power to stop him. A power he was ignorant of - knowledge of the future and of Voldemort himself. As I told him of his mistakes, his delight was gradually replaced with fury. He could not, or perhaps would not, believe that I had managed to thwart his plans so thoroughly. I tried to reason with him, but to no avail.

"Voldemort, now irate, attacked once more.

"My deadened arm was targeted. He finally seemed to understand how it had come to be in such a state, and that knowledge reignited his desire to defeat me, fueling his hatred and fear. It is my wand arm. He wrongly believed that it was too weak to be of use to me. I let him think so at the time, taking obvious pains to protect it. He concentrated his attack on dealing an injury rather than an immediate death blow. He wished to see me brought low, to have me cowering before him, bested and forced to admit his superiority. I believe this may be the only reason I succeeded.

"He set a snake on me, trying to take advantage by catching me unaware and off guard. I believe it was one of his pets. He'd brought it with. I think he intended it to - well, I didn't notice it until we were fighting. When I killed it, he was furious, maddened, enraged beyond any rational level.

"The ferocity of his attack increased tenfold after that. I conjured a shield that absorbed his magical blows. I used it with my injured arm. But using it came at a cost. Each spell it absorbed and dissipated sped the spread of the curse on my hand. We fought for some time after that and I could feel the curse spreading, threatening to overtake me, but I did not succumb. I lost track of everything, save the desire to see his reign of terror finally come to an end.

"In the end, I cast Avada Kedavra. I had no other choice, except to use the Unforgivable. It struck true and he was gone. He collapsed with a mundane finality - gone in an instant. It seemed strangely fitting given his driving need to stand out and become immortal, a richly deserved ending after all of the atrocities he'd committed.

"I summoned Magical Law Enforcement to come for the body at once. The trusted Aurors and a number of Order members are currently rounding up every known Death Eater, that Severus here, was able to name for me some weeks ago.

"I didn't know. I didn't realize…" Albus broke off here, apparently, unable to continue.

"What?" James asked the question we were all wondering about after Albus failed to resume his tale.

"The snake," Albus said feebly, shaking his head helplessly, almost pleading for understanding. A sinking feeling overcame me.

No. Horror seemed to settle upon the room like a suffocating blanket as the truth sank in. Albus's explanation was unnecessary, but he spoke the damning words anyways, confirming my suspicions.

"There was nothing I could do. The snake's fangs had pierced Sirius's neck at some point while he lay unconscious. It tore his jugular… he was unconscious. There was no one to stop the bleeding - I didn't know. He was already dead when I went to revive him. He must have bled out while I was dueling. There was nothing I could do," Albus explained, repeating his helpless plea for us to understand and offer forgiveness. No one spoke as the reality of what he was saying penetrated the victorious bubble surrounding us.

All I could think of was Severus bleeding out the same way in the Shrieking Shack, only now he had Sirius's face. It was awful, picturing the struggling wet gurgling sounds he must have made in the end. It couldn't have been Nagini, but I thought Albus must have been correct in what he almost admitted. Voldemort had brought a snake to use for his last Horcrux when he killed Harry.

I looked at Severus, desperate to reassure myself that he was here, alive, and not bleeding out somewhere else. I felt sick at the relief I felt that he was fine when I remembered that the same could not be said for Sirius.

"You can't begin to imagine how sorry I am," Albus concluded, his head bowed mournfully.

* * *

The next several months were some of the best and worst of my life. I was reliving the aftermath of the war all over again. The euphoria of surviving was competing with the pain of loss and confusion of starting over.

It was difficult to move on, to really believe that all of the fighting was over and that we could start rebuilding. It was hard to forget the fear that had dominated and controlled nearly every aspect of our lives for nearly two additional years in my case - longer for others. But Voldemort's eleven year reign of terror truly had come to an end.

Albus had mentioned the Aurors rounding up the Death Eaters when he relayed his story, but we didn't get the full picture until the next day when it was reported in the _Daily Prophet_. Knowing that the Death Eaters would scatter, lie, and bribe their way out of prison once they learned that their master was dead, Albus had taken steps to prevent that from happening. It was something he hadn't shared with me beforehand, preferring to place his eggs in different baskets as he was wont to do.

Alastor, Frank, Alice, and a number of trusted Aurors, were in place to capture a number of known Death Eaters on Halloween before they had a chance to escape or take steps to avoid the consequences of their actions. They were taken into custody as their master died, and before they could warn their comrades. Severus had provided Albus with a list of names when we realized Voldemort knew of the prophecy, so the Aurors knew who to target. Severus would also be testifying about specific offenses each committed. When I asked Albus what reasons he might have had to not have Severus do this the first time, he said it was probably because he knew Voldemort wasn't truly dead. Albus would have needed to keep Severus in place for when Voldemort returned to power.

Alastor organized everything, calling on only those he trusted to help. He went after Bellatrix himself, taking an additional Auror I didn't know along with him when he cornered her. She put up such a struggle that he was forced to kill her rather than apprehend her. Rodolphus Lestrange was subdued by the other Auror while the pair fought.

Frank and Alice went after Lucius Malfoy and were rewarded with being able to catch Crabbe Sr. and Goyle Sr. in the process. They got lucky, but everyone was calling them heroes in the aftermath. There was even talk of an Order of Merlin once it had come out that Lucius had been responsible for the murder of the Bones family. There wasn't enough money in his vault to restore his public image after news of his murdering helpless children spread along with the proof that he hadn't been under the effects of an Imperius Curse when he committed such a heinous act.

I wondered how different Draco would turn out to be after growing up living in the shadow of his father's tarnished memory, and away from his negative influence. I looked forward to seeing it for myself. I even reached out to Andromeda and encouraged her to try and make peace with her sister. Draco would certainly benefit from having her and Tonks as role models growing up.

The Carrow siblings, Macnair, Dolohov, Rookwood, and the Snydes - a married couple - were all captured that first night as well. Several Aurors were injured while attempting to apprehend the Death Eaters, and two were even killed.

I asked Severus once if he was alright with seeing so many of his childhood friends being sent to Azkaban, and with being partially responsible for putting them there and ensuring they remained in prison. But he assured me that he had stopped viewing any of them as friends long ago. He may have chosen to be friends with them in school, but their actions since graduating had made it impossible for him to continue viewing them as such. He desired nothing more than for all of them to pay for the crimes they had committed.

Unfortunately, several of Voldemort's most loyal followers still managed to slip through the net and escape. They made their presence, and their displeasure, known in the weeks that followed their master's downfall.

They went after known Order members. Caradoc, Marlene, Hestia, and Dedalus were all targeted. Hestia got the worst of it. It looked as though she'd been whipped with flames. Slashes of burned, blackened, and puckered skin marred her body like some sick twisted version of zebra stripes. Healers were able to minimize the damage, but the dark curse used meant that the marks would never fully heal.

Caradoc was pretty bad off as well. He endured prolonged exposure to the Cruciatus Curse. He was forced to remain in St Mungo's for three weeks afterwards and his short term memory was permanently damaged, though not to such a debilitating extent that he couldn't still work and reside at home with his family.

Dedalus and Marlene both only suffered a few minor jinxes and hexes, so they recovered fully quickly enough, at least on the outside. Marlene, who was still mourning the loss of Sirius, had become withdrawn and subdued. She refused to see anyone for weeks after she learned of Sirius's fate, trying desperately to distance herself from anything with the potential to act as a reminder of the man. Apparently, she'd been every bit as in love with him as he had confessed to being with her. That knowledge made it difficult to look her in the eye the first few times I saw her - particularly at his funeral.

Guilt over my part in Sirius's death put a definite strain on our friendship. She never came right out and said she blamed me for helping him with his plan to protect James at his own expense, but the anger and resentment was there all the same. Marlene was the same with Lily and James for their parts in his death. Severus insisted I just needed to give her time to come to terms with everything. I hoped he was right. I missed my friend and I needed her to help me fix everything that Voldemort and his supports worked to break in the wizarding world.

A number of witches and wizards were resistant to the changes we tried to introduce in the wake of Voldemort's influence. Some had pureblood extremist leanings, so they were in favor of many of the new laws that Voldemort encouraged the Ministry to pass. Others appreciated the lack of any obvious oversight when he'd been in power. There was a freedom to not really having consequences to your actions, or at least not having them enforced, as had been the case for a while now.

Others just feared that this was a temporary reprieve. After the initial celebrating, many wondered if it was truly over or if something, or someone, else would come along to fill in the vacuum Voldemort's death had caused as far as a powerful leader went.

Albus wasn't any more a contender for the newly vacated Minister of Magic post now, than he had been previously, particularly considering he was dying.

I'd told him about my concerns about Fudge taking over, and how he let people get away with things because he cared more about his friends and staying in power than he did about doing a good job. To that end, Albus had taken steps to help ensure Fudge wouldn't be taking over during the last few months and the weeks immediately following Voldemort's defeat. He'd used his connections to whisper hints and suggestions in all the right ears to have the vote cast against Fudge when the time came.

The arrest and imprisonment of Barty Crouch Jr. back in February also meant Barty Crouch Sr. had already lost the public's favor and was also no longer a contender. I was extremely grateful for this considering he was still treating Winky as his slave. Moody had been warned that Crouch Sr. might try to smuggle his son out of Azkaban and was periodically checking on the prisoner's status himself to ensure that it didn't happen this time.

In the end, Amelia Bones was elected the new Minister for Magic. I approved of this choice wholeheartedly. She was fair and immune to bribes. Her hard-nosed stance against corruption would serve her, and the wizarding community by proxy, well in the wake of things as we tried to rebuild. If it couldn't be Kingsley, who was currently only twelve, she was the next best option.

Albus took advantage of his remaining months to help make headway at the Ministry in a few other areas as well. He had a great deal of influence over a number of wizards and witches, especially now that he'd taken responsibility for defeating Voldemort. Most people respected him, and his opinion. He pointed out unjust laws that had likely only been passed thanks to Voldemort's influence and helped get them overturned, such as the one preventing werewolves from working. Undoing the ridiculous policies that were created for the idea that "Magic Is Might" was the first step in healing the damage of the war for a lot of people, and for our society as a whole.

* * *

As far as recovering from our many losses during the war on a personal level, that was a different matter entirely. I'm not sure why, but it seemed much more difficult for me this time. I knew I'd suffered from PTSD the first time, but it was significantly worse this time. It was like it had been put on hold just long enough for me to fight again, but interest had been building the entire time and now I was buried under the debt that had accumulated.

Or maybe it was because I never expected to become so attached to my new friends. It could also simply be the fact that I had now fought in two wars, and had double the losses to contend with. Regardless of the reason, their deaths took a tremendous toll.

I had a much better understanding of some of the older Order members' attitudes from the first timeline now. I'd often thought Remus too self-sacrificing, Sirius too reckless, Emmeline too stoic, Mad-Eye too paranoid. All of these personality extremes seemed justifiable now. It was a way to cope.

There were days I didn't want to do anything aside from read with Severus in the privacy of our rooms, and focus entirely on putting together my suggestions for house-elf rights or some other social reform. The idea of facing anyone was too overwhelming to contemplate.

Other times, I'd cry for no apparent reason, overwhelmed by the burning desire to make things better for my friends when I saw them struggling. Or I'd pick a fight with Severus just to feel something, anything, that reminded me I was still alive. But Severus was always there, ready to pull me back into some semblance of normalcy whenever I got too consumed by an emotion or activity.

If I thought I was struggling, it was nothing compared to James. He was a disaster, he felt guilty and lost - betrayed by one friend while his best friend sacrificed himself for him.

Everyone wanted to help him, but I wasn't sure anyone could until he decided he wanted help. Lily, Harry, and the new baby were the center of his world now more than ever.

James had aged a lifetime in a single day. I saw echoes of the Sirius I knew in the man James had become. The loss of the man he viewed as a brother, the person closest to him, aside from his wife, altered him on a fundamental level. He was significantly more subdued, his joking and prankster ways a thing of the past. Often he resembled a zombie, only smiling or laughing for Harry or Lily, and then it was often a step too late or a shade too loud.

The only time he was truly enthusiastic and lively was when talking about the baby. Lily was due at the beginning of June. They were having a girl and had decided to name her Mira, after the star in the Cetus constellation. The star name meant "wonderful" or "astonishing". It was a way to honor Sirius for his sacrifice since he too was named after a star.

Lily had made the suggestion, and at first, James had been against it knowing how much Sirius hated his family and the old pureblood tradition. But eventually James had come around. I think he liked what the star name symbolized since that was how he viewed the baby himself.

James and Remus went after Peter together. It took nearly three weeks for them to locate their traitorous friend. They found him hiding in his rat form and managed to subdue him. It was a public affair, and from all accounts, rather unpleasant. I pictured it happening much as it had when Remus and Sirius cornered him in the Shrieking Shack.

James, Albus, and Severus all testified against him. For his crimes, and the additional sentence for being an unregistered Animagus, he'd be serving a life sentence in Azkaban. They even designed a special cell for him to ensure he couldn't escape in his rat form.

James and Remus had become closer than ever though in the aftermath.

Remus had barely batted an eye upon learning I was from the future, and had grown up as Harry's best friend. He said it explained a great deal about the things I'd said and done, especially since Harry's birth. He asked if Sirius had known and questioned how he'd taken the news, but Remus never indicated any sort of hurt over being kept in the dark about things. Nor did he blame me for not sharing what I knew of Peter's betrayal any sooner. He'd always been pragmatic that way. I'd initially worried that he would hate me for keeping that secret, but he insisted that he understood my reasoning and choice.

Sirius had left Remus half of his fortune, while willing the rest to Harry. I was initially surprised at this, considering before it had all gone to Harry, but it made sense. Harry had been an orphaned child then, while Remus was a grown man. Remus likely would have felt that it was dishonorable accepting such charity. He'd already had years of self-loathing ingrained into his personality by that point. Whereas now, he knew it was out of love and the only means Sirius had to continue supporting his friend after he was gone. I wondered if he'd had it changed in the days leading up to his death after we came up with our plan, or if it had been in place since before when the laws changed and Remus was left to the mercy of his friends; when things were risky and death could easily come for any Order member during any mission.

Albus's influence at the Ministry did mean that Remus could finally work in the wizarding world again. Remus was hired at Flourish and Blotts, but Albus spoke with Minerva about potentially offering him the Defense Against the Dark Arts teaching position at Hogwarts the next year. He'd even suggested James as a potential sub for the days surrounding the full moon. James intended to remain a stay-at -home dad, but I doubted he'd mind teaching one or two days a month, especially if it was to help out his friend. The current professor did not intend to stick around, and with Voldemort's death, the position was no longer cursed. I had once told Albus that Remus was an incredible professor, the best DADA teacher we ever had, and I guess the knowledge had stuck with him.

The only thing that saddened me about that was the likelihood that Teddy would never exist now. Tonks wasn't even in school yet, so if Remus ended up teaching her for seven years, I just knew he'd never be able to think about her in a romantic way. He'd struggled enough as it was with the age difference between the two of them.

Plus, one of the main reasons they'd managed to get together in the first place was because of the war. As awful as war is, it often provides an ideal setting for romance to kindle. People are typically desperate to find happiness wherever they can, with stress and adrenaline adding fuel to ignite the necessary sparks between people that wouldn't ordinarily consider one another. That daily life-and-death situation would no longer exist for them. I mourned the loss of the incredible child I had come to love before being sent here every bit as much as I mourned the loss of Dorcas, Sirius, Gideon, and Fabian.

* * *

Severus had surprised me by admitting he actually wanted to continue teaching. He said it was because no one else would look after and protect the Slytherins as well as he would. I couldn't deny it. The House was so distrusted - not without reason, but still. He hoped to shield them from the other Houses while also demonstrating that Slytherins were capable of bravery and good deeds. I hoped he'd succeed in influencing the future generations to be more tolerant and honorable.

It was an opportunity he hadn't had before when Voldemort was only temporarily gone. This time Severus's role in his defeat was already very well known and acknowledged. He was being heralded as a hero. It was wonderful to see him finally get the respect and praise he deserved.

As Albus's health steadily declined, Minerva began taking on his responsibilities while I took over her classes. With each day, I found I enjoyed teaching more than I thought I would after my disastrous subbing experience the previous year. I actually enjoyed helping others learn and I delighted in inspiring the students to seek and appreciate knowledge the way I loved doing.

I sought advice from Severus and Minerva regarding whether or not I should remain at Hogwarts, and they both suggested it would be a good idea. During the school year, in addition to Transfiguration, I could teach the students about wrongs and injustices in the wizarding world. Then I could devote my summers to law reform. It was a good idea. Having summers off so I could dedicate that time was certainly an incentive for pursuing multiple lines of work. I enjoyed staying busy and devoting myself to tackling several projects at once.

Even if I didn't continue teaching, I knew I would continue living at the castle. Severus wasn't going anywhere and we could finally start planning a life and future together. It was thrilling to finally have that opportunity.

He was in the process of selling his parents' home, and we were going to buy a small cottage this summer for us to live in during the school holidays. When he'd made the suggestion last week, I'd nearly cried. It was just another reminder that he truly loved me and that the war was really over.

We talked more now, not just about our interests, but about our insecurities as well. I think when the war ended and none of his fears came to pass, he finally started letting go of his doubts and reticence. The more he opened up to me, the more that enabled me to lower my own inhibitions.

The most significant change, however, was when he began joining me when I visited friends - even the Potters. He didn't always go with me, but he did often enough that my friends were no longer surprised or awkward around him. This was something that surprised even me. I didn't ask him to do it, but when I brought it up to him, he explained that it was because he wanted to be more involved in my life and make the sort of friendships he wished he'd made in school - the ones Lily had always been on him about. He was even starting to form his own friendships with a couple of them. Frank and Alice seemed to be the two he liked best.

At first, I would give him strange looks whenever he sought Frank out. He eventually got so fed up with this that he demanded I explain myself. I told him all about Neville and how Severus had once been his greatest fear. He'd seemed a contrary mixture of flabbergasted, amused, and unimpressed. I think he found it hard to imagine Frank's son struggling when Frank was such a confident and exceptional wizard himself. I also think he found it insane that he could be the greatest fear for someone who was willing to so bravely stand up to Voldemort.

The more that Severus came around, the more Remus also began extending the hand of friendship to him as well. Severus rebuked him every time, never harshly, but he made it clear in no uncertain terms that he wasn't interested. I think the pain of his school years was still too fresh for it to work. I didn't think it would ever happen honestly, but I appreciated the effort Remus put forth regardless.

It was different with James. James was too aloof to care at first when Severus dared to venture to the Potters' house with me. He had changed so much since Sirius's death, nothing seemed worth getting worked up over. I think the indifference was actually the best thing for all of us. It helped Severus learn to relax while in the other's presence, rather than be on guard waiting for some sort of stealthy attack. With time I hoped the indifference would morph into tolerance at the very least. I'd never dare hope for friendship - I wasn't that naive, but at least for now, I was at least grateful that the animosity had finally dissipated.

* * *

Throughout the year Albus continued to deteriorate. His health failed and he seemed to grow weaker by the day.

Towards the end, I visited frequently, begging him to talk to Aberforth and set things right before the end. Harry had told me of Albus's regrets and I remember meeting Aberforth at the Hog's Head just before the Final Battle during my original timeline and more recently when Albus was cursed while destroying the ring in this time. They both had so much they longed to say to the other and time was running out. They'd both regret it if they didn't set things right while they had the chance.

I never found out if it worked, but Aberforth visited nearly every day the last two weeks of Albus's life. That had to mean something at least.

I also loaned him my copy of the book _The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore_ and promised I'd never let Rita Skeeter publish it. I'd have her arrested for being an illegal Animagus before I let that happen. It was the least I could do for the wizard that had sacrificed so much of himself for the sake of the wizarding world's future.

For nearly six months, Severus managed to keep him alive. Albus probably could have held on longer, but there was no reason to try. Voldemort was defeated and Albus was ready for his next adventure. His guilt over what he likely perceived as a failure in terms of saving Sirius probably played a role as well. It was late February when we laid him to rest in a white marble tomb on the grounds of Hogwarts. The bitterly cold winter weather did nothing to stop witches and wizards from all over the world from Flooding to the school to attend the event. It was every bit as grand, and impersonal, as the one I remembered from before.

The event seemed to symbolize the closing of one chapter, and the start of something entirely new and full of possibilities.


	22. Epilogue

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

PS I'm not JK Rowling, so I don't own anything :(

Epilogue

September 1, 1991

I met up with the Potter family just inside Platform nine and three-quarters. James wandered off at once, disappearing before I even said hello. Mira was silent and withdrawn as she clung tightly to Harry's trolley, her messy auburn hair coming out of her pigtail braids in a number of places. She looked just as much like Lily as Harry did James. She even had her mother's beautiful emerald eyes, though her hair was a reddish version of James's rather than Lily's deep crimson.

Mira might have been the image of Lily, but she was as different from her parents in personality as she possibly could be. She was quiet and shy. Harry was the only one she really talked to, and he indulged her by allowing her to tag along with him and his friends everywhere they went. It was obvious from her downtrodden expression and watery eyes that this was not the joyous day for her that it was for Harry.

Harry, in contrast, seemed full of boundless energy. He was near skipping as he steered his trolley through the maze of people, pushing a little recklessly as he hurried down the line of gleaming train carriages.

Steam billowed and people shouted over one another as they looked for friends and said goodbyes to tearful family members.

"Where is Severus today?" Lily asked as we weaved through the throngs of people, following Harry as he darted just ahead eagerly searching the crowd for familiar faces, Mira bouncing along in his wake as she struggled to hang on to the trolley's handle as well.

"With the only child he claims he doesn't hate," I said laughing. Harry shot a considering look back at us from over his shoulder, apparently listening even as he looked for his friends.

"He's kidnapped your daughter again, has he?" Lily asked teasing me.

Severus and I had been married for just over eight years now. We'd never consciously decided to have kids, but both of us were excited when I became pregnant with our daughter, Athena.

Severus wasn't all that different with the students of Hogwarts than he'd been when I was a student, except perhaps fairer when it came to dolling out punishments among the different houses instead of favoring Slytherin so openly. So at first, I worried about what he'd be like as a father. I needn't have worried though. He was wonderful with her, always displaying all the patience he lacked when interacting with his students. I should have realized that was how it would be considering how good he was with Harry, Mira, Neville, and Aurora - Remus's eldest. Severus doted on Athena to such extremes that I feared he'd smother her when it came time for her to attend Hogwarts herself. And Merlin forbid she ever try dating!

"Actually, he and Remus decided to take the girls to Diagon Alley for the afternoon since it'll likely be relatively empty today with so many here instead," I said.

It might have taken five years, but Severus and Remus were actually quite good friends now. Our daughters were very near the same age, only about eight months apart. They'd be in the same year when it came time to attend Hogwarts, which was a relief because they were practically inseparable. And between the girls and teaching together, their friendship had gradually developed over time.

Severus had been right about Marlene. She just needed time to heal. When she'd started coming back around, she and Remus had grown closer, bonding over their shared loss, and eventually dating. They'd married about seven years ago and their daughter had been born about six and a half months after that.

They had two younger boys as well, the youngest only just turned one. The boys were likely with Marlene today.

"It's still alright for Athena to come over tonight while we're at the feast?" I asked, remembering that I'd forgotten to confirm this earlier in the week. Since Athena's birth, Severus and I usually ate dinner as a family in our rooms, skipping the Great Hall. The only time we did eat there was during special occasions when there was a feast, like tonight on the first day of the new school term.

"Of course," Lily assured me, adding, "James loves having her over."

James and Molly were always the go-to babysitters, both loving to spend time with all of the various kids that our friends had. There were over a dozen total now between all of us.

James had wanted a third child about a year ago when Remus and Marlene had Leo. He insisting they needed another boy to honor Sirius with by naming him after him, but Lily had refused saying two were enough. He'd kept it up for weeks though, until Lily had finally snapped, "Then you carry him, because I won't!"

James had given up after that.

Severus and I had also decided one was enough. We both were content with Athena and teaching other children at Hogwarts. And it felt right with just the three of us completing our family.

Athena was the very image of me, but with her father's coloring. Severus had been thrilled about that. He'd feared she'd have his nose and be teased for it. Her ebony hair was also more wavy than busy, for which I was grateful for the very same reason as Severus. She did, unfortunately, inherit my teeth as well. It was something I had every intention of fixing before she started Hogwarts, but for now would let be. Severus thought they were adorable, not understanding or seeing a problem, but then he thought Athena was perfect in every way. I had every intention of reminding him about it the first time he decided to comment about what _my_ teeth looked like once he saw them on the eleven-year-old me for the first time this year.

"He doesn't really hate me, you know," Harry piped up suddenly when we stopped near an open carriage. He looked very solemn.

"I do, but what makes you so sure?" I asked, trying to hide my amusement in the face of such seriousness on the face of the young boy.

"Athena told me. Besides, he gave me a special map of Hogwarts," Harry said, whispering the last part as he shot a covert look at his mum who was busy standing on her toes to search the crowd for her wayward husband. "Don't tell my parents! But he said my godfather made it and would have wanted me to have it. He wouldn't have done that if he didn't like me at least a little, would he?"

I hadn't known Severus had done that. He'd complained about the Weasley twins getting up to all sorts of mischief last year and despairing over how they were managing it. I'd laughed and said they must have gotten a hold of the Marauder's Map. Once I'd explained about it, he'd gone to great lengths to confiscate it. At the time, I just thought he wanted to keep the pranksters from wreaking any more havoc. Now, it seems he'd been looking for a gift to send Harry off to Hogwarts with that would remind him of his godfather.

We all took care to tell Harry about Sirius. He probably knew more stories now than he had when he'd actually gotten to know his godfather during the original timeline.

The first time Harry had asked Severus for a story about his godfather had been during a dinner at the Potters' house about five years ago. Everyone had gone silent and waited to see if he'd ruin Harry's image of the perfect hero. But Severus had just looked at where Athena sat cooing in my arms, then swallowed back whatever he'd first thought to say and told Harry a highly edited account of one of the pranks James and Sirius had played on the Slytherins.

Since then, Severus had told him a bit more of the truth of his rivalry with James and Sirius, but he always took pains to mute his extreme dislike of Harry's idol. Time and vastly different circumstances had helped soften the memories, and that certainly helped too.

"You're right about that. Sirius would get a kick out of knowing you had the map," I said remembering fondly that he had, in fact, loved it both times he'd learned of it. "Want to know a secret?" I asked Harry conspiratorially.

"Yes!" he said at once, always eager for a secret or mystery. That much at least hadn't changed.

"Your dad and Uncle Remus helped make the map too," I said grinning at him.

"Really?" he asked, mouth dropping open in astonishment.

"Truly. Just promise not to use it to get in too much trouble. Uncle Severus will still give you detention if he catches you out after curfew," I warned.

And he'd relish the experience too. He might have a secret fondness for Harry, crediting him for our relationship ever happening in the first place, and as a result having Athena, but he'd still like to get back at James through Harry a bit too. Not much, mind you, but a few detentions for wrong doing would be just the thing.

"But you won't, will you?" Harry asked sounding a mix of betrayed and hopeful.

"I most certainly will! We have rules for a reason, and you are expected to follow them," I insisted immediately.

"Okay, Aunt Onie," he said with a weary sigh. He pronounced it On-ee, like the very last part of her actual first name.

I winced at the name, but didn't correct him. I hated the nickname, but refused to hurt his feeling by correcting him when he was younger, and now I was stuck with it. He'd started calling me that when learning to talk since Hermione had been too difficult. James had gotten a kick out of it. He encouraged Harry so much that all of the kids started doing the same. I guess it was at least better than Hermy as Hagrid had once decided was easiest for Grawp to say.

"Thanks again for my owl," Harry said with a giant grin. He nearly bounced with excitement when he spoke.

"What did you decide on as a name for her?" I asked, grinning back and glancing at where the snowy owl was perched atop his trunk, sitting quietly and looking around at all of the noise and chaos with superior disdain. She was as haughty as ever.

"Hedwig," Harry said proudly. "I found it in a book. Seemed right since you got her for me," he added.

"Good choice. I think it suits her," I said, ruffling his messy hair.

I'd missed the owl. The idea of Harry at Hogwarts without her just hadn't sat right with me. And with Hagrid not coming to collect Harry this summer, considering the Potters were perfectly capable this time around, I knew it unlikely that Harry would end up with Hedwig specifically, so I'd helped him a little.

"Are you nervous?" Lily asked rejoining the conversation. She'd been patiently waiting, pretending not to eavesdrop.

"Nope! This is going to be amazing!" Harry exclaimed, jumping a bit in anticipation.

Harry was very much the happy normal child he'd always longed to be.

"There you are!" George Weasley said, appearing beside Harry all of a sudden.

"We've been waiting ages for you to get here," Fred said popping up beside his brother.

"Need help with your trunk?" George said, but the twins were already moving to each grasp a handle.

"Er - thanks. Where's Ron?" Harry asked, looking around for his best mate when he didn't miraculously appear as they had.

"Mum cornered him. Ickle Ronnie's got dirt on nose - don't tell him, 'k, Harry?" Fred said with a devious grin, and Harry shook his head grinning back at the pair.

"Neville's on the train already. Want us to put this in with him?" George asked nodding to the truck as the pair hefted it onto the train, reappearing less than a minute later.

"Have either of you seen James?" Lily asked the pair before they could disappear again.

"Yeah, he was talking to a couple of Muggles," George said pointing to a small group gathered just out of sight, blocked by a stone column.

"Sounded like they've got a daughter starting this year," George added with a shrug.

"Her mom actually looked just like you, Aunt Onie!" Fred exclaimed, looking at me now rather startled.

"Oh, Merlin! What does he think he's up to?" Lily asked, shooting me a worried glance as she sighed exasperatedly. No help for it now, whatever he was up to was already happening. But no wonder he had been in such a hurry to get here early today. "You boys will look after Harry this year, won't you?"

Fred grinned with devious excitement at the suggestion and I suppressed a groan. Lily wasn't quite as successful at smothering her own.

"We'll teach him everything we know," George said, trying to adopt an innocent expression that fooled no one. Harry was bouncing around even more now, eager to begin.

"Well, we're off. Lee's got a giant tarantula. We're going to check it out!" Fred announced.

"Steer clear of Percy - he's a prefect," George said with a grimace as if we all didn't already know.

Molly had hosted a large dinner celebration a few weeks back when Percy had gotten his badge in the mail, but I imaged Percy had been just as insufferable to live with since, as I remembered him being the first time around.

"In case you missed the memo," Fred said gravely, pressing a hand to his chest as he straightened up in mock imitation of his elder brother.

"He only told us all once," George said nodding solemnly while adopting a similar stance.

"Or _twice_ -"

"Or _all_ summer -"

"Boys!" I scolded, knowing they'd continue if no one put a stop to their antics. They shot identical innocent looks at me before edging away.

"Oh and Gin's crying, so watch out for her too," Fred called ruefully from over his shoulder as the two had already begun passing through the crowd in search of their friend and his pet spider.

"I can relate," Mira said morosely. She'd been quiet and subdued this whole time, not that that was unusual for her. Keeping her eyes downcast as she hid her disappointment that she couldn't go with her brother to Hogwarts now, and instead had to wait another two whole years!

Harry slung an arm around her shoulders, tugged her close.

"I promise I'll write loads. It'll be like I never left - or better - it'll be like you're there with me!" Harry promised earning a weak smile for his efforts.

"Harry! Over here, Harry," James called eagerly, head peering around the stone column to catch sight of us now that the crowd had thinned a little. The four of us made our way over to join him. He looked like he'd just won a million Galleons or played the greatest prank ever. I'd been equally dreading and anticipating this moment for a while now. "Harry, this is Hermione. She's a first year too. Harry knows a few of the students, so he can introduce you."

"Your family are all witches and wizards? Nobody in my family's magic at all, it was ever such a surprise when I got my letter, but I was ever so pleased, of course, I mean, it's the very best school of witchcraft there is, I've heard - I've learned all our course books by heart, of course, I just hope it will be enough," Hermione said rambling very fast in her nervous excitement.

Harry looked at Lily with a sort of panicked alarm, and when she said nothing, turned to his dad, eyes wide as he silently pleaded for help. James's face was appallingly red as he bit back his laughter and tried with minimal success to keep a straight face.

I felt my own face flaming in mortification. I really had been a bit of a nightmare. Utterly overwhelming.

A whistle sounded.

"Why don't you help Hermione load her trunk onto the train," Lily finally suggested, taking pity on her son.

"Er -" Harry said, floundering. Then his eyes widened in relief when he caught sight of someone. "Oi, Ron! You're here - finally. Oh, er - this is Hermione," he added when the taller red-haired boy joined us.

"Blimey, Harry! Where have you been? Mum's been holding me hostage. I thought she'd make me miss the train if she didn't let up soon. Oh - uh, hello?" Ron said looking Hermione over thoroughly as if it were his first time ever seeing a girl, and he was not quite sure what to make of one.

"So you're from a wizarding family too then. Do either of you know what House you'll be in? I've been reading up on everyone successful to see which house they were in, and I hope I'm in Gryffindor, it sounds by far the best; I hear Albus Dumbledore was even in it, but I suppose Ravenclaw wouldn't be too bad… Anyway, you've got dirt on your nose, by the way, did you know?" Hermione said even faster than she had the first time, and in an unmistakably bossy tone that did nothing to endear her to either boy.

Ron was staring rather rudely with his mouth hanging unattractively open.

"Priceless," James muttered from where he'd buried his face in Lily's neck to smother his laughter, though that did nothing to mask his shaking shoulders.

"Right then. Train's this way," Harry finally said after Lily poked him pointedly.

I leaned close to whisper in Harry's ear, "She's very smart. Make friends with her so she can help you with your homework."

He gave me a rather pained look, but sighed and nodded all the same. Without the troll incident, I feared they'd never become friends, and I didn't want that for my younger self. The boys headed off with Hermione directing them as they loaded her trunk onto the train.

James stared after them for a moment then rounded on me, saying, "You know Sirius and I would have made your life hell don't you?"

It had been a very long time before James could reference Sirius so casually in everyday conversation, but now he did with a distinct fondness.

"I'm aware," I said drolly, rolling my eyes.

"Oh, if only I could be in class when Snape first meets her!" James exclaimed, anticipation clear on his face.

"Let's just say I have a feeling she'll get on his nerves," I said wincing in memory and knowing it'd happen just like that. He still had no tolerance for know-it-all students. I was actually looking forward to hearing him rant and rail about how obnoxious I'd been, as I had no doubt he would. It was sure to be entertaining.

Harry came back to say last minute goodbyes to everyone, then he was bounding back onto the train and it was pulling away, disappearing into the distance as it carried him off in search of an adventure.

It was like we'd come full circle, except this time, Harry and our kids were being given the chance to have normal childhoods and bright futures. All was well.

Final Author's Note

Thank you so much for sticking with this and reading my story. It means the world that you've read this, and even more if you've taken the time to leave a review as well. It's the first story I've successfully finished. I've always wanted to write a time travel fic, and originally, it was just an adventure, but the more I planned, the more I realized Hermione was in love with Severus and demanded I write that in.

I'm sorry if anything wasn't to your liking, but I guess that's just how it goes sometimes. I have two immediate stories in mind, the first is a Hermione/George fic first because of something I heard JK Rowling say once. She said, "the uptight Hermione had a real weakness for a funny man." I've never found Ron to be all that funny. The Weasley twins on the other hand... are hilarious! I don't think circumstances were ever right in the books for Hermione to seriously consider either of them as a potential love interest, especially considering how immature she often found them, but that's what that story is hopefully about - setting the stage and all that. It'll only deviate from canon slightly before the end of the books, then majorly after the final battle. I know it's not the most conventional pairing, but I hope you'll give it a chance if you enjoyed my writing at all. I have it all planned out and already partially written, so updates should be fairly frequent. I'll start posting it next week since I'm moving this week and have been busy packing lately.

The second that I plan to write is a different time travel fic, a Hermione/Remus one set during 5th year where Hermione is around twenty-seven and Sirius doesn't get killed because that definitely gutted me. Plus, I feel like I cheated Harry a bit by not letting him fulfill the prophecy.

Eventually, I would like to write an original story that I'd like to try to get published, but that's some time off. I know I need a lot more practice first. If you have constructive criticism and would be willing to share or discuss it with me, I'd love to hear and talk about it. I've already figured out a few major issues with this story, but a new perspective is always welcome.


End file.
